Unworthy (5 page)

     “And it’s you.”

SAMUEL

Wow.

The woman is just wow.

Fucking hell, what’s wrong with me?

I got a bit stalkerish there for a minute and I can’t believe I asked her how much. What a fucking idiot, the look on her face told me how wrong I got it. Think it, but you never say it, that’s what I have always told myself and a few other things, of course, but I don’t want to think about that. I was desperate for a minute there, though, and if I’m honest I am still desperate because I have no idea if I’m any closer to getting her in my bed, but I may not just want that. I may want more, I know I want more and I want more with her.

CHAPTER FIVE

GRACE

     When I finally manage to get home I am mentally and emotionally drained, but as hard as I try to relax my mind and my body I can’t do it. I am so strung up with the effect of the night that I just can’t relax enough to allow my body the rest it requires. Every time I close my eyes all I can see is Samuel’s eyes haunting me with their presence. I end up starting my Sunday a lot quicker than I planned, at around five thirty.  I get up and begin to soak my clothes in my small bath tub. Once all my clothes are soaking in either the bath tub or kitchen sink I make myself a strong cup of black tea with honey.  I do this every Sunday, it is easier to do my washing this way rather than having to waste money on the house fees to be able to use the washing machines here. I sit down on my bed and drink my tea while I watch the news. After an hour it is time to rinse my clothes and put them on the airier, as normal. My day will then consist of eating cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner while I lie on my bed watching films. It’s nothing special, I know that, but it is the best way for me to relax and it’s worked since I was a child, draining out everything else around me and enjoying my little life in my protective bubble.

     I have another restless night and yet again as I make my way to work I feel as bad as I did Saturday night. How can one man’s actions and words affect another person as much as they are affecting me? I don’t know the guy yet my body is in a whirlpool of emotions. He is gorgeous, that is obvious, but the way he acts like he is the best thing since sliced bread drives me insane. All my mind will allow me to think of is of a man I hardly know anything about. The man that is crawling his way into my confused brain and making it even worse.

      As people begin to come through the floor the atmosphere is yet again alive with the chatter of the son from America. I try to get on with my work, but it is difficult when my brain isn’t playing ball. I feel dazed and confused. I’m not used to living like this, my life is like a military operation, precise and to the point, but at the moment I am completely bewildered by my current emotions. How can I be so confused? I know what I want out of my life, I know what I want, what I need, and nowhere in that future is there a man.

     What would normally take me only a few hours actually takes me all day, and as much as I am angered with myself I can’t make myself work any quicker so I just stay at my own pace. It’s not till nine at night that I think I have come to a point where I can leave the office. I reach over for my mug and make my way to the kitchen. I enjoy this time of the day, the office is so quiet that it would almost be scary if it weren’t for the fact that I know there is security downstairs protecting the building. As I wash and dry my cup I hum along to a tune I heard earlier on the radio until I almost drop it when I hear an American voice speak to me from behind. My heart stops beating within its cage and the air that leaves my lungs burns my throat.

     “Hello again, Grace.” It can’t be him. It’s not possible. I turn around slowly and as I do he comes into view and if I had felt he was handsome the last time I saw him, it is nothing compared to how he looks right at this moment. He is wearing a dark blue suit that fits him just right and matches the color of his eyes perfectly. His hair is lightly gelded and he has a shadow of hair over his jaw making him look more masculine than the day before. He begins to step closer to me and I can smell his scent fill the room and just as I think I am regaining some control he speaks.

      “What are you doing here so late? Everyone else went home hours ago.” I try to answer him, but I am still in shock, my blood flowing through my veins quicker than normal as my heart beats faster.

     “ I…I.I.I.. Hang on a minute, what are you doing here?” He gives me a smile and then answers me with a cheeky wink.

     “The same as you it seems. Working.”

     “I…I told you where I worked and you never said.” I take a breath as I think of something else.

     “I’ve never seen you here before” He looks me over as he begins to step closer to me. Before I know it we are practically nose to nose and I can see the black lines in his eyes that are so unique and different from anything I have ever seen before. I feel him grab hold of my left hand and push me towards a wall. My feet have to quicken their pace as he pushes me back quicker than I can keep up; his grip on my wrist is firm yet soft and sends tingles all the way up my arm. I can feel my heart beating faster against my chest as my cheeks glow with the heat as he affects my body as well as my mind. Why am I allowing him to affect me like this? I hardly know him. It doesn’t make sense, but before I can think any more of it he begins to speak.

     “I believe that before you left me so rudely on the road by that bar on Saturday night I had told you something.” His words convey the anger he must have felt at the time, but his smile tells a different story about how he feels now. His eyes are looking straight into mine and it makes me feel slightly uneasy. The last time I was this close to a male it didn’t end well for me, but I try to force it to the back of my mind, along with all the other memories I have. I try to speak, but the words won’t come out, he’s too close, I can’t think when he is so close, consuming my brain, turning it to mush. Say something, Grace, don’t let this male confuse you and entice you to his manly powers.

     “What did I say to you, Miss Grace?” His eyes look me up and down before he rubs his nose against mine and raises one eyebrow, waiting for my answer.

     “I…I  don’t r..re…remember.”  I can’t let him affect me, but God, it’s so difficult when he is this close and seems to know how to control my body.

     “I think you do, Miss Grace.” He says, as he rubs his nose against mine again, while keeping his eyes on mine.

     “No-one has ever told me no before and I find it so refreshing. You’ve consumed my thoughts since I first saw you at the club and I know you feel the same. Your body gives you away, Grace.” I take in a breath. He knows how I feel, my body gives me away. Shit.

     “I….I..I” I just can’t seem to get the words out and he just stands there watching me, like this is what he expects. It must be so nice to be that assured about oneself. I would like to get to that stage if the memories will allow it. All of a sudden I can feel a wall behind me and Samuel grabs hold of my other hand and pulls them both up above my head. As if he has no control his lips suddenly attack my own and at that moment I feel a fire begin to erupt from deep within me. Butterflies take flight within my stomach leaving me feeling funny as my whole body is alive with the sensations of tingles. It’s as if the kiss he bestows upon me owns my whole body and I can do nothing, but kiss him back. His lips feel warm, soft and wet as they take control of mine and I can feel his tongue seek entry into my mouth. I don’t know what comes over me, but I allow his tongue entrance and I feel it massage my own. I have never been kissed like this, to be honest I have never been kissed except the odd kiss to the cheek, but there is something to be said about this. Alive.  I feel alive as he kisses me and the sensations he erupts from within me turn my body into its own inferno. All too quickly he is pulling away and releasing my hands and I can feel them slump to my side. As I try to control my breathing I see him reach into his pocket and pull something out. His other hand grabs onto one of mine and forces something into it.

     “I. Want. You. And I know you want me” He turns around and starts to walk out of the kitchen, leaving me in a frenzy before he stops at the doors and turns his head around to give me one last smile.

     “And I always get what I want, Miss Grace. Phone me.” And then he’s gone and out of sight while I stand against the wall deep, trying to take back some of the control he has taken from me the bastard. I loosen the grip of my hand and notice a five pound note. As I look closer I can see he has written his mobile number in the centre of the top of the note.   

SAMUEL

It took all my fucking will power to step away from her.

The woman is driving me insane to say the least.

This is not me, I don’t allow women to affect me like this, but the woman I have just left as a quivering wreck is getting under my skin and invading every thought I have. If my experience with her the last two meetings was a mind fuck then what I have just witnessed as I stood by the kitchen door was a body fuck. As I walked to the kitchen to get another coffee I could hear someone humming and it wasn’t one of those sounds where you wished the person would just shut up. No, it was beautiful and feminine and it had completely captivated me. I found I wanted to know who the voice belonged to, but I already knew there was one other person left on the floor and as I stepped around the corner to get to the kitchen I couldn’t help, but stop and watch her.  Grace was standing by the sink washing up a cup and humming while she was wiggling that gorgeous thing she called a bum, her full hips and waist moving in time to the beat of her humming and it was as if I was hypnotized by her beauty. I don’t know how long I stood there just watching her, but I found I could just stand there all night. It could have been hours or just minutes before I decided to speak. As she turned around her whole body was in fear, but as she realized it was me it turned into shock. As I watched her take me in, I could tell she liked what she saw because if I’m honest most women do. I’m not normally an arrogant guy, but after spending so many years with woman falling all over you, you kind of get the idea of what you do to the opposite sex, but as I watched her there was something else. It was as if she was guarding herself from my charms and that got me instantly mad. I wanted this woman in my bed and I would get her there if it killed me, but the frightening thing was I still wanted to know more about her and I have a horrible feeling it will only get worse. I don’t know why I pushed her up against the wall holding her arms above her head; I just got the need to feel her body against my own, surrendering to me. And man how she surrendered. She let me do it and I loved the way her blue eyes looked into mine and the way she just melted into my kiss.

I will have to be careful, though, this woman won’t be like my normal women, this one is different and I love the thought of the challenge. I never give out my cell number, but for some reason I gave it to her and I only hope she will use it and put me out of my misery.

CHAPTER SIX

GRACE

     I manage to get home even though I am in a daze.  I don’t know what is wrong with me, why I am allowing a man to affect me so. I always keep myself closed off, I never let anyone in because I think I am safer that way, history has taught me that. Even though I can’t place it and it feels alien to my whole being I have a massive urge to get to know him. The need I find in myself to allow the man in is confusing me no end. I sit on a lonely seat on my train ride home just pulling and snapping on the elastic band on my wrist, trying to control the emotions Samuel is forcing me to have. By the time I get home my wrist is red raw, but I feel no pain and I also don’t feel the pleasant relief I often have at my own torture. I am so confused that I just crash onto my bed and cry.

     Sometime later the need for a good night’s sleep is overwhelming me and I end up taking some sleeping pills. I lie once again on my bed trying to die down my thoughts, but the same thought keeps repeating itself over and over. I know just by looking at Samuel that I’m not worthy of him, but a part of me wants to see if it is at all possible that this handsome man can see something in me. If I remember the way he looked at me while he had me pushed against the kitchen wall perhaps that thought isn’t completely crazy.

     The sleeping pills actually work and I manage to get a good night’s sleep. I wasn’t even haunted by my normal dreams which leave me waking up almost refreshed and alert. Even though I wake up a little later than I planned I arrive at work just before nine without the thoughts that have been consuming me the night before. The atmosphere again is electric as I step through the building and make my way to the top floor.  As I reach my desk I notice there is a single red rose lying in the middle on top of a card. I pick up the thorn less rose and bring it to my nose and the sweet smell is intoxicating. I place it carefully back on my desk and reach for the card. As I turn it over I notice the masculine writing that dominates it.