Unsuitable (38 page)

So, I got a lawyer, and she pursued a case for wrongful imprisonment.

My case was won, and I nearly fell off my chair when my lawyer sat me down and told me what I would be getting.

It was enough to set Jesse and me up for the future.

The first thing I did was put a deposit down on a house. Cece and I couldn’t bear to live in the apartment anymore, and I would never want Jesse living there. There were just too many bad memories in that place.

It wasn’t our home anymore. Damien had taken that from us.

So, we moved our things out of there and started afresh in our new home.

And then, a month later, Jesse moved in permanently with us.

It was the best moment of my life.

I had applied for full guardianship, and after jumping through hoops, it was granted.

I remember the first day he moved back home. Just being there with him, seeing how happy he was, made all the bad stuff that I’d had to go through to get to that point worth it.

I wasn’t going to look back and wish that things had been different. I could look back and be angry all I wanted, but it wasn’t going to change the past.

I had Jesse with me now, and that was all that mattered.

But I was still unemployed. Jesse was at school, and Cece was working. I felt lost. I spent a lot of those days wallowing and missing Kas, wondering how he was doing.

I’d never been a wallower, and I was starting to drive myself crazy.

One day, when I was out for my morning run, things changed for me. As I was running through the town center, I happened to see a For Sale sign in the window of a cute little coffee shop.

Before I knew it, I was stopping, peering in through the window, and then putting the number for the estate agent in my phone. I headed back home and called the estate agent, asking for the price of the place. I also found out they were selling the shop along with the equipment.

It wasn’t as expensive as I had expected. Don’t get me wrong; it was a lot of money, but it was affordable for me.

I asked if I could view it. The estate agent told me she had a free spot that day.

So, I got showered and changed, and I headed back to the coffee shop where the agent was waiting outside for me.

The minute she let me inside, I just knew. It was meant to be mine. It was perfect. I loved everything about it.

I asked her why the owner was selling and selling so reasonably. She just said they had to leave the country unexpectedly due to a sick relative, and they wouldn’t be coming back for some time.

As awful as it sounds, their bad fortune became my good fortune.

So, I told the agent I would think about it. But my mind was already made up.

It would cut into the money, but it would give me a good income to help with Jesse’s future. And there would still be a decent chunk to get him started in whatever he decided to do when he left school.

I put an offer in on the coffee shop the next day. Lower than the actual asking price.

It was accepted an hour later.

I couldn’t stop smiling. And I couldn’t help but think that Kas would have been proud of me.

He was the first person I wanted to call. But, of course, I couldn’t because I didn’t know where he was, and I no longer had his phone number.

After he’d left, I’d deleted it, knowing that I would probably break down and call him. And I couldn’t do that.

So, I had no way to contact him.

And then I realized that I also knew absolutely nothing about running a business.

It wasn’t just about making coffee—even though I do make an awesome cup of coffee. This was running a business. It was huge.

And I thought I would probably fuck it up.

I started to panic, thinking I’d made a mistake, before rationality decided to make an appearance.

Look at everything I’d done…overcome. I could run a fucking coffee shop.

I could do it.

So, I got Cece’s laptop out and went searching for business management courses. I found one at my local college. The classes were at night, so it was perfect.

I enrolled and was accepted.

Then, I focused on making the shop mine. I gave the place a lick of paint and put my own stamp on it, and then I renamed the coffee shop to Thessa’s. It felt right to call it that. It was because of Kas that my name was cleared. He was the reason I could afford the place.

And I just wanted something of his, some connection to him, to remind myself that he was real. Because, sometimes, it felt almost unreal. Like Kas had never actually existed. Like he’d never really been mine.

But he had.

I’d had him for a brief moment in time, and then I’d had to let him go.

Kas was never meant to be mine forever, and I had to come to terms with that.

And I did.

Kind of.

But then Thessa’s was open, and I actually had customers. I was busy, and I got on with life.

After I had Thessa’s for six months, I decided to enroll in a baking course. I had a place where I ordered cakes and muffins from for the shop, but I wanted to learn to make my own.

Growing up, I’d always been able to make a mean birthday cake for Jesse, so I reckoned I could do it.

Turned out, I was right. I excelled in baking. And I now make cakes for the shop as well as still buying in. It keeps me busy, but that’s the way I prefer it.

It doesn’t leave a lot of time for anything else…like dating. Not that I’m actually interested in dating even though Cece nags me about it on a regular basis.

She’s back in the dating game; she has been for a while. She’s been seeing this guy called Pierre for a couple of months now. He’s an out-of-work actor.

He’s cute.

He’s just kind of…pretentious.

But I think she could do better.

Cece likes him though, and she says he treats her good. That’s all that matters to me. She deserves to be happy.

So, I’m nice to the guy whenever he’s around.

But, because she’s happy, she’s been trying to set me up with guys. The latest was one of Pierre’s poncy friends called Gerard. Another out-of-work actor.

I told her what I always tell her, “I’m not interested. I’m too busy with work and Jesse.” And blah, blah, blah.

But she’s not stupid. She knows that I’m not over Kas. That I’ve never gotten over Kas.

I mean, you’d think I would have gotten over him by now. It has been three and a half years.

But, as I’ve learned, you don’t get over a man like Kastor Matis. You just learn to live without him.

So, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that this is the way it is. Spinsterhood for Daisy, and I’m totally fine with it.

My life isn’t lacking. I have a good life. I have Jesse.

Even though he just left me for university.

I’m not going to cry again.

I have the coffee shop to keep me busy.

My life is as good as it’s going to be. And I’m okay with that.

When I look at the way my life was…and how it could’ve turned out…this life is a dream compared to that.

Of course I get lonely. Especially at night when I look at that empty space in my bed where I wish Kas were lying.

But he’s gone.

He’s been gone a long time, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.

It’s just sometimes hard, knowing that he’s out there, living his life without me.

I wonder if he’s happy.

I hope he’s happy. He deserves to be.

I just wish we could have been happy together.

My phone rings on the counter. I smile at the caller display.

“Missing me already?”

Jesse’s laugh echoes down the line. “Just checking to make sure you’re not still bawling your eyes out.”

“I did not bawl.”

“There was snot on my T-shirt from where you’d blubbered on me.”

“Oh God.” I wince. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m just teasing. It’s nice to know you’re gonna miss me. I just hate to see you cry and know I’m the reason for it.”

“They were happy tears and sad tears and proud tears. I’m gonna miss you so much, but I’m incredibly proud of you, Jesse, for getting into university. You’re going to get your degree and become a lawyer. God, I cannot wait until the day I see you in your cap and gown, up on that stage, receiving your degree.”

“I haven’t even started my courses yet”—he laughs—“and you’ve already got me graduated.”

“Yeah, well, I just know you’re gonna rock it.”

There’s silence on the line that has me asking, “Are…
you
okay?”

He sighs. “Yeah. It’s just…I guess it’s weird, being here. In a new place. You know, where I just have a bedroom, and the rest is shared facilities with the other guys. It kinda reminds me of the boys home. The first night I spent there after you were arrested.”

My throat closes up. “Jesse…”

“I’m not blaming you, Daisy. Jesus, of course I’m not. I hate the fact that I ever doubted you and blamed you. Just sitting here brought back some sad memories for me, and…I guess…I wanted to hear your voice. Just remind myself that we’re here now, and it’s different. That things are good. And you’re fine.”

I swallow back tears. “We’re here, and it is different. It’s amazing. I’m fine, kiddo. And I couldn’t be prouder of you.”

I feel his smile.

“You already said that.”

I smile myself. “And I’m gonna keep saying it, so you’d better get used to it.”

I hear a voice in the background, and Jesse says, “Be there in a minute.”

“Everything okay?” I ask.

“Yeah, just the guys I live with are going to the pub. They’ve invited me to go with them.”

“Go. Don’t let me keep you. And have fun. And don’t drink too much. And be safe. And I love you.”

He laughs, and the sound washes through me like a sweet melody.

“I will. And I won’t. And of course I will. And…I love you, too, Mayday.”

He disconnects the call, and I breathe through the emotion.

Don’t cry. You’ve cried enough today.

Blowing out a breath, I get to my feet to start the cleanup before I lock up for the night.

I always like a little music to clean to. Like I used to when I cleaned the Matis Estate. I used to wear my earphones then, so as not to piss off Kas.

He always was easy to piss off.

But this is my place, and I can listen to music as loud as I want. Well, without annoying the neighboring businesses, that is.

Setting my phone on the counter beside the coffee machine, I go to my music and select Zayn’s “Like I Would.”

This song reminds me of Kas. It was playing that night in the club when he sabotaged my date with Cooper and was waiting for me outside the restroom.

I like to torture myself with it every now and then.

Sad, but I like to think of myself as being the one singing the lyrics to Kas.

I’m telling him that he will never find anyone who will love him like I would love him.
Do
love him.

And, yes, I’m that sad.

In Kas’s mind, I’m probably just a bad memory of a time that he’d rather forget.

He walked away. He was right to.

And, now, he’s probably moved on to some gorgeous Greek beauty who isn’t saddled with a world of emotional baggage and who doesn’t remind him of death and other things I choose not to think about because, if I do, my head might explode.

Actually, it’s feeling close to explosion now, so I focus on cleaning the coffee machine.

I’m halfway through cleaning it when Zayn has finished, and now, John Legend is singing “All of Me.” I’m getting all emotional, singing along to the lyrics, wishing someone—okay, Kas—felt that way about me, thought those things about me, when the door chimes, opening.

Who’s that?
I put the Closed sign up. Some people just don’t pay attention.

Sucking in a breath, blinking my eyes clear, I turn around. “I’m sorry. We’re clo—” The words die on my tongue, and my heart falls out of my chest.

“Kas,” I breathe his name, like I expect him to disappear in a puff of smoke.

“Hi, Daisy.” His words are soft, tentative.

And my brain is failing me.

I don’t know how many times I’ve pictured this scenario in my head. That I’d be here late, and he’d walk in, telling me that he missed me. That he regretted leaving. That he couldn’t get over me. That he loved me. And then I would jump into his arms, and he’d kiss me. Then, everything would be like it was.

I watch too many chick flicks, I know.

But he is here. And, now, I can’t move or speak or do anything but stare at him.

He looks exactly the same. Like no time has passed at all.

I’m suddenly conscious of how I look.

Dressed in black trousers and a black polo shirt with the coffee shop’s logo. My hair is tied back into a messy bun. I have no makeup on because I cried it all off earlier.

I look terrible.

And he looks beautiful.

His hair is shorter than it used to be, and he has some serious stubble going on. I always did love stubble on him. He’s wearing a checkered navy-blue suit with a white shirt. Similar to what he was wearing the first day I met him.

And he looks like everything I ever wanted but never got to have. Not really.

I’m still staring at him. I’m afraid to blink in case this is all a mirage conjured up by my desperate imagination, and he won’t be here when I open my eyes.

Damn air-conditioning dries my eyes, and I blink.

When my eyes open, he’s still here.

“How…where…how?” I’m stammering. I stop and take a deep breath, resting my palm on the counter. The cool top calms me some.

He’s here. He’s really here.

I blow the breath out and look over at him. “How have you been?” My voice is hoarse.

He lifts a shoulder. His eyes are fixed on mine. “You know…” He trails off, not actually answering my question. “You look great, Daisy. Beautiful. But then you always do. And you look like you’re doing well.” He gestures to the shop.

I try not to let the
beautiful
comment get to me, and instead, I focus on the fact that I get the distinct impression that he knows it’s my coffee shop. How he would know that, I have no clue. But then Kas always did have a way of just knowing things.