Up In Flames (16 page)

“I don’t know,” I sighed, feeling like this could be my life’s current theme song. “I just don’t know anymore.”

“You can thank me when you do know again,” Dani said, giving my backside another smack before going up to take her turn.

She got a strike on her first turn. I scored a nice gutter ball that had our whole group chuckling.

That was the way the rest of the evening went. Gutter ball after gutter ball after shameful gutter ball.

After yet another gutter ball, I plopped onto the back benches in a huff. We were in the eighth frame and a big fat zero sat beside my name.

The ironies just wouldn’t quit.

“That was an impressive show.” A low voice sounded behind me, making me almost jump out of my seat. I didn’t need to look to confirm who it was, but I did. I missed having him close. “But you can cut the act out. If you keep that up, our poor old Logan is really going to have some prayers of forgiveness to make tomorrow morning after he rubs out that killer hard-on you’ve been giving him all evening.”

I stiffened. Taking a quick look around to make sure no one was within earshot, I cleared my throat.

“But who knows? You’re a wild little thing at the snap of a finger. Maybe you’ll rub him out yourself like you did for me last night.” Cole’s face was so cold I could feel the ice. If I still had any doubts about how Cole felt about me, this confirmed it: he hated me.

“Me last night. Him tonight . . .” His eyes darkened even more. “I guess I’m up tomorrow night. Same place? Same time?”

I had this crazy urge to slap him. It was so intense, my hand was actually tingling. I wasn’t sure if I was more sick about the expression on his face, or the words coming from his mouth, or the fact I’d thought we shared such a special thing that meant nothing to him.

“I’ll let you get back to your . . .
game
.” The word rolled bitterly from his mouth. “Just thought I’d let you know you can stop trying to make me jealous. It won’t work.”

Turning in my seat so I could face him straight on, I wouldn’t let myself hold back the next words. “Is that because it would require an actual soul to feel an emotion like jealousy?”

Half of Cole’s face flinched, like my words had hit their intended mark—hurt— but that was quick lived. That twisted smile that could twist my stomach into knots every time formed. I’d seen that smile ten too many times today.

“In order to feel jealousy over someone, you have to actually care in the first place.” Staying just long enough to witness the pain crease over my face, Cole turned and left just as suddenly as he’d appeared.

Just when you thought there wasn’t a big enough chunk of your heart left to break . . .

After that, I did my best to ignore the increasingly loud group a few lanes down. I tried to pretend Cole was nothing to me, like he did with me.

He was much better at it than I was.

“Eww,” Dani sneered, crashing down beside me after scoring yet another strike. “Why doesn’t she drag him into the men’s bathroom and blow him already? I’m getting sick of watching the bowling alley porn show.”

Because I was a glutton for punishment, I followed Dani’s gaze. I wished I hadn’t.

Cole was reclining in a chair, his face lit up in a way I’d experienced last night, while the red head from earlier straddled him. She was leaning over him so far her boobs almost brushed his face and she gave him a suggestive smile that made me blush. Her hand moved over a certain zipper. She was practically giving him through his clothes what I had last night.

In public.

No one in their group seemed to care, and no one in ours other than Dani and me even noticed them, but now that I’d seen it, I knew it would be forever singed in my mind.

Cole’s head dropped to the side, and his eyes glommed onto mine instantly.

“Don’t look at that asshole, Elle,” Dani instructed, flipping him off. “That’s exactly what he wants while he lets Fire Crotch dry rub him in public.”

I wanted to look away, I truly did. I just couldn’t.

Tilting his head back to the girl straddling him, Cole motioned her closer with a curl of his finger. Whispering something that had her eyes lid like she was mid-orgasm, she dropped her mouth to his and those two kissed, sucked, and made out at each other so hard it made me wonder if a tongue could dislocate from their frantic efforts.

When I’d seen entirely too much of some strange girl’s tongue inside the man’s mouth mine had been in last night, Dani finally forced me to look away. Grabbing my head, she turned it until my stare landed on a familiar back. Logan had just rolled the ball down the lane, and when he turned around, his eyes met mine.

He smiled easily at me, like it was impossible not to.

I was out of my seat and heading for him before I knew what I was going to do.

He must have seen something in my eyes that scared, startled, or excited him because he tensed a little before I made it to him.

“Elle?” Okay, he was excited. I’d been friends with Logan for so long I could tell from one word just how he felt. It was so easy with him, and just as hard.

“Logan,” I said, quirking a brow before stopping in front of him. I didn’t pause until I was so tight against him I could feel the button of his jeans hard against my belly button. “You know that little kiss we just had?” In terms of what Logan and I had shared, it wasn’t exactly little, but I was getting at something.

Logan’s grin lifted higher on one side. “I think I’ll know that kiss for a while.”

I slid my hands up his chest until I grasped his shoulders. “Let’s make our next one make the last one seem like a PG version,” I whispered.

Logan’s eyes widened for one moment before he recovered. “Sounds . . .
good
. When can I look forward to the next one?”

I flicked the quickest of glances Cole’s way. He was watching, barely seeming to register the girl doing things to him in public that had been the reason “private” was created.

“How about right now?” I said, not waiting for Logan’s agreement. I slowly lifted my mouth to his and left it there until Logan’s newly tensed shoulders relaxed. It didn’t take long for his arms to wind around my back and hold on like I could fly off with the wind. Just as our lips started their languorous assault, Logan did something totally unexpected. His hands slid south of my waist until they cupped my backside. Cupping wasn’t the exact word; it was more like holding on for his dear life.

Logan’s urgent hands, his lips sucking at mine softly, and his . . .
ahem
. . . growing against me made it easy. Too easy. With my eyes closed and my mind free, picturing Cole in Logan’s place was simple. This person moving against me was more like Cole than the Logan I’d known anyways.

“Elle . . .” Logan sighed the word in between our mouths, and I realized I was not with Cole. Their need and urgency might have been similar, but their voices weren’t. Logan’s went a few notes higher and clearer in the heat of the moment—Cole’s went a few notes lower and rougher.

I was about to end the kiss and get my head examined when I felt his presence.

“Hey, am I interrupting?” He might have worn a fake smile, but Cole couldn’t have sounded like he cared any less.

Logan’s mouth left mine reluctantly, but his hands and arms stayed where they were. He studied Cole, looking a little irritated at being interrupted, but this was Logan. He wasn’t a jerk for the sake of being a jerk. Especially to some stranger who’d just wandered up to him at the bowling alley.

If he knew who that stranger was, and exactly what and for how long he’d touched me, I doubt that conventional smile on Logan’s face would have formed.

“Maybe just a little bit,” Logan replied, winking down at me. “But she’s not going anywhere. I won’t let her.”

Logan might have said it in a teasing way, but behind the teasing tone were truths that made me shift in place.

Cole saw through it, too.

“I’ll let you get back to it,”—Cole crossed his arms and avoided meeting my gaze—“I just wanted to say you’ve got yourself one hell of a girl.”

My breath caught in my lungs. What the heck was Cole doing? I didn’t want to find out. All I wanted was for him to shut his mouth and march to the other side of the bowling alley. Then I saw Miss Lap Dance watching Cole like she was ready to devour him and I didn’t want him going anywhere.

It was yet another cluster of confusion. Big surprise.

“Oh, yeah?” Logan said, nodding like he agreed.

Cole cocked his head to the side. “Man, she gave me something so damn delectable I about exploded all over the place. In fact, I think I might have.” Leaning closer, Cole acted like he was about to divulge a secret. “It was so good I don’t quite remember.”

My mouth fell open. All the way open. I didn’t care what the redhead had in mind for Cole, I wanted him to shut his trap and head the heck back.

I couldn’t look Logan in the face—I was too ashamed and embarrassed that this was how he was going to find out.

I couldn’t look Cole in the face—I was too furious with him.

So I wound up staring at the shiny wooden floor, wishing I could disappear into it.

“Yeah, those crepes are pretty amazing,” Logan replied, one hundred and ten percent oblivious.

I felt Cole’s eyes shift to me because my whole body went a few degrees warmer. He inhaled slowly. “Fuck, yeah, they are.”

Logan didn’t flinch. He might not have used the word, or any even close, but he played with guys that thought it was the go-to adjective, verb, and noun for every conversation.

“I’m not sure what’s better, though,” Cole continued on, shifting a little closer. My heartbeat responded immediately. I checked Logan, half expecting him to notice. Nothing. He was still clueless, conversing with this guy thinking they were discussing crepes. From the way Cole’s expression darkened in that sexy way when I peeked at him, I knew he heard, saw, and sensed exactly what his proximity was doing to me. “To be the giver of something that damn amazing or to be the receiver.”

I wanted to die for Logan’s sake. I wanted to live for Cole’s and the things he was reminding me of with his innuendos.

Two words. Confusion. Cluster.

“So, what is it, Elle?” Cole’s voice went a note lower, making me remember the things he sighed in my ear last night. My legs trembled. “Do you prefer giving”—his words lengthened, drawing the whole pleasure and pain of them out—“or do you prefer taking . . .” I inhaled, bit my lip, and waited for it. Waited for the whole world to explode around me. “ . . .
crepes
?”

Logan made a face at him, like he was certifiable talking about crepes like they were to Cole what baseball was to Logan. I just gaped at him like he was crazy. Because he was.

My hand was twitching badly again. Since I wouldn’t let myself slap him with my hands, I let my words do the slapping.

“I prefer giving
crepes
,” I sneered the word. “Because at least if you don’t like what someone else gives you, you don’t have to fake anything.” I took a breath because my body startled to tremble. “At least then you don’t have to keep faking that you cared enough to either give or take crepes in the first place.”

I might as well have slapped Cole across the cheek. The smug veneer cracked and I saw the shortest flash of pain.

“Touché,” he said, recovering that hint of a dark smile before walking away as abruptly as he’d appeared.

“That was the weirdest conversation about crepes I’ve ever heard,” Logan said, staring at Cole’s back for a couple seconds. Shaking his head, his arms tightened around me. “There’s a screw or twelve loose in that guy’s head, Elle. I want you to stay away from him.”

It was a heartfelt concern delivered in the wrong way. Where Logan likely heard protection in his words, I heard an order. Another rule. Another decision made for me. He’d done it dozens of times before and I’d thought nothing of it.

That pattern ended right now.

“And I want you to stop telling me what to do,” I said, weaving out of his arms.

Logan’s eyebrows came together.

“I need some air,” I said, not able to watch the hurt settle into Logan’s face. I’d been harsh. Yes, it was about time I stood up to him and told him I was done being a back seat driver in the journey that was my life, but I could have done it in a nicer way. Logan had never been cruel; he just hadn’t known better and I hadn’t taught him any better. “Play my turn, will you? I’ll be back in a while.”

I didn’t wait for his answer. All I knew was that I needed to get out of the bowling alley. It was suffocating me, but it was only one of the many things that stifled me. The air in the bowling alley was a metaphor for my life.

Stifling.

Before Logan or Dani or anyone else could try to stop me, I rushed for the side exit. Fresh air was a mere three lunges away. I shoved the door open harder than necessary and it flew open right before it rammed into something.

A surprised huff came from the other side. “Shit!”

“Oh my gosh!” Grabbing the door handle, I pulled it back and hoped I hadn’t just busted someone’s nose open.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit!” was the pained response of the person I’d just inadvertently assaulted with a door.

So, yeah. I had busted someone’s nose open. All I saw was the blood leaking through the fingers covering his nose. My gaze only stayed there so long, because that was when I felt it.

The electricity sparking to life in the air.

Cole’s eyes skidded to mine at the exact same time.

It looked like I’d just nailed him with another door.

“Fuck,” he cursed, but I guessed that had nothing to do with the blood dripping from his nose.

“Oh, shoot, Cole,” I said, reaching for him.

Like that, everything was forgotten. The hurtful words, the girl grinding all over him, the stares of disgust . . . everything. He was hurt and my need to help him overrode all the rest. “I’m sorry.”

He looked away from me. “I suppose I deserved that.”

“I didn’t know you were behind that door when I came charging through,” I said, reaching out for him.

He flinched away and took a few steps back. “You might not have, but karma sure as shit did.”