Authors: M.A. Stacie
“Hi,” I grinned nervously.
“Um, hey.”
He pushed the door al the way open, stepping
back to al ow me entrance into the apartment. He looked like I felt: exhausted. I had to force myself not to reach out and touch him. Glancing around the room, I could see he’d pushed the pieces of furniture back in their places and had started tossing the broken or damaged items out onto the fire escape. His black wife-beater was soiled with streaks of dust and dirt, and his hair was sticking up in random spikes where he’d pushed his fingers through it. I fought the need to smooth it.
“Meow wanted to see how you were,” I blurted out, comprehending how lame I sounded.
“
Meow
did?”
“Sure,” I replied, deciding to go with it I already looked somewhat foolish.
I was rewarded with a low, throaty chuckle, before he reached out and stroked the cats head. “Wel , buddy, I’m doing just fine. Though I appreciate the thought...and the visit.”
With each sweep of his hand across Meows
head, his fingertips skimmed my arm. I didn’t need to look at the skin to know it had broken out in goose bumps. It was taking every ounce of strength I had not to move closer to him.
“Are you real y feeling better?”
Jonah gestured for me to take a seat on the
couch. I perched on the edge, setting Meow on the floor. We both watched him as he padded around, sniffing the air and rubbing his back against the furniture.
“I should real y be asking about you,” he rasped. “I think I scared you.”
“You did, but I’d rather hear how you are than discuss what I’m feeling.”
“Funny,” he snorted. “Because I feel the very same way, but I know I’ve got to give you something. You must be very confused.”
I nodded, wishing I hadn’t set Meow down. I
needed something to distract me. Petting Meow would have done that. Jonah appeared calmer than I thought he would be. I assumed he’d be on edge, or at least cautious about me arriving here, but he looked just like he had most mornings by the mailboxes.
Shy and incredibly attractive.
“Do you trust me, Jonah?” I questioned.
“I don’t trust anyone,” he answered.
I appreciated his honesty, but the declaration sent a chil down my spine. What had happened to him to cause such caution and doubt? I briefly considered that J.J. could be right; that I should be running in the other direction. Instead, I moved to sit next to him. He gripped my hand tight and gave me a slight smile.
“You can trust me. I know tel ing you that isn’t real y confirmation, but you’l see.”
He didn’t deny that. It was like a silent plea for me to continue. Jonah needed me, even if it was only for friendship. He wouldn’t open up though, I couldn’t do this alone.
“I could have Googled those meds, you know, but I didn’t. Do you know why?”
“Because it was obvious what they were for?” He snapped.
I wasn’t shocked. That was how this man
functioned. Whenever I got too close he erected a wal of anger, however this time I wasn’t buying it. So I remained silent, and raised my brows in response, waiting for him to back down and give me a proper answer. He exhaled, tracing a pattern onto the back of my hand with the tip of his finger before giving in.
“You want me to tel you what they are for, and why I need them. I know that, El e. You’re the first person I’ve ever considered doing that with. It’s just going to take time. I hate the fact that I’m basical y asking you to prove yourself before I can confess my sins.”
“Sins?”
“Nothing il egal. Don’t panic,” he laughed, relaxing the mood in the room. “Thanks again for taking care of me.”
“Stop thanking me, Jonah. I wouldn’t have left you.”
He closed his eyes for a moment, and took a
sharp breath, mustering the courage to speak to me.
“I stopped using my real name when I was
seventeen. I had to leave my family and haven’t ever been back. I’m Jonah now – have been for a long while, and that’s the way I liked it. Until I saw you.”
My mouth fel open, but I couldn’t find the words.
“The first time I saw you, you were standing at the mailboxes, stil breathless from your run. The skin on your face and chest was pink. Your hair was fal ing out of its tie. I was stunned and stopped just to stare at you.”
“When?”
“I could tel you the date, but I doubt it’s of any significance to you. Just know that you stopped me in my tracks, and I’ve been mixed up since then. You’ve distracted me for some time. I used to wait until I could see you coming back from your run before I’d go down to col ect my mail. In fact, thinking about it now makes me seem somewhat creepy.”
“No more than me. You know I used to wait down there? I’d do stretches until you showed up,” I responded sheepishly.
Jonah chuckled, surprising me when he brought
our joined hands to his lips and kissed my knuckles. He looked at me, waiting for my reaction, but al I could do was grin. Whenever our eyes met everything else disappeared. We had no past, no baggage, it was just us.
“I guess this is the start of something.”
“I guess so.”
He leaned in and kissed my knuckles again,
escalating my blood pressure and causing my voice to lower to a sultry whisper.
“You real y left home at seventeen? That’s
amazing to me. I was petrified coming here. My Mom stil begs me to come home. Wow, did you real y wait for me?”
“Yes, El e, you captivated me,” he exhaled. “I’m going to try and explain it al to you, but it could take me some time. I have no right to ask you to enter into something that you know nothing about, but I hope you want to. I’ve never had an experience like I had with you on the roof. I don’t mean the sex, Red, I mean just being with you and feeling so free. I had no worries.”
“I can’t make it al go away,” I urged.
“I know. I real y do, but for once, I feel positive.”
I retreated a bit, removing my hands from his and tried not to let his hurt expression get to me. We needed to talk about this. Honesty was the only option. I wasn’t the kind of person that could start something and not be completely on board.
“You’re putting a lot on me already. Do you see that?”
“I’m trying not to. I’m trying to make it clear that there are parts to me that wil take time for me to reveal, but I’ve only ever wanted to explain them to you. No one else.”
I took a moment, needing to regroup and consider every aspect of this, but I only kept coming back to one thing, one person. Jonah. I liked him, I felt drawn to him and couldn’t imagine going back to a time before him.
“Can we go back a little? Just be friends and see where it leads us? Maybe then you’l see I can be trusted with whatever haunts you.”
He cringed, but reached out for my hand again. He linked his pinkie into mine, and my heart melted. It was cute, like a teenager with their crush. I was powerless.
“Want to go on a date, Red?”
I grinned. “As long as it’s not to one of your gigs, yes.”
He enveloped me in a hug that threatened to cut off my air supply. His vulnerability surrounded me, bringing tears to my eyes, as he whispered thanks into my ear and clung tighter.
“Dinner? Or...Tel you what, you just get dressed up. I’l surprise you.”
He looked so happy, and even though I was
smiling, I clarified, “We have a long way to go, Jonah. A hug, kiss, and a dinner date doesn’t make a friendship. Truth and honesty do.”
He nodded, and picked up Meow. “They say cats
are good judges of character, right? Wel , Meow here likes me. He’s virtual y been living up here for the past month. So, I can’t be al that bad, can I?”
“He just goes wherever there’s food,” I chuckled.
“He loves my neighbor, Mrs. Kindle because she’s always feeding him,” I tried to reason, but knew my argument was as weak as his.
“So...” he stammered. “Did you real y come here to see how I was?”
“Yes. I wanted to look at those cuts on your side. You should have had sutures.”
Jonah brushed my comment off with a wave of his hand but tugged up his wifebeater anyway. I hissed at the sight of the raw, shredded skin.
“I’l get some more peroxide. I think you’l have to be real y careful if you’re not going to see a doctor.”
“Yes, nurse,” he teased as he stood up and
walked into the kitchen. “Your bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired.”
I giggled as I waited for him to return to clean the cuts again. Our conversation remained light, avoiding the obvious. I was determined to know more, though. He wouldn’t be able to evade this conversation we needed to have, forever. When he was ready to let his guard down, I’d be there to prove that he could trust me.
No matter what he had to hide.
I spent the whole day fretting about our date. I tried to work; I had deadlines to meet, but I couldn’t concentrate. My head was swimming with thoughts of Jonah. I’d opened another window on my browser, intending to look up the meds or perhaps his given name, but I wanted
him
to explain everything to me. I wanted him to trust me enough to divulge his past. He was hiding from something, maybe
someone
, that much was obvious.
I understood his reluctance to share such personal information with someone he didn’t know very wel . We had, without a doubt, gone about this relationship backwards. It was time to return to the beginning and al ow a slow, natural progression. Then we could build something, because right now I wasn’t sure what we were.
I growled in frustration and pushed my chair away from my desk. My eyes were dry and itchy from staring at the monitor, so I slipped on my glasses and padded into the kitchen. I poured a cup of coffee and looked up at the ceiling when I heard footsteps.
Jonah was home.
I hadn’t talked to him about our date, so al I knew was what he’d told me last night – to dress up. I tried not to think about it, because I didn’t want to get excited then have him let me down. That left me here, an hour before he was due to arrive, stil unwashed and wearing the oldest clothes I owned. I couldn’t ignore it anymore; Jonah wasn’t cal ing this off.
“Looks like I’m going out tonight, Meow.”
When he fixed his beady green gaze on me. I
knew exactly what he wanted. I reached up and retrieved some kibble from the shelf, pouring it into his bowl. His purring grew louder as he began to gnaw on the chunks. I left him in peace to finish his food, deciding to take a shower.
I indulged myself, using my expensive, perfumed body wash then the matching body lotion once I dried myself. I wrapped a towel around my head to encase my wet hair. I needed to find something suitable to wear. Jonah asked me to dress up, but hadn’t told me where we were going, so I didn’t know what would be suitable. I browsed my closet trying to figure out whether to go casual or sexy, when I spotted a black dress that I’d purchased a few months ago. I couldn’t go wrong with a classic, right?
I took my time styling my hair, and applying my makeup, before trying deciding on some underwear. I kept tel ing myself that Jonah was not going to see it but chose a lacy black thong and demi-cup bra anyway. I shivered as the fabric skimmed my skin. The friction reminding me of the last time Jonah’s hands were on my body.
I let out a resounding groan. I couldn’t keep doing this to myself. Regardless the bond we shared, I didn’t know enough about him. The drugs were a major issue that had to be addressed.
The apparent name change, from Benjamin
Samuels to Jonah Quinn, had me perplexed. I tried to reason that it wasn’t unheard of for people to change their names; perhaps he didn’t like the one his parents gave him. I couldn’t help but snigger at the internal war my heart and mind were waging on one another over the beautiful man upstairs.
My thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door.
He was here.
Butterflies began to dance in my stomach. I
fumbled with the zipper on my dress as I tried to fasten it in a hurry. I raced across the living room, my bare feet slapping on the wood floor, reminding me I’d yet to decide on shoes. However, al coherent thoughts disappeared when I opened the door and looked at the man before me. He was dressed in a fitted, white, button-down that showed a hint of the black ink it covered. His pants were tailored and seemed to have been made for him alone. I silently prayed that I’d get a good glimpse of his ass in them before the night was over.
“Hi,” he grinned, his face lighting up.
My mouth hung open. I tried to speak, but my brain was stuck on
“Wow”
. Jonah moved to rest his forearm on the door frame, cocking a brow at me. It was as if he was taking pleasure from my turbulence, but then hadn’t I done the same thing to him just weeks earlier?
When I didn’t speak he fil ed the silence, “You’l be needing shoes.”
“Pardon?” I blinked, trying to force my head back out of the clouds.
“Shoes, Red. You place them on your feet. They are functional as wel as pretty.”
“Oh!” I replied sounding dumb, even to my own
ears. “Where are we going?”
His smile widened as he tried to take a step