Up Your Score (56 page)

The formula they want is one that is organized just like an old-fashioned first date. Not a modern first date, which takes place over Facebook chat, but the kind you see in an old
movie. An old-fashioned date has three parts: the introduction, the meal, and the good-bye.

Before you get down to your date, however, it’s wise to spend a couple of minutes preparing. Organize your thoughts and jot down a few notes so that when you begin, you’ll be smooth and polished and won’t make a fool of yourself trying to sound intelligent when you aren’t sure what you want to say.

1. The Introduction

a. This begins with a “pickup line” in which you get the prospective date’s (the reader’s) attention.

b. Next there is a provocative sentence that explains the pickup line and gets you talking about something you know about.

c. Then you invite the prospective date (the reader) to join you for a meal. (This is the thesis sentence.)

2. The Meal

We recommend that you divide the meal into three courses, during which you continue talking about the stuff you started discussing in the opening but now in greater depth so that you can show your date how knowledgeable and interesting you are. Make sure you move from one course to another by using smooth transitions. Remember to fill each course with substance and detail—unsupported opinion will leave your date hungry for more.

3. The Good-bye

You conclude by talking about what a lovely discussion you have had, you make a hint about your future together, and then, if you get the right signals, there should be one good-night kiss.

Now is your chance to do something you never get to do on a date. Review the experience a few times, correcting any part of it that didn’t turn out exactly as you wanted it to. Add anything you wish you had said, and cross out anything you wish you hadn’t said. As long as you do it neatly, no one will care that you didn’t get it perfect the first time.

Some Insider Tips

Remember that a reader spends only a few minutes on your essay. Make it clear, concise, and, above all,
readable.
Although the ETS
says
the essays aren’t judged on handwriting, it makes sense to write clearly. If the reader can’t read what you’ve written, how can he or she grade it fairly? (And don’t make the mistake of thinking that he or she will assume your illegible handwriting is hiding a brilliant essay—illegible handwriting just makes people
grumpy.
If you don’t believe us, go ask any of your teachers about grading finals.)

Also, these slaves of the ETS do not have time to go back and reread your essay, so save your real creativity for English class. They’re just looking for an understanding of basic essay structure, proper grammar, and good supporting details. Again, it’s okay to make stuff up.

Reminder!
All of your score recipients have the option of seeing your essay along with your scores. That means an admissions officer might be poring over that 25-minute essay you wrote a year before you started applying to colleges. Add that to the fact that the essay accounts for 240 points of your writing score, and you can see why you need to
do it well!

To show just how easy it is to apply this formula to any essay topic, we have made a chart of the do-it-yourself essay. You’ll see that no matter what the question is, you can write about whatever subject you planned to write about, and you can always make that subject fit the formula. We have written one essay about scientists, and one about the environment, but remember, you can write on almost any topic.

Note that Essay I agrees with the question, while Essay II disagrees. There isn’t a “right” answer to any of the essay questions; remember, it isn’t what you say that counts, but rather how well you say it.

Essay I: Question: “Progress always comes at a price . . . ” (question 1 discussed on
page 268
).

1. The Introduction—Opening Paragraph

There is an ancient Sudanese proverb that states, “To kill a tree is to kill oneself.” (
We made this up. There’s no such proverb, but how would the ETS know
?)

Attention-getting pickup line

In the search for better transportation, homes, and defenses, human beings have drained the earth’s resources.

Explain your pickup line; get the discussion going

Has the progress we have made in our standard of living been gained at too great a cost to the environment? We can begin to answer this question by exploring three areas of human progress and their environmental repercussions.

Invitation to the meal (a good way to do this is to restate the essay question in relation to your topic and then say how you are going to organize your discussion)

2. The Meal—Paragraphs 2, 3, 4: Three Examples That Support Your Argument

One area in which human beings have made enormous technological progress is in transportation. Only two centuries ago, the only means of land transportation were on foot or on the backs of animals. Now we have high-speed trains, automobiles, airplanes, and spaceships. However, the environmental cost of all of this transportation has been vast. The burning of fossil fuels is ruining the ozone layer and causing global warming. Roads now scar the land that was once wilderness.

First example that supports your argument (1 paragraph)

Humans have also paid a price for the improvements we’ve made in our dwellings. Once we lived in caves or in earthen huts. Now many of us live in manufactured homes in crowded cities. While this has brought us modern conveniences and greater protection from the elements, this lifestyle has ravaged the natural habitats of many animals. Scientists speculate that American cities are a prime cause of the extinction of at least three species of birds each year. (
We made up this statistic.
)

Another example that supports your argument (1 paragraph)

Finally, human beings have always sought defense from one another and from animals. In pursuit of safety, we have advanced the science of weaponry to the point where our power to destroy the environment is absolute. If nuclear war should occur, the environment would pay the ultimate price—the end of life as we know it.

Third example that supports your argument (1 paragraph)

3. The Good-bye—Last Paragraph: Conclusion

We have made great progress in the fields of transportation, housing, and defense, but the environment has paid a tremendous price.

Summarize your argument (explain what you proved in the previous three paragraphs)

If our planet is to survive, we will have to realize that some forms of progress are not worth the environmental cost.

A good-night kiss (one last cute point, perhaps referring to your pickup line)

To invert the Sudanese proverb: To save a tree may be to save ourselves.

Look to the future (this is optional, but graders love it)

Essay II: Question: Depending heavily on others keeps us from realizing our own potential. Agree or disagree.

1. The Introduction—Opening Paragraph

In tribute to the scientists who came before him, Isaac Newton said, “If I seem to see farther than others, it is because I stand on the shoulders of giants.”

Attention-getting pickup line

Newton was aware that his deep insights into science came from his mastery of the works of his predecessors.

Explain your pickup line; get the discussion going

Depending heavily on the work of other scientists does not keep one from realizing one’s own potential as a scientist. In fact three great scientists realized their potentials by depending heavily on others.

Invitation to the meal (a good way to do this is to restate the essay question in relation to your topic and then say how you are going to organize your discussion)

2. The Meal—Paragraphs 2, 3, 4: Three Examples That Support Your Argument

When Copernicus suggested that perhaps the planets revolve around the Sun instead of the planets and the Sun revolving around the Earth, this was a new way of looking at the world. However, most historians of science agree that Copernicus’s work depended heavily on Ptolemy and on contemporary mathematicians. Thus, while he had conceived of an entirely new way of understanding the shape of the solar system, he did so with the help of other scientists.

First example that supports your argument (1 paragraph)

Galileo also discovered new details of the universe—the moons of Jupiter, mountains on Earth’s moon—which had never before been seen. Still, he was dependent on the scientists who preceded him. He used Copernicus’s model of the universe to track the planets. Also, the telescope that he used was made possible by the work of other scientists who had made progress in the field of optics.

Another example that supports your argument (1 paragraph)

Even though Newton’s work on gravity seemed to depart radically from that of the scientists who preceded him, it too relied on the work of his predecessors. As his “shoulders of giants” statement indicates, Newton was fully aware that his discoveries depended heavily on Galileo and other scientists who had advanced the idea that the universe follows mathematical laws.

Third example that supports your argument (1 paragraph)

3. The Good-bye—Last Paragraph: Conclusion

Copernicus, Galileo, and Newton fully realized their potential as scientists by depending heavily upon others.

Summarize your argument (explain what you proved in the previous three paragraphs)

Those who will make future contributions to science will likely also do so through careful study of other scientists.

A good-night kiss (one last cute point, perhaps referring to your pickup line)

By standing on the shoulders of those other scientists, they will be able to see farther still.

Look to the future (this is optional, but graders love it)

If you find that the time allotted is not enough for you to write an essay according to the formula, then just put two paragraphs in the “meal” instead of three. You don’t necessarily need to write five paragraphs for your essay.

If you’re saying to yourself, “I don’t know enough facts about science to write an essay like the second one,” don’t worry. We didn’t either. We just opened up our high school history book to the chapter about scientists and got our facts from there. Remember, because you are going to prepare your essay in advance, you can look up the facts you anticipate needing. And if you get to the test and forget some of those facts, you can just make them up. For example, you could have said, “After waking each morning, Isaac Newton allegedly spent four hours sitting in bed reading the works of scientists who preceded him.” How would the test graders know that wasn’t true?

The secret to the essay section is to write a couple of essays about two subjects that interest you before you even get to the test. Then, while everyone else is sweating over what to write about, you will just be tweaking your approach to a topic you have already prepared. As practice, why not write two essays about your chosen subject in response to the two essay questions here?