Valley of Silence (14 page)

“I didn't knock. I was saying to myself, no, you'll wake her. Just ease inside and see for yourself that she's sleeping.

“But when I opened the door, she wasn't in her bed, she wasn't sleeping. I heard such sounds, such horrible sounds. Like animals, like wolves, but worse. Oh, worse.”

She paused, tried to swallow through her dry throat. “The doors to her balcony were open, and the curtains moving with the breeze. I called out for her. I wanted to run to the doors, but I couldn't. My legs felt as if they'd turned to lead. I could barely make one step in front of the other. I can't say it.”

“You can. You walked to the door, to the balcony door.”

“I saw…Oh God, oh God, oh God. I saw her, on the stones. And the blood, so much blood. Those things were…I'll be sick.”

“You won't.” He got up now, crossed to her. “You won't be sick.”

“They were ripping at her.” And the words tore out of her now. “Ripping at her body. Demons, things of nightmares, tearing at my mother. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't scream. I wanted to run out and beat them off. One, one looked at me. His eyes red, my mother's blood all over his face. My mother's blood. He charged at the door, and I stumbled back. Back, away from her when I should have gone to her.”

“She was dead, Moira, you knew it. You'd be dead if you'd stepped out that door.”

“I should have gone to her. It leaped at me, and then I screamed, and screamed and screamed. Even when it fell back as if it had struck a wall, I screamed. Then it all went to black. I did nothing but scream while my mother lay bleeding.”

“You're not stupid,” he said flatly. “You know you were in shock. You know that what you saw was the same as being struck a stunning physical blow. Nothing you could have done would have saved your mother.”

“How could I leave her there, Cian? Just leave her there.” Tears spilled from her eyes to slide down her cheeks. “I loved her more than anything in this world.”

“Because your mind couldn't cope with what you saw, with what was—to you—impossible. She was already dead, before you came into the room. She was dead, Moira, the moment you heard her scream.”

“How can you be sure? If—”

“They were assassins. They would have killed her instantly. What came after was indulgence, but death was the goal.”

Now he took her cold hands in his to warm them. “She would have had only a moment to feel afraid, to feel the pain. The rest, she was beyond the rest of it.”

She went very still, stared hard into his eyes. “Will you swear to me you believe that?”

“It's not a matter of believing, but knowing. I can swear that to you. If they'd wanted to torture her, they'd have taken her somewhere where they could have taken their time. What you saw was a cover-up. Wild animals, it would have been said. The way it was with your father.”

She let out a long breath, then another as she saw the horrible logic of it. “I've been sick at the thought that she might have been alive when I got there. Still alive while they tore at her. It's somehow easier to know she wasn't.”

She knuckled a tear away. “I'm sorry I called you a bastard.”

“I pissed you off.”

“With cool deliberation. I haven't spoken of that night to anyone before this. I couldn't pull it out of me and look at it, speak of it.”

“Now you have.”

“Maybe now that I have I won't see her the way she was that night. Maybe I'll see her as she was when she was alive, and happy. All those paintings I have inside my head of her, instead of that last one. Would you hold on to me for a bit?”

He sat, put his arm around her, stroked her hair when she rested her head on his shoulder. “I feel better that I've told you. It was kind of you to piss me off so I would.”

“Anytime.”

“I wish I could stay, just stay here in the dark and quiet. Stay with you. But I need to go and dress. I need to see the troops off at first light.”

She tipped her head up. “Will you kiss me good morning?”

He met her lips with his, drew the kiss out until it brought a pang to his belly.

She opened sleepy eyes. “I could feel that one right down to the soles of my feet. I hope that means I'll walk lighter today.”

Rising, she reached for her robes. “You could miss me a little these next hours,” she told him. “Or just lie when I see you again and say you did.”

“If I tell you I missed you, it won't be a lie.”

Dressed, she caught his face in her hands for one more kiss. “Then I'll settle for whatever happens to be the truth.”

She picked up her candle, went to the door. After shooting him a last quick grin over her shoulder, she unlatched it.

And opened it an instant before Larkin could knock.

“Moira?” His smile was quick and baffled. It faded instantly when he saw the rumpled bed and Cian lazily wrapping a blanket around his waist.

It was wild rage now that had him shoving Moira aside and charging.

Cian didn't bother to block the blow, but took it full on the face. The second fist he caught in his hand an inch before it struck. “You're entitled to one. But that's enough.”

“He's entitled to nothing of the sort.” Moira had the presence of mind to shut and latch the door. “Strike out again, Larkin, I'll kick your arse myself.”

“You fucking bastard. You'll answer for this.”

“Undoubtedly. But not to you.”

“It will be me, I promise you.”

“Stop it. I mean it!”

When Larkin's fists bunched again, Moira had to fight the urge to bean him with a candlestick. “Lord Larkin, as your queen I command you to step back.”

“Oh, don't start bringing rank into it,” Cian said easily. “Let the boy try to defend his cousin's honor.”

“I'll beat you bloody unconscious.”

Out of patience, Moira shoved between them. “Look at me. Damn your thick skull, Larkin, look at me. What room are we in here?”

“The bloody buggering bastard's.”

“And do you think he dragged me in here by the hair, forced himself on me? You're a numbskull is what you are. I walked here, and I knocked on Cian's door. I pushed myself into this room, into this bed, because it's what I wanted.”

“You don't know what—”

“If you dare, if you
dare
to say to me that I don't know what I want I'll beat
you
bloody unconscious.” She drilled a finger into his chest to emphasize the point. “I've a right to this private matter, and you've no say in it at all.”

“But he—you. It's not proper.”

“Bollocks to that.”

“It's hardly a surprise your cousin objects to you sleeping with a vampire.” Cian moved away from them, picked up his cup. Deliberately he dipped a finger in, licked the blood from it. “Nasty habit.”

“I won't have you—”

“Wait.” Larkin interrupted Moira's furious spate. “A moment. I'd like to speak with Cian in private. Talk only,” he said before Moira could object. “My word on it.”

She pushed a hand through her hair. “I don't have time for either of you, and this foolishness. Be men then, and discuss what is none of your business or concern as if I'm addle-brained. I have to dress and speak to the troops who march today.”

She strode to the door. “I'll trust you not to kill each other over my private relationships.”

She went out, slammed the door.

“Make it quick,” Cian snapped. “I'm suddenly weary of humans.”

The worst of the temper had faded out of Larkin's face. “You think I hit you, that I'm angry because of what you are. I would have had the same reaction, done the same to any man I'd found her with like this. She's my girl, after all. It wasn't part of what I was thinking, as I wasn't thinking in any case.”

He shifted his feet, blew out a hard breath. “And now that I do, well, it adds a complicated layer to it all. But I don't want you thinking I planted one on you because you're a vampire. The fact is, I don't think of you that way unless, well, unless I think about it. You're a friend to me. You're one of the six of us.”

Even as he spoke, the flush of temper came back. “And I'm saying clear, me demanding, here and now, what the sodding hell you were thinking of taking advantage of my cousin has nothing to do with whether or not you have a fucking heartbeat.”

Cian waited a moment. “Are you done with that part of the speech?”

“I am, until I have an answer.”

With a nod, Cian sat, picked up his cup again. “You put me in a position, don't you? Calling me a friend, and one of you. I may be the first, but I'll never be the second.”

“Bollocks. That's a kind of way out of things. I trust you as I trust few others. And now you've seduced my cousin.”

Cian let out a snorting laugh. “You're not giving her enough credit. Neither did I.” Idly, Cian traced a finger over the beaded leather. “She unraveled me like a ball of yarn. It doesn't excuse not making her leave, but she's persuasive and stubborn. I couldn't—I didn't resist her.”

He glanced over at the maps he'd neglected since she'd knocked on the door. “It won't be a problem as I'm leaving tonight. Earlier if the weather cooperates. I want a firsthand look at the battlefield. So she's safe from me, and me from her, until this is over.”

“You can't. You can't,” Larkin repeated when Cian merely lifted a brow. “If you go like this, she'll think it's because of her. It'll hurt her. If I'm responsible for you planning to leave—”

“I'd decided it before she came here last night. Partially because I'd hoped to keep my hands off her.”

Obviously frustrated, Larkin dragged his hands through his hair. “As you didn't make it away quick enough for that, it'll just have to wait. I'll take you there myself, by air, in a few days or whenever it can be done. But we six need to be together.”

Calmer, Larkin studied Cian's face. “We need to be one circle. This is bigger than lying with or not lying with each other. And that, now that my blood's cooler, I can say is between the two of you. It's not my place to interfere. But damn it,” he continued, “I'm going to ask you one thing. I'm going to ask you as a friend, and as her blood kin standing for her father. Have you feelings for her? True feelings?”

“You play the friendship card handily, don't you?”

“You are my friend, I care for you as I would a brother. That's the truth from me.”

“Damn it.” Cian slammed down the cup, then scowled at the blood that splattered on the maps. “You humans crowd me with these feelings. You push them at me, and into me without a single thought for how I can survive them.”

“How can you survive without them?” Larkin wondered.

“Comfortably. What difference does it make to you what I feel? She needed someone.”

“Not someone. You.”

“Her mistake,” Cian said quietly. “My damnation. I love her, or I would have taken her before this for the sport of it. I love her, or I'd have sent her away from me last night. How, I'm not sure, but I love her otherwise I wouldn't feel so goddamn desperate. And you repeat that to anyone, I'll snap your head from your shoulders, friend or not.”

“All right.” With a nod, Larkin got to his feet, offered his hand. “I hope you'll make each other as happy as you're able, for as long as you're able.”

“Hell.” Cian accepted the hand. “What the hell are you doing here at this hour anyway?”

“Oh, I forgot completely. I thought you'd not yet be in bed. I wanted to ask if you'd be willing to let us—my family—mate your stallion with one of our mares. She's in season, and your Vlad would be a fine sire.”

“You want to use my horse as stud?”

“I would, yes, if it's no problem for you. I'd have her brought to him this morning.”

“Go ahead. I'm sure he'll enjoy it.”

“Thanks for that. We'll pay you the standard fee.”

“No. No fee. We'll consider this a gesture between friends.”

“Between friends then. Thanks. I'll just go and find Moira, and let her break her temper over my head as I deserve.” Larkin paused at the door. “Oh, the mare I've in mind for your stallion. She's fetching.”

The quick grin, the quick wink as Larkin went out had Cian laughing despite the mess of the morning.

A
t Moira's orders, the flags flew at half-staff, and
pipers played a requiem in the dawn light. She would do more, if the gods were willing, for those who gave their lives in this war. But for now, this was all that could be done to acknowledge the dead.

Standing in the courtyard, she was torn between grief and pride as she watched the men and women—the warriors—prepare for the long march east. She'd already bid her farewells to her women, and to Phelan, her cousin's husband.

“Majesty.” Niall, the big guard who was now one of her trusted captains, stepped before her. “Should I order the gates opened?”

“In a moment. You wish you were going today.”

“I serve at your pleasure, my lady.”

“Your wishes are your own, Niall, and I understand them. But I need you here a bit longer. You'll have your time soon enough.” They would all have their time, she thought. “Your brother and his family? How are they?”

“Safe, thanks to Lord Larkin and the lady Blair. Though my brother's leg is healing, he won't be able to fight on his feet.”

“There will be more to this than swinging a sword on the battlefield.”

“Aye.” His hand closed over the hilt of the blade at his side. “But in truth I'm ready to swing mine.”

She nodded. “You will.” She drew a breath. “Open the gates.”

For the second time she watched her people march away from the safety of the castle. It would be a scene repeated, she knew, until she herself rode through the gates, leaving behind the very old, the very young, the ill and infirm.

“It's a clear day,” Larkin said from beside her. “They should reach the first base safely.”

Saying nothing, Moira looked over to where Sinann stood, a child in her arms, another in her belly, one more at her skirts. “She never wept.”

“She wouldn't send Phelan off with tears.”

“They must be like a flood inside her, yet even now she won't let her children see them. If courage of heart is a weapon, Larkin, we'll sweep the enemy out of existence.”

When she turned to go he fell into step with her. “There wasn't time,” he began, “to speak with you before. Or after.”

“Before the ceremony.” Her voice was cool as the morning now. “After you invaded my private life.”

“I didn't invade it. I was just there, at what was an awkward time for everyone involved. Cian and I resolved matters between us.”

“Oh, did you?” Her eyebrows winged up as she spared him a glance. “Hardly surprising, as men will resolve matters between them one way or another.”

“Don't take that royal tone with me.” He took her arm, drew her toward one of the gardens, and more privacy. “How, I'm asking you, would you expect me to react when I've seen you've been with him?”

“I suppose expecting you to be well-mannered enough to excuse yourself is too much to ask.”

“That's damn right. When I think a man of damn near eternal experiences seduces you—”

“It was the other way around. Entirely.”

He flushed, scratched his head, turned a frustrated circle. “I don't want to know the details of it, if you don't mind. I've apologized to him.”

“And to me?”

“What do you want from me, Moira? I love you.”

“I expect you to understand I'm a woman grown, and one capable of making her own decisions about taking a lover. Don't wince at the term,” she snapped impatiently. “I can rule, I can fight, I can die if need be, but your sensibilities are bruised at the thought I can have a lover?”

He thought it over. “Aye. But they'll get over it. I only want, more than anything, never to see you hurt. Not in battle, not in the heart. Is that enough?”

Her feathers smoothed out, and her heart softened as it always did with him. “It must be, as I want the same for you. Larkin, would you say that I have a good, strong mind?”

“Almost too much of both at times.”

“In my mind, I know that I can't have a life with Cian. In my head I understand that what I've done will one day cause me grief and pain and sorrow. But in my heart I need what I can have with him now.”

She brushed her fingers over the leaves of a flowering shrub. The leaves would fall, she thought, with the first frost. Many things would fall.

“When I put my head and heart together, I know, in both, that he and I are better for what we gave to each other. How can you love and turn away?”

“I don' t know.”

She looked back toward the courtyard where people were once again going about their business, their routines. Life went on, she mused, whatever fell. They would see that life went on.

“Your sister watched her man ride away from her, and knows she might never see him alive again. But she didn't weep in front of him, or in front of their children. When she weeps, she'll weep alone. They're her tears to shed. So will mine be, when this ends.”

“Will you do something for me?”

“If I can.”

He touched her cheek. “When you have tears, will you remember I have a shoulder for you?”

She smiled now. “I will.”

When they parted, she went to the parlor where she found Blair and Glenna already discussing the day's schedule.

“Hoyt?” Moira asked as she poured herself tea.

“Hard at work. We had a slew of new weapons finished yesterday.” Glenna rubbed tired eyes. “We'll be charming them twenty-four/seven. I'm going to work with some of those who'll be staying here when the rest of us leave. Basic precautions, defensive, offensive tutorials.”

“I'll help you with that. And you, Blair?”

“As soon as Larkin's finished playing pimp, we're—”

“I'm sorry, what?”

“He's got a horny mare, and cleared it with Cian to have Vlad give her a bang. She doesn't even get dinner and drinks first. I thought he told you.”

“No, we had other matters, and it must have slipped his mind. So he's having Cian's stallion stand as stud.” Her smile came slowly. Yes, life went on. “That's a fine thing. Strong and hopeful—and damn clever, too, as he may be starting a brilliant line there. So, that's what he was about, knocking on Cian's door before sunrise.”

“He figured if Cian gave the go-ahead, he could—Wait.” Blair held up a hand. “Replay. How do you know he knocked on Cian's door before sunrise?”

“Because I was just leaving the room when Larkin arrived.” Moira sipped her tea calmly while Blair slanted a look at Glenna, then puffed out her cheeks.

“Okay.”

“Aren't you going to berate and damn Cian for seducing an innocent?”

Blair ran her tongue over her teeth. “You were in his room. I don't think luring you in there to look at his etchings is his style.”

Moira slapped a hand to the table with satisfaction. “There! I knew a woman would have more sense—and a bit more respect for my own wiles. And you?” She lifted her eyebrows at Glenna. “Have you nothing to say about it?”

“You're both going to be hurt, and you both know it already. So I'll say I hope you're both able to give and take whatever happiness you can, while you can.”

“Thanks.”

“Are you all right?” Glenna asked. “The first time is often difficult or a little disappointing.”

Now Moira smiled fully. “It was beautiful, and thrilling, and more than I imagined. Nothing I'd played through my mind was near the truth of it.”

“A guy isn't good at it after a few hundred years' practice,” Blair speculated. “He'd be hopeless. And Larkin walked in when…he must've flipped.”

“He punched Cian in the face, but they've made it up now. As men do when they pound each other. We've agreed that my choice of bedmate is mine, and moved on.”

There was a moment of unified silence as all three women rolled their eyes.

“There's little time left before we leave the safety of this place. And, we can hope, plenty of time after Samhain to debate my choices.”

“Then I'll move on, too,” Blair told her. “Larkin and I—after considerable browbeating by yours truly—are heading out in a couple of hours to see if we can wrangle ourselves some dragons. He's still not sold on the idea, but he's agreed we'll give it a shot.”

“If it's possible, it would be a great advantage for us.” Propping her chin on her fist, Moira turned it over in her mind. “I think we could cull out those we feel may not be as strong on the field. If they could ride…archers in the air.”

“Flaming arrows,” Blair said with a nod. “Their aim doesn't have to be on the money.”

“As long as they don't shoot the home team,” Glenna finished. “There isn't much time left to train, but it's worth the try.”

“Fire, aye,” Moira agreed. “It's a strong weapon—stronger yet coming from the air. A pity you can't charm the sun onto the tip of an arrow, Glenna, then this would be done.”

“I'm going to see if I can move Larkin along.” Blair got to her feet, hesitated. “You know, my first time, I was seventeen. The guy, he was in a hurry, and left me thinking at the end: So this is it? BFD. Something to be said for being initiated by someone who knows what he's doing, and has a sense of style.”

“There is.” Moira's smile was slow and satisfied. “There certainly is.” She sensed Blair and Glenna exchange another look over her head, so continued to drink her tea as Blair left the room.

“Do you love him, Moira?”

“I think there's a part of me, inside me, that's waited all my life to feel what I feel for him. What my mother felt for my father in the short time they had. What I know you feel for Hoyt. Do you think I only imagine it's love because of what he is?”

“No, no, I don't. I have strong, genuine feelings for him myself. They have everything to do with who he is. But, Moira, you know you won't be able to have a life with him. That is because of what he is. What neither of you can change any more than the sun can fly on an arrow.”

“I listened to everything he and Blair have told us about…we'll say his species.” And read, Moira thought, countless volumes of fact and lore. “I know he'll never age. He'll be forever as he was in that moment before he was changed. Young and strong and vital. I will change. Grow old, frailer, gray and lined. I'll have sickness, and he never will.”

She rose now to walk to a window and the slant of sunlight. “Even if he loved as I love, it's no life for either of us. He can't stand here as I am now and feel the sun warm on my face. All we'd have is the dark. He can't have children. So I won't be able to take away from this even that much of him. I might think, just a year together, or five, or ten. Just that much. I might think and wish for that,” she murmured. “But however selfish my own needs might be, I have a duty.”

She turned back. “He could never stay here, and I can never go.”

“When I fell in love with Hoyt, and believed that we'd never be able to be together, it broke my heart every day.”

“But still, you loved him.”

“But still I loved him.”

Moira stood with the sun slanting at her back, glinting on her crown. “Morrigan said this is the time of knowing. I know my life would be less if I didn't love him. The more life, the longer and harder we'll fight to keep it. So, I have another weapon inside me. And I'll use it.”

 

M
oira discovered a long day of teaching children
and the old how to defend themselves and each other from monsters was more tiring than hours of sweaty physical training. She hadn't known how hard it would be to tell a child that monsters were real after all.

Her head ached from the questions, and her heart was bruised from the fear she'd seen.

She stepped out into the garden for some air, and to check the sky, again, for Larkin and Blair's return.

“They'll be back before sunset.”

She whirled at the sound of Cian's voice. “What are you doing? It's still day.”

“Shade's deep here this time of day.” Still, he leaned back against the stones, well out of direct light. “It's a pretty spot, a quiet one. And sooner or later, you end up here for a few minutes.”

“So, you've studied my habits.”

“It passes the time.”

“Glenna and I have been with the children and the old ones, teaching them how to defend themselves if there's an attack here after we leave. We can't spare many of the able-bodied to hold the castle.”

“The gates stay locked. Hoyt and Glenna will add a layer of protection. They'll be safe enough.”

“And if we lose?”

“There'll be nothing they can do.”

“I think there's always something, if you put choice and a weapon in someone's hands.” She walked toward him. “Did you come here to wait for me?”

“Yes.”

“Now that I'm here, what do you choose to do?”

He stayed where he was, but she could see the war inside him. Though the air suddenly seemed to lash and swirl with that battle, she stood calmly, her eyes grave and patient.

He took her with both hands, a quick and violent jerk that slammed her body to his. His mouth was ravenous.

“A fine choice,” she managed when she could speak again.

Then his lips were assaulting hers again, stealing both breath and will.

“Do you know what you've let loose here?” he demanded. Before she could speak, he turned, gripped her hands to drag her up onto his back.

“Cian, what—”

“You'd better hold on,” he ordered, interrupting her baffled laugh.

He leaped up. Her arms tightened around his neck as she gasped. He'd simply soared up, more than ten feet in the air from a stand, and was scaling the walls.

“What are you doing?” She risked a look down, felt her stomach shudder at the drop. “You could have warned me you'd lost your bloody mind.”