Until Series: Box set (63 page)

Cash

I pulled up
in front of my house and shut off my car. I hopped out, opened the trunk, and pulled out my overnight bag. When I got inside, I tossed my bag into the laundry room, went into the kitchen, pulled a beer out of the fridge, and popped the tab, taking a deep drink. I pulled off my baseball cap, tossing it on the counter and ran my hand through my hair. I wanted to call Lilly and hear her voice again; we talked my whole drive home, but it wasn’t enough. I needed more. I looked around, seeing my space, wondering what she’d think of it. I wanted her here with me. I hated knowing I couldn’t see her whenever I wanted. I wanted to ask her to move closer, or just move in with me, but I knew it would be way too soon, so I held my tongue. I used to give Asher and Trevor a hard time about the way they acted when they both met their one…now I knew. I would die for Lilly; she was amazing, beautiful, and kind, and made me want to be a better person.

My phone rang from my pocket, bringing me out of my thoughts. I pulled it out, expecting it to be Lilly. The number was unknown. I answered, and just like that, with one phone call, my life changed.

*

Lilly

“I love you,
but I can’t see you anymore.” The words played over and over in my head. I could feel his pain, but didn’t understand it. I felt like my own chest was cracking open. He told me he loved me. He told me I was the one.
Oh, God,
I was going to be sick. I ran into the bathroom, the contents of my lunch coming up. Once I finished, I flushed the toilet, resting my cheek on the bathroom floor, not caring that it was probably dirty. I didn’t care about anything; I just wanted to sleep. I didn’t want to feel anything. I shut my eyes, trying to forget the pain that was consuming me.

I opened my eyes, feeling disoriented. The room was completely dark, and when I sat up, I realized I had fallen asleep on the bathroom floor. I turned on the light and stripped off my clothes. I turned on the shower and climbed in before the water had a chance to heat up; the cold water jolted my system. My movements were automatic; I couldn’t feel anything. I got out, wrapping a towel around myself before going to my room, climbing under the covers, and falling back to sleep.

Over the next few weeks, I had a routine: class, eat, and sleep. I didn’t do anything outside of my routine. I couldn’t watch TV, and I couldn’t spend too much time on campus—any time I saw a couple, I would break down into tears, making me feel like a bigger loser than I already felt like. I was exhausted and sick; no matter how much I slept or what I ate, nothing changed. That was when I decided to go to the doctor, and for the second time in a few weeks, my life was turned upside-down.

“I am pregnant?” I asked for confirmation. The doctor looked at me over the top of his glasses, his eyes making me squirm.

“Yes, Ms. Donovan, that is what the urine test, blood test, and ultrasound all confirmed.

“Okay.” So I wanted to be sure that they were not getting false results and may have gone a little overboard, but what the fuck? I never thought I would be pregnant, especially when I had only had sex one time, and used a condom when I’d done it.

“I am going to give you a number to a clinic where you can get this taken care of,” the doctor said, making me feel somewhat better.

“That would be good.” I knew I would need to see someone about getting vitamins and talk to someone about how sick I had been. And I would need to call Cash and let him know what was going on, even if we weren’t together. I would never keep this from him.

“The procedure takes a couple hours; you will need to have someone go with you.”

“Procedure?” I knew my face scrunched up in confusion.

“The abortion.” My hands covered my stomach quickly. I never even thought about that; I shook my head.

“No, no way. I’m not getting an abortion.” I didn’t see anything wrong with that choice for others, but for me, it wasn’t an option.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Donovan, I thought we were talking about the same thing.” I shook my head, tears pooling in my eyes. “I will get you a number for an OB/GYN then.

“Thank you.” I swiped at my eyes, and the first bit of warmth came into the doctor’s face.

“You will be okay.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. I had my parents; they never let me down. I could go home…and do what? Live with my parents? Have them support my baby and me? That wasn’t an option. I would have to find a way to make it here. I would find a way to finish school, even if I had to do it online, and there were lots of single mothers in the world. I would just be one more. I would find a way to make it. Once the doctor finished and gave me the number for the OB/GYN, I left the office, making my way to the bus. I pulled out my phone, and for the first time in three weeks, I sent Cash a text.

Me:
We need to talk.

Cash:
We have nothing to talk about.

My stomach dropped at his response. He was never short or mean to me. I couldn’t understand what I had done.

Me:
We do have something to talk about
.

I felt my gut twist.

Cash:
Get over it. We’re done. Don’t text me again.

My temper started to flare; I couldn’t believe that he would do this to me.

Me:
I am having your baby, you dick.

Cash:
Get rid of it. I am having a baby with my soon-to-be wife.

I read the words, ran to the trashcan on the corner of the street, and lost it. I couldn’t believe him! Who was this guy? A lady came over, offering me water and a napkin. I used it to wipe my mouth and thanked her for it. I looked down at the text, reading it again and again. I didn’t even know how I got home; I just remembered climbing into bed, my hands going to my stomach. I looked up at the ceiling in my room, not really seeing anything, just replaying all the good times I had with Cash…all the firsts I had with him. I knew that no matter what, the child growing inside of me was made out of love. Even though his or her father didn’t love me, I had loved him enough for the both of us.

Cash

Present Day

“D
addy, are we
there yet?” Jax moans from the backseat, making me smile. If we’re in the car for more than fifteen minutes, he is ready to bust out of his car seat. He has more energy than ten kids combined.

“About fifteen more minutes, dude, then you can go wild.” We are on our way to Jumping Bean, a giant warehouse full of trampolines. Hopefully by the time we leave, he will be worn out, and I can get some rest. I love my son, but damn if he doesn’t wear me out.

“Are you gonna jump wiff me?”

“Yeah, dude.”

“Yay!” he yells, his little arms shooting straight up in the air. I turn up the volume to the show he’s watching on the back of the passenger seat’s headrest, hoping it will keep him occupied until we get to the warehouse. When I found out Jules was pregnant, I was pissed off at the world. I was in love with Lilly. I hated saying goodbye to her. I knew that in order to have a relationship with my child, to have him in my life, I had to cut her out and focus on Jules. After a year, I realized it would never happen. I was killing myself. I was miserable. Almost three years ago, we divorced, and she moved into an apartment in town. My son stays with me unless I’m at work, then my mother, November, or Liz has him. His mother sees him if the mood strikes, which is rare and perfectly fine with me, but difficult for him.

“Are we there yet?” I chuckle, shifting lanes as I exit the highway.

“Two minutes.”

“This is taking forebbbeerrr,” he whines and sighs. I look at him through the rearview mirror. His head is resting on his fist, looking completely disgruntled.

“Look.” I point out the front window to the building ahead of us.

“We should moob here.”

“Wouldn’t you miss grandma?” I pull into the parking lot and find a space to park.

“Well, she could come, too.”

“I don’t think grandpa would like that, little guy.”

“Eberyone could moob here.” I shake my head, getting out of the truck. By the time I have his door open, he’s unbuckled himself and launches his little body at me.

“You ready to go have some fun?” I hold him upside-down, his giggling making me laugh.

“Yes-s-s-s-s,” he screeches as I bounce him. I turn him upright, putting his baseball cap on his head—like me, he always wears one. I grab his hand as we walk into the building.
This place is insane!
There are kids everywhere, running and screaming, chasing each other as we stop at the front counter to pay. “I wanna go in there, Daddy.” I look to see he’s pointing at a giant pit full of foam blocks. I am sure it looks like a good time to a kid, but to me, as a parent, it looks like a petri dish. I am going to have to wash him down with Purell by the time this day is over.

“We will.” He nods in agreement. I pull off his hat, and we both take off our shoes before putting them in one of the cubbies that take up a long wall. When his shoes are off, my little dare devil takes a running start, jumping in full-speed head-first into the pit. I laugh, watching as he tries to right himself.

“Come in, Daddy.” He tries to wave, but he looks like a fish out of water flopping all over the place. I step into the pit and once I reach him, I lift him above my head and I toss him, making him laugh harder. He somehow manages to get his feet underneath himself and wades towards me, looking like he is fighting a hard current. “Let’s go ober there.” He points to a large trampoline that is built into the floor before taking my hand, leading the way out of the pit. I don’t know who is going to be more exhausted by the time this day is over. Actually I do, and I know it won’t be him.

As soon as we’re out of the pit, he takes off on a run before bouncing onto the trampoline. I stand off to the side, watching him with my arms crossed over my chest. I look to the left when I see a flash of red hair in my peripheral vision. It wouldn’t be the first time my mind has played a trick on me, making me think I see Lilly when I don’t. The woman has fuller hips then Lilly did, and her ass is round, making me want to slap it
. Shit, I need to get laid
. The thought leaves just as quickly as it comes. My focus is my son. My bachelor days are a long forgotten memory. Now, if I need to get off, I use Miss Right or Miss Left. I’m just about to look away when the woman turns towards me, and I stop breathing. I swear to God, time stops. All I can do is stare at her. Her skin is still the color of cream; her red hair is long and hangs over her breasts that seem to be larger than when I last had them in my hands. She looks even more beautiful, if that’s possible. When her eyes meet mine, she blinks then pales, her hand covering her mouth.
What the fuck?

“Mommy! Mommy!” She looks down, and my stomach drops, seeing a little girl with dark hair pulled into two pigtails and skin the same color as her mom’s. Lilly gets down to the little girl’s level, pulling her close as she whispers something to her. “I don’t wanna weeb,” she cries, her face turning towards me. For the second time in as many minutes, my world comes to a halt. She looks so much like Jax that they could be twins. I look up, my eyes meeting Lilly’s again.

“Daddy, come play with me.” Jax grabs onto my pants leg. I look down at him, then back at Lilly as tears pool in her eyes. She picks up her daughter—our daughter—and starts to take a step away. Automatically, my hand reaches out to grab onto her elbow. I look down at Jax and give him a smile. “You go play, dude. I will be there in a second.”

“Fine,” he grumbles before running off again. I look at the little girl in Lilly’s arms; her eyes are on me as she leans in to whisper something into her mother’s ear. Lilly closes her eyes, hugging her tighter before saying something back to her and setting her on the ground.

“Go play for a minute, love bug,” Lilly tells her. The little girl doesn’t take her eyes off me. I want to pick her up and hold her so badly that my fists clench, fighting it. Lilly kisses her forehead before turning her towards the trampoline. I watch her walk away then start to bounce. It takes a second for my brain to start functioning.

“That’s my daughter.” My blood starts to boil. She kept her from me.

“No, that’s
my
daughter.” She takes a step to the side, away from the other adults around us. I follow, standing at an angle so I can watch my kids.

“I can’t believe that you would keep my kid from me.” I look her over, the feeling of hate consuming me.

“You’re a piece of work, you know that? Your words were ‘get rid of it’, that you were getting married and having a baby with someone else.”

“What?”

“I read those words over and over a hundred fucking times, so don’t tell me that she’s yours.” She pokes my chest, getting in my space. “She is
mine
! I suffered from morning sickness
alone
. I went to my doctor’s appointments
alone
. I was in labor for forty-seven hours.
Alone.
And I have raised her
alone
.” She growls the last words. I have no idea what the fuck she is talking about.