the day, and dudes and sleeping pills got him through the night. He’d tried to get a
stronger drug to sleep, but it could only be administered by a medical doctor. So he just
doubled and tripled the doses of his regular prescriptions. He figured that as long as they
were being prescribed by a doctor, they were safe to take. He didn’t consider himself a
drug addict.
He crossed to the set with a smile, hoping the pills would kick in and give him the
energy he needed to shoot the video. He wanted this video to go well. The last one he’d
done had received bad reviews. He was getting a bad reputation around town, and the
director he was working with on this video wasn’t helping his situation. The press was
saying he was difficult to work with, and people were already starting to avoid him at
parties. In Hollywood, he’d learned, they only loved you when you were on top.
This was a complicated, overproduced video with important dance routines that
revolved around the song. The tension between Cody and the director had started on the
first day of shooting, when Cody had questioned a dance move and the director had shot
him down with a condescending tone. This elitist director was a perfectionist who wanted
to get every single shot perfect—and he clearly was not a fan of Cody Atkins.
While they were shooting, Cody gritted his teeth and did was he was told. But the
director kept stopping for one thing or another, sometimes re-taking one dance segment
more than two dozen times. An hour into the shoot, Cody took two more pills, hoping to
get the energy he needed to continue. After that day, he vowed he’d never work with this
director again. But as the day wore on, the problems only got worse. He tried hard to concentrate on his moves, but he kept stumbling over his own feet. He actually tripped
over a male dancer and fell face first on the set. And each time he made a mistake, the
director made him do it over until it was perfect. It felt like punishment.
After one simple mistake that Cody thought could have been overlooked, the
director shouted, “Cut.” He glared at Cody and said, “We’ll do this one hundred times
until we get it right, buddy.”
Cody clenched his fists. He glared back at him, and blood rushed to his temples.
He squared his shoulders and shouted, “Who the fuck do you think you’re calling buddy?
Don’t you fucking talk to me like that, you big dumb fuck. I’ve been taking your shit
since the beginning of this video, and I’ve fucking had it. Who the
fuck
do you think you
are?” He looked into the director’s eyes without blinking.
The set became silent. The tension between Cody and the director had been
building for a long time. The dancers looked at the director to see what his reaction
would be.
“
I’m
the fucking director,” he shouted back.
Cody took a deep breath, then stormed off the set. He went back to his dressing
room and slammed the door shut. While he was walking, he heard the director shout,
“Get Grayer on the phone. Tell him to come over right now and take care of this.”
A half hour later, there was a knock on Cody’s door. “Who is it?” Cody shouted.
“It’s Grayer. Open the door right now. I’m not playing games.” Grayer was one of
the producers of the video. Since he’d been secretly sleeping with Cody, he’d begun to
get involved in Cody’s career, investing his time and his money. Supposedly, Grayer was
the only one who knew how to keep Cody in line. Cody hesitated for a moment, then stood up and opened the dressing room door.
When Grayer walked inside, Cody said, “I’m not going back out there until the fucking
director is fired.”
“Are you fucking crazy?” Grayer shouted. “This is the last day. You don’t fire a
director on the last day. You fucking do what you have to do and get it over with.”
Grayer looked at the dressing room table. He picked up a bottle of pills and read the label.
“How many of these stimulants have you taken today?” he asked.
Cody looked down at his shoes and shrugged his shoulders. “Just a couple. I
needed the energy.” His voice became soft and innocent, hoping to get pity from Grayer.
Grayer frowned. He put the pill bottle down and went to where Cody was
standing. He grabbed Cody’s shoulders and shook him a couple of times. “Listen to me,”
Grayer said, “I’ve got my money and my reputation all tied up in this fucking video.
You’re going to put on a smile and go back out there and perform.” He shook him harder.
“Do you understand me?”
“Let go of me,” Cody said. His eyes filled and his stomach was twisting in knots.
He tried to pull away, but Grayer held him even tighter.
Grayer grabbed the back of his head, kissed him on the mouth, and squeezed his
ass hard. When he stopped kissing, he said, “Now get out there and make the fucking
video. This is costing me a fortune, and your career is at stake with this one. If this video
isn’t perfect, you’re going to be all washed up before you can swallow your next fucking
pill.”
When Grayer mentioned his career, Cody raised his eyebrows. He didn’t care
about Grayer losing money on him. He didn’t care about the director. But he cared about his own career. So he pushed Grayer back and smoothed out his shirt. He took a deep
breath and said, “Go fuck yourself. You’re nothing but a fucking closet case.” Then he
walked back to the set to resume shooting the video.
For the rest of the day, Cody remained calm. He listened to the director, clenching
his fists the entire time. After they shot the last scene, Cody walked off the set, never
looking back, and gathered his things in his dressing room. Everyone else was going to a
party to celebrate finishing the video. But Cody was going home. His legs felt weak and
his voice was wrecked. By the time he sat down in his car outside the studio, all he could
do was look up at the moon roof and sigh.
On the way home, he took two dudes to relax. He’d take two more in a couple of
hours, then he’d take a few sleeping pills before he went to bed. He knew if he didn’t
start taking the pills now, he’d be up all night. And he needed to sleep. If it had been
possible, he would have slept for a full week.
When he pulled into the driveway, he saw Grayer’s car near the garage and
another strange car near the front walk. The car looked slightly familiar, but it was dark
and the pills were starting to fog up his head. He parked next to the strange car, hoping
Grayer hadn’t invited anyone for dinner. Cody didn’t feel like smiling or talking tonight.
The thought of putting up a front, after the day he’d just experienced, made him nauseous.
The house was dark; just one small light on in the entrance hall. Cody looked into
the living room and the library, but both rooms were dark and empty. So he went around
to the back of the house, where he saw lights on outside near the pool. One of the glass
doors was wide open and he heard voices. Grayer was talking to someone, but Cody wasn’t sure who it was. He slowly crept up to the door and stood beside it, leaning
forward so he could hear what Grayer was saying.
“Don’t be so fucking uptight,” Grayer said in a low sultry voice. “Take off your
pants and let’s have a little fun. Cody won’t be home for a while yet. He just wrapped up
a new video and there’s a party tonight. Cody never misses a party where he can be the
center of attention.”
Cody moved forward and looked out at the pool area. It was dark inside the house
and no one could see him. Grayer was standing there naked, talking to Cody’s ex-partner,
Roy.
Roy was fully clothed. He wasn’t looking at Grayer’s naked body; he was looking
at the pool. When Grayer put his hand on Roy’s ass, Roy stepped back and said, “I only
stopped by to see how Cody is doing. Since he’s not here, I should be going. I’ll let
myself out.”
Cody pressed his palm to his throat. Grayer’s penis was semi-erect. He reached
for Roy’s crotch and said, “I’ve been told I’m one of the best cocksuckers in Hollywood.
All I have to do is get down on my knees and pull down your zipper. I’ll bet a hot guy
like you likes getting serviced by a pair of wet lips. I’ll bet you’re hung, too. You don’t
have to do a thing either. No reciprocation necessary. I just want to get you off, big guy.”
Roy put his arms up and stepped back. “I’m sure you are the best cocksucker in
Hollywood,” he said. “But I really have to be leaving now. Just tell Cody I stopped by
and that I’ll call him.”
Before Grayer had a chance to respond to Roy, Cody stepped outside to the pool
area and said, “Well, well, Grayer. You could have fooled me. I had no idea you were such a good cocksucker, and I’m the one who’s been sleeping with you.” The sex
between them had never been good.
Roy rubbed his jaw and put his hands into his pockets. He stared down at his
shoes and shook his head.
Cody walked up to Grayer and said, “So this is what you do when I’m not home.
And with my ex-lover?”
Roy frowned. “Nothing happened between us,” he said. “I was just leaving. I only
stopped by to see how you were doing. I heard about what happened to Joey, I started
thinking about the past, and I felt bad. I just wanted to talk.”
Cody smiled. “I know nothing happened, Roy. I was listening at the door. But
that’s thanks to you, because you’re a good, decent man. If it were up to Grayer, the best
cocksucker in Hollywood, he’d be on his knees right now sucking you off.” Then he
looked at Grayer and said, “You absolutely
disgust
me.”
Grayer gave Cody a mean look. “I’m not a monk, Cody. I’m a man and I have
needs. You’ve been too tired to fulfill those needs, so I’ve decided to fulfill them
elsewhere.”
Roy pulled his keys out of his pocket. “This is getting way too personal. I’m
going to leave. I’ll find my own way out.” He turned and tapped Cody on the shoulder. “I
only stopped by to say hello and to see how you were doing.”
Cody smiled. “Thank you, Roy. I appreciate it. I’m sorry you had to experience
this.”
When Roy turned to leave, Grayer went to a table and reached for a cigarette. He
was still naked and didn’t seem to care. He lit the cigarette and took a long drag. “I’m glad you came in tonight and found me like this,” he said. “I’m leaving tonight and I’m
not coming back again. I’m going back to my own place. We’re finished.”
Cody ignored Grayer. He watched Roy walk away, wondering why he hadn’t
fought harder to keep Roy. When he heard the front door close, his heart started to beat
faster. He didn’t want to be alone again. The thought of sleeping in a large empty bed
made his hands tremble. He turned and faced Grayer. He took a few steps forward and
said. “Don’t go. We can work this out. Don’t leave this way.”
He wasn’t in love with Grayer, but Grayer made him feel safe and protected.
Grayer knew how to calm him and make everything all right again.
But Grayer shook his head. “It’s time to move on,” he said. “I need more. Besides,
we were both doomed from the start.”
Cody tilted his head and gave him a look. He had no idea what Grayer was talking
about. “Why were we doomed? I thought we were good together.”
Grayer smiled and shrugged. “We’ve been fooling ourselves. We’re doomed
because we’re both bottoms,” he said. “That never works out in the end. And if it does, it
winds up being a sexless relationship based only on mutual affection. Which is fine for
some people, but I need more than that. I need a real man. I need to get fucked on a
regular basis.”
Cody clenched his fists. All this time Grayer had been pretending to be the
dominant one in bed. Grayer had been the guy on top since they’d first been together and
Cody had no idea that Grayer was a bottom. Cody swiped the table clean with his arm. A
bottle of vodka, a few crystal cocktail glasses, and an ashtray crashed to the tiled floor.
“You fucking liar,” he shouted. “You are a fucking creep. I’ve made a few big mistakes in my lifetime, but so far you’ve been the biggest.” He folded his arms across his chest.
“Now get out of my house.”
Grayer looked at him and smiled. “Gladly,” he said.
When Grayer was gone, Cody poured himself a tall glass of vodka and stumbled
up to his bedroom. Even though the room was spinning and everything was distorted, he
was still terrified he wouldn’t be able to sleep that night. He’d taken four dudes and they
didn’t seem to be working. Usually, the tips of his toes tingled and his fingertips went
