Up High in the Trees (9 page)

I used to write notes to Mother and hide them in places. I hid the notes in her books, in the pockets of her folded-up clothes, in her medicine drawer, in her pillowcase, in her shoes. If I wanted her to find the note fast, then I had to hide it in an easy place, like her purse.

I wrote her a note that said:

To Mother,

Your name is Louise. Louise sounds like please. Louise please. Please Louise. Tell me what does Sebastian sound like?

From, Sebby

This note was not important, so I hid it in a hard place. I folded it up tiny and tight in her silver heart locket that has two small heart-shaped pictures. The pictures are of Uncle Alexander's face smiling and of Dad's face not smiling.

Mother brought me the notes when she found them. Sometimes she answered and sometimes she didn't.

It took her a very long time to find the note in her locket. I was in the backyard looking for snails. She sat down with me on the garden wall that's made out of rocks and she gave me back the note.

She said, You have a beautiful name. I can't think of any perfect rhymes, but it goes well with captain, she said, Captain Sebastian. Or stallion. Sebastian the stallion. Or action. Sebastian full of action.

On Friday, I go back to school. Cass drives me in the green car and drops me off in front.

Hey, she says, don't let all the little bastards get you down. She grabs my hand and squeezes it hard.

I have to run to my classroom to get there before the second bell rings.

At the front of the room, Teacher's sitting on her desk with her hands tucked under her legs. She smiles at me and nods. I know she still likes me even though I bit Katya.

Ms. Lambert. Lamb like a soft, white lamb and Bert, like on
Sesame Street
. It's a funny name to think about. In my head, I call her Teacher, but out loud I have to call her Ms. Lambert. My last name doesn't have two things put together like Teacher's name does. My last name is just Lane, like a lane you walk down or like a lane on the road for cars. It's nothing to think about.

Okay, Teacher says, who can tell me how many pounds of trash one person makes in a single day?

I fold my arms on my desk and rest my chin on my hands. The desk smells like scratchy blue cleaning powder.

Teacher looks around the room. Her lips are pressed together tight. I don't know the answer even though we've been learning about how to take care of the earth since the beginning of the year. I keep looking over at Katya, but she won't look at me.

Who remembers? Teacher asks.

Marianne raises her hand and answers. About four pounds, she says.

Teacher nods and tells her good job. Now, she asks, who can tell me a kind of material that is NOT biodegradable? She calls on Ryan.

Styrofoam, Ryan says.

Good, Teacher says. What else?

Some kinds of plastic and tinfoil, Frankie shouts.

Good, Teacher says, but please remember to raise your hand.

Stinky diapers! Ronny shouts without raising his hand and everybody starts laughing.

Teacher doesn't say anything and waits for quiet again. Her face turns red and she looks hard at Ronny. Her eyes don't move.

Today is your last day to finish your posters, she says.

We each have to make a poster about why recycling is important. Third-graders at all the schools have to make one, and whoever makes the best poster wins a new art set with paints and markers and colored pencils.

My poster is a picture of a regular trash can next to a recycling bin. In the trash can, all the bottles and cans are crying, but in the recycling bin they're dancing and having a party. Teacher says I have to write something, too.

Like a catchy phrase, she says, that will stick in people's heads.

But I can't think of one.

Mica is the best drawer in our class and everybody knows she's going to win the new art set. She made a picture of what
the world would look like without trees and animals. It's a lot of tall gray buildings and lonely, skinny people walking around with briefcases. Please recycle, she wrote across the top in her perfect block letters, I want a brighter future.

At morning recess, instead of meeting me under the tree, Katya plays jump rope with the girls. On her turn, all the girls sing,
Ice-cream soda, strawberry punch, tell me the name of your honeybunch. Is it A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N
—then Katya messes up and the girls scream out, Neill and Noah! Nathan Morris from Boyz II Men, someone says and then they all laugh. Katya laughs, too, and she covers her smile with both hands, like she really does love Neill or Noah or Nathan Morris.

I want to go home, so I run.

It's easy to run into the parking lot, down the hill, and out of school. Nobody chases me or yells at me to stop. I keep going fast down the street and I know I hate Katya and the whole stupid school.

The houses here are quiet and their colors are soft. They are light blue or light yellow or light green. One is light pink.

I see the grocery store at the end of the street. In the middle of the empty parking lot is a long line of shopping carts. I start walking now because I know where I can go. I can hide inside the grocery store.

The automatic doors slide open for me. I know where I'm going. There's room to hide where they keep all the vegetables and fruit. I find a space under the ledge that holds broccoli and lettuce. I duck underneath and sit hugging my legs against my chest. I'm okay here. I could stay for a long time, except it's cold. In front of me on the floor, I see a popcorn piece of Styrofoam. I reach out fast to grab it and put it in my pocket.

I wait for a long time. There's nothing to do, so sometimes I take the piece of Styrofoam out of my pocket to look at it.

I hear a cart coming down the aisle toward me. I wait and then it rolls past. I watch the feet go by. They're small feet. The shoes are very white and clean. I think the feet must be old lady feet because they go so slow. The old lady's shoes squeak on the grocery store floor and that sound makes me sad. I wait until the old lady is gone and then I crawl out from under the vegetables.

Outside, I find a pay phone. I push zero and then I dial Dad's number at work. The operator asks my name.

I hear my voice say, Sebby. Then the operator asks Dad if he'll take my call.

Yes, says Dad's voice. There's a clicking sound.

Sebby, Dad says, what're you doing?

Please come get me, I say. I close my eyes and pretend that I'm already gone. I'm flying through the dark line of space that connects my voice and Dad's voice. Space is a dark line that
touches everywhere. Major Tom got lost because there's so much space.

Where are you? Dad's voice comes out louder now. Sebby, he says even louder.

His voice scares me and I open my eyes. I tell him that I'm in front of the grocery store.

I'm coming, Dad says. Sit down, he tells me, don't move.

I sit on the cement in front of the pay phone and watch the empty gray parking lot. I watch until I see Dad's car coming.

At home, I go to the backyard and take the popcorn piece of Styrofoam out of my pocket. I dig a hole in the grass with a stick and put the Styrofoam in the hole. Then I cover it up with dirt.

I lie on my back and look up at the sky. I think about Katya. She's not my friend and I'm sorry. I keep looking up and then the sky starts to rain on me. I feel a cold drop on my forehead and also my cheek.

Sebby, Dad calls to me from the window, get in here.

I run inside, but I know the place in the grass where the Styrofoam is buried.

Dad watches me take off my shoes. His eyes are big and scared.

Go to your room, says Dad.

Maybe he's mad at me now for leaving school. I go to my room and lie down on my bed. I think about how the piece of Styrofoam will always be there in that spot.

Mother is not buried anywhere. She wanted to be cremated like Uncle Alexander. That means now they are ashes, but I don't believe it.

We buried Grandmother Bernie.

Grandmother Bernie died first. Then Uncle Alexander. Then Mother.

After dinner, Dad says he's taking me away. He says that he and I are going to the summerhouse. We can stay as long as we need to.

I thought you were going to take over that music theory class, Cass says.

I decided not to, says Dad. I have to finish the book. Fine with me, Leo says and he walks away.

I talked to Mrs. Franklin, says Dad. She can make dinners and check in on you.

Mrs. Franklin lives next door. Her kids are all grown up and gone.

Cass hits the table with the side of her fist.

You make everything worse, she says to Dad and then locks herself in the bathroom to smoke.

I stand outside the door and I can smell her cigarettes. When she comes out, I follow her over to where Dad's still sitting at the table.

You don't know what you're doing, Cass says to Dad. She turns around and I'm behind her.

Sebby is fine, Cass says, you don't need to take him away. She grabs me and pushes me in front of Dad. She tells me to tell Dad that I'm fine.