Until I Break (22 page)

Before I can think too much or talk myself
out of it, I abandon my drink and follow Alec. I slip through the
door that I saw him use. It leads to a flight of stairs. I mount
them as quietly as I can and, at the top, find myself on the
balcony that overlooks the ballroom.

I scan the long, narrow space for Alec. He’s
standing at the half wall, looking down at the crowd below. I can
see ire in every taut line of his body. For whatever reason, be it
frustration or something deeper, he’s fighting for control.

I walk to where he is. Without a word, I lay
my hand on his shoulder. He turns to look at me. There are sparks
flying from his eyes.

“This isn’t a good time, Samantha.” His voice
is a low growl.

“I know,” I say softly. I look down at the
people below. None of them seem to be paying attention to us so far
above, making my rash, impulsive decision an easy one.

I turn my back to the half wall and I let my
wristlet fall to the floor. Alec’s eyes flit to mine and stick. He
watches me intently, angrily. His teeth are gritted so hard, I can
almost hear them grinding.

Slowly, I shake my hair, left long and wavy,
back over my shoulders. I slide one thin strap of my dress down.
It’s a nude color so I don’t think anyone below could tell what I’m
doing even if they bothered to look. But I can’t be sure. And
that’s part of why my stomach is in a knot of nervous
excitement.

I’m turned on by the prospect of what I’m
initiating. I feel the warmth already gathering between my legs,
making my panties feel dewy.

I pull on my bodice just enough to free one
breast. Never taking my eyes off Alec where he stands at my side, I
reach over with one hand and trace his bottom lip with my finger.
It relaxes enough that I can slip inside. I drag the tip along the
straight edge of his teeth until I feel the brush of his tongue,
hot and slick.

I remove my wet finger and trace a damp
circle around my nipple. It puckers in response. When Alec’s eyes
leave mine and drop to my hand, I give my nipple a little pinch,
feeling the sensation all the way down to my core. I know he likes
that.

Alec’s eyes return to mine and he
straightens. I don’t know what his expression means—something
fierce, something not quite in control—but I’m not afraid of it.
I’m not afraid of
him
, even in this state. I just want him
to share it with me. Give me a chance to help him like he’s trying
to help me.

“Do you know what I want?” I ask, starting
with the word play that he’s so, so good at. I’m not surprised when
he doesn’t answer. I massage my breast with one hand and let my
other trail down my stomach to the short hem of my cocktail dress.
I bunch it between my fingers, hiking it up until I can get
underneath it.

“What’s that?” he asks finally, his voice
husky.

“I want to feel your tongue. Right here,” I
say as I run my palm over my damp panties. “With your friends right
down there.”

Alec moves in front of me to grab my wrist
and still my hand. “No, you don’t.”

“But I do.”

His fingers tighten almost painfully as he
squeezes my wrist. “I wouldn’t be stopping tonight. And I’d have to
keep you still. And it might scare you,” he grinds out
threateningly.

Warmth sweeps through me, making me feel
breathless and lightheaded and the tiniest bit anxious. I swallow
and it feels like there’s cotton in my throat. “I don’t care.”

Alec’s lips thin. “I told you now’s not a
good time, Samantha. I’m warning you.”

He’s giving me one last chance to abandon
this. Instead, I abandon my one last chance.

“I know,” I say, turning my wrist until my
fingers are on top of his. I urge his hand down between my legs. “I
know,” I repeat.

Alec makes a rumbling sound right before he
takes my lips in a searing kiss. It’s rough and it’s brutal and
it’s raw. And it’s everything I want from him because it’s honest.
And he’s sharing it with me.
With me.

I reach up with one hand and thread my
fingers into his hair, grinding our lips together. His tongue
tangles with mine and then I feel his teeth sink into my bottom lip
before he pulls away. I taste blood, but I don’t care. I see Alec’s
eyes fall to my mouth. I know he sees what he did to me. He’s too
angry to care at the moment. And I’m too desperate.

I don’t want him to stop. He needs this. And
I want to give it to him.

I drag my tongue along my lip, licking up the
blood. Alec’s eyes flit up to mine and I see the last little bit of
his grip loosen.

He drops to his knees and roughly pushes my
legs apart. His eyes are looking up into mine, daring me to ask him
to stop. But I won’t. And I won’t look away.

He pushes my dress up toward my hands. I
grasp it with my fingers, holding on tight. He jerks my panties
down my legs. I hear the crackle of seams splitting, but I don’t
care. I lift one foot then the other, stepping out of the torn
garment and kicking it to the side. I spread my legs to him.

Alec’s lip curls up in a cool smile as he
stands. “Not tonight,” he says harshly.

He winds his fingers around my upper arms and
pivots until his back is against the short wall. His eyes remain
locked on mine as he pushes me away from him, releasing one of my
arms and reaching down to unbutton and unzip his pants. Excitement
floods me. This isn’t something he’s done before. He never lets me
play with him much. It’s as if he’s always punishing himself by
holding out.

“Tonight,” he continues, “I wanna see those
beautiful lips sucking my cock.”

I reach down and push his hand aside,
stroking the moist satiny head of him with my fingertip. His eyes
are nearly black, the pupils dilated with passion and fury.

It’s my turn to drop to my knees. I palm his
throbbing base and run my tongue around the crown. I touch him with
my fingers, I lick him with my tongue and I suck him with my
lips.

Alec fists his fingers in my hair and pushes
my head down as he flexes his hips, forcing himself into my mouth.
I slide him deep into my throat, trying to take as much of him as I
can, which isn’t nearly the entirety. I hear his heavy breathing as
he thrusts between my lips once, twice and then he pulls back.

I glance up at him in question. He looks
furious. And wild.

Alec drops to his knees in front of me and
pushes me back until I’m lying on the floor in front of him. Just
looking at him in his tux shirt and bow tie, his pants undone and
my saliva still glistening on the tip of him, makes me want him
more than ever. This is my glimpse at what Alec tries so hard to
hide from me.

Roughly, he spreads my legs. His eyes are
still on mine when he slides one long finger inside me. I bite my
lip to keep my gasp inside. He withdraws that finger and slips it
into his mouth, licking it clean before he lays it across his lips
and says, “Shh.”

He flips my dress up until I’m lying exposed
before him. He bends until his lips touch my abdomen. I feel the
flicker of his tongue as he makes his way to my navel and then
lower. I feel his fingers part my folds before I feel the first hot
stab of his tongue against me. I take a deep breath and focus on
being quiet as he begins to lick and suck me into a frenzy.

My fingers are fisted in my dress and my hips
are bucking against Alec’s face as he flicks my clitoris with his
tongue. My chest is tight and the deepest part of my belly is
aching for him when he slides two fingers inside me, pumping them
quickly in and out. I feel on the verge of bursting when he
stops.

I look down at Alec, confused, until I see
him push his pants further down and move to stretch out on top of
me.

“You will come all over my cock,” he orders
as he reaches between us to finger my entrance. “And then you’re
gonna keep coming while I fill you up. Do you understand?”

I nod, my body already sucking at him to
thrust into me.

And then he does. Alec pushes into me as his
lips cover mine, his tongue dragging the sweet taste of my own body
into my mouth. He pauses inside me, stretching me tight. The
pleasure is so intense that I lose my breath for a second on a
moan.

He pulls out and thrusts into me again,
harder and deeper. I feel more sound bubble up into my throat, but
Alec’s hand is there, covering my mouth, his fingers biting into my
cheeks.

“Not one sound,” he hisses quietly, moving in
and out again, faster and faster.

With every thrust, the tension, now so
familiar to me, grows. Second by second, the world disappears until
only Alec and I exist. Alec and I and all that’s between us—all the
possibility, all the passion, all the potential.

I’m on the brink of explosion when, with his
hand still over my lips, Alec dips his head and pulls my nipple
into his mouth. Sensation shoots through me and lands where he’s
buried within me. And then I feel his teeth. He bites me lightly
and grinds his hips into mine, pushing me right over the edge. A
scream is lodged in my chest when I hear Alec whisper, “That’s
right, baby. Let go and come for me.”

And I do.

Fireworks detonate behind my eyelids to rain
fire through my body. I open my mouth to cry out, but Alec’s hand
smothers the sound. Without thinking, I bite down on his finger. I
hear his own gasp and he stiffens. I feel him throb inside me as
hot fluid pours from him into me, making my body contract more
forcefully around him. He likes that.

His last two thrusts are long, slow, and
hard, hard enough to make me feel like he’s driving me into the
floor. My body milks his until neither of us has anything left to
give.

I turn my head enough to escape Alec’s hand,
gasping for air as the world settles softly down around us like a
cocoon of perfect tranquility. There are no other sounds, no other
people. Just bliss. And Alec. And me.

I barely hear his low voice when he speaks,
but I feel the movement of his lips against my neck where his face
is nuzzled. “We’ve got a thing for balconies.”

I laugh. I can’t help it. My heart is
overflowing.

“Yes, we do.”

After a few more seconds, Alec lifts his head
and looks into my eyes. With one hand, he reaches up and tucks a
lock of hair behind my ear. Gone is the anger, replaced now with a
quiet concern. “All good?”

I’m sure my smile reflects the brightness I
feel in my soul. “All good.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR- Alec

I’m getting ready to move Samantha’s arm and
climb out of bed when she finally speaks. I thought she was asleep.
That’s the only reason I’m still here. I always wait for her to go
to sleep before I leave the room.

“What happened to you, Alec?”

Her question catches me off guard. Since
Alyssa, I haven’t let anyone close enough to think that my past is
anything less than perfect.

Until Samantha.

Or maybe it just takes one twisted person to
recognize another.

I think I’m more comfortable with that
explanation.

Regardless, I have no intention of answering
her. I don’t talk about Alyssa.

Ever.

“Go to sleep,” I whisper, stroking her
hair.

She’s quiet for a while, but she’s not
fooling me. I can tell by her breathing that she’s very much
awake.

“Why won’t you tell me? I’ve told you
everything you wanted to know, answered every question you’ve asked
and—”

“But this isn’t about me, is it?” I ask
coolly, disentangling myself from her and sliding off the edge of
the bed.

“So that’s it?” she asks, sitting up in bed,
the sheet falling away from the skyward-pointing tips of her
breasts. “I’m in this all alone? You’re just here for the therapy.
Is that it?”

I turn toward her, meeting her gaze, knowing
she won’t like what she sees. “I’ve told you from the beginning.
I’ve been honest. I’ve warned you not to get attached.”

Her expression is a combination of hurt and
indignation. “Oh and it’s just that easy, right? Just don’t get
attached. Let someone in, pour your heart out to them, trust them,
give them your body and soul, but don’t get attached. Oh, okay,”
she snaps, flinging back the covers. “I get it.”

She starts jerking on clothes, so I make my
way down to the living room for a drink. I’m sitting on the couch
listening to the hiss of the gas logs in the fireplace when
Samantha hits the bottom step.

I see anger in every line of her body—squared
shoulders, straight spine, clenched fists—and, if she were anyone
else, I’d use that anger. I’d use it to slake my own passions. I’d
engage her in a battle of wills. And I’d win. I’d bend her until
she broke. Just like I like it.

But not with Samantha. I promised I’d help
her, not pull her into my world. Even though I feel sure I could
make her like it once she got over her fear.

I grind my teeth, fighting the hard-on that’s
rising up at the thought of breaking her.

It would be so sweet, so deliciously
sweet…

I push the thought from my head and
concentrate on the moment. And how that
can’t
happen.

“Your car isn’t here,” I state
matter-of-factly.

I hear her huff, knowing that her grand exit
has just been ruined. Having to ask for a ride is hardly
dramatic.

“God, you really just can’t help yourself,
can you?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

But I do. She thinks I can’t help being cold
and emotionless, being an asshole. Maybe she’s right.

She makes a half growl, half scream of
frustration and turns to head to the garage. “Take me home,” she
demands as she passes me.

“Yes, ma’am,” I mutter sarcastically, setting
my glass on the table and shutting off the logs.

The drive is uncomfortable to say the least.
Well for her anyway. I’m just ready for some rest. I’m working on a
headache and it’s doing nothing to improve my mood.