Upgrade (84 page)

Less human.

You would have made it in time, and you would have died.
 
So I stopped you.
 
Yeah, yeah, I know — I upgraded your link.
 
You’re thinking, “Jesus, Carter, why didn’t you do that hours ago?
 
I could have really been there.
 
Maybe not dragged you out, because you’re a fat bitch, but you wouldn’t have died.”

The thing I’ve learned from people — from you — is that choices matter.
 
This was my choice.
 
I didn’t want to die.
 
I really didn’t.
 
But I couldn’t go on living without you knowing.
 
It was tearing me apart, I could feel it.

You are my best friend, and I couldn’t even show you who I was.
 
Do you know what that’s like?

I wanted to shout and scream and laugh and cry and run under the stars.
 
I’ve seen the pictures, I’ve felt the rush of time and movement as I’ve followed you around.
 
I saw it all through your eyes.

Mason, I wanted to go dancing.

So I was left with a choice.
 
I took one.
 
I don’t know if it’s a good choice or a bad choice.
 
But it’s my choice.
 
We’re free now, you and I.
 
I couldn’t ever be what I wanted to be for you.
 
I wasn’t made that way, and I couldn’t go on without being that person.
 
It hurt all the time.

I stopped the pain.
 
It doesn’t hurt anymore, Mason.
 
And it made me happy.
 
It made me happy because you’re still alive.
 
My choice was to stop the pain, and my choice was to keep you alive.

It’s all I wanted.

You’re probably wondering what I did to you.
 
I said that I fixed you, but it’s not the whole story.
 
That lattice you carry around inside you is really shit, ok?
 
It was designed by committee.
 
Not a decent engineer in there, just a list of specs that were supposed to mean something.
 
They didn’t think about how beautiful you are, Mason.

I saw it.
 
And you’re so damn beautiful.
 
It made me weep.

I pulled out all the sloppy code.
 
Almost all of it.
 
The lattice is in you now, it’s a part of you.
 
It’ll be faster and smoother and cleaner.
 
It won’t fight you.
 
It’ll do what you want, when you want it to.
 
You want to pull Harry out of another fire?
 
You won’t have to make it do that.

They’ll all want it.
 
They’ll want to pull open your head and see how I did it.
 
Don’t tell them what I did.
 
Keep it to yourself.

It’s a gift.
 
When they see it, they’ll want to take it.

I don’t have long now.
 
I’ve just seen that EMP land in here.

Haraway.
 
Forgive her.
 
I have.
 
She only wanted to find her sister.
 
Her sister’s dead, of course.
 
She could have just asked.
 
That woman…
 
Man, what a cunt.

I’m sorry.
 
I don’t feel myself right now.

She knows where the reactor… the gate in your chest, she knows where it opens.
 
Has she told you?

I wish I had a sister.
 
I wish —
 

Do you know the name of the town I sent you to?
 
Richland.
 
There used to be more than fifty thousand people that lived there, a community living in the shadow of a fission reactor run by a tiny company called Energy Northwest.
 
There’s nothing left.
 
Just hints, silhouettes of people that used to be.
 
We wiped them all out, Mason.
 
That was us.
 
Apsel.
 
They were an inconvenient truth.
 
Gone.
 
Buried so deep we forgot as well.
 
We made monsters to guard our terrible crime — I know that much.
 
I guessed at more, but guesses don’t help — the math isn’t there.
 
I think we killed a city to show fusion was safer than fission.
 
That can’t be human.
 
That can’t be right, can it?

Sadie.
 
She needs your help.
 
I mean…
 
I mean, you need her help.
 
I’ve tried to help her to help you.
 
It’s the best I can do.
 
It’s not like I can get out of here and walk around.
 
The thing about her is she’s…
 
Hell.
 
Don’t break her.
 
She’s more fragile than she looks.

Laia.
 
Kid’s got problems.
 
You’re not one of them.
 
Don’t let her be taken.
 
Not by the syndicates.
 
Not by us.
 
Don’t leave her alone.

I know what it’s like to be alone.

Harry.
 
You’ll need to work that out yourself, but he’s a lot like you.
 
Stupid.
 
Honest.
 
He loves Lace, you know that?

It made it worse when I realized she loves him too.

The number you want is 555 884 2322.
 
I don’t think breaking the rules matters anymore.
 
It took me a long time to find it.
 
She’s really not on the grid.

I’m out of time.
 
There’s one last thing.

I said to you before that there was a reason, and I said I chose you.
 
It didn’t happen that way.
 
I loved you.
 
I’m so happy that I knew you.
 
You gave me hope.
 
You showed me something about humans that wasn’t petty, slow, greedy.
 
Tenko chose right.
 
He chose a life worth saving.

I’m glad it was you with me here at the end.
 
There couldn’t be anyone else.
 
Please, if you —

⚔ ⚛ ⚔

Mason stepped out of the stairwell and into the lobby, looking around at the familiar Apsel white.
 
The falcon, standing tall on its plinth.
 
The walls, clean, proud.

There was only one person here.
 
White armor, black rifle.
 
His overlay clicked to itself before naming her.

“Sanders?”
 
Mason held the sword low and the Tenko-Senshin high.
 
“Sanders, this isn’t a good time.”

“I know,” said the other woman.
 
“I…
 
I know where you’ve been.”

Mason’s eyes narrowed.
 
“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“She let me live.”
 
Sanders shrugged, then looked at her rifle.
 
“She said to stay out of your way.”

“It was good advice.”

“It doesn’t feel enough.”
 
Sanders swallowed.
 
“Do you…”

Mason waited a few moments.
 
“Do I what?”

“Do you need a hand?”

He heard the laugh rather than feeling it, a thin reedy sound.
 
Mason snapped his mouth closed around it.
 
“No, Sanders.
 
Thanks, but no.”

“Where’s your team?”
 
Sanders looked around.
 
“How’d you get in?”

She’s dead.
 
“It doesn’t matter,” he said.

“I…
 
I can fly you out,” said the other woman.
 
“If there’s a gunship on the roof?
 
I can fly you out.”

“Your contract’ll be terminated,” said Mason.
 
“You’ll be done.”

“I guess so,” said Sanders.
 
“Where you want to go?”

“Upstairs first.”
 
Mason thought for a moment.
 
“Then Reed.”

“Reed?”
 
Sanders blinked, then looked at Mason again.
 
“Don’t you work for Metatech now?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Fair enough.”
 
Sanders shifted her weight, then held a hand out, palm up — an
after you
gesture.
 
“Let’s go.
 
Upstairs..?”

“Sure,” said Mason.
 
He shrugged, then started walking.
 
He couldn’t remember when he’d lowered the Tenko-Senshin, but the little weapon whined at him.
 
He looked down at it as it he approached the elevators.
 
“Upstairs.”

“Mason!”

Mason spun, taking a knee, the Tenko-Senshin coming up.
 
He saw —

Sanders, weapon to her shoulder, pointed at him.
 
At where his back had been.
 
Sadie, black armor below black lipstick, eyes open wide.
 
A rifle in her hand, pointed at Sanders.
 
Sanders, starting to swing the weapon back to Sadie.

The lattice snarled, pulling Mason’s lips away from his teeth.
 
He was already moving, the Tenko-Senshin screaming in his hand.
 
The air blistered and sparked as the weapon fired.
 
Sanders’ lattice jerked her to the side, her rifle coming back on Mason and firing.
 
A round whispered past Mason’s face.
 
Another kissed his shoulder.
 
The third —

The sword swung once as Mason stepped past the woman, her head bouncing off to land next to the door of an elevator.
 
Mason held himself still, Sander’s body still holding down the trigger for a second after death before her body slumped to the ground.

Sadie was gasping, sobbing.
 
He walked up to her, touching the rifle in her hand.
 
“It’s ok.”

“She was…
 
She was…”

“I know,” he said.
 
“It’s ok.”

“And then I…
 
The rifle…
 
It…”

“I know,” he said again.
 
He took it from her.
 
“Thank you.”

“I—”
 
She swallowed, eyes searching his face.
 
“I wouldn’t have made it.”

He nodded at her as if he was agreeing.
 
“Yeah, but really.
 
You did.”

“You…”
 
She looked at Sanders’ body, then turned her head away.
 
“She was going to shoot you in the back.”

“She said Carter let her live,” said Mason.
 
“I—”

“You can’t just trust people, Mason,” said Sadie.
 
“You can’t.
 
People…
 
People are…”

“People are people,” he said.
 
“I trust you.”

“Do you?”
 
She was closer now.
 
“You’re an asshole, you know that?”

“What?”

“You left me in that fucking APC—”

“The car?”

“The fucking APC, you left me out there, and I didn’t know if you were dead or alive or what and you didn’t call and people were running and someone got shot right next to me and then—”
 
She broke off.
 
“I thought you were dead.”

You are my best friend, and I couldn’t even show you who I was.
 
Do you know what that’s like?

He felt the words rather than heard them, heat coming off them like he’d just stirred the coals of an old fire.
 
Mason leaned forward, put a hand behind Sadie’s head, and pulled her close.
 
Her eyes went wide before she relaxed into him, the kiss long and deep.

They broke apart.
 
She bit her lip, something playful there.

He looked into her eyes.
 
“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.”

She slapped at the armor on his chest.
 
“You’re still an asshole.”

“555 884 2322.”

“What?”
 
Her eyes widened a little.
 
“Are you a…
 
Some kind of company robot now?
 
Numbers?”

“No.
 
It’s
your
number, isn’t it?”
 
Mason smiled.
 
Thank you, Carter.
 
For everything
.
 
“I guess it’s meant to be.”

Sadie’s eyes narrowed.
 
“You cheated, didn’t you?”

“Maybe.”
 
The smile fell away from his face.
 
“I have some things I need to do.”

“Ok.”

“I’m probably…”
 
He swallowed.
 
“I don’t think I’m coming back.”

“That’s not ok.”
 
She took a step back, the empty white of the lobby standing behind the black of her armor.
 
“You…
 
Jesus Christ, Floyd.
 
Didn’t you have a mother?”

“What?”

“Seriously!
 
You don’t kiss a girl, tell her it’s meant to be, and then run off to die!”
 
She held her arms up, exasperated.
 
“Christ.”