Up to No Good (20 page)

Like some sort of masochist, I flipped through the pages to find my own rating. I couldn’t help it. I had to know how I rated against my ex-best friend.

Two measly stars. That was all Keisha had given me. Oh, she had written over and over in the diary about how much she loved me, but none of that mattered. The only thing I cared about was that she gave me a two-star rating, while Omar, my best friend, received ten.

I wanted to go over and bang the shit out of Keisha
just to show her that she was wrong about me; I didn’t need to make love to her like she was some precious jewel. Obviously, she preferred to be treated like some piece of shit anyway.

The more I read about Omar, the more I realized that everything Keisha had told me about the night before our wedding was a lie. She had been messing with him for a long time. Apparently, he was like a drug to her, based on these lines:

I can’t seem to stay away from Omar. He keeps telling me he loves me, he knows I don’t feel the same way, but he doesn’t seem to care as long as I keep sleeping with him. I know I should leave him alone, but the sex is just addicting. I feel like I need a fix at least two or three times a week.

I hated that Omar had been right, but he’d also been the one taking up the most space in these pages. Apparently, the two of them got busy whenever they could find the time. How many times had Omar said he had to go and get with this girl or that one when it was probably my girl? Now I wished I had done some more serious damage to him that night at the hotel—the kind that would make it impossible for him to ever fuck anybody else again.

The last entry in the diary was written the morning before I caught her and Omar together.

I’m getting married, so it’s the last time I’m going to have sex with anyone other than Darnel. I want our marriage to last and to be honest, so from this point on, I will be faithful. I’m going to get my last piece of Omar, and after that, I’m going to forget all about great sex and just love Darnel. I don’t need my world to be rocked by sex. I have love, and I am marrying the man I love.

So that’s it. The last time I’ll ever need to write about my sexcapades in this book. From now on, it’ll be all about me and my husband, Darnel.

I slammed the book shut, struggling to process what I had just read. How the hell did she think she could go from screwing multiple dudes on the side to being faithful? Especially since she seemed to think I was so boring in bed. I hate to say it, but it hurt so much that I felt like crying.

Everything I ’d read told me that I had no idea who Keisha really was. She sure as hell wasn’t the woman I thought I knew, who pledged her heart to me when she gave me her virginity…. Shit! I couldn’t even be sure if that was real now. I thought my first time was her first time, too, but now who knew? She might have been screwing for years before that.

I felt like someone had punched me in the gut, and there was no way to recover. I wanted to throw up, to punch something, to scream, but the only thing I could do was sit there, wondering who Keisha was screwing at that exact moment.

Sandra speared a piece of cheesecake onto her fork, then leaned across the table to feed it to me. I opened my mouth, savoring the dessert. It tasted almost as good as she did.

We were nestled away for lunch at Louie’s, a quaint seafood restaurant in Port Washington, Long Island, which was far enough away from the prying eyes of nosy neighbors or my meddling daughter. The lights were low, the background music was soothing, and the smell of gourmet seafood dishes made the place feel nice and homey. It was nothing like Red Lobster, where we might get some decent seafood, but we’d be surrounded by hundreds of other diners, with all the noise and confusion that brings. Louie’s was an out-of-the-way place with only a small crowd. It was a good place to be with someone special, and that’s what Sandra was fast becoming—someone very, very special.

“Pinch me, will you?” I whispered, still unable to believe that I was uttering such a corny romantic line without being the least bit embarrassed.

“Why?” She dug her fork into her dessert to feed me again.

“I don’t know. I just want to make sure I’m not dreaming.” I parted my lips, and she slid the fork into my mouth.

“What do you mean by that?” Sandra gave me a penetrating gaze.

“I just can’t believe I’m here with you. We’ve been seeing each other every day, and—”

“And what?” she teased. “You can’t believe you’re not bored with me yet?”

I playfully swatted her forearm. “Very funny. No, I’m just trying to say that I really enjoy your company. I’m so comfortable around you; I feel like we’ve known each other a long time.”

“It’s only been two months.”

“I know, but it seems like it’s been years. I’m having all these feelings for you. What the heck is that all about?” I asked sincerely, since I had never really felt this way with any woman before her. I suppose it was weird for me to be asking, since I was older and should have had more experience with relationships. But mine was a different type of experience, which consisted mostly of one-night stands and booty calls. This emotional stuff was unfamiliar to me.

“I guess I just have that effect on men,” Sandra said with a confident smile.

“Yeah, but I’m forty-eight years old. No woman is supposed to have this kind of influence over me.”

“You know, James, just because you’ve always been the player in control doesn’t mean you’re above falling for someone. Why don’t you just relax and enjoy it?”

“Oh, trust me, I am enjoying it. It’s just that it’s all pretty new to me.”

I didn’t tell her that it was also quite unplanned. Once I decided to sleep with this much younger woman,
I had intended to make Sandra a booty call. No way had I planned on courting her, spending almost every day with her on dates or just chilling together in my house. As I got to know her, I found myself having more fun than I ’d had in a long time. Maybe it was because she made me take the time to get to know her before she went to bed with me. Or maybe we just had that kind of connection. I didn’t know which one it was, but I was amazed by the bond I felt with her in such a short time.

“Well, I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself,” Sandra joked.

The date would have been perfect if the conversation had ended right there, but unfortunately, she turned serious. “Maybe someday you’ll enjoy yourself enough to take me somewhere in Queens.”

That caught me off guard. I had been taking her to places where we wouldn’t run into someone we knew, because as much as I was enjoying her company, I wasn’t ready to announce it to the world. There would be too much hell to pay from jealous exes and, even worse, from Jamie. I didn’t think Sandra had caught on to what I was doing, but obviously I was wrong.

I tried to play dumb. “You don’t like the places I take you?”

“Of course I do,” she said. “But let’s not pretend I don’t know why you choose the places you do.”

“What are you trying to get at, Sandra?” I asked, not ready to admit that I ’d been busted.

“I can’t keep doing this.”

“What?” Was she breaking up with me? My voice cracked when I asked the question, so no matter how much I wanted to play it cool and act like I ’d be fine if she left me that night, my body gave away my true feelings.
It shocked me to realize that I ’d be devastated if we broke up. Was this the way so many women had felt when I dumped them?

“Well, unless this is going to be a serious relationship, I’m not going to continue seeing you after tonight.”

“Why not?”

“You know how much I like you, James.”

I nodded. “I like you too.”

“Actually, I think I might be in love with you.”

“Then what’s the problem?” I asked, trying to remain calm even though my heart started racing when she said she might love me. I ’d never heard a woman say that before and not have me wanting to bolt from the room. Now I think I was happy to hear it. The problem was that even if she might love me, something was making her unhappy.

“I don’t like sneaking around like I’m some married man’s mistress. We’re both single, so why are we tipping around? Are you just afraid you’ll lose your player status if your other women see you with me?”

“No!” I said loudly enough that a few other diners turned to stare at me. I lowered my voice and said, “How can you ask me that?”

“Let’s not pretend like I don’t know all about your history with women. Jamie is my friend, you know.”

“Oh, trust me, I know that. She’s the biggest reason I’m still keeping what we have a secret. But how could you think it’s about other women? I’ve been with you every single day since we got together. When exactly do you think I’ve had time to see anyone else?” This was kind of pissing me off. For the first time in my life, I had been monogamous for more than a few days, yet I was still having to defend myself.

“I’m not going to argue that point with you, James. I
think I have every right to worry that you still want to see other women on the side, considering your track record. Besides, how else am I supposed to feel when you act like you’re scared to take me anywhere near home?”

“I thought we both understood that Jamie would make this difficult for us.”

She frowned. “She’s already made it difficult for me. Do you have any idea how I felt having to sit with her at lunch and listen to her talk about her father’s new mystery woman like I was a piece of trash?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” Sandra hadn’t told me about this, but I knew Jamie well enough that I could imagine the things she had said and how they must have hurt Sandra.

“Well, it sucked, and I don’t want to go through that again. If we’re going to be together, we’ll have to deal with her sooner or later, so we might as well just get it over with now.”

This was tearing me apart. All these years, I ’d never had to choose between Jamie and some woman, because no woman had ever meant enough to me. If Jamie ever made things difficult enough that the woman wanted to walk, I just let her go. But this time, I didn’t want to lose Sandra.

“Just give me a little more time, okay? This is all new to me.” I reached for her hand, but she pulled hers away.

“I’m a good catch, you know, but I can’t wait around forever. I’m young, and I’m not going to sit here and waste my youth with you if this isn’t a true, committed relationship. I want the world to know we’re a couple. I can’t spend my life worrying that some other woman—whether it’s an ex or Jamie—could come between us at any time.”

I stared at her blankly. I had been so unprepared for this whole conversation that I was literally speechless now.

“So what’s it going to be? Do you want me to be your woman or not?”

I couldn’t get my brain out of first gear. Finally, the only thing I managed to say was, “Excuse me.” I needed some time to think. “I’ve got to go to the rest-room. We’ll pick this up when I get back.”

I’m sure she knew I didn’t have to go to the bathroom, but she didn’t protest. “Sure, we’ll finish when you get back.” She reached up and took my hand. “But, James, we
will
finish this conversation.”

I walked around a corner and down a hall, into the bar area. I was headed to the men’s room on the opposite side of the bar, until something stopped me dead in my tracks. Louis was sitting in a booth in the corner. The woman he was with had her back to me, but even without seeing her face, I knew it wasn’t Jamie, because the woman with Louis had blond hair. What the hell was going on tonight? First Sandra sprang the “commitment speech” on me, and now I caught my daughter’s boyfriend out with another woman. This was more than I wanted to deal with.

For a moment, I thought about finding the exit and bolting. That would be the easiest way to avoid all the drama that was threatening to unfold. But leaving now would put an end to what I had with Sandra, and I wasn’t ready to do that. So, I had a choice to make. Did I turn around and head back to my table before I really had time to think, or did I go to the men’s room, which meant having to walk right past Louis and his cheating ass?

Sandra had to come first, I decided. I had to deal
with our issues, and then later I would find a way to tell Louis that I knew what was up. I mean, sure, we men need a little variety in our sex lives now and then—after all, I had been the king of players for most of my life—but this was my daughter’s man, and he was gonna have to play by a different set of rules. I wasn’t about to let him break her heart.

Louis was leaning in close to the blonde; they looked like they were whispering sweet nothings to each other. This pissed me off, but at the same time, it was convenient, because Louis was too busy with her to even notice me.

I moved quickly across the room and made it to the men’s room without being spotted. Inside the bathroom, I stood in front of the mirror and checked out my reflection. I wasn’t a bad-looking guy, but the gray hair at my temples and the laugh lines forming around my eyes reminded me that I was no spring chicken anymore. Sure, I could still get plenty of women, but were they really what I wanted? Sandra was special; she was smart and funny and sexy as hell. Women like her didn’t come around every day, and I would be a fool to let her get away.

I stood there for a while, considering the idea of my life without her versus my life with her. It was more appealing by far to imagine myself with her. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn’t want to go back to the way it was before we got together. The idea of sleeping with a different woman every night of the week no longer seemed like the ultimate lifestyle to me. I couldn’t even remember half those women’s names once they walked out the door. But I was getting to know Sandra on a much deeper level, and I liked the way that felt. I was enjoying every moment I spent
with her, and I didn’t want it to end. With a sudden shock, a question came to my mind:
Is this what love feels like?

Whether or not it was love, I knew one thing for sure: I had to do whatever it took to keep Sandra. That meant dealing with Jamie, of course, but maybe this would be the best thing for her. It was time for her to grow up and cut the strings anyway.