Uprising (58 page)

“Ok, Sherry. Thank you.”

She smiled at him, then at me and walked back over to Merrick with Billings watching in odd fascination. At first I thought he was checking her out and then when I looked back, I saw Merrick picking up Sherry in a hug with her feet off the floor and kissing her. Kissing her good. I remembered that he had been out looking for me and Sherry had been fretting. They’d be pretty lovey dovey for the rest of the day then. I looked back to Billings.

“Wow,” Billings muttered. “That Keeper gets more action than I do.”

“Dude. We are gonna get along just fine,” I said with a knowledge that it would be so, as I slapped him on the back.

Billings was thirties. Blonde hair and except for a little pudge around the middle was in pretty good shape. He was probably in the military before this.

Cain, I’ll take Billings so you can rest.

I nodded thanks to Simon and then pointed Billings towards him.

“He’ll show you the extra clothes and stuff and give you the short tour. He’s cool.”

Billings walked off with a wave and I turned back to see Lillian conked out on the couch where I’d left her, no Margo. She was so exhausted. I scooped her up and took her down the hall. She snuggled against me, sighing softly. Like she felt totally safe and warm and comfortable.

I pushed her door open and laid her in the sleeping bag, taking off her shoes and pulling the covers over her. She grabbed my arm.

“Stay.”

Ehhhhh. Jeez.
“I can’t,” I admitted and was surprised at how gruff my voice sounded.

“Yes you can,” she said sleepily. “I give you permission.”

“Um, no, I can’t. No matter how exhausted I am, I’m... not sure I can just sleep in here with you.”

“Why?”

“Lillian,” I groaned. “You’re making me so insane.”

“I trust you.”

“L, I want to do this right with you. I gotta come at this with a whole new approach. I know I sound like a walking cliché but I can’t help it. And I can’t stay.”

“Sure you can, because I’m not giving you permission to do anything but sleep.” I laughed at her and she giggled cutely, her eyes still closed. “Please? I’m so cold,” she said and did a fake shiver.

“You little liar,” I said through a smile. She had a point. I had to keep my hands to myself if she wouldn’t let me do anything else, right? “Ok. Just sleep. No hanky panky. Not even a little.”

“None. I promise not to ravish you.”

“Good. Cause it’s you I’m worried about,” I said sarcastically.

She smiled and pulled me down next to her. I figured she’d roll over but she snuggled right up against me, and burrowed in like a little kitten, her eyes closed the whole time.

It was odd how much she trusted me. Completely and utterly.

I pulled my arm around her and felt her breaths get slower and slower until she was out again. I just laid there for a while, rubbing my hand up and down her soft arm, thinking about everything that had happened.

Billings, the Lighter, Lillian. Jeez, Lillian braved the dark and Lighters and whatever else that can come out to come save me, not even knowing where or what. It still shocked me to see how much I felt for her in just a few weeks. She was so...something. Like what Merrick said that day about Sherry. That he felt like she was made for him. Like she was a creature right out of his dreams. Yeah. That’s what it felt like.

“Thanks for coming to save me, lovely,” I whispered.

I knew she was asleep and didn’t hear me but I still needed to say it. Then-

“Anytime, sweetie pie. But let’s not make this a habit ok?” she whispered amused and drowsy.

“You got it,” I answered with a chuckle, kissed her forehead and closed my eyes smiling.

Thinking about how I’d almost thought the word ‘love’ today. I’ve never said that word to anyone. Not even my fiancé. She never said it, so neither did I. My parents weren’t the type to say it so, I’ve never used it...except with Sherry but only in my head.

But now, looking back and comparing it to Lillian. I don’t know. Sherry was the first person to be utterly real with me. No games or lying or agendas and I think that’s why I fell so hard. And she’s so sweet and caring and always thoughtful, mindful of what you need. And that’s real too. I’d never been in love before so, I guess I needed to see what it was like.

It sucked. Royally, because I couldn’t have her but now... I have to say, I’m happy about that. I was just getting myself ready for Lillian.

And now, I am.

I Just Became My Mother

“Come on,” I told Lily. “I know this is all exciting but it’s nap time.”

“But-”

“Lily. Honey,” I reprimanded her softly and then stiffened.

Holy cow! I just became my mother!

“Ok. I need to tell Mewwick goodnight.”

“Ok. Come on.”

I towed her to the other side of the commons room, her little cold soft hand latched to my fingers. Her long golden locks brushing my arm and I walk and she skips.

“Goodnight Fwankwin,” Lily chimed as we passed him sitting next to Eli, his dad, on the floor playing checkers and he waved to her.

“Lily bug,” Merrick crooned and grabbed her up. “Nap time already?”

“Uhuh. I had to come say goodnight.”

“Well, goodnight, sweetheart.”

“Goodnight. Can I still call you daddy? You said I could.”

He sucked in a breath. We’d had this conversation already but she’s never said it to him or anything else about it since.

“Of course you can. Anything you want.”

She hugged him tight around his neck.

“Goodnight, daddy.”

His smile over her shoulder was blinding.

“Goodnight, baby.”

Then she kissed him on the cheek and reached for me to take her. I did and we stood there for a second as I looked up at Merrick. I needed to make sure he wouldn’t pass out or anything. He didn’t. Just looked at her like she was the precious thing she is.

“Ok. Let’s go, bug,” I said.

“Wait. What can I call you Shawwy? Mother?”

I wanted to laugh at the formal title but held my breath. I never dreamed she’d say these words to me. I hoped but never thought. Is this real? Am I dreaming again? That would make more sense.

Honey. Breath.

I looked up to him and took a deep breath.

“Well..” I started but had to clear my throat. “Probably mommy would be easier. But you don’t have to call me that if you don’t want to.”

“I want to. I wike it.”

“Ok. That’s fine. Ready?”

“I gotta go potty fiwst.”

“Well, let’s go.”

“Ok, mommy.”

Ahhh.

She said it.

I didn’t think I could make it any further, not one step. I know, I’m only just barely twenty, ok. I know. But you have to know what’s it’s like to think you’ll never have kids. Never hear certain words directed at you. Never tuck someone who fits in your arms into bed. I’ve done lot’s of those things I’d never dreamed. And it doesn’t matter one bit that she didn’t come from me and Merrick. She is mine and his, all the way.

I realize, I still hadn’t moved, stuck in a trance or something. Cain always joked that people got stuck in the Lily trance. I guess he was right.

Honey...Hold on, not yet. You want me to take her?

I look up and see that familiar sympathetic face but this time with a twinge of amusement. Then I feel the tears on my cheeks that I didn’t even feel before. Oh! He’s telling me to hold it together until I get her in bed. I must look like I’m about to loose it, so I wipe my face and take a deep breath pulling her along with me to the back hall.

We skip our way. She does her business, we skip back down the hall to her little room. I help her change into her night shirt and lay her in the pink frayed covers.

“Sing to me?” she asks and then yawns cutely, turning sideways on the pillow.

“What do you want to hear?”

“Um...that song that says ‘angels’.”

“Ok... You know I love you, bug, right?”

“Uhuh. I wuv you too Sh- mommy.”

I press my lips together to dam back the tears for just another minute. I wonder if I’ll ever get use to the jolt in my heart when I hear that word. Mommy.

I sing happily, though it’s hard to sing through a smile, but not impossible.

Sleepyhead, close your eyes, I am right here beside you. I'll protect you from harm. You will always be in my arms.

Guardian angels are near, so sleep on with no fear.

Guardian angels are near, so sleep on with no fear.

If Lily only knew how true Brahms lullaby really was. Guardian angels are near, right in the other room in fact. She’s the safest she could be in this world right now.

And...she’s out. I knew it would take no time at all. I creep out of her door backwards and bump into Merrick, there waiting for me. I don’t say anything. I just turn and let him pull me into the circle of his arms. I press my face into his warm chest as we stand there in the hall. He smoothes my hair, wrapping his fingers in it, massaging and twirling the curls.

You’re a mommy.

I nod against his chest and smile. I feel his shirt damp under my face. I don’t care. Tears of happiness.

“And you’re a daddy.” I pull back to look at his face. “Did you ever imagine that?”

“No. I never thought to.” He smiled. “Come lay down with me for a while, mommy.”

I laugh and follow him to the next door down to our room. I lay down in the sleeping bag, I feel him climb in behind me. He wraps his arms around me, his heavy arm over my waist and kisses my neck from behind.

When he speaks, his breath tickles my neck and ear.

“I’m a selfish bastard.”

I stiffen. That was the absolute last thing I would have thought he would say at a time like this.

“What are you talking about?”

He sighed and waited before he spoke. When he did it was careful and low. Like he was ashamed. Like he was confessing.

“I’m happy. I’m so happy that you’ve got Lily. And I’ve got you. But none of this would have happened if the Lighters hadn’t come. If they hadn’t messed up everything on earth. I’m selfish because I’m...almost glad they did. I shouldn’t be this happy about circumstances that have hurt so many people. Have killed innocents. Killed Keepers. Devastated the balance of things. It’s just- wrong.”

“I know how you feel. I understand. It’s strange to feel like you got everything you ever wanted, but at the expense of so much. There are people out there suffering but for me, I feel like it’s Christmas. But it’s not wrong to try to make something good out of something bad. That’s what we should do. That’s what we’re doing. Lily needs parents, right?”

“Yes.”

“So what’s wrong with taking the role of it and being happy about it?”

“Nothing’s wrong with that but, I just...I don’t know. It’s hard to explain, Sherry. I’ve spent my whole existence content and comfortable. Never knew what happy was. Saw it but never experienced it and didn’t know what I was missing. Until you. I guess, I just don’t know how to be happy.”

“Well, you better start learning, pal.”

He chuckled and I could feel the vibrations all through me.

“Mmhmm. I guess I better.”

“That’s more like it. Now, tell me what happened today. I heard what Cain said but, how did you know that something was wrong?”

“Lillian came and woke me up last night. Said Cain was late and wanted me to help her go after him. I told her I would if he didn’t show up in an hour but she went ahead and left without me.”

“Hmm. Well, people do crazy things sometimes. I’m sure she thought she had a good reason.”

“Oh yeah? She was afraid I’d get hurt. That was her reason,” he said incredulously.

“Really?”

“Yeah. You girls and your need to protect everyone. That’s our job, ya know, which some of you are working overtime to put us out of work. There are plenty of Keepers here to look after everyone. You don’t have to fret so much.”

It was kinda funny how worked up he was getting.

“Well, I’m just glad they’re back and nothing bad happened- well, nothing too bad. They must be more serious than I thought or she wouldn’t have freaked out like that. Right?”

“I guess. I found them- what do you call it? Making out, in the second room, once. Lillian was incredibly embarrassed. It was pretty funny, actually.”

“Yeah. She told me. I can’t believe
you
didn’t tell me!”

“It wasn’t my news to tell.”

“Well, I know you’re an alien and all,” he smacked me on the thigh and I yelped but kept going, “so I’ll educate you a little about human girls. All girls like to hear about sweet romantic things, even if it’s none of our business. So, in the future, just so you know, I want to know things about other people kissing. It’s a girl thing.”