Up & Out (21 page)

“Really? I think I saw some of those. They were commercials, right? I used to watch Explore! all the time when I got off work when I lived in Santa Barbara.”

“Yeah, they turned it into a show.”

“That’s really cool. Did the show get canceled?”

“No, I did.”

“I’m sorry.” He says it like he means it.

“Thank you.” I want to lean over the bar and kiss his lips. I must be getting drunk.

“Ben, you got a turkey Reuben in your bag of tricks?” I have decided I hate the bartender.

“Yeah,” Ben says, but he doesn’t look at the bartender. He is still looking at me. I think he wants to kiss me, too. I hear the group of women get up behind me, it distracts me. The spell is broken. I look at them.

“Good night,” the now-drunk birthday girl says to us.

“Happy birthday,” I say.

“Have a good night,” Ben says. I look back at him. “Another beer?”

“Okay, but you’ve got to get the turkey Reuben.”

“I know, I just, I want you to stay.”

“I will, I’ll put some more songs on the jukebox.”

“Okay.”

This time when he comes back out he brings me French onion soup. I’m getting full, but I can’t resist the melted cheese on top and a little of the broth and most of the soggy oniony bread.

“You see why it’s so hard to give up cheese?” he says, smiling.

“You don’t have to tell me.” I try to scrape off some of the cheese from the side of the bowl. “So what were you doing up in New Hampshire?”

“My family’s from there. I went to see them for the Fourth. Have you ever been?”

“Yeah, a couple of times. I went to school in Massachusetts.”

“It’s a nice drive up. A long drive, but I think you would like it.” He stares at me again. “I’ll be right back.”

Every time he leaves I wonder what the hell is happening to me. I’m not the kind of person who picks people up in bars. Okay, I’m not that kind of person anymore. This seems like more than that, but how can it be? He’s just nice, that’s all. I just happened to pick the right seat. It’s almost midnight. I should go. I should just leave. No, I have to say goodbye.

When he comes out again, I lose my cynicism and just accept the fact that I don’t want to go, that I want to stay and talk to him. He has changed into a regular button-down shirt.

“What? No amuse bouche?” I ask, referring to the starter you get at the beginning of a meal at some restaurants. “Isn’t this a reverse meal?”

“I get it, she’s a foodie.” He laughs.

“I prefer gourmand, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Is he wearing contacts that make his eyes sparkle like that? “The kitchen is officially closed. I decided to just bring you me this time.”

“That’s the best,” I say a bit brazenly.

“Do you want to do a shot with me?”

“Sure.”

“Do you mind if I sit with you for a while?”

“Not at all.” He gets two lemon-drop shots and sits next to me at the bar. We swivel in our stools to face each other. We clink glasses and do our shots.

“Another?” He raises an eyebrow. “I know the bartender.”

“Maybe in a bit.”

“Yeah, we don’t even need alcohol. Okay, maybe I’ll just get another beer, you’ve still got a lot of yours.”

“I’m slowing down.” We chat at the bar, keeping our stools turned toward each other. He approves of all the songs I play on the jukebox. He tells me all about some of the specials he makes and how he has other people taste them, if they eat meat. Every once in a while he touches my knee to emphasize certain points, but it’s very light and not lecherous at all. I want him to keep making points.

“Do you want to go for a walk?”

“Oh.” I look at my watch. It’s almost one o’clock. “You know, I should go.”

“Oh, no, just forget it, aah, let’s stay.” He looks crestfallen. “Forget I said anything.”

“Well, where would we go?”

“We’ve got a whole city.” Is he trying to get me to go home with him or something? I guess that would solve my Tommy/Nanny issue. No, I can’t do that. He could be a crazy.

“I can’t go walking with you, you could be a psycho.”

“Hey, Will, am I a psycho?” he shouts to the bartender.

“Only sometimes.” I laugh.

“You see, it backfires.”

“No, really, I’m not, but forget it, we can stay. It’s safe here. Just don’t go home yet.” I want to kiss him again, a lot.

“Okay, let’s go for a walk.”

“Cool.”

We walk east over to Little Italy and Chinatown. He stops at a small restaurant and buys a fried veggie pocket. I’m full, but I take the bite he offers.

“That’s delicious, but the oil is probably just as bad as the meat.”

“Yeah, but nothing got killed.” I nod, and then I’m sure that he is not a psycho. It’s my gut feeling and I trust it.

We walk for a while. We talk about everything. It’s been so long since I talked to anyone like this, since I listened to so many interesting stories. There are tons of people out, but it’s a whole new vibe. Usually at this time I would be home or going home in a cab. Tonight, I suddenly have all this energy. I could stay up all night. I guess it doesn’t hurt to sleep until noon every day.

“You okay?” he asks. “You think I’m a danger?”

“No, this is great.” I don’t mind letting him see how happy I am. “You know I’ve lived here for like five years and I’ve never done this, just walked late at night. It’s like, you know, it’s like it’s our city. It’s unreal.”

“And you said you weren’t nice to strangers.” We stop and smile at each other. “Are you cold?”

“No.” It is a little chillier than it has been because it’s so late, but I don’t notice.

“You have goose bumps,” he says. He rubs my forearm with one of his knuckles.

And I think about Tommy, not because I’m comparing, but because of what he said about Nancy. I think I understand those feelings, sort of. Maybe I’m getting way ahead of myself, but something is happening here.

“It’s you,” I say. “It’s like, weird.”

“I know. It’s weird for me, too.”

“Are you married?” He laughs and shakes his head. “Girlfriend?”

“Nothing, no one. You?”

“No, no one.” I can’t seem to raise my voice above a whisper and then I remember Tommy again and I just want to be honest. “Actually, I live with my ex.”

“Oh.” He jerks his head back. “Did you break up recently?”

“No, about a year ago. I left, then I moved back in for financial reasons.”

“Sounds complicated.”

“It was, but I guess it isn’t. Or it doesn’t have to be.”

“Nothing has to be. It’s all what you make it.”

“I know.” I look up at the sky, expecting to see stars, but this is still New York—bright lights, no stars—no matter how unreal this seems. “I can’t believe tonight. I was supposed to meet my girlfriends and they all dissed me.”

“Well, lucky for me you are such a loser.” He is still rubbing my forearm and then he wraps his hand around my elbow. He reaches his other hand up to push back my hair. Then he kisses me.

I haven’t had a memorable first kiss in a long time, but this one is incredible. I put my hand up to the back of his neck and my own neck tingles. He smiles as he kisses me. It doesn’t last very long. It doesn’t have to.

“You smell like French fries,” I say. “That’s vegetarian just like you.”

“You just smell amazing.” He takes my hand and we start walking again. “I’ll walk you home.”

“Thank you.” I know that we aren’t going to sleep together tonight, but we will….

“Where do you live again?”

“Hell’s Kitchen.” We’re still in Chinatown. It’s going to be a long walk.

“Oh, good. I was afraid it would be the East Village and it would have to end.”

“Where do you live?”

“Morningside Heights.”

“Wow! I should walk you home. That’s barely Manhattan it’s so far north.”

“I know, sometimes you can see stars there,” he says, pointing our clasped hands to the sky. I’m not surprised he knew that I was looking for them.

“I hope I get to see that sometime.”

“You will,” he says, bringing my hand to his lips and kissing it. “You will….”

L
auryn is sleeping in my bed when I get into it. I forgot she was coming and that she has a key. It’s almost five in the morning. We walked slowly. I’m glad she’s there. It makes the bed cozier. I can’t tell if Tommy is home from his date. I don’t see any sign of him. I want to talk to him. I would tell him that everything is going to be okay between us, that no matter what we will still be there for each other. I feel so happy and almost high. I’m finally feeling summer. I hope I can hold on to this.

“What’s up, sleepyhead?” Lauryn is awake and peering down at me. She looks like she has already been up for a while.

“Hey. Did you go for a run?”

“And took a shower and got bagels. You forget I get up at five most days on the Vineyard. I’ll crash for a nap around three. Speaking of time, what time did you get in last night?”

“Almost five.”

“Kathy stayed out that late?”

“No, she cancelled.”

“You were out with Beth? Were you being bad?”

“No.” I lie on my back on the bed. With a new day comes reality. “Is Tommy home?”

“I don’t think so.”

“I got in at midnight and watched TV until one-thirtyish. Nothing was here except dishes. He had that date, huh?” She sits on the bed and rubs my leg over the sheet. “Are you okay?”

“I am. I think. I met someone last night. Not that that has anything to do with it, but it might.”

“Who?”

“Just some guy—Ben.” I sigh and think about his eyes. “Ben.”

“Where did you meet this Ben?”

“He works at a bar.”

“Oh, I’ve had those.” She rolls her eyes and gets up. I sit up in bed.

“It’s different.”

“You did it with him?”

“No, it isn’t all about that. We kissed.” I lie back in bed. Lauryn stops what she’s doing and comes and stands over me.

“What the hell happened to you?”

“He smelled like French fries,” I say, and curl into my pillow.

“You’re a freak. How much did you talk to this guy?”

“We talked all night.”

“Did you exchange numbers?”

“No.”

“Jesus, Re, how are you going to see him again?”

“He told me to come see him tonight.”

“We’re supposed to go out with Kathy tonight.” I sit up in bed.

“I was supposed to go out with her last night.”

“It’s our bachelorette night.”

“Beth is going to cancel, why can’t I?”

“Rebecca!”

“Honestly, I think this could be big.”

“You’ve known him for a minute.”

“Well, I talked to him like I’ve never talked to anyone. He walked me home from Chinatown.”

“I can’t believe you let some strange man see your apartment.”

“You’re not getting this. It was a big deal. It wasn’t some stupid hookup with a random stranger in a bar I frequented but will never go to again.” Now, why did I say that? If I were shooting this like a soap opera, that would be the last scene on a Friday, then the audience would have all weekend for the impact to dull. This is not a soap opera, but real life. And so I have to suffer the long, hurt look Lauryn gives me.

“I’m not going to listen to Kathy turn into a basket case again about this wedding. You need to go tonight. We planned this—
you
planned this! Now I have to go see my ex-husband.” She slams the door.

We are twenty minutes late to the Royalton. There is no sign of Kathy or any of her family members on the swanky couches or lounge chairs. Lauryn claims there was a transit delay from her meeting with Jordan. I’m not sure if I believe her, but I had no time to question it because we needed to get here by eight. That’s all she says about the meeting. I don’t ask for details—I’ve learned not to—but Lauryn is a constant surprise.

“Look, Rebecca, I just want to apologize for my behavior this morning and for not being responsible enough to get home on time to get ready. Of course I couldn’t have anticipated a subway delay, but I should have had the sense to leave earlier than I did.”

“Okay,” I say.

“To tell the truth, I was stressed out about Jordan and I am really feeling anxious about seeing Beth and Kathy.”

“So am I,” I say. I’m relieved that I’m not alone in that.

“I was hoping I would have last night to catch up with them because I don’t see how we can do it all tonight.” I understand that. I think I’m scared of my friends. I’m scared that it’s all going to come out and we won’t care about one another anymore. I’m scared that they are as annoyed with me as I have been getting with them. I’m slightly bitter that I feel obligated to put on a happy face for Kathy who dissed me last night. I’d
rather go see Ben than pretend. I start to say this to Lauryn, but we are interrupted by two women who have been sitting with two other women at a table nearby.

“Are you two friends of Kathy’s?” one of the women asks. She is here with Kathy’s friends from work. She introduces herself but I forget her name as soon as she says it because I am feeling guilty that she might have heard what we were talking about.

We join them at one of the long glass tables full of candles and big-girl drinks. I order a metropolitan from the waiter; it’s practically the cost of a plate of rock shrimp tempura. But I will celebrate the fact that my severance ends today. Yippee.

“How long have you known Kathy?” one of the women (Jessica?) asks us.

“For about five years,” I say.

“Since I got to New York,” Lauryn says.

“She’s a hoot,” one of the other older women says. I think her name is Brooke.

“Oh, my goodness, my kids love her. They always try to get her to come over,” a woman whose name I’m certain is Hope says.

“She’s going to be great with her own kids,” the one whose name completely escapes me says.

I wonder what Kathy is like to all of her work friends. I’m not sure if she could be the same way she is to us. I’m jealous that they get to see her all the time. They aren’t in her wedding party, but they probably have a better idea of all her day-to-day issues. They are more there for her than we are. I look over at Lauryn. She lights a cigarette and holds it out to me. I have a puff.

“Should we call her?” I ask. It’s a quarter of nine. I don’t know how long Blue Fin will hold our reservation if we’re late.

“I’m sure she’ll be here,” says the one I’m pretty sure is Jill. “You know how it is when your family comes in for something. Everyone always runs late. I know she’ll be here.”

These women are a lot more like Kathy as far as career and ambitions than I could ever be. Lauryn elbows me, gesturing
over to the door where Kathy has come in with an entourage of people who look like Kathy but are a lot chubbier, less blond and without glasses. Kathy is wearing a small wedding veil.

She comes over to our table, kissing the work friends before us. Their stools are closer to her. I have to stop being sensitive about this. Lauryn stubs out her cigarette. Her mouth is tense. Is it seeing all these people or being around wedding events that is stressing her out so much?

“Thank you, guys,” Kathy says, taking us both into a big hug. She whispers. “Can you believe my sister is making me wear this awful veil?”

“Why don’t you let me get you a drink,” I ask, but Hope is already getting her one. One of her cousins has ordered a round of lemon-drop shots. I think of Ben’s face when we clinked shot glasses last night.

I look at my watch. It’s five after nine. I don’t know why I made the reservations so early. I thought it would be too late for everyone, but now we need more time. There are also three less people than I was expecting. Each had family emergencies regarding children. Who put me in charge of this, anyway? And where the hell is Beth?

“Maybe you should call,” Lauryn says, leaning into me.

“Beth?” I ask as I raise my glass and do the shot with the group.

“No,” Lauryn says, making a face after her swig. “Ugh, that was strong. The restaurant.”

“Right,” I say. It seems like everyone at our table is screaming. I grab my cell and start to go outside.

“Where are you going?” Kathy asks, reaching both arms out to me. She pulls me into another hug. She must have been drinking all day. I’m sure I would, too, if my family was visiting.

“I’m just going to call the restaurant and tell them we might be a little late.”

“Oh, is that okay?” Her eyes are big. I want this to go smoothly for her so bad.

“Don’t worry,” I say. I kiss her cheek. Another one of her cousins puts another drink in front of her. “Just enjoy your night.”

I am briefly thwarted by Kathy’s sister, Dina, who wants the scoop on the rest of the night. I tell her the plan. She wants to go to the top of the Marriott bar at the end of the night. She wants her cousins to see the view of the city.

“Okay, we can play it by ear,” I say, trying to extricate myself to make the call. “Let’s see what Kathy is up for.”

The hostess tells me that because I have such a large party she will hold the reservation until ten. This buys us a little more time. I thank her profusely.

“You don’t know how hard it is to get all these people to motivate.” I hope that by befriending and appreciating her she will remember me fondly if we show up slightly after ten.

Next I call Beth. I’m shocked when she answers.

“I’m going to be late,” she says as a greeting.

“You are already late,” I say.

“Where are you? The restaurant?”

“No, we will be there at ten. You know where it is?” She grunts affirmatively, but without commitment. “Look, Beth, I need you to be there, and if you can’t for whatever reason, I need you to tell me now. I want this to be a great night for Kathy. She deserves it. She would do this for you.”

“I’ll be there. Enough with the guilt.” I sigh through my nose.

“Okay, I’ll see you there.”

I go back into the bar. Someone at another table ordered an appetizer of crab cakes. Ben could not eat that, because he doesn’t eat fish. I can’t stop thinking about him. If I can I will try to get to his bar before it closes, but already I doubt that is going to happen. It’s impossible that I could have felt that way about someone I just met. I think I was just swept up in the moment. If I really liked him so much it wouldn’t have bothered me that Tommy didn’t come home at all today. It will go down as a great New York night that didn’t amount to any
thing, but will be still wonderful in its blending of alcohol, sexual tension and food.

That can be enough for me, right? I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a different girl every night. He’s just friendly.

I slide into the stool next to Lauryn. She is halfway through her pack of smokes. I take one, hoping to relax a little.

“Is she coming?” Lauryn asks. I wonder what she knows about Beth or what she expects me to tell her.

“She says she is. The restaurant will hold our reservation until ten.” Kathy is laughing loudly across the Royalton lobby bar.

“I got you a drink.”

“Thanks.”

At ten after ten we get to the restaurant. I am three drinks and fifty-five dollars down and ready to plead with the hostess if she won’t seat us. I wasn’t expecting Kathy’s family and two of her work friends to primp for twelve minutes in the bathroom or for it to take fifteen minutes for a group of eleven to walk three blocks and an avenue.

“Hi,” I say to the hostess. Dina is hovering dangerously close to me, waiting to tell me I fucked this whole thing up. “We had a nine-thirty reservation for fifteen. I spoke to someone who said she would hold it until ten.”

The woman looks at her watch and shakes her head. Please, great god of food consumption, please let us still have our table.

“I know we’re a little late, but you can’t have already filled our table. Can you?”

“I have ten-fifteen.”

“My cell has ten-ten. And that’s world time.” This makes Dina laugh, which I feel helps my cause. I can see the hostess fighting a smile.

“You’re not all here,” she says. “I count eleven.”

“Actually we are going to be twelve. We have one person on her way.” The hostess sighs. She is really milking this, but
I’m no stranger to the New York restaurant scene. I know how to stand firm, with just the right amount of give. I look her in the eye and raise my eyebrows, a classic cajole.

“Why don’t you have a drink at the bar and someone will come get your party shortly.” It’s all such a money-making racket. They’ll squeeze us for drinks at the bar, but I don’t mind. I can compromise. “Would you like to check anything?”

“No, thanks.” It’s summer and none of us has anything to check. I wish Kathy would take off the veil, but perhaps it helps our cause. Bachelorettes spend money. At least they aren’t making us wait until Beth gets here.

At ten-thirty, we are seated. I’m still anxious about Beth not being here, but the drinks are relaxing me a little bit. I have Lauryn on one side of me and Jill on the other side.

I am not the only anxious person. Dina is trying to get everyone to agree on appetizers and she is annoyed with me because of the empty seat.

“She’s quite a handful, isn’t she?” Jill whispers, referring to Dina. “Kathy’s told me all about her.”

“Yeah, I think she thinks it’s her wedding.”

“You’re the one that works in TV, right?” I nod.

“Yeah, I used to work for Explore! Family. I’m currently unemployed.”

“I love the Explore! Network. I loved that show on the science of sex. Oh, and I love that guy who runs around and teaches pets new tricks. You know him?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you think I could get my kid an autograph?”

“Well, I don’t work there anymore and all the adult stuff is produced in L.A.” She looks upset. I can understand that, what’s the point of having a connection in the industry if they can’t help you? “But I’ll see what I can do.”

“I think we should order,” Dina says to me.

“Why don’t you see if Kathy is ready?” Lauryn says. I appreciate help. Kathy looks up at the sound of her name. I can see her trying to focus, unsure if she is reading tension.

“Isn’t Beth coming?” Kathy asks.

“She’ll be here,” I say, not looking at Dina. “She’s just running late.”

“As usual,” Lauryn says. Then she looks across the table to Kathy. “I can’t believe they made her wear that thing on her head.”