Valentine (14 page)

Valentine looked up at Lily all set to tell her that she
couldn't take it, but Lily smiled and said, 'Please V, I can't
wear it anymore. I'd like to think of you wearing it. And
good luck tonight.'

Even though she had made her peace with Lauren and
apologised to Lily, Valentine felt blue all day. She should
have been looking forward to the first night, but instead
she felt vulnerable and on edge. She kept trying not to
think about Finn, but then she'd remember. An all-too-familiar
feeling of worthlessness invaded her. Why was
he engaged to Eva and not her? Had he been lying to
her all along when he said he still loved her? She put off
going to the theatre as long as possible, not wanting to
see anyone and especially not wanting to see Jack. She
just wanted to escape into her role, not have to deal with
the world right now. But Jack was the first person she saw
when she walked into the theatre.

'Hi,' he said, looking at her warmly. 'I texted you today;
didn't you get it? I wondered if you wanted to have coffee.
And I meant
just
coffee, not anything else, cross my heart.'

Valentine had got the text. 'Sorry, I was busy.' She
knew she sounded cold, but couldn't help it. She felt the
need for defences against him, against anyone.

'Are you OK?' Jack asked, looking at her closely. 'Your
eyes look sad. Has something happened?'

'No, nothing. Just tired, I think, and nervous. Anyway,
I'd better get ready, see you later.' And without waiting
for his reply she headed for the dressing room.
Well done
Valentine, you really know how to keep a man.

Everyone else was already in costume and in the middle
of putting on their make-up. 'You're late!' Kitty exclaimed
when Valentine walked in, 'VPL was starting to get jittery.
It doesn't take much to push him over the edge.'

'I know I cut it a bit fine, but I just needed some head
space before coming in and I knew I wouldn't get any
here.'

Both paused to watch the Twirlies warming up –
stretching their long legs ridiculously high above their
heads and then effortlessly sliding into the splits – truly
they were like creatures from another galaxy. Emily
moaned loudly to Dixie that she had a spot on her cheek.

'I can't see anything, sweetheart,' Dixie patiently
reassured her. 'You've got perfect skin. You all have,' she
added, looking around the room, anxious not to offend
anyone. Rule number two from the make-up artist's bible
– never tell your clients the painful truth; just reach for
the concealer. Lots of it.

'We haven't, Dixie,' Kitty shot back. 'But no doubt we
will when we've trowelled on enough make-up.' At that
Emily gave her an evil look, no doubt objecting to the
implication that her skin was less than perfect.

Valentine looked at Kitty and shrugged, 'See what I
mean?' She had been dreading coming in, but gradually
as she started putting on her costume and make-up, some
of the darkness began to lift. For now at least she was no
longer Valentine with the disastrous love life who had made
all the wrong decisions. She was Titania again. Beautiful,
powerful, in control – well at least until she got drugged
and ended up falling in love with a donkey! Valentine had
often wondered if the reason she loved acting so much was
that it offered escape from the real world and above all
escape from herself. She sat down at her place in front of
the mirror and tried to shut out the activity around her,
the men coming in to make coffees and flirt with the
Twirlies, Emily fidgeting and constantly going in and out
of their dressing room – either it was nerves or she was
on the lookout for Jack. Kitty was quick to point it out to
Valentine. 'I see Princess Precious is still on the prowl for
Jack,' she said quietly when Emily was out of the room.

Valentine shrugged. 'He doesn't belong to me.'

'Not yet,' Kitty replied cheekily, 'but we all know it
won't be long.'

This was the very last thing Valentine needed to hear
right now. 'Look, I don't give a shit to be honest, Kitty.
Yes, I admit that I fancy Jack – who doesn't? But I don't
know if I could ever trust someone like him.'

Unluckily for Valentine that was the moment Jack
knocked at the door and walked into the dressing room.
She wasn't sure how much if anything he might have
heard. If he had heard he didn't give anything away.
Immediately Emily came back into the room and made
a beeline for him, telling him he could have some of her
tea if he wanted.

'It's not herbal, is it?' Jack asked. 'I can't be doing with
that. I only like builders' tea.'

'Is that because you're so manly?' Kitty teased
him. 'Do you go weak if you don't eat red meat once
a day?'

'Nope, don't eat red meat at all,' Jack replied. He looked
at Valentine as if expecting her to join in the banter, but
she just turned away and put on more lipstick. She didn't
even care that she was half-naked in front of him.

'Well good luck everyone,' Jack called out, leaving the
dressing room.

Valentine replied, 'And you,' but avoided looking at
him.

'What's the matter?' Kitty whispered, sitting down next
to Valentine, ostensibly to check her make-up.

'Nothing, I'm just centring myself.'

'Good work everyone!' Vince declared afterwards, as
everyone gathered in the girls' dressing room to get their
notes. 'In a nutshell, I think he just means faster, better!'
Kitty whispered to Valentine as VPL droned on.

Valentine was last to leave the dressing room. She had
scrupulously avoided eye contact with Jack throughout
Vince's feedback. The performance had gone well but
she still didn't feel up to being around people, or more
precisely being around Jack. She felt too shaken up. She'd
just go for one drink, she decided, so the rest of the cast
didn't think she'd completely lost the plot, then go straight
home. All the other women had glammed up in honour
of press night, but Valentine felt too drained. She simply
wiped off the gold paint, tied her hair back and put on
a baggy black jumper, leggings and biker boots. Upstairs,
the tiny theatre bar was rammed. Vince had managed to
get in a number of critics – maybe he really was going
places, as Sylvia her agent had promised. Kitty waved to
her from one of the tables and Valentine wove her way
through the crowds, steeling herself. Lauren and Nathan
were also at the table, along with Rufus, Toby and Jack.
And Julia Turner. Valentine's spirits took a further
nosedive.

'You were fantastic, V!' Lauren declared. 'We got you
a drink – double vodka OK?'

'OK, yes, unaccustomed as I am to alcohol I will do
my best to force it down,' Valentine said dryly.

'You weren't unaccustomed the other night when you
drank all those tequila shots,' Jack put in. Valentine
turned briefly in his direction, then quickly turned back.
She couldn't stop the pang of jealousy at seeing Julia
next to him and the I-told-you-so feeling. Julia looked
stunning in a black figure-hugging Roland Mouret
Pigalle dress.

'Come and sit down,' Toby said, shuffling up to make
room for her on the wooden bench.

'I'm loving the look, V. Are you channelling
Prisoner
Cell Block H
as your style guru?' Lauren said sarcastically.

Valentine shrugged, 'I just wanted to wear something
comfortable.'

'Next time why not go the whole hog and wear a sack?'
Lauren replied. 'It's press night, V! You should have worn
your red silk dress.'

'You look adorable as you are, Valentine,' Toby said
chivalrously.

Valentine smiled and took a sip of her drink, and as
she did so she caught Jack's eye. 'Are you OK?' he mouthed
to her. She nodded and looked away. If anyone was too
kind to her she was likely to lose it completely.

'Well, we should have a toast,' Julia declared, holding
up her glass. 'To a great first night!' Everyone held up
their glasses and Valentine heard Julia murmur, 'And to
a fabulous Bottom,' as she leaned over and kissed Jack
on the cheek. Even though Jack didn't look as if he was
relishing her attention, Valentine couldn't help feeling
crushed. He probably still had feelings for Julia and why
wouldn't he? Julia might be possessive and neurotic, but
she was still beautiful and successful. Valentine sipped her
drink morosely.

Then Jack took up the toast and declared, 'To a
wonderful Titania!' Julia looked sulky. Valentine then
toasted Toby and so it went on round the table. Julia
snapped open her chic black velvet clutch bag for a
cigarette and was about to light up when Jack said, 'Julia,
it's no smoking.'

'Bugger! I always forget. Will you come outside with
me, darling?' she asked, stroking his arm. Jack shook his
head. Julia did a double-take – clearly not used to being
turned down. She narrowed her beautiful blue eyes,
looking at Jack and then at Valentine. Then she spoke.
'So Valentine, that was quite something you had to do
on stage, baring so much flesh and being surrounded by
such ravishing creatures as the Twirlies.' Valentine waited
for the sting in the tail and here it came: 'I was so impressed
that you hadn't gone on an extreme diet and that you
had all your curves. It was so very
brave
of you.'

Bitch
. 'I'm a size ten to twelve, Julia. Last time I checked
that wasn't on the morbidly obese spectrum. And yes I
do look different from the dancers, but that's the point,'
Valentine replied, aware that her cheeks were flushing
with anger and embarrassment. Maybe everyone else had
been lying when they said how good she had looked;
maybe she had looked like a golden porker all along. She
was probably a laughing stock.

'Oh I didn't mean it as a criticism! As I said, it was
very brave of you!' Julia continued, tapping her zippo
lighter on the table in what seemed like a deliberately
irritating way.

'So, Julia, where do you stand on the face/body
dilemma?' Lauren was quick to leap to her friend's
defence.

'What do you mean?' Julia asked warily.

'You know, when a woman gets over a certain age, let's
say forty? She needs to decide whether she keeps a skinny
body but ends up with a wizened face or goes for a more
relaxed approach, and has a fuller figure but with plumper
younger-looking skin on her face. Though it's a cruel twist
of fate that whatever she does, even if she has work done,
the hands and neck always give it away, don't they?'
Lauren looked meaningfully at Julia's hands, which actually
still looked pretty good.

Julia gave a forced laugh. 'I'm wondering if I should
be offended that you think I'm over forty.'

Lauren rolled her eyes. 'Julia, I know you're over forty,
so you can cut the denial crap with me.'

'Well, so much for female solidarity,' Julia hissed, all
pretence at being charming abandoned. 'Do you know how
hard it is keeping this body?' she gestured at her lithe figure,
then held up her arms and savagely tugged at the taut skin
on the underside. 'Working out every single bloody day to
make sure you don't get bingo wings; the hundreds of sit-ups
just to keep a flat stomach; the constant dieting. Trying
to keep age at bay at all costs because while society seems
to think men improve with age – look at Anthony Head, a
sex symbol in his fifties, or Harrison Ford, still supposed to
be hot at sixty-four.' She took a swig of her wine and then
continued her tirade. 'Forty-year-old women are rarely
considered sex symbols or even sexual beings! We're character
actors or we're someone's mother! And why should I
be someone's mother just because I'm forty? Why can't I be
someone's lover!' Julia was raising her voice now; she'd lost
the husky tone and sounded positively screechy.

If it had been any other forty-year-old actress railing
against the unfairness of it all, Valentine would have been
totally on their side. She really did think it was outrageous
how actresses became sidelined when they reached
a certain age and how fifty-something actors on screen
ended up with women often half their age. However, she
felt decidedly unsympathetic towards Julia and her barbed
comment about her figure.

Julia pointed an accusing finger at Lauren, Kitty and
Valentine in turn. 'One day you'll be forty and then you'll
discover the painful truth. You won't keep that peachy-looking
skin for ever, you know. Your tits will sag, you'll
get lines and you'll have to fight to keep the weight off.'
She paused to survey their faces, her eyes flashing with
anger. Hell hath no fury like a forty-something actress
under threat. 'I really had expected more from my fellow
actors.' She abruptly got up. 'Come on Jack, we're leaving.'

Jack remained sitting, 'I'm staying. This is press night,
remember?'

Clearly struggling to keep her composure, Julia tossed
back her long black hair and stormed out of the bar,
killer heels clicking reproachfully on the wooden floor.
There was a pause.

'Aren't you going to go after your girlfriend?' Valentine
asked snidely.

'She's not my girlfriend. That situation's vacant,
remember? I split up with her over three months ago.
We're just friends.'

'Yeah right, friends that fuck, according to Julia,'
Valentine shot back. Suddenly she was directing at Jack
all the anger and hurt that had been building up inside
her because of Finn. Jack looked furious.

'Whooah!' Toby put his hand up. 'I think that's enough!
Who wants another drink? We don't need a public dissection
of Jack's private life, do we?'

'No, we haven't got nearly enough time,' Valentine
replied. 'God knows how many other older women he's
got in his closet, lining up to pleasure him with their lithe
bodies, wizened faces and monkey paws. Oh so grateful
for a bit of young cock inside them! There's probably a
queue of them waiting outside right now to suck your
dick! And you probably wouldn't mind, would you,
because a blow job's a blow job isn't it!' She knew she
had crossed a line – the combination of depression mixed
with jealousy was causing her to say terrible things.