Until the End of Time (6 page)

He had enjoyed seeing Tom, more than he usually did. He had expected him to try and convince him to come back to the law firm, but he had backed off faster than usual, so it hadn’t turned into an argument. And he had no idea why, but as he thought of his older brother, he felt sorry for him. He had bought the party line, both his brothers had. But something about Tom seemed defeated now. He had sold his soul to be what their father expected, and so had Peter.
Bill was so glad he hadn’t stayed. Their lives seemed so empty to him.

Bill told Jenny about his lunch with Tom when she got home that night, tired after a long day.

“Did he ask you to come back to the firm?” she asked, relaxing on the couch, as he handed her a glass of wine. She loved coming home to him and telling him about her day. And he was happy to see her after hours of studying and working on his thesis. It was going well.

“Of course.” Bill smiled at her. “After five years, I’m surprised they still care. I should be flattered.” But he wasn’t. They just wanted to bring him to heel, and force him to be like them.

“It’s threatening for them that you flew the coop. It puts their lives in question,” she said wisely. “They’ll never give up trying to make you come back. Or about me. Our being different is scary for them. And even more so if we’re happy.” He didn’t tell her that Tom had brought up the issue of their having children. He knew it was a subject that upset her. Every month they hoped that she had gotten pregnant, and each time it was a disappointment. They had agreed to see a fertility doctor if nothing happened in the next few months. A baby was the only thing missing from their life now. But Bill thought that was meant to be too, and it would happen when they least expected. It was way too soon for them to panic, but after two years of trying, unsuccessfully, they were both getting worried, even though they didn’t admit it to each other. Maybe when he got a church, he sometimes thought.

And as he mused about it, he remembered the letter he had put
in his desk drawer that afternoon. He didn’t mention that to Jenny either. He never kept secrets from her. But he knew there was no point telling her about it—it would just upset her. A church would come, he was convinced, and a baby. They just had to be patient. Destiny would bring them what they needed, yet again. Bill was certain of it.

They made love when they went to bed that night, and Jenny fell asleep in his arms afterward, hoping as she always did that she had gotten pregnant. Other than that, as far as she was concerned, and she knew Bill would agree with her, they had it all.

Chapter 3

Other than the day of their marriage, Bill’s graduation from Union Theological Seminary was one of the most important days of their life together.

The graduation ceremony took place in the Seminary Quadrangle, and Jenny cried during most of it, as she looked at Bill in his cap and gown. He had earned a joint degree from Columbia and the seminary, and now had a master’s of divinity. And it meant infinitely more to him than his graduation from Harvard Law School, although that had been much harder. And now he was officially a minister, but he still had no job and no church. So far everyone had either put him on a waiting list or turned him down.

He had successfully completed his evaluated field education experience at a church in the Bronx, and had taken additional classes to qualify as a hospital or prison chaplain. And he had taken extensive psychology classes to help him counsel, with a specialty in the field of abuse. Bill was particularly sympathetic to abused women, and had done countless hours of volunteer work at a church that
assisted the homeless. And after classes every weekend for five years to prepare for the Episcopal ministry, he had been quietly ordained as a minister the week before his graduation. He had everything he needed, except a church.

Helene had gone to the actual graduation ceremony with Bill and Jenny. Jenny had invited his parents and brothers and their wives, and his nieces and nephews, to attend, but all had claimed they were too busy. But they had agreed to come to the luncheon Jenny had arranged for him after the ceremony, except for his nieces and nephews, all of whom were still in school for another week. Jenny had reserved a table at “21” for all nine of them, since it was the family’s favorite restaurant, and she knew the Sweets would be comfortable there.

She hadn’t seen any of the Sweets in several years, but since they had accepted her invitation, she assumed they would be civil to her. It was a monumentally important day for their brother and son. He was a full-fledged minister of the Episcopal Church, having the right to marry people and perform all the rites and sacraments of the church. And all he wanted now was a place to practice what he’d learned. And in the meantime, while he waited for a church to hire him, he had signed on to act as relief chaplain at two hospitals and the downtown women’s jail. At least it would keep him active, and he was looking forward to starting his chaplaincy duties in two weeks. Jenny was relieved that he’d have something to do. The search for a position in a church had taken longer than they thought it would. He had been looking for almost six months.

They went straight to the restaurant after the graduation ceremony,
and his parents were already there. His father had a Bloody Mary in his hand, and his mother was looking grim, sipping a gin and tonic. She nodded at Jenny, and looked at Bill as though he were severely ill. She treated his new career path, and marriage to Jenny, like a manifestation of mental illness, from which she hoped he would recover soon. She said nothing at all to Jenny’s mother, and Jenny shook hands with her parents-in-law with a pleasant smile, which they didn’t return. They were off to a bad start, and Bill was instantly tense. Bill, Jenny, and Helene had just sat down at the table when his brothers arrived with their wives and filled the table, which was something of a relief. No one mentioned the graduation ceremony or congratulated Bill, which shocked Jenny. It was as though they thought it was more tactful not to mention it at all, like a terrible blunder he had committed that they were hoping to overlook, like his marriage to Jenny. After how hard he had worked to become a minister, Jenny thought it rude as well as cruel to ignore it. Tom finally said something halfway through lunch.

“How does it feel to be a man of the church?” Tom said to his younger brother with a slow smile.

“A little bit unreal until I find a church. Maybe I’ll feel more like a minister when I start working as a chaplain at the downtown women’s jail next week,” he said honestly, as his mother frowned.

“How awful,” she said in a strangled tone. “Can’t you do something else while you wait?”

“I’m also going to work as a chaplain in two hospitals,” he reassured her, and his father just shook his head.

“There’s plenty of work for you to do at the law firm. You don’t
have to hang around hospitals and jails, looking for work,” he reminded Bill. “You’re still an attorney. You can come back to work anytime.” And it was clear that he thought Bill should.

“Thank you, Dad,” Bill said politely. Jenny was furious that no one had spoken to her mother so far, but Helene didn’t seem to mind. She remembered how they had treated her at the wedding, and she expected no better from them today. She had only come to the lunch out of respect for Bill. Bill’s mother looked through her as though she didn’t exist, and she made an effort to speak to Jenny but looked pained each time she did. Bill’s brothers’ wives spoke mostly to each other. Only Tom was pleasant with Bill and tried to lighten the mood, with very little success.

Jenny had ordered a cake, which said “Congratulations, Bill,” and they served it with champagne, for dessert. And by the end of the meal, Bill’s father had had too much to drink, Peter was visibly bored, and their mother appeared ill. It was over in less than two hours. Bill and Jenny were exhausted when they left the restaurant with Helene, as Bill carried what was left of the cake. It had been a painful lunch, and Jenny was sorry she had invited them at all. They were incapable of being nice to him and celebrating his accomplishment. Bill commented on the way home that he had been to funerals that had been more fun.

“They act like I’ve just been sentenced to prison,” Bill said to Jenny in the cab on the way home. Tom was the only one who had made an effort, and Jenny had noticed that he watched her closely at every opportunity, as though trying to figure out who she was, and why his brother loved her. And they had all mentioned several times during lunch the fact that she and Bill hadn’t had children and
asked if it was because of her work. Clearly, they thought she was to blame, as they did for his abandoning his law career and joining the church. She fielded all their questions lightly, saying that they had wanted to wait to start a family until Bill graduated, but Bill noticed that she looked crestfallen every time the subject came up. Their failure to have a child so far was the only real sadness in their life. She had discussed it with her mother recently, who sympathized and said that she and Jenny’s father had never been able to have a second child, although they had tried and lost several after Jenny was born. They had wondered if it had something to do with Jack’s work, since Jenny had been conceived easily when he was in the army and not working in the mines. But they never knew for sure.

They dropped Helene off at the train station on the way home, so she could go back to Philadelphia, and she congratulated her son-in-law again and told him how proud of him she was. And then Jenny and Bill went home and collapsed on the couch with a look of relief. Azaya called Jenny almost the moment they sat down. One of her clients was panicking over a fabric that had gotten lost on the way from France, another wanted to know if she could go to Milan with him the following week, and she’d had at least a dozen calls with questions that needed immediate responses. Twenty minutes later she was back on the couch with Bill, where he sat staring into space, and then he turned to look at her with saddened eyes. It had been an extremely difficult two hours, for an event that should have been meaningful and fun.

“For all their pretensions about good breeding and impeccable pedigrees, I think my family are the rudest people I’ve ever met. I’m sorry, Jenny, I won’t subject you to them again. And your poor
mother.” Bill was the only person at the table who had spoken to her at all. The others had acted like she didn’t exist.

“They’re still angry you married me,” Jenny said matter-of-factly. It didn’t surprise her anymore.

“I would have died of boredom if I’d married Julie or Georgina. Even my brothers look bored to death with them.” Jenny had noticed several times that both women had an edge to their voices whenever they spoke to their husbands. She had the distinct feeling that all was not well in their worlds, particularly Tom’s. Julie had snapped at him and made nasty comments in his direction several times. Bill and Jenny, on the other hand, had held hands through most of the lunch. They both needed the support, especially in light of the hostility directed at them almost nonstop. Jenny had barely eaten, it was so stressful, and Bill had had a Bloody Mary and several glasses of wine, which he never did at lunch. But it had been the only way to get through it. He realized now more than ever that Jenny was his family. His parents and brothers no longer were. Their relationship had deteriorated so badly, over their objections to his marriage and his new career path, that there was just no bond between them now. When he was with them, it felt like six against one. They were no longer his allies and showed no compassion for him or Jenny. He was sorry she had made the effort to invite them to lunch.

Jenny went to make some business calls then, and Bill opened the mail. He frowned as he opened the last letter, read it a second time, and then sighed as he folded it, put it back in the envelope, and went to slip it into his desk with the other one from the same source. He didn’t mention either letter to Jenny when she came back to the
living room an hour later. She said that Azaya was coming over in a few minutes with some fabric samples she had to look over for a client, and with mail. She could see that Bill was troubled and assumed that it was from their unpleasant time spent with his family.

Azaya arrived half an hour later, and Bill said he was going for a walk. It gave Jenny time to work, and as soon as he left the apartment, Azaya turned to her with concern.

“How was it? Were they all right?” She knew that Jenny’s relationship with Bill’s family was strained, and how nervous she had been about the lunch.

“It was awful,” Jenny said honestly, putting off their work for a few minutes. “They’re so nasty to him, they ignored my mother completely, and they hate me. It’s so hard on him. They’re so unbelievably rude. And so mean to him because of me. You’d think that after all this time they’d give it up. I guess they never will.” She was sad about it but put it out of her mind while they did their work. She chose the fabrics to suggest to the client, signed several letters, and looked over some files, and an hour later Azaya left. She was perfectly capable of handling their clients while Jenny took a day off, which was rare for her. Bill got home half an hour later and found her in the kitchen. He was seriously depressed.

“I’m sorry I invited them,” she apologized, and he pulled her into his arms. But he was upset about something else.

“I honestly don’t care. I don’t want to see them again, not for a while anyway. We have better things to do. They’re petty people with small lives, trapped in a little box. They can’t stand the fact that I walked out of that box, with you. And I’m so glad I did.” He smiled at her.

He had made a decision on his walk. He had never kept secrets from her, but he had for the past three months. It wouldn’t change anything to tell her, but she had a right to know the truth. He gently took his arms from around her, opened the drawer in his desk, and removed the two letters. “I’ve been wanting to tell you about these. I didn’t have the guts, and I didn’t want to worry you. I got a letter in March offering me a church in Wyoming as full pastor, and I turned it down. I wouldn’t do that to you, Jenny. I know how important it is for you to be in New York. So you don’t need to be afraid. We’re not going anywhere. But I’d like you to look at their original letter. I just got another one today. They haven’t found a minister yet, and they’re begging me to come. It’s everything I want, except it’s twenty-one hundred miles from where we want to be. Other than that, it’s perfect. At least somebody wanted me, even if I turned it down. They got my résumé from that service I signed up for. I told the agency I wanted to stay in New York, but I guess they sent some of them around the country. This church in Wyoming responded immediately.” He looked flattered as he handed both letters to her. Jenny read them, appearing nervous, and she gazed at him with frightened eyes after she read them both.