Until You (20 page)

“For heaven's sake, Brendon, you have likely just destroyed an hour of poor Edith’s work,” she declared breathlessly, dramatically patting her still perfectly coiffed hair, though her smile was wide and completely devoid of censure.

“I've missed you, Grandmother,” Brendon Leighton declared, as he placed an affectionate arm around her shoulders, leading her into the front parlor. 

“Why didn't you let us know you were coming home?”  Madeline asked, as he steered her to one of the silk covered settees.

“I wanted to surprise you of course,” he grinned impishly as they sat down.  “I have brought home an entire shipload of presents for everyone, including a special gift for Nick.  Where is the old man anyhow?”

 “I am afraid your brother is still in London,” replied Madeline with a sigh of irritation.

Brendon eyed his grandmother curiously.  “I would have stopped by the townhouse when we docked, but being so close to Christmas, I assumed he would be here.”

As Ashleigh entered the front parlor, intending to retrieve the book she had been reading earlier, she stopped short when she realized the room was occupied.  Her heart nearly missed a beat when she saw Madeline sitting next to a large, dark-haired man on the sofa.  At first glance she’d thought it was Nicholas, but then quickly realized that the man sitting beside Madeline must be Nicholas’ younger brother, Brendon.

“Excuse me, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Ashleigh said, glancing apologetically toward Madeline.

“Ashleigh dearest, come in and meet my grandson,” Madeline said, eagerly beckoning her forward.

Brendon had already risen from his seat and was looking at Ashleigh with a mixture of what she could only think to describe as surprise and lascivious delight. 

“Brendon,” Madeline continued, “this is Lady Ashleigh St. John.  She is the granddaughter of my dear friend Searle St. John, the Earl of Dexter, and to my absolute joy she has been staying here while he has been away on business.”

“I am delighted to meet you, Lady St. John,” Brendon replied, lifting Ashleigh's outstretched hand to place a perfunctory kiss upon the back, but at the last minute he turned it upward and planted a feather soft kiss upon her smooth inner palm instead. 

Ashleigh started in surprise at the unexpected action and then nearly laughed aloud when Brendon gave her a playfully seductive wink.  Goodness, she had thought the Earl of Chesterfield was a charming rogue, but in comparison to the handsome and audacious young rakehell before her, Alex could pass for a choirboy.  For the first time in weeks she felt genuine amusement and an absolute sense of delight.  Noting Brendon's sudden disgruntled expression, she had to put her hand against her mouth to stifle her mirth, fairly certain that the dashing young man wasn't accustomed to his seductive charm triggering amusement of all things.

However, a moment later, Brendon’s disgruntlement turned to amusement as well and he immediately gifted her with a sinfully enchanting smile.  “At long last, a challenge,” he murmured under his breath, though loud enough for her to hear.
 
And then he began to chuckle, which in turn caused Ashleigh to release her own delicate laughter. 

Madeline looked between the two of them in utter bewilderment.  “What on earth is so amusing?” she inquired inquisitively.

“My apologies, Grandmother, it was nothing,” Brendon replied, giving Ashleigh a secretive wink.

Ashleigh merely shrugged her shoulder as she regarded Madeline with a bright smile.
 
It was the first time in a long while that she had laughed with any real feeling, and it felt wonderful.

Madeline looked curiously between the two, but apparently decided to let the matter pass.  “Ashleigh dear, do come and sit down,” she said, patting the seat beside her.  “I want you and Brendon to become better acquainted.”  With Madeline looking toward Ashleigh, the duchess missed the wicked lift of Brendon's brows and the rakish grin that lit up his features at his grandmother's comment.  “But first, I would like Brendon to indulge us by relating the tales of his recent voyage,” she said, with an affectionate smile toward her youngest grandson. 

“Of course, Grandmother, it will be my absolute pleasure to indulge you and
Lady St. John in
anything
you could possibly desire,” he quipped, looking pointedly at Ashleigh.

Grinning, Ashleigh knew without a doubt that she and Brendon Leighton were going to get along famously.

Over the next several days, Ashleigh spent nearly all of her free time in the pleasurable company of Nicholas’ younger brother.  Brendon was a delightful companion; intelligent, outgoing, wickedly charming, and nearly as handsome as Nicholas.  And much to her surprise, he displayed none of the wariness and reserve that was so evident in his brother, a circumstance which she found extremely refreshing.  If only she had fallen in love with Brendon, her life might have been so much easier.  But despite her fondness for him, Brendon didn’t set her heart aflutter as Nicholas did.  She considered him a friend, nothing more.  They played chess, poker, and backgammon, held snowball fights in the rear garden and rode together every morning after breakfast.  She continued to don her breeches when she rode, and unlike Nicholas, Brendon seemed to appreciate her reckless streak, praising her for her unconventional behavior. 

She knew that Brendon was attracted to her as well, and it wasn't just because of his playful flirtations.  She often caught him looking at her in the same way she had often looked at Nicholas, completely captivated.  When he made subtle romantic advances toward her, she did her best to rebuff him as gently as possible, often teasing him to redirect his attentions.  They were both young and attractive and got along so well, she knew he didn't understand why she deliberately kept him at an emotional distance.  She wanted to explain, but how could she tell him that she was in love with Nicholas, and even now carried his illegitimate child?

Nicholas hadn’t slept with another woman since the night he had taken Ashleigh's virginity.  He’d considered it on several occasions, but something seemed to be holding him back.  Perhaps he was punishing himself.  Perhaps it was something else.  He wasn’t sure.  However, for a man unaccustomed to celibacy, it was an odd turn of events, not to mention frustrating as hell.  Though he was loathe to admit it, in the deep recesses of his mind perhaps what he really feared was that if he took another woman to bed the incredible night he’d spent with Ashleigh would gradually fade from his memory, replaced by yet another series of meaningless sexual encounters, physically satisfying but ultimately hollow.  But then again, that’s what he wanted wasn’t it, to forget her?  The inner turmoil was driving him mad.

Cursing himself for a fool, Nicholas stepped into the waiting coach and prepared himself to return to
Sethe
Manor, knowing he couldn’t put it off any longer.

When Brendon offered to take Ashleigh on a sleigh ride the morning before Christmas, she readily accepted.  This would be the first Christmas she had spent without her grandfather in years, and she missed him dreadfully.  She had received a lengthy letter from him the day before, as well as numerous gifts that he had purchased for her during his travels, but it wasn’t the same.  Another reason for her sudden melancholy was the guilt she felt, knowing that her continued presence at
Sethe
Manor was assuredly to blame for Nicholas’ prolonged absence.  Poor Madeline was obviously troubled by Nicholas’ uncharacteristic behavior, and Brendon clearly hadn’t a clue as to what was going on with his brother. 

Brendon had wanted to go to London days earlier to speak with Nicholas, but the weather had prevented him from leaving.  It had finally stopped snowing last night, and although they didn’t say it aloud, Ashleigh suspected that he and Madeline were hoping that Nicholas had remained in London because of the storm, and not because he was deliberately staying away.  How could she tell them that it was really because of her?

The anticipation of the sleigh ride was a perfect distraction from her troubled musings, and she was grateful that Brendon had suggested it.  Donning her heavy winter cloak, she made her way outside just as Brendon pulled the sleigh to a stop in front of the house.

 Assisting her into the low-slung conveyance, Brendon made sure she was comfortably settled, and then piled a small mountain of blankets and furs on top of her to keep her warm.  She noted that he had also placed several heated bricks in the bottom of the sleigh to keep her feet from growing cold and she appreciated his thoughtfulness.  Sliding in beside her, Brendon pulled a thick fur across his lap, and then lightly flicked the reins as he called to the large grey harnessed to the front. 

As the sleigh began to move across the snowy ground, the bells Brendon had fastened to the horse’s harness jingled festively.  Distancing themselves from the house, she and Brendon began to sing Christmas carols to accompany the tinkling music of the bells, laughing intermittently when he altered some of the lyrics to fit the bawdy sea songs he had learned from some of the saltier sailors in his crew.  It was a beautiful day and Ashleigh was thoroughly enjoying herself.  The sky was clear, the air still and the snow-covered pines made for a perfect backdrop as they sped across the snow, the sleigh runners leaving two narrow trails in their wake.

A short time later, several miles from the estate, Brendon pulled the horse to a stop and turned to face her.  As he looked into her laughing eyes, his own cheerful expression suddenly grew serious.

Ashleigh watched the changing emotions cross Brendon’s face, and when he leaned toward her, she instinctively knew he that was going to kiss her.  For a brief moment their eyes met and held.  When he moved toward her, instead of pulling away as she might have done before, she closed her eyes and waited for their lips to meet.  Perhaps it was simple curiosity, or perhaps she was afraid of hurting his feelings, in that moment she honestly wasn’t sure.  When it came, the kiss was gentle and coaxing and incredibly sweet.  However, in spite of his obvious expertise, she felt nothing.  If someone as charming and handsome as Brendon Leighton couldn’t arouse even the faintest desire within her, she knew then with absolute certainty that no one would, no one but Nicholas. 

When he drew back, Ashleigh opened her eyes, her expression apologetic, and then she dropped her gaze to her lap.

“There’s someone else, isn’t there?” Brendon asked softly, tilting Ashleigh's chin up so that she was forced to meet his steady gaze.

His eyes were the same shade of blue as Nicholas’ and fringed with the same long, dark lashes.  She didn’t know what to say.  She felt tears welling and tried to hold them back. 

“You’re in love with my brother, aren’t you?”  His tone was kind and understanding, though it held a hint of disappointment.

Ashleigh looked at him in startled surprise.  “Why would you think that?” she whispered softly, stunned by his perceptiveness.

“I have watched your face when you hear his name.”  He lowered his hand, releasing his gentle hold on her chin.  “I guess I was just hoping that I was wrong, for both of our sakes.”

“I’m sorry, Brendon.”  Her expression revealed her mixed emotions. 

“I don't know how well you know Nicholas, but he is….”  He trailed off with a sigh, reaching out to tenderly stroke her cheek.  “I just don't want to see you get hurt Ashleigh.”

His voice held such compassion and sincerity.  Even though they had only known each other a short time, she knew she could trust Brendon.  “I know him better than you might think,” she admitted.  She needed to talk to someone, someone who wouldn’t judge her, someone who could help her figure out what to do. 

He eyed her curiously.

“Brendon, there is something I want to tell you.  I…”  It was so hard; she couldn’t find the right words.  Tears began pouring unheeded down her cheeks.

His expression was both shocked and concerned.
 
“Ashleigh, what is it?”

“I… Nicholas and I, oh Brendon, I… I’m going to have a baby.” 

For a moment he simply stared at her in stunned silence, and then he held out his arms. 

Sobbing, Ashleigh threw herself into his comforting embrace.  Brendon simply held her, rocking her gently back and forth like a child, until eventually her tears turned into soft whimpers and quiet sniffles.

“I swear to you, Ashleigh, my brother will be held accountable for what he has done.  I will make sure of it,” he declared vehemently.

“No, no it isn’t that,” she sniffled, realizing what Brendon was thinking.  “Nicholas doesn't know about the baby.  I have not told anyone but you.”
 
She watched his expression change as understanding dawned.  “Swear to me that you will not tell him Brendon, please,” Ashleigh pleaded, her voice suddenly fraught with fear and trepidation.  “I don't want him to know, not yet anyhow.”

“But why ever not?”  He was plainly confused.

“It’s just that, well...I am still trying to figure out what to do, I suppose.”

“You’ll get married of course.”  The statement was matter of fact, as if the problem were simple and had already been solved.  “What other option is there?”
 
He studied her curiously for a moment.
 
“You love him don’t you?”