Up In A Heaval (26 page)

“Thank you for bringing us here,” Claire said as they jumped off the horse's back.

“It was a brief pleasure. I will return to take you back.” Xanthus trotted off.

They approached the cottage and scratched at its door. “What's your talent?” a voice came from inside.

“Finding anything except home,” Sammy answered. “I didn't assign that talent! Who are you?”

“Sammy Cat.”

The door opened. A somewhat bedraggled bearded human man stood there. “Oh, from the World of Two Moons. That explains it. You weren't one of mine.” He glanced at Claire. “But you were. Voyance.”

“True,” Claire said. “We came because we understand you can undo a curse for us.”

“Come in.” He led them into his house. A fire crackled in the middle of the main chamber. There was no fireplace; the fire was contained in midair, burning without logs. This was after all the dream realm; physical things were beside the point.

They settled on a plush rug and watched the fire. The flames formed different shapes as they rose: a thorny berry vine, a winged dragon, a twisting castle, and half a slew of dancing maidens. All were fleeting, disappearing as they reached the ceiling. The figures did not seem to repeat; new ones formed as the old ones faded.

“Unfortunately, I can't void a curse,” Tallyho said. “Who suggested to you that I could?”

“The Demoness Metria,” Sammy said.

“That bundle of mischief? Why should you believe her?”

“Because in this case she was telling the truth,” Claire said. “But there was something missing that I couldn't fathom.”

“There certainly was! Let me explain: I assign talents, but I don't use them. Once a baby departs with its talent, that remains pretty well fixed for life. Only forces like the Demon Xanth or the Random Factor can affect it, and they seldom bother. So if you have been cursed, you will have to deal with it on your own.”

“It is Soufflé Serpent who was cursed,” Claire explained. “By the curse fiends, whose play rehearsal he messed up. Now he has a chance for happiness with Sesame Serpent, but the curse prevents it.”

“That is the way of curses,” Tallyho agreed. “They are seldom convenient for the recipients.”

“But there must be a way,” Sammy said, “or there would not have been any truth to what the demoness said.”

“That would be that I could assign a talent of abolishing or ameliorating curses, and that person might then be prevailed on to help your friend. But since the talents are assigned to babies, it would be several years before the child was old enough to use it effectively.”

Claire nodded. “So it can be done but not swiftly. We had hoped for better.”

“Things often work out that way,” Tallyho said.

“You assigned the same talent to all the curse fiends,” Claire said. “Why was that?”

“I didn't.”

“But all the curse fiends have the same talent of cursing,” Sammy said.

“My predecessor did that. There were a lot of them, and he lacked imagination, so he simply put in a standing order for the curse for all of their babies. There were no complaints, so that has remained.”

“Your predecessor,” Sammy said. “There are different magicians who do this work?”

“Yes, and none of us are listed in the official tallies of Magicians, so we won't be corrupted by attention. After all, mortals are very jealous of their talents; each one wants to be a Magician or Sorceress. Only the descendants of Magician Bink have been granted that, because of a whim of Demon Xanth. I have held the position for several centuries and think I have earned my retirement. So as of now I am passing the chore on to Magician Teillo.”

“Why right now?” Sammy asked.

“It's your fault.”

“Mine!”

Claire was amused. “Tallyho was destined to fill the position until asked a non-self-serving question about his job. You just asked that question, Sammy. I wondered if you would.”

Sammy bristled just slightly. “Why didn't you ask it?”

“Because it had to be asked honestly. I had already fathomed his situation so kept my muzzle muzzled.”

“But to turn it over, just like that—randomly, really—this makes little sense.”

“It makes perfect sense,” Tallyho said. “It is the way demons do things. I hope Teillo doesn't make too many errors.”

“Errors?”

“Talents ideally should be appropriate to the babies and their situations. Such as the power of lightening things, granted to most winged centaurs, so they can make themselves light enough to fly. It wouldn't do to give it to a mermaid, for example, unless she planned to fly. Actually there are a few winged merfolk, but I trust that makes the point.”

“It does,” Claire agreed. “We had not thought about the matter.” She glanced at Sammy. “I think we must return to report that there is not a feasible avenue for Soufflé here.”

“The Demoness Metria surely knew that,” Tallyho said. “I wonder why she sent you on this wild-duck chase.”

“She must have had an interior motive,” Sammy said.

“What kind of motive?”

“She gets words wrong. She would mean ulterior.”

“And we had better get back to Goblin Mountain and find out what that motive was,” Claire said urgently.

“I am inclined to agree,” Tallyho said. “But I thank you for bringing me to my retirement. I plan to relax for several decades; the job has been wearing.”

“That's nice,” Sammy said.

But Claire was uncertain. She sensed formidable mischief here, though the situation extended far beyond her immediate range. There could also be trouble for Umlaut and Sesame. She feared that it would have been better if they had never come on this spot mission. “We must go,” she repeated.

They left the house. Xanthus trotted up just at that time; somehow he had known when they were ready. But this was the dream realm; he was probably in tune.

“We need to return as fast as we can,” Claire told the horse. “We fear mischief for our friends.”

“I regret I must detour, at least briefly,” Xanthus said. “The Night Stallion wishes to see you.”

“What interest does he have in us?” Sammy asked.

“I don't know. But his will is paramount in the dream realm.” The horse galloped in a new direction, passing settings so rapidly they were a dreamy blur.

Then they were in an indistinct hall, facing a large, formidable, dark horse. It was the dread Night Stallion. They did not dismount; they were frozen in place.

“Why did you come here?” The horse did not actually speak, but they heard his words as though he had.

“Demoness Metria told us that we could find a way to end a curse here,” Claire replied. “But while technically true, it was flawed and not feasible.”

“Like Mundane software,” the stallion agreed. “The demoness knew that?”

“We believe so. We suspect her motive.”

“What motive?”

“I was not able to fathom it,” Claire replied. “But it may be that she wanted us separate from Umlaut, so that she could try again to stop him from delivering his letters.”

“Why does she wish to stop him?”

“Again, I have not fathomed her motive. When we inquired, she simply said she loved her son. It seems she is under some kind of duress. Yet the deliveries have beneficial purpose, because the Good Magician told Umlaut that this chore would enable him to find the way to stop Demon Jupiter's Red Spot from destroying Xanth.”

“I must investigate this.” The Night Stallion turned his head. “Day Stallion!”

A golden horse appeared. “You wish dialogue?”

“I must investigate why a demoness opposes the salvation of Xanth. It became my business when she sent folk here who might have prevented mischief elsewhere. You must take over here until my return.”

“Gladly.”

Then the Night Stallion was gone. The Day Stallion looked around. “This is my chance to reform this pesthole,” he said. “The bad dreams will end immediately.”

“But without them, folk will have no incentive to—” Xanthus began.

“Begone,” the Day Stallion said.

They were on their way back. “This makes me nervous,” Xanthus said. “The Day Stallion lacks experience with evil. He should not be doing this.”

“I wonder whether Metria knew that these complications would occur when we came here,” Sammy said. “The change of talent Magicians, and now the change of Stallions?”

“The mischief being with us!” Claire agreed. ”That could be it."

Xanthus halted. “Uh-oh. The sets are changing. I no longer know the fastest way through.”

“Changing?” Claire asked nervously.

“They are all set up by the directive of the Night Stallion. Now the authority is the Day Stallion. He's dismantling the horror sets.”

Before them was a haunted house. Three ghosts were floating aimlessly around, and several walking skeletons were taking up hammers and nails to repair sagging porticoes. A mummy was planting a rose garden.

“What are you doing?” Xanthus asked.

“We're making this into a nice dream setting,” a skeleton said, “so as not to scare the recipient.”

“Disaster,” Xanthus muttered as he picked his way around the house. Claire was inclined to agree. Even if the change was warranted, it was generating disruption.

The next set was a wet one, with huge water monsters engaged in painting a lovely sunset backdrop. “What is the dream realm coming to?” a monster muttered, disgusted.

Claire feared that the demoness had accomplished her purpose, whatever it was. There was certainly mischief to spare here in the dream realm.

They finally returned to their starting point and exited. There was a moment of disorientation as they lifted their eyes from the gourd peepholes. Ordinarily that could not be done, but this was a special case; the gourd was letting them go.

They bounded back toward Goblin Mountain. When they got there, Para was just emerging with Umlaut. They jumped into the boat. “Did you abate the curse?” Umlaut asked.

It was a bad lead, Sammy said in Feline. They were back in the real world now and couldn't speak freely with everyone. Not that it made much difference with Umlaut and Sesame. The curse could be undone but would take years. And they might have sowed a lot of mischief there.

“In the dream realm? How is that possible?”

It was possible, Claire assured him. They had inadvertently brought about a change in the way magic talents were assigned and saw the Day Stallion take over the dream realm. There would be no more bad dreams for a while.

“No more bad dreams! Isn't that good?”

No, because it means bad deeds will no longer be punished. What of his time in the mountain?

“Metria had set me up to marry Chiefess Gwendolyn. She's very nice, but I'm not the prince she thought I was, and of course I wouldn't want to leave Surprise.”

So it had been mischief at both ends. Claire was not sure they had seen the end of it.

What was in the next letter? Sammy asked.

Umlaut drew it out. “It is to Jenny Elf.”

But he couldn't find Jenny! Sammy protested.

It was time to clarify something for them all. Couldn't he? Claire asked.

“I can find anything but home,” he reminded her, speaking directly to her.

“See if you can find Jenny.”

“But I can't!” he protested.

“Try anyway.”

He shrugged and focused—and was amazed. “I can find her! But that can't be.”

“It can be if you know that your home is now with me.”

He stared at her, realizing. “I do want to be with you. To share your house.”

“I know.” She had of course known it long before he did.

“That means that your house is now my home—and I can't find it.”

“Fortunately I know where it is. Now you orient on Jenny. You will not be neglecting her; you will merely be visiting her from another home.”

“Another home,” he agreed in wonder. Then he reoriented on Jenny and told Para where to go.

“I'd better read that letter,” Umlaut said. He opened it and read it aloud.

Dear Jenny Elf,

This is a letter of congratulations to you and Prince Jeremy Werewolf, on your royal wedding at Castle Roogna. You have been so good for him and I know you will be a fine wife. I was very happy that you were the one, Jeremy's ideal wife to break the curse. I like wolves too, except I have seen only one in his natural homeland, when I was visiting the far North. They do not live around here where I do.

Maybe before I go any further I should tell you who I am and how I know of you. My name is Arjayess and I live in Mundania. Our village is a pretty place in a valley surrounded by lakes and tree-covered hills. It is called Pen-Tak, which means “Stay forever” in the ancient languages. The village is in Otch Enau Kane, which means “Near the Waterfall at the End of the River.” Pen-Tak is in the middle or central part of Otch Enau Kane Valley.

For many years I have been having daily visions of a land far away from my home. At first they were vague and blurry like a very weak illusion. It was like seeing pictures through a heavy mist or cloud. I could see a people and a country, but the people and creatures were unknown to me and the land was like none I have ever seen before. After many months of viewing frozen picture visions, the scenes began to slowly move about. It was as if I were watching the tapestry in the castle but through a dense vapor. When a year had passed and the motion got to normal speed, I started hearing heavy, muffled conversation. How I would have liked to have Grundy with me then to translate, but I did not know about him yet. What was that man's name? Bimp! Who would name her child Bimp? Oh, no, he was facing a court of some sort, he was being made to leave his home. But why? Altogether puzzled by what I saw and did not understand because I could not hear clearly, I became very frustrated. I did not understand what was happening to me, either—where these visions were coming from, why, and who these people were. I never did discover the where or the why, but I am content with it now. I feel it is a special gift and I am thankful. I am also grateful that I now see it clear and sharp and hear all of it with ease. It seemed the poor young man in my vision was being exiled from his home because he had no magic talent. Well, of course, I thought at the time, if he has no mag—wait a minute here. No magic? But no one has magic, does he? At least not where I come from. But it seems in Xanth they do. You do. For of course, as I realized later, it was Xanth I was seeing. As the sounds finally came clear I discovered it was Bink I was seeing, not Bimp, and that he had a powerful, magician-caliber talent. My first year of mind pictures after that was of Bink meeting Chameleon and the adventures they shared. That was quite some years ago now, and I feel as though I have known Xanth forever. All your friends feel like close friends of mine too. I particularly like Sammy because I have a special place in my heart for cats. I do not mean that their bodies go right into my physical heart, just that I love cats best out of all mundane animals. I have two cats, Fellini and Misha. Misha is ten, which is getting pretty old for a cat here. She has soft, pure white fur and likes to cuddle and purr. Fellini is like a baby tiger lily without the flower part. He's orange striped, what we call a tabby. He likes to growl and run, and pounce on poor old Misha who just wants to be left alone to sleep. Fellini really is just a baby—he's not yet a year old, so he is only playing, even when he is being naughty. The really funny thing about him is his tail. Most cats here have a long, straight tail, probably like Sammy's. Some have just a little stump of tail, and some have none at all. But Fellini's tail has two bends in it toward the tip. It looks something like this: