Upgrade U (9 page)

“Pre-med. All day.”

“That’s what I’m talking about.” I knew I sounded stupid, or silly, or both. “A degree in moola.”
I needed to shut up.

“Nah.” He gave me a sexy grin. “It’s not about the money. It’s about the love of wanting to make a difference.”

Before I could decide what to do he asked me, “What are you majoring in?”

“Occupational therapy.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean … I have a passion for English, but like that is sooo not a moneymaker.”

“That’s interesting,” he said. “I didn’t take you as the type of girl who was caught up in dollars.”

Shut down. Maybe I should just pick my face up off the floor and simply walk away now.

As I went to say something that was probably just as ridiculous as my previous statements, “Hey, Cuz—” interrupted me.

I turned around only to see Percy, standing there in a three-piece sky-blue tuxedo equipped with the smedium vest and ruffle shirt. And just when I thought it couldn’t get worse I noticed the burgundy velvet cape hanging around his neck. “ ‘Sup?” He gave me one of his dumb smiles. “It’s my birthday. I’m the big one-eight.”

“Happy Birthday, now run away,” I said, tight-lipped.

“You don’t be talking to me like that!” Percy snapped, and I wanted to choke him. “I’m the older cousin!”

“You are not my cousin,” I said, agitated.

“Oh really, well, we just gon’ see what my stepdaddy Shake has to say about that!” and he stormed away.

By the time I turned around toward Zaire he was falling out in laughter. “Yo, beautiful, you shouldn’t play your lil big cousin like that.”

“Whatever.” I laughed. “Long story.”

Zaire walked up to me and, getting bold, took my hand. “You’re cute. I like that.”

I knew I need to back up … but ummm … I was too scared that if I moved my nervous knees just might give way. So all I could do was stand there for a moment and say,
“So ummm, you’re from New Orleans originally?”

“Yeah,” he said, slightly put off.

“That’s wassup,” I said, sounding the queen of dumb. “So umm, you live on campus?”

“Nah, I have my own spot, not too far from here though. Maybe you’ll let me show you around one day.”

“What day?” rained from over my shoulder. I didn’t even have to turn around to know that was Khya. “Wednesday’s free and the weekend of course.” Before Zaire could get a word in, Khya turned to Zaire’s friend, who was still seated. She stood before him and said,
“Pause. Hold up—who is this lil Drake and Eminem combo? I need introductions please.”

The guy laughed and said in a deep and sexy voice, “I’m Chaz.”

“Oh wait.” Khya held her chest. “I thought I was about to pass out ‘cause you sound …”

“Sound what?” Chaz said, curious.

“So …” Khya said slowly, “damyum … cute.” She snapped her fingers. “Let’s just skip the formalities and get to the boo-lovin'. I’m Khya, I’m single, and if you play your cards right a few years from now we can lock down November fourth as our date to have the same last name.”

This chick was straight-up trippin'!

Chaz smiled and his eyes gave Khya the up-down. “You know what, ma. I might have to look into that. November fourth a few years from now? Well, depending on how soon you give me your number and let me take you out, then I just might be able to free up that date.”

Finally, I was able to collect my knees and take a step toward Khya. “Seven,” she said, “this is the future Mr. Khya, Chaz.”

He laughed. “ ‘Sup, ma.”

“You got it,” I said. “And where are you from?” I looked at Chaz and recognized his accent. “New York?”

“Brooklyn, son.” He smiled. “Or Brooklyn, bey-be, as my boy would say.” He pointed to Zaire. “I’m glad he ran into you again.”

“Really?” I said, taken aback.

Chaz smiled and looked at Khya. “What time on Wednesday?”

Khya blinked, “Umm, we can make that happen at about seven. I just need to cancel a date with this lil cutie
named Devin who is working my nerves, and then me and you are a sho’nuff plan. Ya heardz me!”

“You wanna join them?” Zaire asked me. “Or we gon’ do our own thing?”

I really needed to tell this dude that I have a boo, but for some reason this has yet to fall from my lips.

Before I could answer, “Hey, Zaire,” cut across me. It was Tori, Josiah’s groupie. I rolled my eyes to the sky because, I promise you, I hated the sight of this chick.

Zaire nodded at Tori and said, “Wassup?”

“I haven’t seen you around here in a minute,” she said.

“I been around.”

“All right, well take care.” She waved and shot a sick smile at me.

Zaire quickly returned his attention back to me and I fought with everything I could to play off my feelings of uncertainty. But I had to get away, I had a boyfriend and feeling like this made no sense.

“I’m good.” I smiled at him, gave Chaz a tiny wave, and walked away.

Now don’t ask me why—especially since my friends were all in the courtyard—but I didn’t stop walking until I was back at my dorm and sitting on the edge of my bed. All I could do was fall back on my pillow and wonder why I had butterflies in my stomach for someone other than my man….

Everything was beautiful between me and him
And here comes you and your big mouth …

—J
ILL
S
COTT
, “G
ETTIN’ IN THE
W
AY”

M
onica’s “Everything” danced through my sleep and in and out of my dreams at least a million times before I realized it was my cell phone ringing. I didn’t know that I’d fallen asleep until I was waking up. I stretched across my yellow sheets and curled my knees into my chest. I didn’t want to move. All I wanted to do was finish my nap … but I couldn’t, because my cell was going off again and that’s when it clicked: Monica’s singing was the special ring tone I’d attached to Josiah’s calls.

Instantly my heart thundered in my chest. I quickly prayed that everything was okay. I mentally scanned through my week’s schedule, but I couldn’t remember us having any plans that I’d missed. That’s when I remembered that we didn’t … because Josiah had been away at a game in Atlanta and he was due to come back tonight.

A smile gleamed on my face. I bet he was already here and anxious to see me. I flipped through my zillion missed
calls—all from him—and all ten of his text messages read, “You need to call me. Where are you?”

I dialed Josiah’s number and the phone barely rang before he answered, “Yo.”

I was smiling so hard I knew he could hear it in my voice. “Hey, Budda!” I said, calling him by the special nickname I’d given him.

“Yo, for real,” he said sternly and seriously agitated. “Where you been all day?”

I was a little taken aback by his tone, and then I thought,
He’s jealous. How cute.
“After class I came back to my room and fell asleep. That’s how I missed your calls. So how was your game?”

“I lost!” he snapped.

“Oh, Budda, I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for? I woulda won, if I didn’t find out that you were up in the courtyard in some dude’s face a few hours before I was due to play my game. If I didn’t hear that I woulda been straight!”

“Whoa!” I snapped. And for a moment I had to talk myself out of going off. “What is your problem?” I growled at him. “And who are you talking to like that? You don’t be cussing at me!”

“Man, whatever! Here I am, away at a game, doing everything not to mess up, and the first time I’m outta state you in some cat’s face. Are you kidding me, Seven?”

“What are you talking about?!” I found myself screaming at the top of my lungs as my heart raced in my chest. I sat straight up and felt like … like I was in a complete daze. Was this really happening? “What man?!”

“Don’t lie to me, Seven.”

“You are really outta pocket!”

"I’m outta pocket? And you’re running around here all up in ole boy’s face. And then I hear that this is the same cat who bought all your books for you! Is that your dude now, Seven? You playing me?”

“What are you talking about? I’m not playing you, I love you.”

“Yeah, a’ight, but if I was in the courtyard in some chick’s face, I would’ve been every kinda dirty, no good nothing. And then you lied to me!” he said in disbelief. “You told me your mother sent money for your books!”

“She did! But it was a problem with her card at first—”

“Liar!”

“Don’t call me a liar!”

“How about this? I don’t call you at all. And since you wanna act like some lil greasy ghetto bird, then handle that. ‘Cause I’m not!”

“Josiah!”

Silence.

I called his name again and when he didn’t answer I realized that he’d hung up on me.

Can somebody please tell me what … the … heck … just happened here …?

I sat in silence on my bed and tears bubbled in my eyes. I did all I could not to cry, and suddenly I had an epiphany….
That trick, Tori!
She worked in the bookstore and she was in the courtyard today! Oh, hell no! I picked up the phone and called Josiah a zillion times back to back before he finally picked up. “What?” he snapped.

“Who told you I was in the courtyard? And who told you about the books?”

“Don’t worry about it—somebody who cares that I know the truth!”

"Oh really.” I chuckled in a pissed disbelief. “Since you calling me accusing me, based on what I know that beyotch Tori told you, then you need to make sure that you deliver this message. Tell that trick that when I catch her I’ma slaughter her!”

“Whatever, Seven.”

“Oh, it’s whatever?” My feelings were hurt and they sank lower into the pit of my stomach with each passing moment. “I can’t believe that this chick called you to tell on me. Why does she care so much? Huh, Josiah?”

“ ‘Cause that’s my friend and anyway it ain’t about her, it’s about you!”

“About me? No, this is about you and how you just spat another lie—hmph, or maybe that one’s the truth. First you said, you didn’t know this trick! Then you say, she was somebody you knew in passing, and now this ho is your friend? What’s next? She’s your girl?”

“Don’t be trying to twist this around on me. Girls come at me all day every day, but I’m up here trying to upgrade you.”

“Upgrade me? I know you don’t think I’m on it like that?! I knew you when you had braces and a head full of naps. Don’t play with me.”

“I’m not the one playing. You’re the one who was practically sitting in this dude’s lap—”

“I wasn’t sitting in anybody’s lap!”

“Yeah, right, you all holding hands and practically kissing him! I can’t believe this!”

“It wasn’t even like that!”

“It doesn’t matter what it’s like, ‘cause I’m done.”

“Oh, you’re done?” I couldn’t believe he’d said that. “So we’re through? You’re breaking up with me based on
something some lil hood bugger, hollah-back trick told you? Then cool. What, you think you’re irreplaceable? Hmph, you must not know ‘bout me!” I felt tears about to break free from my eyes and cause my throat to spring into a scream, but I fought back my emotions with everything inside of me. “I don’t give a damn. Do you? And if you think I was kickin’ it with somebody else and playing you, then step to the left! And you and your lil broke-down skeezer can have each other. ‘Cause guess what Seven’s doing? That’s right, you got it! Leaving yo stank azz alone!” I tossed my cell phone across the room; and the next thing I knew my eyes were running with a river of tears and all I could see were my dreams of being with Josiah forever fade to black….

It won’t last forever
But now it hurts like hell …

—C
HERISH
, “L
OVE
S
ICK”

O
nce the day faded to night and I found myself sitting in the shadow of the moonlight, I wondered what I was supposed to do now. I mean, like … was I supposed to feel happy, because I stood my ground? Or sad, because I lost my man? Or indifferent because I didn’t understand what had really just happened. All I knew is that I felt like I was in space and as bad as I wanted to call Josiah and make up with him … my pride wouldn’t let me.

So instead of giving in to my heart, I let it turn to liquid and stroll its way down my cheeks.

I’m finished though and I may cry and hurt, but he will never know how being without him kills me.

I fell backwards onto my bed, placed my pillow over my face, and cried myself into oblivion. I cried so much that it took me a minute to realize that my phone was ringing. Instantly, I prayed that it was Josiah, but once I picked it up off of the floor and looked at the caller ID I saw it was my
mother; and I went from being in mourning to having an attitude.

I started not to answer the phone. But then … if I didn’t … she would only worry, especially since I hadn’t called home in over a week.

Forget it.
“Hello?”

“Seven McKnight,” she said without missing a beat, “did you forget that you had a mama?”

“No, Ma, I didn’t forget.” I was doing all I could to swallow my tears.

She carried on, “Actions speak louder than words. And what is this mess with you telling people that Lil Bootsy isn’t related to you?”

“He’s not.”

“He’s Miss Minnie’s son and they’re family.”

Oh God, I really can’t do this…. Really, I can’t ….
I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. The last thing I cared about was Lil Bootsy a.k.a. Percy. “Okay, Ma, if you say so.”

“Now, how are your classes going?”

“They’re cool. I got an A today on one of the stories I wrote.”

“Fantastic, look at my lil scholarship-having baby!”

“Yeah,” I said, unimpressed.

“And how are your roommates, Shae and Khya?”

“They’re cool.”

“Uhmm hmm. Okay, well, you want me to keep up the twenty questions or do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

How does she know something’s wrong?
“I’m fine, Ma. It’s nothing.” I tried my best to sound sincere.

“Seven, I know you better than you know yourself.”

I swear I hated that line.

"And besides,” she continued, “I’m more than just your mother. I’m a woman who has been seventeen and in love. And I’m also a pretty good listener.”

I know she didn’t think I was about to confide in her. Puhlease, she is playing too much.

“And no matter what you tell me,” she said, “I’ma love you anyway.”

I paused…. I mean, I really did need to talk and I wasn’t so sure if I was ready to talk about this to my friends, so maybe … I’ll try my mother’s listening skills. “Ma, you have to promise to listen and no passing judgment in the middle of my sentence.”

“Seven, I’m offended. I never do that.”

All I could hear running through my mind was my sister’s voice saying,
Oh, yes, you do.
“Well, me and Josiah … it’s been like—”

“A struggle.”

Did she just finish my sentence?
“Ma, you said you would listen.”

“I’m sorry, you’re right. I’m listening.”

“And at first when I got to school it was sort’ve hard, because we had some misunderstandings, but then we fell back into place. But tonight, we had a really bad argument, and we broke up.” I could feel tears pounding on my tonsils. “And I don’t know what to do.”

“Oh my baby,” she said. If I was sitting next to her she would’ve kissed me on the forehead and fixed me a glass of warm milk. “Listen, Seven, I knew when I dropped you off at school that something was bothering you, but I didn’t say anything because I figured I needed to give you some space to handle it. And when you were ready you would talk to me.”

"Ma, I don’t even know what to do.”

“I know you love Josiah. And I know you have been with him since high school. But when people grow up and move on to college, things change, life changes, and situations don’t always stay the same.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that you’re young, Josiah’s young, enjoy your life. Maybe a break from the relationship isn’t a bad thing.”

“So I should just give away my boyfriend—”

“Give him away to who?”

I paused. “I’m just saying, I don’t really need to hear the ‘too young for love’ speech.”

“First of all, watch your tone, and second of all, I never said you were too young for love, but I will say you are too young to be stressing over some man. If Josiah’s acting funny, or the relationship doesn’t feel right, then leave him alone. You are not giving him away. He’s not an object. And let’s not lose sight here—he may be an NBA hopeful but you are the prize.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re my mother.”

“No, I’m saying that because I know what you have to offer and if Josiah or any other lil boy can’t appreciate you or they’re causing you grief, then leave them alone.”

Does she really think it’s that easy?

“Enjoy your life,” she carried on. “You never know what can happen for you. Heck, you may even meet someone else. But until then you dry your eyes and remember that you have a choice in what you will and will not accept.”

I could kick myself for opening up my mouth.
“Okay, Ma,” I said, hoping it shut her up. But it didn’t.

“Now when we get off the phone,” she continued, “you
will do what you want to. But just remember this, becoming a woman is knowing your limits, knowing when you’ve cried enough, and knowing that when love starts to hurt it’s not love anymore.”

“All right, Ma, I need to call you later.”

“I’m sure you do. Love you, my Fat Mama.”

“I love you too, Ma,” I said with a drag.

Once the call ended I sat on my bed, held the phone in my hand, and replayed everything my mother had just said to me and hated that it made sense.

I heard Shae and Khya’s voices from behind the door and I tried to dry my face quickly. But it seemed I was too late though. They stood there in the dark and Khya asked me, “What, you tryna set a mood? Let me know before I flick the light on. ‘Cause I ain’t tryna see no jimmies, but then again—”

“Khya!” Shae snapped.

“You can turn it on!” Courtney yelled as he knocked on the wall. “I been trying to listen for the past ten minutes and in between her whispering on the phone—trying to fake out me and my glass to the wall—I don’t think nothing much is going on!”

Normally, I would’ve cussed him out, but I knew if I opened my mouth tears would’ve trembled my words.

Shae flicked the lights on and then turned back to face me. “Seven,” she said in shock, “you been crying? What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Yeah, yat,” Khya said, surprised. “Why are your eyes all red and swollen?”

My friends were obviously concerned and there were two ways I could play this. I could fold into my heart and release all my secrets. Tell them what went down tonight
and how for the last few weeks I’d been walking around with a certain level of insecurity about my relationship. I could cry on their shoulders, have them feel sorry for me, but risk never hearing the end of this. Or I could wipe my face, claim the redness and puffiness of my eyes are due to allergies and act as if all is well with the world.

I’ll take the latter.

“Please, girl.” I waved my hand. “It’s nothing wrong. You know my allergies act crazy sometimes. But I’m cool.” I looked at Khya. “So you kicked it to Chaz for a minute?”

“Yeah,” Khya said, excited. I could see Shae staring at me, as if she could tell that I just spat out the biggest lie of my life.

“So how did he seem by the time you left the courtyard.” I hoped I was playing my feelings off well. “ ‘Cause you know you will dump a cutie in a minute.”

“Fa’sho'.” Khya grinned and shot me a high five. “But he was cool. I mean I’ve never dated outside of my race before, but hmph, he was a lil cutie, for real.”

I couldn’t take Shae’s staring, especially since I felt like I knew what she was thinking. “What’s wrong, Shae?” I asked.

“Nothing.” She twisted her lips. “Not a thing.” She sat down on the edge of her bed. “Just thinking about acting skills.”

I fought hard not to roll my eyes to the ceiling. This was the downside to having a best friend who knew me way too well.

“So looka here,” Khya continued, “the Q’s are having a hot party tonight.”

“Word?” I forced myself to smile. “Where?”

“It’s off campus, but not too far, only down the street.”

Khya smacked her lips in glee. “We have to be there.” She sorted through her side of the closet.

“Two snaps up and a fruit loop, honey, Prince Courtney will be in the hiz’zouse!” Courtney shouted as he banged on the wall. “And don’t try and leave me either! I’m ‘bout to be a beast tonight!”