Untrusting (Troubled) (24 page)

“You’re crying.  I think
you’re scared and in love and can’t reconcile one with the other.  I’m
with your parents and Miss Lili, sleep with him and let it progress from
there.  It’s not the chosen way to handle this kinda situation, but ya
can’t get over being scared, or in love, or wanting him so much that it fries
your brain when he kisses ya.  So ya have to start somewhere and I don’t
think you’ll get over being scared ‘til he proves there’s nothing to be afraid
of.  Love’s not something ya want to throw away before it becomes a full
reality, so that leaves sex.  Maybe once that fire burns down to a bonfire
instead hell’s inferno you can figure it out.  But like Miss Lili and your
parents, I believe both of ya are in love, but ya just can’t see it past the
fire’s of hell when ya kiss.”

“Maybe you’re all right and ya know
I’d planned to do just that, but now I’m not so sure, again.  I flip from
one to the other in a matter of seconds.  I guess it doesn’t matter right
now, anyway, he’s not in a position to do anything about it.”

“Don’t kid yourself, where there’s
a will, there’s a way.  If I didn’t have Shay to worry about walking in on
us, I’d have been with Bob, regardless of his broken leg.”  We laugh at
the thought.  “It’s very late and we have a long day tomorrow and a long
ride Sunday.  We’d better get to bed.”

We talk on our way up to bed,
“Maria, I don’t think I know what love is.  My fiancé was nothing like
Steve.  I realize he was gay and it wasn’t anything like now, but why am I
so reluctant?  Why am I so uncertain of myself?”

“Forget what you’ve experienced
before.  That was his problem and he pushed it onto you.  Ya can’t
take that on, you didn’t make him that way, ya know.  Now ya have a great
guy that wants ya and will come to trust ya and you’ll trust him.  One
more question and we have to go to bed.  Could you sleep with Steve, or
want him as much as ya do if ya didn’t have feelings for him, even if they only
surface when he kisses ya?”

“But they don’t surface only when
he kisses me.  When he holds me or hugs me or does something nice for
someone the feelings are there.  When we’re touching I lose control and I
don’t know if that’s good or not.  It’s all so intense it scares me.”

“Then do something to bring the
intensity down to a roar.  Then maybe it won’t be so scary.  You can
only try, Sher.  It may turn out that Steve isn’t the one for ya, but ya
won’t know unless ya try.  Now goodnight.”  We’d wound up in the
bathroom after all when she left for bed.

I sat on the vanity for a few
minutes longer, numb from the talk, before I go to bed.

My dream was tormented.  I
dreamed Steve and I didn’t make it because I couldn’t get past my problem,
whatever it is, and sit up when I hear a shout.  Maria comes running into
the room and I’m sitting in my disheveled bed, crying.  She starts toward
me when Miss Lili comes in.  They both come to sit on my bed and hug
me.  I keep crying and saying “Don’t go, please, don’t go.”  They get
me calmed down and to lie back in bed, because I was still asleep.

Maria comes in to wake me in the
morning.  “What did you dream last night?”

“I dreamed Steve and I didn’t make
it and he left me.  How did ya know?”

Then she explains that she and Miss
Lili had sat up with me ‘til I calmed down enough they could put me back to
bed.  I apologize for waking her and Miss Lili.  “Sher, you’re
stronger than this.  What’s going on?  I think ya need to see the
doctor when we get home.  Okay?  Maybe you need a real vacation.”

“I don’t think I need to see the
doctor.  I need some relaxation and some time to myself.  Things are
getting too complicated and I can’t relax.  I need to…who am I kidding, I
don’t know what I need.  I’ll see the doctor when we get home.” 
Maria insists we go for a swim and our day begins.

Miss Lili’s in the pool when we get
downstairs.  We get a cup of coffee and a muffin, I need fortification to
face Miss Lili and apologize for last night.  Miss Lili says there’s no
reason I should feel bad about last night.  I was asleep and had a bad
dream and shrugs to make me feel better.  We go for our swim and then to
the showers.

Today’s going to be very hectic,
but we won’t have guests arriving until three.  We’ll need to be dressed
in shorts because all the food and servers will be coming in by boat and
helicopter and we’ll need to keep coming and going to get it all to the kitchen
by lunch time.  Miss Lili tells us the ladies from San Antonio will be
coming to do our hair and make-up again so we need to be showered by two. 
She helped us pick our dresses and warns us we’ll be in them until the last
guest leaves.

Maria and I groaned.  We’re
not used to wearing high heels that long.  Our feet will need soaking so
we can walk.  Maria asks when we’ll be leaving tomorrow.  Right after
breakfast, Miss Lili says.  We’ll be staying the night in Austin and then
three hours home.  And she’ll be glad to be home.  We agree with her.

At eight o’clock everyone is in the
kitchen having seconds of coffee and muffins when we hear the helicopter fly
over.  Al takes his coffee and muffin and heads for one of the carts,
“Time to get a move on.  It’s started already.”

Miss Lili says we’ll finish our
muffins and start the “transport brigade.”  Mandy is staying in the
kitchen to put away and organize the kitchen help.  We shuttle people and
supplies all morning.  When we finally come in at lunch we find people
running all over the house.  There’re more seating areas and tables. 
A formal dining room that will seat a small army has appeared and a wall seems
to have disappeared.  The furniture on the veranda has been moved and the
glass doors have been opened to enlarge the living room, and the pool has
disappeared.  A platform resembling a stage is at the end of the pool
cover.  Everyone’s busy so there’s no one to ask about all the
transformations.

Miss Lili finds Maria and me and
tells us we have to eat now if we’re to keep on schedule.  Lunch wasn’t
much because it was only supposed to be a big snack.  We’ll need our
appetites for the five course dinner, tonight.  Mandy stopped “commanding
the troops” long enough to have soup and sandwiches with us and to fill Miss
Lili in on the progress of the party.  Miss Lili had set the menu up
Tuesday morning before Maria and I came down for breakfast.  All this information
makes me wonder who would do this in her absence.  There’s no time to ask
the question because she’s telling us to ”Hurry with lunch and go get our
showers.  It’s going on one and the ladies are here and ready for us.”

A glass of tea, a half a sandwich
and a half a bowl of soup and we’re rushed off to our rooms.  On our way
up the stairs, Miss Lili says we have to be with her to “receive and meet her
guests” at three.  We hurry through our showers and find the hairdresser,
manicurists and make-up ladies in each of our rooms.  At two thirty I feel
like I’ve been washed, dried, fluffed and folded, but I’m ready to be inspected
by Miss Lili.  We pass with flying colors, after we close our mouths at
Miss Lili’s appearance.  She’s definitely the belle of the ball.  But
she’ll have no fuss about it and she makes none about ours.  She acts as
if she expected us to “clean up“ well.

A full length mirror has appeared
at the bottom of the stairs and Maria and I get a look at ourselves. 
We’re impressed and depressed.  Who knew we could look this good? 
“Small town girl” has been washed, curled and primped away.  Miss Lili
comes back and drags us away from the mirror saying, “That’s for the guests,”
and laughing.  We go with her to check the kitchen then out to the living room. 
The kitchen was running like clock work and the living room was full of flowers
in crystal vases.  The pool area has a string quartet tuning up and there
are some cowboy looking guys putting instruments down behind them.  Miss
Lili goes over to say hello to them.  We were fine ‘til she hugged Willie
Benson.  Then we realized Miss Lili has spared no expense for this
party.  But when she brought them all over to meet us we were tongue
tied.  When we followed Miss Lili toward the other end of the veranda she
told us “You girls are gonna have to get over your celebrity shock. 
You’ll be meeting a lotta big people tonight and being anything but cool headed
isn’t why you’re here.  So snap out of it.  These are just people and
no better than you are, regardless, of how they might act.”

At three o’clock sharp, the string
quartet started playing and Miss Lili is greeting Senator and Mrs. Ramirez,
Congressman and Mrs. Gonzalez, Governor and Mrs. Roberts and Lieutenant
Governor and Mrs. Perez.  We went through most of the Texas Republican
party and every oil company representative, whether they were CEO’s or owners,
before the guests quit coming at five.  At seven we had dinner and that’s
where the conversations got started.  They all, obviously, understood this
was a political dinner and business talk was expected at the dinner
table.  The conversation continued until nine and Willie Benson started
playing.  Then they danced for an hour on the dance floor over the
pool.  At ten some of the dignitaries started leaving by helicopter, there
are two flying tonight, shuttling the guests back to shore.  When the
guests thinned down some Miss Lili hollered at Willie to play some up beat
songs, she wants to line dance.  The men’s ties and jackets come off and the
flash of western belt buckles is seen.  The ladies drop their shawls and
take off their heels and everyone starts hooting and hollering.  Then the
party started and the booze came out.  We dance ‘til all the guests, but a
few, have been shuttled off the island.  The last to leave are Miss Lili’s
friends and she talks to them to get their impression of the conversations they
had been involved in.  By midnight they’re all gone.

Mandy comes out to say the hired
servers and kitchen help are ready to leave.  The string quartet had left
when Willie started playing.  We heard the loud noise of several
helicopters and Miss Lili thanked the departing help and praised them for the
success of the party.  Willie and his band have a few drinks with us and
then the helicopters are back to take them to shore.

As soon as they’re all gone, Miss
Lili drops into a chair expelling air through her mouth and a sigh.  And
we follow suit.  Mandy and Al join us with the same reaction.  We
hear a helicopter coming back and Al gets up to take the cart drivers to the
helicopter.

After a few minutes, Miss Lili
asks, “Did ya have fun tonight?”  We have to admit we did.  Then she
says we’ll compare notes tomorrow on the trip back.  Al reports the
conversations overheard by the cart drivers and Mandy tells what she’d
overheard from the servers and we’re off to bed, slowly.  The stairs
almost do us in, after the night we’ve had.  No girl talk tonight, we just
fall into bed.

Miss Lili wakes us with “Last one
in the pool has to drive first.”  I’m afraid that didn’t get Maria or me
to move any faster than we could.  Our back and feet are sore, so we’re
moving slow and stepping lightly.  Of course, Miss Lili was on her way to
the pool when she knocked on our doors.  We now understand the remark
about her cheating.  We’re refreshed by our swim and Mandy brings the
coffee and muffins pool side and sits down with us.  Al joins us a few
minutes later with news about our return to shore.

“Lili, the lagoon’s too choppy for
the boat and a storm’s expected, so it won’t get any better.  If you want
to leave in the next two days you’ll have to go by helicopter today.  I
can get the bigger ‘copter so the ride will be better and it’ll carry all the
luggage.  You want me to get the tequila?”

“Get the tequila and the ‘copter. 
We have to get back to shore.  These girls need to get back home. 
The boys won’t forgive me if I keep them any longer.  And Maria’s boy
needs his Mom.  Have the ‘copter bring my helmet with the oxygen. 
And get Sam for the pilot, he knows how to fly to keep me from passin’ out.”

“You girls ever been up in a
helicopter?”  We both say no.  “Well, looks like you’re about to get
your first ride in one.  Want a shot or two of tequila with me?”

“Miss Lili, it’s a little early for
tequila.  Do you need it to fly?”  Maria’s not sure about flying
after what Miss Lili said about her experience.  “I thought ya couldn’t
fly and breathe.”

“If I’m about half drunk and the
helicopter doesn’t go up or down too fast I can fly and breathe.  I just
don’t like drinkin’ to do it.  Now, ladies, will you join me, or do I have
to drink alone?  Let me just say I don’t like to drink and, certainly, not
alone.”

I look at Maria and we shrug to
each other, “I guess if we’re gonna keep to our schedule, we’ll have a drink
with ya.”  Al’s bringing the shot glasses and the tequila out.  After
our shots we go upstairs to shower and change.  We’ve already
packed.  Al and Mandy come up to help us with our luggage.  Miss Lili
comes out of her bedroom giggling, but notices we don’t have the garment bags
and tells us to be sure we get them.  We’ll need them in Austin.

The flight over was
fantastic.  The waves on the lagoon with their white caps on the blue
water was a sight from the air.  In spite of the choppy water we were able
to see the different blues and greens of the lagoon indicating the depth of the
water amazed me and Maria.  The sight of land and its green palm fronds
contrasting on the tan sand of the beach looked like a beach paradise. 
Maria and I enjoyed the view.  Miss Lili made it without a problem, or a
word.  She had to be pried out of the seat, but she was fine once her feet
hit the ground.  She was right, Sam took it slow in the ascent and the
descent.

The limo is waiting to take us to
the car and we’re off to Austin and home.  Miss Lili sleeps the first two
hours of the trip.  Maria and I think it’s because of the tequila and the
fright of flying.

We have lunch at Miss Lili’s
favorite spot in New Braunfels and drive on to Austin.  Miss Lili directs
us to our hotel then tells us we have a dinner engagement at the governor’s
tonight.  We were invited last night before the governor left the
party.  We’ll need to dress formally and all the state’s politicians will
be there with some special interest lobbyists.  We need to be on our toes
and try to corner those who might try to get votes for higher taxes on oil
companies, or cut oil production, mostly, the Republican and the Libertarian
parties.

Beauticians come to our rooms to do
our hair and make-up and help us get dressed.  A limo picks us up and lets
us off at the Governor’s Mansion.  The dinner’s served over a period of an
hour.  It was good, but I have no idea what it was.  I believe I
recognized the taste of cauliflower in one of the dishes, but I can’t be sure. 
The appetizer tasted kinda fishy and the wine color kept changing with the
dinner courses.  After tasting the first glass of wine Maria and I decided
we’d stick to water.  We thought it was spoiled, or salted.

We aren’t such country bumpkins
that we didn’t know it was wine, but we didn’t know how it was supposed to
taste.  Maria and I listened to the others talk most of the evening. 
While we were in the ladies room we were talking about how the politicians
seemed to always talk “shop.”  Alma, the governor’s wife, came out of a
stall and announced she’d rather stay in the kitchen and “visit with the cook
than talk with most of the ladies that attend these dinners.  The women
act like they’re better than each other because of their husband’s political
position.  Imagine that.  They have no clue about being themselves,
only their husband’s, non-elected, running mate.  I swear they’re more
politically minded than their husbands.”

“So how are you two?  I can’t
tell ya how much fun I had last night dancing with y’all.  Mark and I
always attend Miss Lili’s parties.  We can be ourselves without fear of it
hittin’ the newspapers.  After all the stuff shirts around here, we need
it.”  The door to the bathroom opens and a maid comes in and stops, as if
to wait.  Alma looks at her and nods, “Uh-oh, I’ve been discovered. 
It’s time to tuck the kids in and get back to the party.”  With that she
gives us a hug, puts her finger to her lips to swear us to secrecy and leaves.

Maria and I look at each other,
stunned then start to laugh.  We go back to the party with a different
attitude.  We start talking to the men while the women stand beside them
with their arm linked with his, as if to suggest a claim on him.  Maria
and I are having fun worrying the wives about our intentions.  Alma notices
and comes over to encourage us with a smile, a nod and a twinkle in her
eye.  Maria and I start talking about the clinic at home, the puppy mill
dogs, and the animal shelter that has come from that tragedy.  The women
are still standing quietly, but the statesmen are interested and engage in the
conversation.  We talk about the storm and how the town worked together to
clean things up.  We tell about the carnival the town held to help the
less fortunate fix their houses and all the activities that go on in
town.  They’re amazed at the town’s concerned for those around them.

Maria and I start talking about how
the town has to be concerned, because there are no other plans in town to help
those people.  A man comes through the crowd to introduce himself.  Representative
and Mrs. Andrews ask if they can visit the town next week.  I say sure,
its not going anywhere.  He says he heard about the carnival and the puppy
mill animals and he wants to talk to those involved in taking care of them on a
lower keyed level and look over the town.  Miss Lili has come to stand
beside and behind Maria.  She now gets into the conversation and invites
them to spend the day in town to see how things are there and to come dressed
in jeans and arrive in a pickup.  He chuckles.  We don’t want any
reporters causing any interruptions in the visit or the town, she says. 
He says he would love to come and miss out on the media circus.  We smile
and say goodnight to them and all the others.  We give our regards to the Governor
and Alma and get a hug from Alma as we leave.