Untraceable (3 page)

He didn’t need to know the pregnancy
happened months before the reconciliation. I wasn’t lying. The
timing of the pregnancy hadn’t been questioned, so I was hoping
Micah would remain silent.

“
Correct. Micah is the
father and the only man I’ve had sex with.”

“
So what happened to the
man who was threatening Micah’s family?”

Micah’s mouth opened, but I squeezed
his hand with all the might I possessed and continued, “He recently
passed away. That’s why we can go out in public again without being
worried something awful might happen.”

“
Wow, I can understand why
you’re so upset, Micah. I’ve always known Leese is a very special
young lady, but I’m even more impressed.” He turned to me and
continued, “Leese, I’ve married a lot of people, but I don’t know
if I’d ever seen someone quite as in love as you obviously were
with Micah, and then for you to set your heart’s desire aside to
protect his family—well, that is very special.”

I could hear Micah sigh as the slow
smile spread across his face. As much as I once thought I cared
about my reputation, it seemed Micah truly cared more.

“
I know what’s going
around the church is bothering you, Micah. I’ll see what I can do
to change their perception, but don’t expect it to vanish by next
Sunday. It may take a little more time—unless I turn you into a
Sunday Sermon, Leese.”

“
No, that’s okay, Pastor.
I think a gradual change would suit me just fine.”

I could tell by the look on Micah’s
face he liked the Sunday sermon idea better, but there was no way I
would agree to that.

“
So, you said this wasn’t
what you actually came to see me about; are we ready to tackle the
next subject?”

Micah leaned forward in his chair, his
head seemed to lower and his face was troubled once
again.

“
If it’s okay with Micah,
I’d like to speak for him. At least for a little while and then he
can take over when he’s ready.”

Micah nodded.

“
In the time we were
apart, Micah returned to his way of life before salvation. He’s
consumed with remorse for things he’s done and, although I
explained that God doesn’t expect a perfect life, and that
all
his sins were
forgiven, he can’t seem to forgive himself for what he’s done. He
was raised Catholic, but—”

“
Confession,” Micah spoke
up, “is something Leese thinks is unnecessary in the Baptist
church.”

“
I’m afraid you’re wrong,
Leese,” Pastor Anderson stated.

My heart jumped to
double-time.
Please don’t tell him to
start confessing
, I screamed inside my
head. This could turn ugly very fast.

“
But, I’m not the person
you confess to, Micah. Prayer is our direct link to confessing our
sins before God. You don’t need a priest, pastor, or rabbi; you
need time on your knees with God.”

My sigh of relief was
audible.

“
I don’t need to know what
your sins are, but I do have to know that you are ready to turn
away from them—whatever they are. You’ve got to make a conscious
effort to avoid them at all costs.”

I could see Micah’s head begin to
wobble. I know he was wondering how he was going to avoid murder
when his boss already told him he wasn’t released from the mob
until he helped straighten out the mess he helped create. Some of
the ‘straightening’ might involve a Glock and his particular brand
of deadly accuracy.

“
Let me put it this way: I
don’t know what your sins were, whether it was drinking, drugs,
sex, pornography—it doesn’t matter, you’ve got to show God that you
are willing to make a change. If you don’t try, then perhaps coming
forward was just lip-service without intent, but only you know that
answer.

“
Here is an example I use
a lot: Let’s say you’re an alcoholic and you were recently saved.
You know it’s wrong for you to go back to drinking, but you decide
to at least go back to the bars where your old friends hang out. No
problem. You’re just going to have a coke. You say it isn’t the
alcohol you miss, but it’s the friends and the night life. What’s
going to happen if you put yourself back in that
situation?”

“
I would eventually start
drinking like everyone else.”

“
Right. If you know where
your weaknesses lie, show you’re honestly trying to avoid them.
Does that mean you will never slip? Will you suddenly be this
perfect, superhuman without flaw? No. Sin will happen, and when it
does ask God for forgiveness, but don’t come begging forgiveness if
you plan to turn around and actively go back out and look for ways
to find sin.”

Micah nodded slowly.

“
Did you mean it when you
came forward, Micah? Were you sincere? Did you really want to
become a new creature?”

Micah looked up with tear filled eyes,
“More than anything.”

“
Then there are a couple
of things I want you to do. First, pray. Seek the only one who
knows if you’re sincere in your remorse. Second, we haven’t
baptized you yet and, even though it doesn’t wash away sins, it
does signal that you’ve made an inward change. Many people feel
like the baptism is the point where they really start over fresh
and new. And last, make every effort to leave your old life in the
past. Don’t drag it into your new life. Avoid it. You’ve got a
beautiful reason sitting beside you to make this an honest effort
at change—and I
know
she’ll support you the whole way.”

Micah looked at me and squeezed my
hand, and then his eyes went large, “You’ve got to remarry us,” he
tossed out suddenly.

“
You divorced?”

“
I annulled the marriage
when she left me.”

He glanced at my stomach and then back
to Micah, “Leese kept her vow to be faithful to you Micah, and,
although I really don’t want to dig into whatever this sin is
that’s bothering you, I have to ask if you kept your vow to
her?”

“
Yes, I did—she’s been the
only one.”

The pastor looked relieved.

Technically, our
baby
was
conceived out of wedlock, but I could tell by his expression
the commitment we made to each other weighed more.

“
I’ll be happy to do a vow
renewal ceremony, if you want it. Legally, the marriage license is
sufficient. You’ve stated your vows and you’ve kept
them.”

“
Yes, we want to renew.
Could we do it right after the baptism?” Micah asked.

Suddenly, I could see the real beauty
in what he was asking—we would re-pledge ourselves right after
Micah’s newness of life experience. I liked this idea—a
lot.

“
When would you like to—”
the pastor began.

“
I would be ready today,
but we need to reapply for a marriage license,” Micah
stated.

“
That’s a good thing,
because I wouldn’t do it today. You need a little time to take care
of your personal confession with God, before the baptism. What
about next Sunday? We can do it at the end of the service. You can
invite family, friends, anyone you’d like to witness this
commitment to change.”

Micah looked at me; I smiled. He
squeezed my hand and tearfully said next Sunday would be
perfect.

“
Wonderful. Is there
anything else you two would like to discuss?”

“
No,” Micah stated, rising
to shake the pastor’s hand, “but we appreciate your
help.”

Micah was silent as we left the
church. We told Mom we would call her as soon as we were done, and
then meet at a restaurant for lunch. I had just taken my cell phone
out of my purse when he spoke.

“
Leese, when you suggested
this, I honestly didn’t think it would help,” he began. “I knew I
was going to walk out of that building today and feel just as
guilty as when I walked in, but—thank you. Baby—I can’t tell you
how much… Well, lighter is the only word I can think of to describe
what I’m feeling. I don’t know what I’m going to do about my boss,
but at least I feel like I can really, truly see the end of my old
life.” He leaned over as we stopped in traffic and kissed my cheek,
“Je t'aime, mon ange,” he whispered in my ear.

“
You know I really miss
you speaking French to me. You do it so beautifully.”

He smiled as he looked back toward
traffic and began moving the car forward, “The next time I make
love to you, I’ll give you an all night French lesson.”

Goosebumps covered my skin as I
considered his promise, “J'accepte.”

“
Call your mom,” he
reminded me.

I’d been sitting there holding my
phone, thinking about having Micah speak French to me as we made
love, and Mom had been completely and totally forgotten. I couldn’t
remove my intense smile as I finally began pushing
buttons.

CHAPTER two

That afternoon, once we’d returned
home from lunch, Micah surprised me by saying he was leaving for a
little while.

“
Take me with you,” was
the first thing out of my mouth. I had some fears about him going
off by himself that weren’t totally irrational—the last time he did
this to me, D’Angelo met a sudden end, and Micah nearly met his as
well. I was certain, after everything we’d discussed over the last
two days, he wasn’t going to go kill someone, but I was afraid to
turn loose of him.

“
No, I need some private
time,” he said softly.

“
But—”

“
Prayer time,” he
added.

“
I’ll pray with
you.”

“
Not this time, baby. This
is just between me and my Maker.” He kissed me softly and then said
he’d see me later, but not to worry if it was really
late.

“
Not too late,” I
begged.

“
We’ll see,” was all he
said, and then he kissed me again and left.

It was ten when, to my relief, I heard
the Corv

ette pull into the garage. I
determined I was going to wait up for him, no matter how long it
took, but I was exhausted and had been dozing as I lounged on the
couch. I heard the door from the garage open and shut quietly. I
listened for the faint sounds as he set the house alarm and then
the sound of his footsteps as he headed for the
staircase.

“
Hey, mister,” I called
gently as he raised his foot for the first riser.

He turned and peered into the dim
living room.

I could see a large smile on his face
as he moved toward me.

“
You shouldn’t have waited
up, baby—but I’m glad you did. I had the most incredible afternoon
and I was hoping you were awake so I could tell you about
it.”

I couldn’t believe the change in the
tone of his voice. All the heaviness and sorrow, all the regret and
pain had vanished and he honestly sounded happy. I hadn’t heard him
sound this way since the few days we had together right after the
wedding. I reached out and stroked his cheek as I rose from the
couch. “I’ve been nodding off for the last forty minutes or so, but
I wouldn’t have been able to sleep without you. Do you want to talk
down here or lie in bed and talk?”

“
How about something
completely different?”

“
Like what?” I asked with
a little wrinkle to my forehead.

“
I don’t feel like being
inside right now, but I know you’re tired. The apartment off the
pool deck has French doors from the bedroom to the pool. How about
we open the doors and lie in there for a while? You get to be in
bed and I still get to be somewhat outdoors.”

“
Sounds good to me, but
you’ll need to turn off the main alarm or we’re going to wake up
everyone when we go out the back.”

Minutes later we were lying on a
comfortable bed with a gentle breeze blowing into the room through
the open doors.

“
I like this,” I
confessed, a little disappointed I hadn’t come up with the idea.
“Tell me about your afternoon—I can tell you enjoyed
it.”

He had taken off his shirt and was
lying on his back with this hand under his head. My head was
resting on the inside of his bicep as I rolled toward him with my
leg draped over his leg. He was still wearing his big
smile.

“
Come on,” I coaxed,
“you’re grinning from ear to ear and I want to know
why.”

He turned his face toward me and
kissed my forehead.

“
Where did you go?” I
begged. I had my suspicions he might have gone down to St.
Bernard’s Monastery, but I would wait for him to tell
me.

“
I never do anything
without planning it out first, but I just got in my car and started
driving. I probably looked like a nut because I started talking to
God the minute I got behind the wheel and didn’t quit for almost
two hours. But, when I did stop talking, I didn’t have a clue where
I was at.”

“
You were lost?” I
quipped. He had a navigation system in the car, but he evidently
didn’t bother to turn it on.