Vaewolf: Damn the Darkness: The Prophecy's Promise (Hearts of Darkness Book 3) (23 page)

He stopped, uttering a growl before he looked at her. “Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

Caitlin was afraid she did. She couldn’t take away his responsibility to admit it, even if she could have breached his thoughts. In spite of that, his emotions leaked through his natural defenses. The overwhelming sense of shame flooded his mind.

With a quick head-shake she forced him to face his inner fear. “You have to say it.”

He shuddered. Then his voice became a dark undertone. “I’m talking about...raping you. My wolf would have forced himself on you if it came to you denying him.” Jackson squeezed his eyes shut as if blocking the memory. “I couldn’t risk it.”

A cold shiver ran down her spine. The part he’d left unspoken, the consequences of that action, horrified them both. Not only would he and Dylan have been at odds over
claiming
her, but while Dylan had breath in his body, he never would have allowed Jackson to rape her.

The fear had rolled off both men that night, along with the unspoken word she heard in her mind. Death. Just the one word. But it resonated like rolling thunder too clearly to dismiss the possibility of things still escalating. She knew one thing for certain. “You wouldn’t have hurt me.”

“Probably not physically, but the wolf would have taken you.” His stony agreement chilled her to the bone when he looked up and added, “And that would have hurt us all. Dylan wouldn’t have stood by...”

“I know.”

Jackson turned his back and began pacing like a caged animal. “At the time, I didn’t trust myself to be near either of you.”

“Where did you go?”

“That night? Let’s see…” When he paused, she dared not breathe until he resumed pacing. The pacing seemed to relax him and that made it easier for him to speak. “Once I’d put a safe distance between myself and you, I shifted into the wolf. After talking to Garr and Dylan, I went off in search of the pack. Then, later, I decided to visit a neighboring pack in Arkansas until I finally figured out a way to resist my beast.”

“I’m glad you reconsidered.” Now it was her turn to be uncomfortable.

He stopped the monotonous movement and turned to stare at her, his eyes the silver color they turned with the presence of the wolf. The air between them heated before he glanced away and continued speaking, “The control is tenuous at best.”

“I get that.” She could barely raise her voice above a whisper. “Why did you wait until Dylan went off before you returned?”

“I trained hard with the Arkansas pack to develop the additional self-control. I needed time. Another full moon. More practice restraining the wolf, and for you to grow stronger.”

“Damn it, Jackson, we have to find a way to help each other. Why did Dylan leave instead of working with us?”

“When he spoke to the council, they had few answers. One option was finding out an older vampire had been in the area recently.”

“Antoinette.”

“She’s older than any of the vampires around here, so if anyone would know about what happened between us he needed to find her. Dylan and I talked it through and determined this was the best we could do. It’s better this way.”

“Better? For who?”

“Dylan and me. Once Dylan left he couldn’t feel my...need. I’m working on my self control.”

“Working? Perfected you mean. Your self-control is nearly perfect from what I can tell.”

“Far from it,” he snarled and pointed a finger at her. “Don’t trust me to be your knight in shining armor. When I say I’m good for now, it’s the truth. But I’m still not strong enough during the time of the full moon.”

“How long can you fight what’s between us?”

“I could fight it as long as necessary to protect you, but my wolf can’t fight the need to satisfy his mate’s needs—all of them. Eventually, if you’re as smart as I think you are, you won’t count on me, either. It’s why you have to come to terms with all this before the next full moon. You’re already too weak to hunt, and by next week I’ll be too out of control to feed you. Now, not only does Dylan want you fed, he wants you protected and trained. So I’m your man until the full moon.”

He gave her the wolfish grin that resembled a snarl and forked his fingers impatiently through the unruly hair falling around his face.

“While I’m gone, Garr and Isobel will resume their roles with you. You won’t need to hunt. My blood will be enough to sustain you, or until Dylan returns to feed you. Until we’re past this demon crisis, it’s too dangerous for you to leave the estate even with guards. There are reports of other killings in New Orleans. Garr says there are other life forms searching for psychics.”

With her hunger sated, and the fae’s sexual need temporarily satisfied from the virtual orgasm, one fleeting thought destroyed her assurance. As he pulled her to her feet, she placed a soft kiss to his wrist and turned away. “Thank you doesn’t seem sufficient.”

“Not necessary,” he replied, shaking his head. The timber of his voice revealed how much his control cost him. He cleared his throat and regained his composure. “It’s my duty and my pleasure to satisfy my mate.”

The wolf—always the wolf. She wanted to know what he—Jackson, the man—needed. Not a smart tactic when the situation was so tenuous, but his control pinched her pride, and she couldn’t stop herself. Why did she suddenly feel the need to
poke the wolf
?

Caitlin resented her unfair loss of control, so her dark fae prodded. She risked tempting Jackson further. She glanced at his obvious erection, enjoying the fact he couldn’t control his body. “Seems I’m the only one getting satisfied around here.”

“No,
cher
. I feel your satisfaction deep within me, and believe me, it is so much more pleasurable than your dark despair.” The growl she expected rumbled more like the purr of a kitten than the dangerous sound of the wolf.

Oh! Why had she blurted that out loud?
Damn you darkness. Be quiet!

“Your color is back.”

“I bet. She…you know…?”

His lips twisted into a pained smile, and he dared brush the back of his hand across her hot cheek.

Her heart softened. He understood. He’d maintained control throughout her selfish plight, and she gave him kudos for being capable under the circumstances. What sort of person did that make her? Did she even know where the invisible lines were drawn anymore with so many entities fighting for control of her body?

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing.” Jackson spoke with enough conviction she almost believed him. For only being a month or so older than her, he seemed wise beyond his years. The years of training and sacrifice showed.

“Well then, thank you anyway,” she said, smiling. “For everything.” Including his restraint.

She would have been sorry if anything she’d done ruined things between Dylan and Jackson. When Jackson smiled back with clear eyes and a dimple she’d never noticed, she knew they’d made some headway with this first sign of friendship.

“You’re welcome, but we really should talk,” he said. “We’ll get through this, Caitlin...if we stay honest with each other.”

“Yes, mmm. Talking things over might help us understand each other.” Her concern about honesty was that it would lead to understanding, and understanding would bring them closer to caring. Dangerous ground—caring.

She didn’t dare consider one hundred per cent honesty. Jackson wasn’t merely a handsome man, he was charming, charismatic, and nearly impossible to resist on every level. The more he exposed of himself, the more likely she’d drop her guard and give him a way into her head. She didn’t dare relax and expose her true feelings—ever. She wasn’t certain which feeling s were hers and which belonged to the other beings within her.

Jackson’s wolf stoked the flames of her fae’s dark cravings once before. Not again. Especially not the ones like the images he’d put in her head. Or her own.

He could never know how the fae wanted the
vaewolf
to take her against the wall. To bury his teeth in her flesh while he drove into her blazing internal heat. How she wanted him fucking her mindless. Her at his neck and he at hers while they exchanged blood. She hated this lack of control, this confusion, this inability to define herself as she once had. An honest woman would never betray love or a trust. The metamorphosis had taken away her life and her soul. No, complete honesty was not an option. No part of the deal. No honesty on the table. He couldn’t discover how her darker side secretly responded to his alpha personality when the
vaewolf
’s desire surfaced.

“With your hunger out of the way, can you deal with some news?”

“About Dylan?” A twinge of worry…and guilt twisted Caitlin’s gut.

“Sorry, no. It’s about the lessor demon, the one who took your mortal life.”

Her mortal life.
Yes, she had to come to terms with who she was now, the way Dylan had three hundred years ago. He’d accepted his responsibilities no matter how much it pained him, and she would learn to accept hers. After the metamorphosis, things within her felt different physically and mentally. Some of the physical differences she could feel down to her cellular structure.

Mentally, Caitlin was still changing.

“We’ve discovered the one who shot you was a psychic, one who’d been turned by a demon. A rogue vampire will sometimes breed with or feed from a demon, but demons have never been able to turn a human before. The eyes of a demon turn from red to black not silver when they change.”

Jackson made a point of watching for her reaction. His eyes turned on her like a brand, and his emotions attempted to burn into her thoughts, but she maintained her mental shields.

“If this is related to my case, I should get back to work soon. Or at least check in with headquarters about what’s going on.” Their supernatural team could use the FBI’s input and her enhanced insight more than ever. “Can you let them know I’m available to help if necessary?”

“You should know one thing, first.” Jackson took a step closer—within arms’ reach and placed his hands on her shoulders, holding her firmly, but carefully. “
You
are what the demons are searching for. And where you go—I go.”

“Me? Why me? I thought I was bait for Dylan.”

“We were never sure of that.”

Jackson’s alpha macho attitude would have annoyed her any other time, and perhaps should have annoyed her more, but she was too shocked by the disclosure to fret over his guard dog protectiveness. The memory of the demon breaking into her mind, disrupting her thoughts, and shooting her, made her think twice. Caitlin relived the cold fingers of death crawling through her while Dylan fought death off, screaming and begging her to stay with him. The icy terror of dying revisited.

“Why indeed? We believed the attack on the human hostage was a trap to get to Dylan through you. But they never counted on you taking the demon out.”

“And I’m important...why?”

“Max is certain there must be more to your background than what’s showing in the DNA.” He cupped her face and glanced at her mouth before he stared into her eyes. “You are a remarkable psychic, and now there is the bond with Dylan and me to take into consideration, too.”

“You think this is all tied together?”

“I wouldn’t rule out anything. Would you? You’re in danger as long as we don’t bind you to one of us.”

“But you promised—” She turned away.

“And I won’t break that promise, Caitlin, for one reason only. Not because of Dylan.” He held her head in his one big hand and turned her chin up to gaze into her eyes with his other. “Because of you. I could be as much of a danger to you as the demons. Without Dylan to control me, I’m afraid my wolf might kill you during the ritual.”

“So, we can’t bind without his presence, and apparently he won’t bind me because he can’t accept our relationship. Now what?”

“Give us time.”

“Do we have time? Until Dylan explained the consequences of a ménage relationship between us, two vampires and a vaewolf, I’d even considered it to keep you two from going at each other’s throats.”

Understanding she may have to accept both of them now to survive made her feel selfish. “How can I convince Dylan we could handle this, given time?”

“Even if we eventually come to terms with the idea of formally bonding, the relationship might eventually present a political problem. Our elemental attachment, yours and mine, may be meant to fulfill a prophecy the people of the Lore have been waiting on for a thousand years.”

Caitlin had a sudden thought. “If Dylan poses a threat to the prophecy—or if anyone suspects he might—his life is in as much danger from the council as mine is from the demons.”

If immortality had its ups and downs, Jackson and Dylan were definitely two of the upsides, but being claimed by two alpha men presented Caitlin with a world of trouble. Fighting demons seemed the easier of the choices. Holding off her inner feelings for Jackson until Dylan’s return was the going to be tough.

“You’re right,” Jackson said. “Dylan better come back with answers.”

Chapter Thirty Two