Up In Flames (10 page)

So why, after months of Logan kissing me, had one gentle kiss to the hand done a number on me?

I thought about that question for a good minute before I decided it would have to be grouped into that cluster of questions I couldn’t answer.

“I know this doesn’t make up for pretty much forcing you to drink something you hate,” Logan’s voice broke me from my stewing as he reentered the room, “but think of it as a fresh start in the beverage making process.”

Logan was carrying a new mug and had changed out of his baseball uniform. He had on his well-worn khaki shorts and an equally well worn-in tee that he must have snagged out of the laundry room downstairs. Topped off by the apology in his eyes and smile, I was reminded why so many girls at my high school had given me the cold shoulder the whole first month after Logan and I became an item. When you went to school with less than a couple hundred students, the pickings were slim.

And Logan Matthews was the kind of guy who would even stick out at one of those huge schools in Seattle.

“What have you got there?” I asked, smiling at him.

“We didn’t have any raw sugar, so I added a little regular,” he began, holding the cup out for me, “but it’s my way of apologizing and begging for forgiveness.”

I took the mug from him and brought it to my lips. “Thank you,” I said before taking a sip. It was the first cup of coffee I’d had at Logan’s house, and while it was watered down and tongue scaldingly hot, it qualified as one of the best cups of coffee I’d ever had.

It embodied what could happen when I stood up to someone and they actually listened.

I took another sip and closed my eyes in satisfaction.

“So?” Logan said expectantly. “Am I forgiven?”

I settled the cup beside his plate on the nightstand and sat up on my knees so I was at eye level with him. “Not quite,” I said, looping my arms around his neck and scooting to the edge of the bed. My chest formed against his and I felt his shoulders tense before they relaxed. I dropped my lips to his and gave him the soft, chaste kind of kiss that made up ninety-nine percent of Logan’s and my physical intimacy.

“There,” I said, leaning back. “You’re forgiven.”

Logan didn’t smile his easy grin then. He didn’t give me one final hug before picking out a movie and going to town on his sandwich. He was hungry, but in a way I wasn’t familiar with. At least, not coming from Logan.

His pupils were fully dilated, his breathing coming in short bursts, and his hands weren’t letting me go. They were pulling me closer.

Before I could wonder what had come over him, Logan’s mouth was back on mine. His lips didn’t move over mine in the soft, languid pulls I was used to. I almost started gasping from being unable to breathe.

Logan’s hands twisted into my shirt at my back as his thumbs polished over the skin just above my skirt. I didn’t know what was happening, I barely recognized who I was kissing anymore, but I couldn’t stop. When I slid my tongue inside Logan’s mouth, teasing the tip of his, he let out a rough, low groan. It was so similar to the sound Cole had made last night in response to what I’d done to his body, it made me lose all abandon with Logan’s.

Detaching my mouth from his, I grabbed the hem of his tee and tugged it over his head. It was on the floor behind him before he registered I’d been about to take it off. I saw him about to protest. I’d gotten his shirt off a total of once in two years and it lasted for a whole five seconds before he put it back on and made me sit on the opposite end of the couch.

I wasn’t going to be so easy to order this time.

Before he could say anything, I slid my tank up and over my head and tossed it on top of his shirt.

Now me shirtless . . . that was a first. Sure, Logan had seen me in my swimsuit, the boring black racerback one I wore when he came to the swimming hole, but a swimsuit and a bra were a whole world of different.

As Logan’s eyes that were unable to pry themselves from my pink cotton bra could attest to.

“Elle . . .” There was warning in his voice, but his entire expression was all want. Desire, even. I needed this. I had to know if a flame burned between Logan and me like the one that so obviously burned between Cole and me. I had to know if I married this man, my life wouldn’t be punctuated by small sparks that fizzled into oblivion.

I needed fire. I wouldn’t settle for less and I hadn’t realized I needed it until Cole had showed me.

With his eyes still taking in my chest, Logan wet his lips and took a step back. He obviously didn’t trust himself to stay close to me, and I could see why as he continued to look at what was inside my bra like he wanted to see what they tasted like.

And then something Dani had teased me about popped to mind.

I grabbed Logan’s hand before he was out of reach. Pulling him back in a way that wasn’t quite gentle, I lifted his hand, splayed his fingers, and lowered it to my breast. I kept my hand over his and curled his fingers deep into me, to the point it was almost painful.

Logan shuddered before his fingers worked of their own accord, no longer needing my encouragement. They kneaded me almost frantically. It was so unexpected, so intense, my eyes closed as Logan’s hand continued to work over me.

I recognized the noise that slipped from my mouth as the same kind I’d made last night, but Logan’s mouth covered mine before it was finished. His tongue forced my mouth open, although it didn’t require much force. Shoving me onto my back, his weight held me to the mattress while one hand fisted into my hair and the other one continued its torturous assault on my breast.

My mind went blank. All manner of reason flew out the window as my body felt things it never had before from the body pinning me. I didn’t acknowledge that my boyfriend, who hadn’t so much as intentionally grazed me, was tugging on my nipple. I didn’t acknowledge that should his parents have come home early and gotten an eye full of us going at it on his mattress, we’d be in a whole heap of trouble. I didn’t even acknowledge that me making out with one man last night, only to be making out with a different one now, was wrong in every way wrong could be interpreted.

I just gave over to the need and the fire coursing through my body and hoped reason and consequences wouldn’t be around when I resurfaced.

It was a foolish thing to hope for, of course.

When Logan’s mouth left mine, I gasped when I felt where it had re-adhered to. My eyes were still shut, I couldn’t seem to open them, but when Logan’s tongue played with my nipple peaking through my bra, I tried opening them. I wanted to see his mouth on me, but my eyelids wouldn’t cooperate.

The way we were aligned, I could feel Logan hard against my thigh. Pressing my thigh harder against him, he made another noise with my nipple in his mouth and I felt quite certain I might die if I didn’t find some sort of release. After last night, and now this, I would lose it if I didn’t let my body go.

Adjusting myself below him, I didn’t stop moving until I felt his hips against mine. Pressing mine against his, I almost cried out when his hardness pressed into the thin material of my skirt, right between my legs.

“Yes,” I breathed, moving against him slowly at first, but I was literally so close it didn’t take long before I wasn’t moving slowly anymore. His mouth still played an agonizing game with my nipple, sucking, flicking, and nipping at it. I probably could have found my release just from what he was doing with his mouth, but what was hard and pressed between my legs wasn’t hurting either.

Before I knew my hands were going there, my fingers worked at his zipper. I had it down and was just moving for the button when the body and mouth covering mine were gone. Almost immediately, my body got cold and reason made its way back in. I could finally open my eyes. When I did, the first thing I noticed was Logan still breathing heavily as he paced in front of the bed with his hands on his hips. He wouldn’t look at me, and I wasn’t sure if that was because he was ashamed, or if he was afraid that if he did look at me, we’d pick up right where we’d left off.

I sat up, adjusted my skirt, and waited.

“Okay,” Logan said to himself. “Okay.” He ran his hands through his hair and kept them there. “I’m sorry about that, Elle.”

“I’m not,” I said, almost defiantly.

Well, I hadn’t been. Right up until I opened my eyes.

Logan came to a stop and slowly let his eyes drift back to me. He was careful to keep them north of the neck. “I thought we were waiting until we were married.”

I didn’t like the way he was looking at me or the words that had just come out of his mouth. One minute ago Logan had been all but worshipping me, and now he was treating me like I was a hazard. That flame we’d lit a few minutes ago had just fizzled out.

All the way out.

“No. That was what
you
decided,” I said, keeping my eyes on his. I wasn’t backing down. I wasn’t going to be the first to cave. I was done taking a backseat in my life.

His mouth opened, but no words came out. Clamping it shut, he inhaled and tried again. “But we made it this far. We’re so close to getting married,” he said, his words almost a plea.

Glaring at him, I stood. “That’s also something you decided on your own.”

Logan’s brows came together. I don’t think he would have been more shocked if I’d just slapped him across the face.

“Never mind,” I said, snatching my tank off the ground as I marched towards the door. “I’ve got to get to work.”

“Elle?” Logan sounded a little lost and a lot confused.

“Give me some space, Logan,” I barked back at him before jogging down the stairs.

I wasn’t really expecting him to listen to me; ordering Logan around in any kind of way was a new thing for me. When he didn’t chase me, I wasn’t sure whether to be happy he’d listened or disappointed he hadn’t thought me worthy of the chase.

I was being punished for my actions. After I’d dropped my third order of veggie and goat cheese crepes on the floor, I wanted to clock out for the night and be done with this whole mess of a day. Since the diner was bustling to the point of bursting, I didn’t have that option. Or, as Cole would have said it, I did have an option; I just chose not to acknowledge it.

After Logan’s and my hot and heavy make-out session, followed by my speedy retreat, I hadn’t heard from him. Not even a text to make sure I’d made it into work all right. Not even to check if
I
was all right.

Though I tried to assure myself I was checking my phone all night for Logan’s call, it wasn’t really his name I hoped would pop up. I knew Cole was done with me, I’d seen that guarantee in his eyes, but I didn’t stop hoping for a miracle.

I wasn’t ready to let him go, but what was more, it seemed I couldn’t give him up even if I tried.

When I dropped a fourth order before I’d even made it from the kitchen, I eyed the back door. I even took a couple steps in its direction. Who knows how far I would have made it because by step three, Dani tossed a few paper towels at me before she kneeled down to help me clean up yet another mess I made today.

I had this making a mess of things down.

“Okay, Elle,” she said when I kneeled beside her. Cherry and hazelnut crepes didn’t look anywhere near as pretty on the floor as they did on a plate. “What the hell’s going on?”

“Nothing,” I muttered as I swiped up a heap of whipped cream.

“Oh, yeah?” Dani’s voice had a sarcastic edge to it. “Is that why Liam told me that Cole was in one hell of a mood after he got back from a baseball game this afternoon? Is that why Cole almost tore his head off when Liam asked him if he wanted to come here tonight to grab a bite?”

I suddenly couldn’t get this mess cleaned up fast enough. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, keeping my eyes down. Dani could see through me about as well as Cole could. “And who’s Liam and how do you know him?” Maybe diverting the conversation would get us off the Cole subject matter.

“Three things, Elle,” she said. “First off, you most certainly do know what I’m talking about as those flighty little eyes of yours are a dead giveaway.” I narrowed those “flighty little eyes” at her. “Second, Liam is one of the rookie smokejumpers I’ve been
seeing
.”

“You’ve been
screwing
,” I said under my breath, surprising us both. Dani gaped at me in the same way I would have gaped at myself if I could have. I didn’t normally say things like that and knowing how easily it had slipped from my mouth unsettled me.

“Ignoring that last snarky comment and moving on . . .” Dani said as we finished cleaning up the crepe catastrophe. “Third and final point is not how I know Liam”—Dani’s eyebrows danced as she smiled at me—“but how you know Cole. Or, more specifically, how
well
you know Cole.”

I shot her another glare as I slid the broken plate pieces and soggy mess into a bussing bin.

“Oh my God,” she said, gaping at me again. “There really is something going on between you two.” She couldn’t look more shocked if I’d just told her I was pregnant.

“No,” I snapped, turning and heading back for the dining room. The rush was dying down, but there was never an end to coffee and water needing to be topped off, or extra napkins to be dropped, or bills to be totaled. “There’s absolutely, positively nothing going on between us anymore.” I tried not to imagine, for the thousandth time today, the way Cole’s face had cracked a little when he found out about Logan and me.