Until Next Time (28 page)

“I know, and I—”

“Don’t.” Her hand shot up.

He knelt in front of her, his hands clasped around her knees. “I didn’t mean to tell you like this. I didn’t mean to tell you at all. I thought I could keep it inside and love you silently…the way I had been. But you…” His voice broke. “Look at me, Piper. Please?”

She didn’t.

“I need…” Her voice was frayed. “To get out of here.”

Without sparing him a glance, Piper hauled herself off the bed, jerked her clothes from the floor, and made a dash for the bathroom. Quinn rose and stomped behind her, jutting his hand into the door before it could slam shut.

“You’re not leaving,” he said, his voice as calm as he could make it. She wasn’t going to run from him. From this. She had to deal with it. With him. It was the only way their relationship was going to work. And by God, Quinn swore he would do whatever it took to make this work. He was not letting her go.

“Piper?”

The door to the bathroom eased open, releasing Quinn’s arm. Once he dropped it, the door swung the rest of the way open, giving him full view of the fear in Piper’s face. Her knuckles were white from clutching the sheet so tightly around her body. She blinked rapidly, her face flush.

“Are you all right, Piper?”

She straightened, looking like she was taking deliberate moves to look strong at the moment. Quinn knew better. He knew
her
better.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re lying.” His kept his expression solemn, soft. “I can’t let you leave like this. I don’t want you to think—”

“What I think doesn’t matter.”

“It does, Piper. More than you can ever know. Please, come out of the bathroom. Talk to me.” He held out his hand, allowed a weakness to show through in his voice.

Silence stretched between them. This was the moment where Piper could walk away from him, breaking his heart, or she could somehow accept it—and him—into her life. Accept his love even though he was loving a woman who couldn’t love him in return. Right now, that was a chance he was willing to take.

Without responding, she simply slipped her hand into his and allowed him to lead her to the bed. She tucked her legs beneath herself. He sat next to her, noticing how her body went stiff when he did.

“I know you’re upset, Piper, and for that, I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Her breath hitched. “Why did you say it?”

Swinging around, he landed on his knees in front of her, his eyes pleading. “Because I couldn’t stop myself, because that’s how I feel, how I’ve felt for a long time. I don’t want to lose you, Piper. I don’t want to lose this.” His hands brushed down her arms, falling onto the comforter and clasping it tightly. “I can’t take it back. I won’t take it back. I need to know if what we have can survive how I feel. Can it? Can you be with me even though I broke my promise? Will you let me love you even though I know you’ll never love me?”

Her fingers brushed his cheek.

“Say something,” he whispered. “Anything.”

A heavy sigh blew past her quivering lips. “I think I’ve loved you since the first moment I saw you.”

His brow rose with that shocking knowledge. Was she admitting to loving him? His heart raced at the thought.

“And that feeling has only grown into something I desperately tried to stop, to hide, to make go away. It didn’t.” She folded her arms around herself. “From the first time I looked at you, from the first conversation we had, I knew you’d be the man to change me.”

He gripped her thighs, her words nearly knocking him off balance.

“And you did…”

“Piper, I—”

Her finger touched his lips. “No, please, just listen.” Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. Quinn’s heart splintered. He knew how hard this was on her.

“I love you, Quinn.”

His breathing stopped. All the muscles in his body went lax. She loved him? And she was admitting it? Thank God, there would be hope after all. His chest filled with hopefulness.

“And you love me.” Her voice was trembling now, her finger shaking against his lips before it fell away.

“Yes, I love you, Piper,” Quinn whispered, his body leaning in, trying his best to nudge between her thighs to get closer. She wouldn’t allow that. Her knees were locked tightly, her gaze drawn to the crinkled sheets. His sudden happiness mixed with panic as she slowly shook her head.

After what felt like an eternity of silence, an eternity of listening to his own shallow breaths, Piper’s head lifted, her gaze locked on him. Quinn didn’t miss the flash of expression across her beautiful face. Even with the acceptance of his love, and hers, she still had pain.

“Marry me,” she whispered.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Quinn rocked back on his knees, his breath all but lost as he stared back at Piper in disbelief. He’d expected a fight, to have to prove how much she meant to him. He’d half-expected her to run away. He certainly hadn’t expected
that.
“What did you say?”

Her lip trembled as she spoke again. “Marry me.”

He bolted to his feet, the reality of her words slamming into him. A clawing feeling of love and loss shredded through him. He tried his best to soften his expression and his voice.

“Piper…I love you.” God, did he love her. He loved her more than he wanted to take his next breath. More than he wanted to see the sun rise over the horizon in the morning. “But I can’t do that.”

Her head fell forward, her fingers drawing imaginary circles on the bed. “I know.” Her voice was distant, lost.

What was she doing? A thundering began his chest as his head began to pound. But still he stayed calm, going back down on one knee in front of her. He took her hand, rubbing his thumb over the fast beat of her pulse on her wrist. But she didn’t look at him, and at this point, he didn’t try to make her. “Then why did you ask?”

She sniffled as a tear dropped onto their conjoined hands, sending a spear straight through his heart.

“Piper.” His fingers tightened around hers. “
Why
did you ask?”

After several sobs she answered. “Because I wanted to see if you would be willing to break your rule for me…like I broke mine for you.”

A cold shiver raced up his back, through his veins, and made him lose his breath. When Piper’s head lifted, dear God, Quinn was certain his heart fractured into a thousand pieces. Her beautiful eyes were dark and strangely bitter. Tears clung to her long lashes and streaked down her cheeks, reddening her opalescent skin.

She tore her hand away from his, rose, and strode to the window, taking her warmth with her, leaving him cold. Keeping the sheet tight around her body, she jerked open the curtains. She spoke again, keeping her back to him. “Do you think that’s too much to ask, Quinn?’ Her voice was eerily calm. “You and I both have a past that keeps us from doing what
normal
people do. For me, it’s love. I told you that was the emotion I didn’t do. I couldn’t do. Not only because it brings immeasurable pain, but because to love something—anyone—is selfish. And for you, it’s marriage because you’ve already given your heart and life to someone else, and you can’t bear to do it again, yes?”

He ground his teeth. “Yes.”

“So then why is it so difficult to see that once you came into my world, my heart, and took what I promised to never give, would it seem so wrong of me to ask the same of you?” She turned to him, slowly, determination flashing in those nutmeg eyes.

Quinn clenched his hands to fists, the realization setting in. The room was suddenly stifling. “Is that what you really want, Piper? To marry me?”

Her gaze flickered briefly. “Yes.”

“And what would happen if I said no?” Was that regret he saw in her eyes…or something else?

“Then that would make this unavoidable.”

“What’s unavoidable?”

“Saying goodbye.”

A knot formed in his gut. “Don’t do this, Piper. Please.”

She clutched the sheet tighter around her chest. “There’s no other way, Quinn. Don’t you see that?”

“I see lots of ways, Piper. And every way leads me right back to you.”

Her head shook, defeated. “It can’t be like that with us.”

“It
is
like that with us. Don’t you see that?” In three, long strides he was across the room, looming over her. He snatched one hand from her sheet and pressed it against his rapidly beating heart. “Feel that, Piper.
Feel
it.”

Frown lines formed on her brow.

“We can be together and not be married. You love me…isn’t that enough?” he asked, his voice rougher than he’d intended.

“No.” Her fingers tightened against his skin. “I told you that a long time ago. I believe in love. While it’s something I’ve never wanted to feel, I believe that if two people love each other, they should spend the rest of their lives together. I’m doing something I’ve never done with anyone else here, Quinn, the least you could do is grant me the same courtesy.”

“It’s not that easy.”

Her hand dropped. “I guess you don’t understand how hard this was for me, then.” The distance in her voice was back. The sadness laced in her words scratched at his heart. “I thought you, of all people, would understand what it took for me to say those words…to allow those feelings to even surface enough to let them bloom.” She spun away from him. “I guess I was wrong about you, after all. Maybe it’s not what I feel. Maybe it’s something else entirely. Or maybe it’s you…”

He kept the distance between them, not wanting to upset her further. He’d already done enough. First he’d broken her only rule, then he’d refused to give her what she needed. What kind of man was he?

“It’s not me that’s the problem here, Piper. It’s you.” The lie burnt the back of his tongue. “I had promised over and over that I wouldn’t love you. I’m sorry I broke that promise. I can’t help it that my emotions got the best of me. That’s what love does, dammit. It takes over every waking thought. I wake up wanting to see you, touch you, and I think about your eyes, smile, and laugh all day. I go to bed at night aching to have you in my arms, tasting you and making you scream my name. You’re always right there, Piper, whether you wanted to be or not. I can’t help that. I can’t help the way I am, that much is true. But I will tell you this, I refuse to let you go because you need something more than simple love. Love should always be enough. And hell, if you don’t want that, I’ll take it away and you can have me. We can just
be.
You’ve let me in, Piper, and that’s where I’m going to stay.”

“It’s not that simple—”

“It
is
, Piper. It is.”

“I’m sorry, Quinn. So sorry. But we can’t give each other what we need. I knew that from the beginning, but I let it happen anyway.” Her hand fluttered aimlessly, falling lifelessly at her sides. “You knew, too,” she added on a whisper. “While we may have been perfect for each other, Quinn, we knew in the end we couldn’t go the distance. We cheated ourselves, stole the moments we had and enjoyed, and now it’s time to say goodbye.”

“Don’t—” Her words sliced through him. He couldn’t say what he needed to say. There were no words.

In a sense she was right. Had he not fallen in love with her—and had spoken the truth—he wouldn’t have be reminded of his own demons. Even though he would walk through glass for Piper, he couldn’t commit to those sacred vows. Not again. He had done that once with Maddie…and he had lost her. He’d promised himself—and her—that she would be the only one who had been held so dear. And how could he break that promise? That commitment he’d sworn to his deceased wife?

He would do anything to erase the last five minutes and start over.

“Please, Piper…let it be as simple as the two of being together. We can be happy.”

Her head craned toward him. She blinked slowly, seemingly digesting his words before turning back to the window. “I didn’t want to care. About anything. Feeling is not something I can afford to do, yet I did it…for you. And now you can’t do the same.
That
, Quinn, is simple. Can’t you see that?”

Yes, he saw that perfectly. And at that moment, he saw the perfect way to counteract her thought process.

He grasped her arm, spinning her around, and crushed her against him, claiming her mouth. She protested for only a second before she became liquid in his arms. His lips searched hers, and finally he parted his lips with his tongue, claiming her. He might never be able to say those three little words again, but he could
show
her love. That would be half the battle, wouldn’t it? She would not leave him. Not like this.

She clung to him, opening herself up and letting him dive deeper. His tongue probed, his hands tore away her towel. Within seconds she was panting against his cheek, clawing at the front of his shirt. Couldn’t she see that she already did feel? She always had?

“Piper.” He stilled, clasping his arms tightly around her body.

She sighed heavily against his neck, making him shudder with desire. While he wanted nothing more than to take her, show her how much he needed every part of her, that’s not what she needed. Not now.

“What have you done to me, Quinn?”

He held his breath for a moment, realizing this was the second time she’d asked him that exact same question. What had he done to her? Nothing but care about her. Given her the attention she deserved, the love she desired but didn’t realize. He’d given her everything without either of them even realizing it, and he’d give everything he didn’t have. Just to have her. While he knew it wouldn’t be forever, he wouldn’t let it go so quickly. Not yet.

“Do you see how you felt when I kissed you?” he asked, trying to calm his ragged breaths. She nodded, tightening her grip around his waist. “You’ve always
felt
things, Piper. Not only with me, but with everyone else, too. You’ve never let them free. There’s no sense in letting those feelings go now when you always had them. Don’t push me away because I can’t marry you.
Feel
with me. No one else will ever feel like you do in my arms. No one, Piper. Tell me the same isn’t true for you.”

She looked at him, lips tight, eyes wide.

“Please, Piper. Don’t let me go.”

Her head settled into the crook of his neck, and she sighed deeply. “I’m so sorry, Quinn.” Her hand splayed out across his chest and she pushed herself back an arm’s length. Her gaze found his and held, her tears still clinging to her lashes. “It’s not enough for me. I’ve done my part…now it’s time to do yours.”

Her eyes danced around the room. “If you don’t have anywhere to go, stay here. I’m sure I can stay with Mitch.”

“Piper—” His throat clamped shut as he reached out to her.

She recoiled, drawing the sheet back around her. “Unless you tell me what I need to hear, save your words.”

That cool distance was back in her voice, but Quinn heard the quiver beneath her bravado. This was killing her. So why was she doing it?

He reached out to her again. “But the conference—”

“I don’t care about the conference. I’ve been to a hundred, and I’ll come to a hundred more.”

“Our presentation.”

“I’ll take care of it.” Her gaze flitted to the door and back to him.

His eyes narrowed. “Are you certain, Piper?”

Her chest rose and fell with a deep breath. “Is your marriage rule absolute?”

“Yes, but—”

“Then, yes, I’m certain.” Her eyes fell on the door and stayed there. “I think at this point, it would be best if you leave. Go home, back to Wisconsin.”

He stepped back, feeling a heavy blow to his chest. He wanted to shake some sense into her. Make her see that her fear of love wasn’t the same as the reasons he wouldn’t marry. They could still love each other from now until the end of time, a damn piece of paper didn’t make any difference.

Shaking his head, he gathered up his things and dressed. Piper didn’t move from her spot. He headed to the door, realizing this was it. This was his moment to fight or flee. With Piper not even sparing him a glance, he fled, heartbroken.

<<<<>>>>>

As the door closed gently behind Quinn, Piper collapsed to the floor, allowing her sobs to escape full scale. She’d managed to contain her pain until he walked out the door. She had to show him she was strong.

She wasn’t.

She couldn’t bear the weight of what just happened. No amount of backpedaling would erase it or cover it up. They’d had to deal with it. She’d had to deal with it. And her love for him.

She’d hoped that her traitorous love was not going to get the best of her. But it had. After Quinn uttered those three devastating words, she could only do that same. Because she knew that Quinn would make her face her feelings. Just like always.

Piper had somehow managed to be smacked upside the head with her own demons, her own fears. Love had somehow gotten past her senses, her walls, and had wrapped itself snuggly around her heart. It wasn’t only love, she thought dully; it was Quinn. The man who stole her breath and made her ache to see his glittering eyes, his smiling face, his wonderful voice. It had taken her a while to come to terms with what Quinn did to her.

Love itself stood the test of time, but sometimes that time was cut short.
That
was Piper’s fear. When she had loved, she had loved hard. She had put her soul into each moment, making sure to cherish the gift. Because even though she hated the thought of love and the selfishness of it, she knew it was truly a reward. Something that she couldn’t find around every street corner. Something she couldn’t buy or barter. Something that found her, whether she liked it or not. She’d been foolish to think she could run from it forever. Quinn had deserved to know the truth. Her chest constricted. She hadn’t wanted this love. She hadn’t wanted the pain and sacrifice that came with it. The selfishness she knew it created. The heartache. But she’d seen it in his eyes as he’d hovered her. The undying devotion in his voice. It was love. And there was no escaping it.