Vamps: Human and Paranormal (52 page)

“But it was the truth!”

“True or not, she regrets it and has been looking for you for hours.  Called me twice alone.”

“I didn’t handle ... any of it right.”  I leaned against Mother and she drew her arm over the back of my shoulders.

“No one handles love or sex correctly.   That’s why they’re both so powerful.”

I turned and looked at her profile while she kept talking, suddenly sounding much wiser than she had any business being.”

“And when you get both from the same person, or at least you feel them for the same person, then you’re capable of doing most anything ... capable of giving up your dearest wishes, all for love and sex.”  She looked to me, eyebrow rising with dramatic flair.  “And if either leaves you, then you’re really fucked up.”

“Jesus,”  I laughed.  “Mother!?”

“What?”   She rolled her eyes at me.  “Your father and I hadn’t had sex in six months before I caught him diddling the maid.  In hindsight I should’ve realized he wasn’t just too tired’ all that time.”

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against her shoulder.  Another great secret about Mother -- she’s tough as they come.

But thinking back to when Dad left us, I feel something flutter like a bat inside my chest.  A memory, fuzzy yet too bright tries to play in my head, but I stop it, leaning upright and pulling away from Mother’s embrace.  I shake my head and push that memory back, instinctively knowing I can’t handle it right now.  Maybe never.

Mother offers me a linen handkerchief and I wipe the tears from my eyes as she runs a hand through my unruly hair.  “Go ahead, blow your nose.”

I laugh, feeling like a silly little girl.  After I blow and then pocket the hanky, “I’ll drop it off after I wash it.”

“So what are you going to do now?”

“Well, I was going to sit here until the zoo closes, and then I was thinking about moving out of state, maybe just hopping a flight to New Mexico.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.  There’s absolutely nothing in New Mexico besides desert and manmade suburbs ... and no one is ready to lay down and die in suburbia, least of all my daughter.”  She lit up a cigarette and inhaled deeply.  “Anyways, I wasn’t talking about your itinerary.  I wanted to know what you were going to do about your men.”

“I don’t think Dean will ever speak to me again, so I won’t be apologizing to him anytime soon.”  I turned to Mother, her eyes so clear and blue.  “I really hurt him.  And I still don’t know why I did it.  He’s such a great guy.”

“You weren’t in love with him.”  She inhaled more smoke and blew it smoothly out her coral tinted lips.  “You would’ve hurt him much further down the road -- best to have left before the ‘I do’s.’” 

“Do you think I’m crazy?  Maybe I could’ve fallen in love with him eventually.”

“Of course I think you’re crazy.  That man was a catch.”

I stared hard at Mother.  “Thanks.”

“But I think you were right about ending it with him.  Let him go find a woman that will love him back.  Too bad you have to give up the great sex part though, that’s even harder to find than love.”

“I swear to god, Mother, you’re ...”

“I know.  All my friends think I should do a sex talk show.  They seem to think TV would be best, but I think radio would be my medium.”

“No, what I was going to say --”

“And speaking about good sex, how is the gardener?”

“He’s not a gardener --”

“Florist then --” 

“He’s not that either ... I don’t know what to call him ... and we haven’t had sex.”

Mother looked to me with stunned disbelief.  “All this fuss and you haven’t even slept with him?”

“I know, it’s crazy.”

“I’ll say!  What if he’s terrible in bed?  What if he’s too small ... or way too big?  Or what if he has just one ball?”

“Mother!”

“It was on Sex and the City.”

I gave her a level, rather pissy look.  “That explains it.”

“Explains what?”

I couldn’t stop smiling.  “Nothing ... really.”

“Well what are you going to do about him?”

I sighed and suddenly his face appeared in my mind’s eye.  I felt something inside me heat up and my breath caught as I tried to say something.

“What was that?”

I took a deep breath and blew it out.  “I don‘t know.”

“That’s okay, sweetie.”  She said as she stood up and brushed imaginary dust from her cashmere coat.   “You’re allowed not to know.  Makes it more fun.”

*****

I rode with Mother to her building, went in for some cookies and for a refill of familial affection ... and a hug from Isabella.  Then I walked home, slowly making my way through foot traffic and across wildly surging streets.  The usual creep and crawl replaced if only momentarily by a frenzy of movement.

I felt as if I were in slow motion as I crept through the city streets.  And then I saw the front of my building and stopped in my tracks.  Reality was starting to settle in on me again.  A reality where what I wanted was uncertain, unfathomable even, and what I’d given up was so huge and solid I could choke to death on it.

I must be crazy, I thought as I stared at my front stoop.  And then I noticed a great pair of legs dangling from the bottom step.  Even from that distance I could tell it was Bess.   I felt my eyes burn as I walked up to the front steps of my building, feeling so many emotions just knowing that Bess was still my friend, that she was there for me.

I caught a distraught, worried look on her face as I came up on her, which vanished the instant she saw me.  She sat up a little straighter, taking a drag from her cigarette, and then she settled her eyes on me with their usual Bess radiance.

“About time you got back.  One could freeze to death waiting to apologize.”

“None necessary,”  I said, flopping down on the step beside her.  “I deserved every word.”

“But I’m your best friend.  I’m only supposed to be brutally honest when you ask me to.”

“You’d lie to me?”  Our eyes met and we considered each other for the shortest moment, and then broke out in a chorus of laughter.

“I’m sorry about what I said.  It was just mean.”  Bess said, suddenly looking miserable.

“Didn’t I just tell you not to be sorry?  It was the truth, and sometimes I really do need to hear it.”  Bess looked at me and a smirk sliced its way across her face.  “Okay, maybe I’ll still ignore it, but at least you’re friend enough to still tell me ...”  I scooched closer and leaned my shoulder against hers.  “And you’re still my best friend.  That goes a long way.”

We sat there on my stoop, shoulder to shoulder saying nothing, just watching pedestrians and cars creep by. The air had started to cool enough we both started shivering.

Bess said, “I’ve got a brownstone to show in Chelsea, but I can cancel it if you want me to stay?  We could order take-out and rent porn.”

I shook my head as a small laugh bubbled up from my chest.  “That’s okay.  You go sell something expensive.”

“I can come back later.”  Her voice was so sincere, I felt a flush of guilt -- I suddenly wondered if I’d ever been there for her as much as she’d been there for me?

“That would be nice ... we still have the stuff to make milkshakes --”

“And since you’re really not knocked-up --”

“Bess!”  I elbowed her hard.

“Hey, I’m just saying ... at least now the booze won’t go to waste too.”

She stood and brushed the dust and imaginary wrinkles from the bottom of her skirt, straightening her ensemble so she looked impeccable, as she always did.  “See you in a couple hours, cupcake.”

I watched her walk away, and smiled as at least a half dozen men turned to watch her go -- one almost running into a street sign, two others running into each other. 

I slowly pulled myself up to my feet and trudged up the steps to my apartment building.  The door seemed to make a very sad, lonely squeak that I’d never noticed before.  Even the tile covered steps seemed to make anguished noises as I moved up them.
             

I needed to go to sleep ... or maybe I’d break out the vodka early.  Maybe even break out the blender too.

But as soon as I walked into my apartment I flopped wearily on the couch and closed my eyes with a sigh, drifting immediately to a blessedly dreamless sleep.

*****

Chapter 26

The knocking at the door woke me up.  I had rolled onto my stomach on the couch and was drooling on one of my cushions.  The apartment was dark, and so were the windows.  I looked at the digital clock and found it was almost two hours later.  I swiped the drool from my face and pulled myself off the couch.  I turned on a lamp as I stumbled to the door, pulling my hair back out of my eyes, expecting Bess to be on the other side of the door.

And I don‘t know why I thought it would be her?  Instead, standing on the other side of my now open door was Gus, and as my sleepy eyes focused on him I felt my entire body surge awake.  Every molecule vibrating, making heat as they bounced off each other.

I gulped.

His serious expression slowly but decidedly turned to a bemused grin.  He even brought his fist up to his mouth, faking a cough when I could well and good hear the laugh trying to escape his lips.

“What’s so goddamn funny?”

He gave his head one slow shake and then looked deliberately up at my hair.  “You were asleep, or you’ve been in an asylum?”

My hands shot up to my hair and felt the unfamiliar terrain of major bed head.  A strangled cat sound erupted from inside me and I turned on my heel and shot for my bedroom and straight for the bath.

I stood there not believing it, but it had to be the worst I’d ever looked in my life.  Quite literally I was the bride of Frankenstein, sans the big white streak.  I did the first thing that popped into my mind -- actually the second.  The first was to take a hasty shower, but then it dawned on me I would be naked and Gus was probably sitting nonchalantly in my apartment.  I hadn’t closed the door when I ran away.  So instead I turned the faucet on at the sink and stuck my head underneath it, letting the water cascade through my ruined hair.  I even splashed some water on my face before towel drying my hair and raking a quick brush through it.  I finally pulled it wet and limp back into a ponytail and emerged from the bathroom.

I breathed a little easier when I didn’t find Gus waiting in my bedroom.  Instead he was sitting in front of my TV, stretched out on my couch.

“Didn’t think you were ever coming out.  Was gonna order a pizza pretty soon.”

“Wouldn’t you rather have pizza at your own house ... and watch TV on your own couch?”

“I’m where I want to be.”  The sureness of his words, the certainty in his voice was so ... It just pissed me off!

“What if I don’t want you here?  You ever think of that!”

He gave a mock surprised look and then that sexy, know it all grin.

Bastard!

“I don’t want you here!  Leave!”  But I did want him here.  Truthfully I wanted him waiting for me in the bedroom.  I wanted us to be naked by now.  But as he just sat there, staring with that satisfied look on his face, all I wanted was to knock it right off him with my fist.  “Get out!”

Finally Gus stood up and moved toward me, backing me up to the counter of my kitchen sink, gazing down on me like the big bad wolf ready to eat Little Red Riding Hood.  I felt myself shaking as he leaned into me our faces now no more than an inch apart.  I braced myself for the inevitable.  Gus was going to kiss me.  But instead he slowly pulled himself back from me and cocked his head.

“You look hungry.  I know this place that has the best burgers in the city.”  And he walked over to the couch and retrieved his jacket.  Turning to look at me, “Get your coat.”

*****

We walked a couple blocks and ducked down into the subway.  I was surprised.  Everything in Gus’ life -- up until then -- had been nearby his business.  I suddenly wondered where exactly he lived.

And was he taking me there now?

The train lurched and since there was standing room only I felt myself teeter on the balls of my feet.  And suddenly he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close, pressing my back against him.  I could feel his heart pounding in his chest, a syncopated opposite to my own.

Ten minutes later, dazed and still swooning over being pressed up against him, we emerged from the subway station and walked one more block, this time back the way we had came.

We turned off 10th Avenue and headed east, and that’s when he asked, “So did you end it with the good doctor?”

I suddenly felt the blood rise up in my face, and I clinched my fists.  Who does he think he is, asking me about Dean?

“And why would that be any business of yours?”  I didn’t look at him, but I pulled away from him as we walked.

Gus chuckled and I could feel his gaze hot on my skin--my mind may be pissed at him, but my body liked him just fine.