Unwrapped (17 page)

She wished suddenly that she'd slept in something else,
anything else. Something feminine and sexy, something that would—

"I came as soon as I heard," he said, and she
stared at him, confused. "About the fire," he added when she didn't
speak. "I wanted to make sure you were all right. And Mrs. Hinkley."

"Oh," she said, still processing his words.
"Oh, yes. Fine. I mean, I'm fine. Mrs. Hinkley. . . her house. She lost
everything."

"I saw it on the news. It looks worse in person."

Mia nodded, her gaze dropping back to her lap. Yes, it did.

"But she's okay?" Derrick asked.

Love is all that matters
whispered in her ears
.
"Yes," Mia said. "Her daughter came. Mrs. Hinkley is staying
with her until she decides what to do."

Nodding, Derrick rose to his feet, his hand tapping against
his right thigh. Mia wondered if he was leaving already, but he started pacing
her small front room instead, his hands clasped behind his back, his head down,
brow furrowed. His professor routine.

She thought, Uh-oh.

"Derrick—" she began, but he held a hand up
for silence, putting her in mind of that night in September when their
relationship had changed so dramatically. This time, though, she had no inner
desire to wring his neck. Instead, she wanted to curl up at his feet and weep.

Finally, he dropped back into his chair, his elbows braced on
his knees, his hands clasped between them. His head bowed.

She waited.

When he looked up and met her gaze, his handsome, expressive
face was devoid of all expression. Like a mask.

"I owe you an apology," he said, his tone as
hollow as his expression. "I made a deal with you, but I lied about the
terms. I thought, if we dated for a few months, I could make you fall in love
with me."

Mia's pounding heart skipped several beats. She yearned to
reach out to him, to hold and comfort him, but every fiber of her being seemed
paralyzed.

"I thought if you could just see how great we were
together—" Derrick broke off, swore under his breath. "I
manipulated you. I tried to force emotions on you that you've said all along
you're not capable of having. We've been friends for so long, and I should have
left that alone, but I wanted more."

"I—"

"No, please," he interrupted. "Let me say
this, or I'll never get it out."

Everything inside her cried out with the pain his words
inflicted on her, but she couldn't move, couldn't make herself go to him, stop
him. Couldn't prevent the end of their relationship looming in front of her.
There were no words for this, no tears. She waited, motionless as marble.
Waited for the final hammer-blow to crash against her heart and shatter her
into a million pieces.

Oh, to find her anger now, that protective burn. But there
was only grief.

"This is my problem, not yours." Derrick scrubbed
his hands over his face, the fatigue she saw in his eyes making his skin as
grey as the light in the room. "You've been honest about your feelings, I
just couldn't accept the truth. I've loved you for so long, I thought. . .
Well. I was wrong. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I put you through this. I'm sorry for
putting our friendship on the line."

Standing again, he moved to look out the window. Even the
crashing of the waves seemed muted, as though sound, too, were leeching out of
her world, along with color and touch and emotion, everything vibrant and good
and full of life leaking away until she'd be nothing but an empty husk.

Why couldn't she cry?

He shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned his forehead
against the glass. In the reflection of the window, she saw him close his eyes.
He inhaled deeply, blew the air out slowly. She braced, breath held against the
final strike.

"I can't be with you, Mia, until I sort this out. It's
not your fault. But I can't finish our bargain. I wanted to tell you in person.
I'm sorry."

He turned to face her, and the pain he'd tried to conceal
shone in his eyes for one moment before he locked it away again. Pain being
with her had caused.

The numbness sealing her inside herself was both blessing
and curse. It prevented the agony from dragging her under, dragging her into
the riptide of regrets waiting to close over her head and swallow her whole. It
kept her from falling apart in front of him. But it hindered her mind, kept her
from finding the right words. Words that, if she could only set them free,
might save them both.

The words swirled past in the whirlpool of her mind,
taunting her, too fast for her to catch. She didn't give a damn about the
blasted bargain. If only. . .

But she couldn't grasp the words, and they vanished into the
flooded chambers of her heart. Her head ached abominably, she couldn't
concentrate. All she knew was he was leaving her again, and no matter how angry
or upset she'd been before, she didn't want him to go.

Forcing the words past a throat tight with unshed tears, she
whispered, "When can I see you?"

Derrick sighed, rubbing his temples between his thumb and fingers.
"It's going to take me a while to get past this, Mia. So unless you can
hand your heart to me on a silver platter, or until I can get over you, it's
better if I stay on my own."

He approached her cautiously, as though afraid to get too
close. "An opportunity came up at Allison's party—I'm going to Tokyo
for a few weeks. If things work out, I-I might be moving there. At least for a
while."

"Tokyo," she echoed. So far.

"I won't be back until Christmas Eve. Maybe after the
holidays, we can. . . I don't know."

"Derrick—"

"I have to go." He brushed one finger along the
length of her jaw. "I love you, Mia. I'll always love you. I
just—well. That's my problem. I hope you have a merry Christmas."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The closing of the door behind him broke the dam holding
back Mia's emotions. She cried until she was sick, barely making it into the
bathroom where she collapsed on the floor, retching horribly until nothing was
left in her belly.

Trembling and weak, she rinsed her mouth, then crawled out
to lean against the wall in her entry hallway. There was only one thing she
could do at a time like this. Making her way into the kitchen, one arm wrapped
around her sore, still-pitching stomach, she grabbed her cell phone and dialed.

The tears started again as the phone on the other end began
to ring, and when her best friend's voice answered, all she could get out was
her name. "Allison," she said, and dissolved.

Allison's voice came back, clear and strong. "Give me
one hour," she said, and hung up.

The wait seemed interminable, and no matter what she did,
she couldn't seem to stop the wretched crying. She'd taken so much for granted,
without even realizing it. In her misery, she saw herself over the past several
months with Derrick, happier than she'd ever been. But she was always happy
around him, so she hadn't recognized it for what it was—something unique
and precious and special.

Was this love? This burning need to be with another person,
this aching loss and loneliness now that he was gone? More than anything, even
more than her own pain, she wanted to wipe that sorrowful expression from
Derrick's face, to make him smile again. But how?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When Allison arrived, she brought a surprise with her. Jeff.

"We were working out wedding details," Allison said
by way of explanation.

He took one look at Mia's ravaged face and said, "Oh,
now, baby girl." He wrapped her in his big, strong arms and held on while
she fell apart against him.

Finally, as they were still standing two feet inside her
front door, he simply picked her up and carried her to the couch, where he sat
with her on his lap and let her finish crying it out. Allison had taken it upon
herself to make tea, which she set on the coffee table before sliding onto the
couch as well, moving Mia's legs across her own and rubbing Mia's cold feet.

Mia soaked Jeff's shirt and went through an entire box of
tissues before she was finally able to sniffle herself back into some sort of
control. Exhausted, she let her head fall back on Jeff's shoulder and focused
on long, deep breaths.

"All right, now," Allison said in her no-nonsense
voice. "Tell us exactly what happened."

So she did, with many stops and starts and a few more crying
jags. She told them all of it, from the day of the breakup with Barry to the
moment Derrick walked out her front door for the last time.

When she finished, Allison shook her head at Mia in disgust.
"You really screwed this up."

"Me! But—"

"Yes, you, with your 'I don't believe in love' crap.
Derrick's the best thing that could ever happen to you, and you're just letting
him walk away."

"But. . ." Surprised, Mia stared at her friend.
"You're one to talk. You never believed in love, either."

Now it was Allison's turn to look surprised. "Of course
I do. I'm just not ready to settle down yet, that's all. Believe me, if I found
the right guy standing on my doorstep tonight, I'd snatch him up and never let
go. You don't get a shot at real love that often, Mia. You need to get your
head on straight, and then you need to fix this."

Stunned, Mia turned her eyes to Jeff, who'd been
uncharacteristically mum throughout their exchange.

He shrugged. "I never believed your stance on
relationships anyway," he said. "Besides, I'm getting married. I
think my position is clear." Taking her chin in his hand, he held her gaze
with his own. "The important thing is—do you love him?"

Long-buried emotions struggled toward the light. After years
of denial, could she throw off her chains and take the risk? To keep Derrick in
her life, not just as a friend but as her lover in truth, the most important
one of all. . .

Love, in all its purity, in all its faith and hope and
trust, poured through her veins like a river of molten gold, washing away
doubt, insecurity, fear, in one burning, cleansing wave.

"I do," she said, swamped with emotions, her voice
full of tremors and nerves. Then stronger, "I do! I do. Oh, my God, I do.
I love him. How did this happen?"

And why hadn't she realized it in time to keep from losing
him? But that didn't matter—now that she knew, she could fix everything.
She could get Derrick back, make him happy again.

Love. She was in love. And love would fix it all.

Jeff and Allison laughed, but Mia rubbed a hand over her
chest, and she was crying yet again. It was painful, this burgeoning joy first
filling, then overflowing, her heart. It flooded her body, her mind, her senses
with brightness and brought color rushing back into her world. Then sound and
taste and touch, until her entire being seemed lit from within, like a firework
bursting with ecstasy.

Unable to sit still, she grabbed her friends by the hands
and jumped to her feet, pulling them into a circling dance across her family
room floor, shouting, "I'm in love, I'm in love!" over and over until
she was breathless, and they all collapsed back onto the couch.

Panting, the three of them stared at each other, goofy
smiles on each of their faces. Giddiness rioted through Mia's system. She was
in love. In love with her best friend, the best man she knew. And she was going
to prove it to him, make things right between them, and they were going to live
happily ever after.

But how?

Sobering, Mia's euphoria crashed to earth with a jolt.

"What am I going to do?" she asked.

The smile dropped from Jeff's face. He held her hand in his,
and his expression went grave. "You hurt him, Mia. But he loves you.
You'll work it out."

"He said he might move to Tokyo."

Jeff waved that away. "He's blustering."

Shifting her gaze to Allison, Mia said, "I think I have
an idea. Will you help me?"

"Of course," Allison said. She rubbed her hands
together with a gleam in her eye. "What did you have in mind?"

CHAPTER EIGHT

The next two weeks alternately dragged like lead balloons or
sped by like a runaway train. Mia missed Derrick intensely, but his trip to
Tokyo gave her time to set her stage the way she wanted. And time to prepare
herself. She enlisted Allison's shopping expertise and her work as an event
planner to make sure everything came together perfectly.

Nerves shot her out of a sound sleep more than once, but
anticipation kept her blood humming. Like the Grinch whose heart tripled in
size on Christmas Day, hers seemed to know no bounds. The constricting band
she'd wrapped around it for so long had burst, and she'd never been happier.

For the first time in her career, she found herself less
than fully attentive at work and had to scramble to catch up on projects and
phone calls. But most of the time, she floated on the sea of her newfound
confidence.

Loving Derrick, and owning up to it, had given her a sense
of contentment and tranquility she had never known. Instead of shackling her
spirit in fear, or turning her into any man's sexual slave like her mother, it
had freed her. Whole new vistas of possibility and optimism had opened before
her, a hopefulness for the future she could not have envisioned even six months
ago.

Convincing Derrick to give her another chance might take a
Christmas miracle, and the thought still made her belly clench with
trepidation, but she was going to give him every reason to believe in her, to
trust her love and never look back.

She planned to use a little Christmas magic to help her do
just that.

But first, she had to clear the decks.

With two days to go, she donated every dowdy, concealing
piece of clothing Barry had wanted her to wear, and all but one pair of the
size-four jeans, to charity. She wrote him a lengthy, heartfelt letter,
detailing exactly what she thought of him, his 'project' and their time
together, all the things she wished she'd said the night they broke up. Then
she held a ritual burning with Allison. They tossed the letter and the last
pair of jeans into the fire pit on the beach. Arms around each other, they
watched it all go up in smoke while they sang rowdy songs and drank an entire
bottle of champagne.