Unraveling You 03 Awakening You (9 page)

 

The only way to be free

 

Is to give in.

 

The only way to be free

 

Is to surrender.

 

Chapter 9

 

 

Ayden

 

 

 

About an hour into writing my English essay, I decide I need a break and get on my computer. I open up the webpage I’ve looked at every night for the last couple of weeks that contains an article about the Soulless Mileas and their rituals and beliefs. On the top of the page are photos of houses, backyards, the shore—the pictures I mentioned to Lila.

 

I shut my eyes and try to summon locked up memories.

 

The house on the hill

 

Bleeds through the ground,

 

Saturates the dirt,

 

And drips from the trees.

 

The red river flows down the grass

 

And to the ocean.

 

Waves crash against the sand,

 

Erasing the blood

 

And carrying it away.

 

But a faint trail still remains.

 

The house on the hill

 

Waits to be found,

 

Waits to tell its secrets

 

Of shackles and nails,

 

Stories or torture and pain.

 

Drip.

 

Drip.

 

Drip.

 

“What is that, Ayden?” my sister whispers through the darkness.

 

The only thing I can see is the bright pink ribbon in her hair.

 

I open my mouth to tell her, but my voice gets lost in the sound of the dripping.

 

“Ayden, can you hear me?” she whispers. “I think . . . I think it’s blood. Oh, Ayden, I think it’s my blood.”

 

My eyes snap open as my body trembles from the memory—my sister’s plea for help. I glance at the computer screen and examine the photos closely.

 

“Where are you, Sadie?” I whisper, my eyes locking on a photo of a house settled on a shallow hill.

 

I try to picture the people inside it, but my memory shuts down. The strange thing that doesn’t make sense to me is that the house we were trapped in was the one in my neighborhood and not on a hill. That’s where I remember being dropped off by my mother, and that’s where we were picked up, yet sometimes, I see us in other places and wonder if we were moved around somehow.

 

Overwhelmed with emotion, I leave the computer desk and seek comfort in my guitar. After I get situated on my bed, I pluck the strings with my fingertips and sing aloud, something I only do behind closed doors.

 

“Burning, burning, burning,

 

My body is in flames.

 

The fire igniting,

 

Burning me with rage.

 

I want the fire out,

 

Beg the clouds to drench me in rain.

 

Yet, when I look up,

 

The sky is fucking tame, no rain in sight.

 

So the fire keeps on burning,

 

Blazing, blazing, blazing,

 

Until it kills me eternally.”

 

I frown at my words. With everything going on, I need to pick myself up, not drag myself further down into depression.

 

What I need is Lyric.

 

Glancing out my widow, I look over at her house. Her bedroom light is off, which means she’s probably downstairs with her parents. I’m curious what her punishment is, but too nervous to text her and ask. Worried she’ll tell me her parents won’t let her see me again.

 

Sighing, I reach for my journal and turn to a page I’ve been scribbling in for the last week or so. I place my guitar on my lap again, line my fingers with the strings, and open my mouth.

 

“Lyric, Lyric, Lyric,

 

Her name pours through my veins.

 

Her laughter, her smile,

 

It’s enough to drive me insane.

 

The way she looks at me,

 

It doesn’t make sense

 

Why she would want me.

 

I don’t understand.

 

She’s so beautiful, so wild, so full of light.

 

Every time we touch,

 

Everything feels right.

 

Every time we kiss,

 

My head spins out of control.

 

I try to hold on, but I eventually fall.

 

Falling, falling, falling,

 

I’m falling into her.

 

Falling so blindingly, so helpless, so willingly.

 

Please, God, please, let me keep falling.”

 

I stop strumming the strings as my phone buzzes on the nightstand. I set the guitar aside and check the incoming message.

 

The second I see her name, I smile.

 

Lyric: So, I just had a super awkward safe sex talk that lasted over an hour. What about you? Did you get punished?

 

I rest against the headboard and type a response.

 

Me: Ethan kind of the did the same thing with me, only his lasted about fifteen seconds. That’s the only punishment you got? Your dad seemed pissed off.

 

Lyric: He was freaking out, but honestly, it was kind of funny. I think he’s having issues with me growing up or something. My mom was pretty chillax, though. Which I was kind of surprised about. I mean, she’s usually the one doing all the scolding and punishing, but she seemed more worried that we’re being careful.

 

Me: You told them that wasn’t an issue, right?”

 

Lyric: Whoops. I knew I was forgetting something.

 

Me: Please tell me you’re kidding! Your dad’s never going to let me see you again if he thinks that.

 

Lyric: You should know that I’m kidding. I like my jokes, but I’m not a liar. And FYI, my dad wasn’t upset because he thought I was sleeping with you. He was upset about the concept of his daughter having sex. They both seemed super relieved that it was you I was caught with and put a lot of the blame on me. I think they think I’m a bad influence on you, which might be kind of true. They like you, dude, even if you did get caught feeling their daughter up.

 

Me: Still, we should probably be a little bit more careful from now on.

 

Lyric: I’m good with being careful, just as long as there’s going to be a from now on. You seemed freaked out, shy boy, and that stuff you said about my parents being disappointed that I was with you . . . It makes me sad that you see yourself like that, that you can’t see how good you are.

 

Me: I’m sorry I freaked out. What can I do to make it up to you?

 

Lyric: Hmm . . . Let me think. How about admitting that you’re good enough for me?

 

Me: I’m being serious. I want to make it up to you.

 

Lyric: And I’m being serious. I want you to say it.

 

When I don’t respond right away, another text buzzes through.

 

Lyric: I’m being serious. Say it or else.

 

I can’t help myself.

 

Me: Or else what?

 

Lyric: Ah, I think I’m being challenged.

 

A pause then another message comes through.

 

Lyric: If you don’t tell me that you’re good enough for me, I won’t kiss you for a week.

 

I chuckle.

 

Me: Fine. I’m good enough for you. There, are you happy?

 

Lyric: I’m really happy, actually. Not only did I get you to say it, but now I know how much you love my kisses.

 

Me: You should have known that already.

 

Lyric: Maybe I did, but it’s nice to know for sure. I have to go. My mom is making me watch a show with them. God knows what it’s about. Probably a tutorial on how to accurately put a condom on or something.

 

I shake my head, grinning. Leave it to Lyric to get me to smile even when I’ve had the most depressing night.

 

When we say goodbye, I put my phone away and spend the next hour working on my homework. By the time I fall asleep, I think I’m feeling better until I sink into a nightmare of the woman with hair that matches her blood red fingernails.

 

Drip.

 

Drip.

 

Drip.

 

“Close your eyes and prepare yourself, Ayden.” Fingernails slide across my hands, up my arms, and down my chest, making my gut twist with disgust. “I’m going to break you apart and make you bleed.”

 

Chapter 10

 

 

Lyric

 

 

 

It’s Friday night, which means concert time for my band, Alyric Bliss. Well, concert might be a stretch. Basically, we have a gig at Infinite Bliss, my father’s club, opening for another band. We play five songs total, and my dad is making us sing our own stuff in order to prep us for when we record.

 

“You look nervous.” Sage, the drummer of our band, remarks. With his blue hair, multiple piercings and tattoos, and edgy clothing, Sage looks the part. “I thought you’d be over your stage fright by now.”

 

“I
am
over it.” When I peer out at the packed room, my body contradicts my words as a thousand butterflies on crack start to flutter inside my stomach.

 

“You pointing it out isn’t helping, so stop being a dick,” Nolan, our bassist, tells Sage while twisting the knobs of the bass he’s holding. Nolan is a little less grunge and more boy band-ish: spikey blond hair and blue eyes with these crazy full lips that don’t seem like they should belong to a guy. But he plays a sick guitar solo, so he’s cool in my book.

 

Sage tosses a drumstick in the air then catches it like a baseball. “I’m not being a dick. I’m just stating the obvious—that she looks nervous for it being our seventh performance.” I scowl at Sage, and he raises his inked hands in front of him. “Sorry, I’ll stop saying it.”

 

“Thank you.” I peer back at the floor, and my stomach drops again.

 

Even though I won’t admit it aloud, Sage is right. It seems like I should be over my stage fright by now, yet before every performance, I feel as jittery as I do when I drink too much coffee.

 

“And where the hell is Ayden?” Sage says from behind me. “He should have been here by now.”

 

“He’ll be here,” I assure him. Still feeling a little concerned myself, I decide to text him.

 

Me: We’re on in like 40. You’re on your way, right?

 

When he doesn’t reply right away, I start to get all twitchy. With the Soulless Mileas out there constantly tormenting him, it’s hard to remain calm whenever he goes MIA.

 

After five minutes drag by, I squeeze through the mob of intoxicated people to get to the bathroom and check my appearance. I’m not really a makeup girl, but I reapply the kohl liner around my bright green eyes and dab on some lip gloss. Then I comb my fingers through my long, blonde hair, smooth my hands over my black shirt and plaid skirt, and tighten the laces on my red boots. The last thing I ever want to happen is tripping over my shoelaces.

 

After I’m done, I push out the door and head back to the stage. As I’m passing the bar, I notice a woman staring at me. She’s very model-esque: long legs, flowing blonde hair, and bright blue eyes.

 

“Hey,” she says, giving me a tentative wave.

 

“Um . . . hey.” I have no clue who she is, but she acts like she knows me.

 

“You don’t know who am I, do you?” she asks with a mixture of amusement and nervousness.

 

I shake my head. “Sorry.”

 

“No worries.” She rises from the barstool, scooping up a half-filled wine glass from the counter. “I’m Ava. I used to know your mother and father back when they lived in Wyoming. I was out here visiting and heard your father had a club, so I thought I’d stop by.”

 

The name doesn’t ring a bell, but my parents rarely talk about the people they knew back in Wyoming.

 

“That’s cool. You should track my dad down and say hi.” I scan the bar then the hallway that leads to my dad’s office. “He’s around here somewhere, more than likely in his office, but he wanders out here during performances.”

 

“Lyric!” Sage hollers from the backstage area with his hands cupped around his mouth. “Time to get your ass up here!”

 

I roll my eyes at him. “Sorry. I guess I have to go. But, seriously, go say hi to my father. I’m sure he’ll want to chat with you about the good ol’ days or whatever.”

 

She offers me a small smile when I wave, and then I hurry through the crowd. My heavy boots clunk against the steps as I dash up the stairway to the backstage.

 

“Dude, Sage, my bro, my friend, what are you thinking, screaming across the stage like that?” I ask as I duck behind the curtain. “My dad’s not going to be happy with you acting like a spastic mad man.”

 

Sage gives me an innocent look. “I tried to text, but you didn’t answer.”

 

I check my phone and realize the battery is now dead. “Has Ayden texted you yet?”

 

Sage shakes his head. “And I’ve texted him like fifty times.”

 

As I grow even more worried, I open my mouth to tell Sage to hand me his phone so I can call Lila and Ethan, but then the door to our right swings open.

 

Ayden rushes inside with his guitar case in hand. “Sorry, I’m late. My car was being a pain in the ass and wouldn’t start.” His hair is dripping wet, water beads his skin, and his soaked grey shirt clings to his body.

 

I gawk at him like a pervert.

 

If you want to see perfection,

 

Just look right in front of you.

 

So gorgeous and flawless

 

With dark, haunted eyes,

 

Lips that taste so intoxicating,

 

A body that . . .

 

Good God, that body.

 

I want touch it, run my hands all over him.

 

“Lyric, did you hear what I said?” Ayden interrupts my lustful thoughts.

 

I rip my eyes off his body. “Nope, not a damn word.”

 

He inquisitively glances down at his shirt then back at me. “You okay?”

 

“Yep, I’m great. I was just”—I shrug—“checking your sexy body out.”

 

Astonishingly, he doesn’t blush as our gazes meld. It’s been a week since we got caught in his bedroom, and we’ve been trying to behave ourselves, but behaving has increased the sexual tense to about an . . . oh, eleven hundred.

 

Sage clears his throat and shatters the moment into oblivion.

 

Even though he seems fine with Ayden and me being together, sometimes, when we show a little PDA, he gets annoyed.

 

“Why didn’t you answer your texts?” Sage asks Ayden as he stuffs his drumsticks into the back pocket of his jeans.

 

Ayden blinks his attention away from me. “You texted me?” When Sage nods, he pats his pockets. “Shit, I must have left my phone at the therapist’s office.”

 

“You scared us,” I tell Ayden. “Or at least me. I think Sage was more worried we wouldn’t have a guitarist.”

 

“Hey, I was kind of worried,” Sage gripes. “I’m not that big of a douche.”

 

“Fine, we were all worried.” I lower my voice and lean in toward Ayden. “I thought something bad happened.”

 

“It wasn’t anything like that. Just car trouble, like I said. Everything’s fine, though. The detective following me around helped me jumpstart it.” He shakes his head, showering me with water.

 

“Gee, thanks for the shower,” I tease, raising my hand to wipe the water off my face. “Is he still keeping an eye on you?”

 

“Yeah. Lila says it’ll only be for a bit longer since nothing has happened in the last few weeks.” He steps forward and gently brushes his fingers across my cheeks and lips. “I need you not to worry about me so much. I don’t want you to panic every time I’m late.” He places a featherlight kiss on my mouth. “I hate thinking that I stressed you out.”

 

He tastes minty and smells like rain. I breathe in the scent and taste, softly sighing against his mouth like a lovesick girl.

 

“I can’t stop worrying about you.” My eyelashes flutter as he tangles his fingers through my hair. “It’s part of the job title as your best friend.”

 

A soft groan slips from Ayden’s lips as his hands travel down my back.

 

Sage clears his throat again. “Get a room, would you? Jesus, it’s like one step away from watching porn.”

 

Ayden shakes his head at Sage. “So, what did I miss?” he asks me as he sets his guitar case on the floor.

 

“Well, we go on in, like, thirty,” I tell him then shoot Sage a conniving smile. “And Sage has been pissing his pants that you weren’t going to show up.”

 

Sage glares at me. “Yeah, right. You’re the one freaking out, and not just about Ayden.”

 

“What else are you freaking out about?” Ayden asks me with concern.

 

I give a shrug. “I already told you that I still get nervous every time we’re about to perform.”

 

“What can I do to help?”

 

“You could talk to me about something else. Take my mind off stuff.”

 

Nodding, he takes my hand and leads me back to the corner of the room. When he sits down on the floor, he pulls me down with him so we’re sitting across from each other.

 

“So, I’ve been talking to my therapist about that experimental treatment I told you about a while ago,” he starts, resting against the wall.

 

“The one Lila doesn’t want you to do?” I crisscross my legs and rest back on my hands.

 

He nods, fiddling with the leather bracelet I gave him. “But I’m not really sure she has any say in it anymore.”

 

My head cocks to the side. “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean that I’m eighteen and technically don’t need a guardian’s permission to go through with the treatment.” He leans forward and tugs on my arm, so I sit up straight. Then he laces his fingers through mine. “I don’t want it to come to that,” he says, staring down at our hands, “but, at the same time, I can’t stop thinking about Sadie and how, if I could just see the people’s faces, then maybe the police could track her down and make some arrests.”

 

I take a minute or two to prepare myself for what I’m going to say next. “I get what you’re saying—I really do—but what are the risks, exactly? I mean, how dangerous are we talking?”

 

“There’s a short list of them,” he answers with hesitancy. “Like memory loss and stress on the heart, but if the treatment’s done right, then nothing should go wrong.”

 

I make a mental note to search online for the side effects. If they’re bad, then I’m going to talk him out of it. The last thing I ever want is for him to get hurt or, worse, lose him. My heart aches just thinking about it.

 

“Look, I get that, no matter what, it’s kind of risky. And it’s not going to be easy . . . seeing the stuff I’ve forgotten. I know my mind blocked it out for a reason.” With his free hand, he scratches his head. “But I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t at least try. And I really need you to support me and be there for me.”

 

Dammit. He said he needs me. There goes my plan of talking him out of it.

 

“All right, I can do that, I guess. But I’m not going to lie; I’m scared of what’s going to happen. I don’t . . .” I swallow hard. “I don’t want to lose you.”
Because I love you.

 

I’m in love with you.

 

Love you so much

 

I feel like I’m going to combust,

 

Shatter into pieces that scatter

 

Through the wind and rain,

 

Blow away and get lost.

 

Lost, lost, lost

 

In my love for you.

 

Now he’s the one to gulp. “You won’t. I promise.”

 

“Hey, you two love birds, we’re up!” Nolan shouts mockingly from behind us.

 

I crinkle my nose. “Sometimes, I wish you and I could just be a duo.”

 

He smiles thoughtfully. “That’d be nice, but considering I can’t sing, it’d be more of a solo and a half band.”

 

“It still sounds better right now.” I push to my feet and tug my skirt into place. “Those two are getting on my nerves.”