Until the Sun Burns Out (13 page)

I should’ve known Dad wouldn’t let this go. In the weeks after our talk, he acted strange around Austin. Not only that, but he put more emphasis on family time than he had before. I tried to be understanding about it, but mostly it made me angry. Summer was almost over, and then I wouldn’t see Austin again for another nine months. I would see Dad multiple times throughout the year. He’d visit for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Spring Break.

But the summer was all Austin and I had.

When Dad insisted I forego my time with Austin to be with him, he was taking that away from me.

“When are you gonna be straight with me, summer girl?” Austin asked one night as we sat on the beach near my house. He’d been over for dinner earlier. Originally, Dad had demanded that it only be the three of us, but I’d worn him down, insistently begging for Austin to come over. It was the last week of summer, after all.

“What are you talking about?” Drawing my legs up to my chest, I rested my chin on my knees and peered up at him. The moonlight sliced across his chiseled face.

“C’mon, I know something’s up with your dad. Things have changed between the two of you…and the way he is around me…well, it’s not like it was. Did you tell him about being alone at my house the night of the bonfire?”

Anger simmered in my veins. I had hoped Austin hadn’t noticed how strange Dad was being. Dropping my arm, I swirled my fingers in the sand as I mulled over how to respond. The last thing I wanted to do was tell him about my dad’s suspicions or about what Penny said. My anger escalated thinking about how mean Austin’s parents were to him. I knew that coming over here was an escape for Austin. Why did Penny have to ruin that with her poisonous gossip? And why did Dad have to buy into it?

“Hey.” Austin’s hand clamped over my arm, stilling it. “You can tell me. I won’t be angry. I know you and your dad have a very open and honest relationship. I wish I had that with my own dad.”

My fingers suspended over the sand. Raising my head, I looked into his eyes. This side of Austin always got to me. When he was serious, it cracked open my heart, split it in two. Sure, I preferred the fun-loving, easy going side. However, that side was easy to challenge. It was this side that I couldn’t say no to. It was this side that could talk me into anything.

“No, I didn’t tell my dad about being alone at your house. There was nothing to tell. You were a complete gentlemen.” A slow sigh filtered through my lips. “But Penny told my dad some things, and it got him kind of worried about…” I bit my lip, wondering the best way to say this next part. “About how close we’re getting.”

His hand slipped from my arm, his gaze dropping to his lap. “I see.”

“I’m sure none of it is true. It’s just…you know…my dad worries.” He still wasn’t looking at me. His gaze was fixated on something in front of him. My heart pinched, and I wished I’d never said anything.

“What did Penny tell him?”

I stared out at the waves as they crashed into the sand, leaving a filmy foam along the edges. When it curled over, it looked like the sea was lined in dish soap. “Just that you’ve been in trouble back home.” I shook my head. “Like I said, I’m sure it’s not true. It was probably a misunderstanding like what happened with that guy a few summers ago.”

Silence blanketed us. I swallowed hard, listening to the sound of the waves, of the wind, of people in the distance.

“It isn’t like that,” he finally said, his voice so quiet it was like the wind as it whisked through the branches of a tree.

My head whipped in his direction. A slight breeze kicked up, a few strands of his hair flapping over his forehead. He didn’t attempt to smooth it back, and with it tousled like that, he looked even more ruggedly handsome than usual.

“What?” I asked, sure I’d misheard. Or maybe I’d misunderstood. Either way, I longed for clarification.

“What Penny said is true.” His eyes locked with mine. “I have been in trouble back home, and it hasn’t been a misunderstanding like the one I told you about.”

Reaching out, I gently touched his face. “It doesn’t matter.”

He drew back. “It should.”

I knew he was right, and usually it would. I was never the kind of girl to go for the bad boy. In the past, I always liked boys that were similar to me. Boys that followed the rules, got good grades, played sports. But I didn’t need all that from Austin, because I knew who he was in his heart where it counted. I’d been around Austin’s family enough to know there were issues there. In that way it wasn’t surprising that he’d had problems. But Austin was a good guy. That was a truth I’d stake my life on. I’d dated guys before who were like that guy at the bonfire. Guys who seemed good on the outside – maintained good grades, worked hard, played sports, ran for student council – but when they got me alone, they only wanted one thing. Austin had never been like that with me. He respected me more than any other boy ever had.

“It doesn’t,” I said more firmly.

Hoisting himself up, he stood and then brushed sand from the back of his pants. I blinked as it flew in my direction.

“I’m sorry,” he said, reaching down to wipe it from my face.

Taking advantage of the opportunity, I snatched up his hand. “You’re a good guy, Austin.”

A sad smile flickered over his face, fast, like the flash on a camera. “I wish that were true.” He backed away from me, his hand unhooking from mine. “It’s probably best that your dad found out. I always knew this would have to end.”

Desperation clawing at my insides, I scrambled to my feet. “What are you talking about? This doesn’t have to end.” I trailed him, my feet slipping in the sand. But I fought to stay upright, to keep up with him. My hair whipped in the breeze slapping me in the face, but I didn’t care. I only cared that Austin was walking away from me. That he was acting like we were over. How had this happened? “My dad never said we couldn’t see each other. He’s known about this for weeks.”

Austin stopped, turning to me. “I know. He’s been acting weird for awhile. I bet I could pinpoint when he found out.” Lifting his hand, his fingertips grazed my cheek. I shivered. “I really like you, Mina.”

“I like you too.”

“But you wouldn’t. Not if you really knew me. Not if you knew the guy I am back home.” Leaning forward, he stamped a kiss on my forehead. “Good-bye, my summer girl.”

“Wait,” I called after him as he spun around and jogged off. When he didn’t turn, I started to chase him, but it was no use. I may have been a better runner than him, but not in the sand. That was an area I hadn’t mastered yet.

Frustrated, I stopped trying to catch up to him. Instead, I stood in the middle of the beach, darkness enveloping me, watching the boy I loved running away from me. 

***

Tomorrow Austin was leaving, and he still wasn’t speaking to me. He hadn’t returned my texts or phone calls in the last two days. So I decided to go to his house.

Desperate times, right?

But I never made it there, because to my surprise, Austin showed up the minute I was heading out the door.

“Oh.” I started, my hand flying to my chest when I stepped outside and almost walked right into him.

“I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay. I just wasn’t expecting you,” I said.

“No.” He shook his head, and that amused smile of his sprung to his face. “I meant I’m sorry that I walked out on you the other night. And I’m sorry that I haven’t called you back.”

I opened my mouth to say it was okay, but then clamped it shut again. It wasn’t okay. He had hurt me. My bottom lip quivered a little, and I bit down on it.

“Oh, Mina.” He touched my arm. “Please don’t cry. I will literally do anything to make sure you don’t cry.” Opening up his arms, he said, “Here. Hit me in the chest. Really let me have it.”

His offer stunned the tears right out of my eyes. “What?”

“Pretend I’m the punching bag. It’ll make you feel better.”

I sighed. “I’m not going to hit you.”

“But it was pretty brave of me to offer, huh? I mean, I’ve seen you box.”

“Yes, you’re super brave.” I giggled. “Now that we’ve established that, are you gonna tell me what’s going on with you?”

The teasing expression vanished. He nodded. “Wanna walk with me?”

“Sure.”

When his hand reached out, I gratefully took it in mine. We made our way down the walkway leading to the beach, but then I shook my head. “Can we maybe walk on the street?”

A tiny chuckle leapt from his mouth. “Getting tired of walking in the sand, huh?”

“Very,” I confessed.

His gaze lowered to my legs. “Thighs are looking pretty nice though.” My cheeks warmed, but then he added, “Definitely soccer-ready.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

Austin guided me away from the sand, and we headed toward the sidewalk. Our feet thudded on the concrete with each step.

“Penny was right about me. I have been in a lot of trouble back home,” Austin said, staring off in the distance, his face stark.

“Like what kind of trouble?” My stomach knotted.

“You name it, I’ve probably been in it.”

It dumbfounded me. I knew the guys back home who were always getting in trouble, and Austin didn’t fit that bill. Even the way he said the words was different. Like he wasn’t proud of it. Like he was ashamed. In my experience, the bad boys showed little to no remorse for their crimes.

“Why?” I finally asked.

Austin’s head swung in my direction. When his gaze caught mine, surprise was evident. I guess he wasn’t expecting that question. “I don’t want to make excuses for my behavior. Especially not with you.”

My belly warmed. I squeezed his hand. “Everything we do is for a reason. When my parents first separated I tried to quit soccer, and for a time I stopped doing my homework. It was like I thought I could punish my parents or something. Turns out, I was only punishing myself.” I bit my lip. “My point is, that I was acting out for a reason. I want to know yours.”

Pressing his lips together, he nodded. Averting his gaze from mine, he returned his attention to the path in front of us. We kept walking, our hands still linked. “I’ve never been what my parents wanted,” he started. I held my breath. “My entire life has been spent listening to them tell me how I’m not good enough. How I need to try harder, work harder, study harder, practice harder.” Shaking his head, he ran a hand through his hair. “And for awhile I tried. I would work harder when they asked. I would do more chores around the house or do extra credit at school. But it was never sufficient. They would still be disappointed. And that made it worse. I found that it was easier to swallow if I just didn’t care. If I just didn’t try. Then I wouldn’t get my hopes up. I’d expect them to be mad, so it wouldn’t hurt as much.” My heart plummeted. Closing my eyes, I blew out a breath. “My sister’s not like me. Life is easy for her. She gets good grades without trying. She excels at everything. And she doesn’t mind putting in the effort. So my parents have always been proud of her. She meets their expectations.” There was bitterness in his voice, but also something else. Admiration.

“I’m sorry, Austin.”

He snorted. “I’m the one who should be apologizing to you. You’re a good girl, and I tricked you into thinking we were the same.”

I stopped walking and turned to him. “You didn’t trick me. You’re exactly who I thought you were.”

“You mean that, summer girl?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “I meant what I said before, Austin. I don’t care about all that stuff back home.”

“I like who I am with you,” Austin breathed, stepping closer to me. Releasing my hand, he brought his arms up around my waist and drew me closer.

“I like who I am with you too.”

Tilting his head, his lips gently brushed mine. Once. Twice. Three times. Then he pulled back and looked deeply into my eyes. “That’s why this is perfect.”

“What is?”

“This,” he said. “Our summers.”

I knew what he was saying, and it killed me. It had always been the deal. I was his summer girl. That was all. But things seemed different now. We’d gotten closer, and I had started to hope for more. I wasn’t ready to give up on that hope.

Mustering up all my courage, I asked, “What if I want more than that?”

Sadness flickered in his eyes. He raised his hand to lightly touch my face. “I can’t give you more than that, summer girl.”

There it was. My nickname. And now I knew the reason for it.

However, I couldn’t let it go that easily. “But I love you,” I confessed.

His eyes widened. He moved even closer to me, his hand curving further around my face. His thumb caressed my skin. “I love you too.”

My heart fluttered in my chest. “You do?”

He nodded. “But that doesn’t change anything.”

“Of course it does.”

“No.” He shook his head. “I love you too much to ask you to be in a long-distance relationship with me.”

“Ask away. I don’t mind.”

“I can’t.”

Anger surging, I stepped back from him. “You can’t? Or you won’t?” When confusion painted his face, I said, “This is about you, isn’t it? You’re using me. I’m your summer girl. Someone you know is waiting to spend three months out of the year with you, while you fool around with as many girls as you want the rest of the year.”