Vampire Charming (24 page)

Slade
cleared his throat.  “I believe the script last mentioned him listlessly
sitting in an empty room, bouncing a rubber ball off the wall.”

“Steve
McQueen should come back from the dead and kick his ass.”  She rolled her eyes. 
“Whatever.  We’ll track Roland down, drag him from his parents’ basement, and
force him to participate in this insult to film-making.  It’s about time that
dingus start pulling his own weight.”

“You
always have a very determined attitude, Jane.”  Slade cleared his throat, again. 
“I’ll certainly need that kind of indomitable spirit, when it comes time to
rule Infinia.  I do not think I could do the job half so well without you
beside me.  Your heart is often too soft…”

“I
do
not
have a soft heart!”

He
kept talking.  He
always
kept talking.  “…But you put the citizens here
first and your ideas are almost always correct.  I believe it is your destiny
to help save this kingdom.  Not just from Fang, but from all the challenges yet
to come.”

“No
way.  That’s
your
job.”

“We
are
partners
.  We must do this together.  My track record with
leadership on the Vampire Isle is spotty at best.  I need you. 
Infinia
needs you.  Whatever awaits you back in your world cannot be more important
than the welfare of thousands.”

“I’m
not staying here, Slade.”  Jane reiterated firmly.  She wasn’t about to help
him and What’s-Her-Witch whip Infinia into shape.  No way was Jane sticking
around to clean the castle, while they planned their goddamn honeymoon cruise. 
“You’ll have to find someone else.”

“There
is no one else.”  He said with absolute certainty.

Well,
he probably had a point about that.  Infinia wasn’t exactly filled to the
rafters with competent employees.  “Yeah, speaking of which, I have to say that
I’m still a little bit pissed at your precious rebels.  Remind me why we went
looking for them in the first place, if they were going to surrender at the
first little werewolf attack?  Talk about
useless
.”

“It’s
disappointing that they didn’t try to stand against Fang’s forces, but…”

“Disappointing?” 
She interjected incredulously.  “We came looking for their help and now we’re
about to be killed by ghosts. 
That’s
disappointing.”

“I
know.”  He sighed.  “I blame myself.  I have not inspired them to greatness.”

Jane
looked up at him.  “That’s not what I meant.”  She made a face.  “Honestly, I
like picking on the blockheads, but I was serious earlier.  It’s safer for them
if they’re not involved.  You’re the only one who can defeat Fang in the
finale.  Extras in fantasy movies are just around for the body count.  The
little guys shouldn’t have to die, just so the stars get a big battle scene.”

Slade
beamed like she was the most special part of the whole universe.  “You see why
I need you so much?  You are the best person I’ve ever known, Jane Squire.”

“Oh
please…”

“It’s
true.  You care for people as a true ruler should.  This is what I was trying
to tell you. 
I
am not supposed to rule Infinia. 
We
are supposed
to rule Infinia.”

“That’s
ridiculous.  You’ll lead just fine on your own.”

“No. 
You teach me so much.  I am a better man for knowing you.”

Jane
was uncomfortable with the praise.  “Yeah, well, it’s good you got to know me
before I’m eaten by ghosts, then.”

“I
will let nothing harm you, my One.”  He assured her softly.

Jane
really wished he wouldn’t say things like that.  Or smile like that.  Or really
do
anything
like he did it.  The guy was so shiny, he made her forget
all the reasons she didn’t believe in fairytales.

“Anyway,
the line for the throne is kind of a moot point, because I don’t think we’re
getting out of this place alive.”  She muttered, because she needed to focus on
something besides gawking at him.  “
From Here to Infinia
is trying to
kill us.  This scene wasn’t even
in
the earlier draft of the screenplay.”
 She waved a hand at the empty field around them.  “The whole movie is getting
made up as we go.”

Slade
scanned the deceptively picturesque landscape.  “Is it so surprising that the
script is changing?  You said yourself that our actions have altered things.”

“This
isn’t just a couple of new sets or some characters losing screen time, though. 
We’ve descended into chaos!  There are so many different drafts, no one even
knows what they’re doing anymore.  I’m an
actress
.  I like it when
people know their damn lines.”

Slade
didn’t seem to have a reassuring answer for that.  “One day, I would like to
see you on the stage, Jane.”  He finally announced.  “Or on the picture box.”

“Sure.” 
Jane nodded, going along with the new topic.  It was better than dwelling on
their imminent demise.  “Just try not to blink or you’ll miss me.  I don’t
exactly get the leading roles.”

“Well,
you should.”  He seemed genuinely interested in her career as a glorified extra. 
“Which was your favorite character to portray?”

Jane
thought about that for a beat.  “Truthfully?  As much as I bitch about it, I
liked being Clarissa on
Dracula, Ph.D.
  That was the part I had the most
fun with.”

“Why?”

“Well,
I was Johnathan Harker’s long lost wife.  I appeared just in time to ruin his
wedding to Mina, the naive Psychology student.  Dimitri Dracula, the vampire
professor in love with Mina, resurrected my corpse to break them up. 
Very
dramatic stuff.”

He
nodded, still listening.  Slade always focused on her like he was fascinated,
even when he couldn’t possibly understand half of the words she used.  The guy
had been born in another world, but he still gamely tried to follow the plot of
a nighttime soap opera.  “You must have been magnificent in the role.”

“Well,
it was only for six episodes.  See, Mina was my therapist, because I had amnesia
from being brought back from the dead.”

“The
undead do not get amnesia.  Zombies have no thoughts, at all.”

She
decided to ignore the supernatural director’s commentary.  “Mina was
also
the identical twin of the psychotic vampire Domonique Montgomery-Montgomery,
who killed my character off again and then tried to frame Mina for my death.”

“Psychotic
Vampires are rare and horrible creatures, not to be trusted.”

Jane
smiled.  “Exactly.  Don’t worry, though.  Domonique got staked in season three.” 
She hesitated.  “I just wish we could’ve ended my storyline better.  I just
died
,
with no great closing scene, ya know?  It felt unfinished.  Clarissa deserved
more.”  She shrugged.  “Still, it was fun to have so many angsty lines and to
be in the middle of the action.  That was the closest I’ll ever get to a
starring role.  I usually just get to stand in the background.”

“You
should have more confidence in your abilities.  I have no doubt you are an
extraordinary actress.”

“Critics
and Jonathan/Mina shippers don’t tend to agree.”

“Simply
point out the ones who’ve offended you.  I guarantee, their final words will be
apologies for how very,
very
wrong they’ve been.”

Jane
glanced up at him with a huge grin.  He was teasing her!  “Why, King Slade, you
old charmer!  That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.”  It was a bad
idea to flirt with him, but she couldn’t help herself.  He was just so damn
awesome.

Slade’s
gaze fixed on her happy expression, something untamed moving behind his eyes. 
“Jane, I am a Vampire of many talents, but subterfuge is not among them.”  He
said hoarsely.  “I cannot go on this way.”

Jane
reacted to that out-of-the-blue announcement with the kind of sparkling
repartee that any screenwriter would be proud of.  “Huh?”

Slade
glanced away with a shake of his head.  “I must share my revelation, though I
fear you will not welcome it.”

“Um… 
Okay.”

He
sighed, wearily.  “For nearly twenty minutes now, I have held back my words,
but I find I no longer can sustain this charade.  I thought perhaps it would be
better to let you realize the truth on your own, but you are taking far too
long.”  He flashed her an expectant look, like he was waiting for her to
apologize for not reading his mind.

Except,
Jane still had no idea what he was talking about.  “Slade, I have no idea what
you’re talking about.”

He
frowned at that news.  “How can you not know?  I think
I
knew from the
first.  My Dark Instincts recognized you from the minute we met.  Really, it
explains so much.”

“What
does?  The fact that you’re insane?”

He
made an expansive gesture with his hands, as if she was being completely
unreasonable.  “It’s like you are
deliberately
ignoring the truth.”

“
I
have no idea what you’re talking about
.”  She repeated in exasperation. 
“For real, what the hell is your problem now?  Because…”

“My
problem is
you
.”  He interrupted at a roar.  “
You
are my
Eternal-One and you seem determined to deny it!”

Jane
stared at him.

Oh
dear God.  He was hallucinating.  Was it the Corpse Road?  Was it somehow
messing with his mind?

She
chewed her lower lip, trying to decide the best way to help.  “Slade, sweetie,
you should sit down for a minute.”  She reached over to take hold of his arm,
guiding him towards a flat rock on the side of the path.  “Just take deep
breaths.  We might have a serious problem here.”

“I
know
we have a problem.”  He crossed his arms over his chest.  “
You
are the problem.  I said as much, not two minutes ago.”

“Slade,
I am not the problem
.”  She shouted, on the verge of a major freak-out. 
“The fact that Fang is coming after us? 
That’s
the problem.  The fact
that we have to reach the end of this road soon or you’re going to be stuck out
in the open when the sun comes up? 
That’s
the problem.  The fact that
you’re becoming delusional? 
That’s the fucking problem!
  So just
shut-up and let me deal with this, okay?”

“Delusional?” 
He squinted like maybe she was the one hallucinating.  “Explain how I am
delusional.”

“You
think I’m Melessa.”  She told him bluntly.  “Maybe you should put your head
between your knees and see if that helps.”

“I
know you’re not Melessa!  Have you gone mad?”

“No,
but
you
might be.  You’re calling me your Eternal-One.”  She patted his
shoulder, trying to reign in her panic.

Okay. 
She could figure this out.  Somehow.

No
matter what happened, she had to keep Slade safe.  In the meantime, it did no
good to yell at the poor guy.  She needed to look out for him until he
recovered.  That was what best friends did for each other and she abruptly
realized that the big doofus was the best friend she ever had.

“I’ll
take care of you.”  She touched his shiny hair, pushing it back from his forehead. 
“Don’t worry.”  She gave him a tender smile.  “Everything will be fine,
alright?  I’ll get us out of this.”

“Jane,
you
are
my Eternal-One.”

She
barely heard that, trying to estimate the distance to the edge of the vast
field.  Maybe she should risk cutting across it.  If it got Slade help quicker,
she’d…

“Jane!” 
Slade interrupted her planning with an impatient frown.  “Are you listening to
me?”

“What?”

“I
said, you
are
my Eternal-One.”

“What?” 
She repeated vaguely and then turned to look at him in surprise when she
actually processed that statement.  “Wait,
what?
”

“You.
Are. My. Eternal-One.”  He careful spaced each word.  “I tried to tell you, but
you don’t seem to understand.  It was never Melessa.  It was
always
you.”

Jane
gaped at him.  For once, she couldn’t think of single thing to say.

Slade
took her silence as encouragement.  “It’s why so much seemed to go wrong for me
earlier this year.  Only nothing went wrong, at all.  Marrying Melessa and then
losing the Vampire Isle,
had
to happen so I could come to your world.” 
He nodded like it all made perfect sense.  “Everything was designed to bring me
to your side. 
You
are where I belong.  You and I are
one
.”

Jane
blinked.  Come to think of it, there was only one possible response to that
gibberish.

She
burst out laughing.

Slade
scowled as Jane doubled over in hilarity.  “You find our shared destiny
amusing?”

“I
find the idea of
having
a shared destiny amusing.”  She wiped her eyes
and jerked a thumb towards the fields.  “Alright, come clean.  Have you been
smoking some of these weeds?”