Unravel Me (19 page)

“What do you think they were planning?” Kenji asks. “Do you have a theory?”

Castle sighs. Drops his hand from his face. “Well, now we know why Warner was out
with his soldiers every night—how he was able to leave the base for as long as he
did for so many days.”

“His father,” Kenji says.

Castle nods. “Yes. It’s my opinion that the supreme sent Warner out himself. That
he wanted Warner to begin hunting us more aggressively. He’s always known about us,”
Castle says to me. “He’s never been a stupid man, the supreme. He’s always believed
the rumors about us, always known that we were out here. But we’ve never been a threat
to him before. Not until now,” he says. “Because now that the civilians are talking
about us, it’s upsetting the balance of power. The people are reenergized—looking
for hope in our resistance. And that’s not something The Reestablishment can afford
right now.

“Anyway,” he goes on, “I think it’s clear that they couldn’t find the entrance to
Omega Point, and settled for taking hostages, hoping to provoke us to come out on
our own.” Castle retrieves a piece of paper from his pile. Holds it up. It’s a note.
“But there are conditions,” he says. “The supreme has given us very specific directions
on how next to proceed.”

“And?
” Kenji is rigid with intensity.

“The three of you will go. Alone.”

Holy crap.

“What?” Adam gapes at Castle, astonished. “Why us?”

“He hasn’t asked to see me,” Castle says. “I’m not the one he’s interested in.”

“And you’re just going to agree to that?” Adam asks. “You’re just going to throw us
at him?”

Castle leans forward. “Of course not.”

“You have a plan?” I ask.

“The supreme wants to meet with you at exactly twelve p.m. tomorrow—well, today, technically—at
a specific location on unregulated turf. The details are in the note.” He takes a
deep breath. “And, even though I know this is exactly what he wants, I think we should
all be ready to go. We should move together. This is, after all, what we’ve been training
for. I’ve no doubt he has bad intentions, and I
highly
doubt he’s inviting you to chat over a cup of tea. So I think we should be ready
to defend against an offensive attack. I imagine his own men will be armed and ready
to fight, and I’m fully prepared to lead mine into battle.”

“So we’re the
bait
?” Kenji asks, his eyebrows pulled together. “We don’t even get to fight—we’re just
the distraction?”

“Kenji—”

“This is bullshit,” Adam says, and I’m surprised to see such emotion from him. “There
has
to be another way. We shouldn’t be playing by his rules. We should be using this
opportunity to ambush them or—I don’t know—create a diversion or a distraction so
we
can attack offensively! I mean, hell, doesn’t anyone burst into flames or something?
Don’t we have anyone who can do something crazy enough to throw everything off? To
give us an advantage?”

Castle turns to stare at me.

Adam looks like he might punch Castle in the face. “You are
out
of your mind—”

“Then no,” he says. “No, we don’t have anyone else that can do something so … earth-shattering.”

“You think that’s
funny
?” Adam snaps.

“I’m afraid I’m not trying to be funny, Mr. Kent. And your anger is not helping our
situation. You may opt out if you like, but I
will
—respectfully—request Ms. Ferrars’ assistance in this matter. She is the only one
the supreme actually wants to see. Sending the two of you with her was my idea.”

“What?
”

All 3 of us are stunned.

“Why me?”

“I really wish I could tell you,” Castle says to me. “I wish I knew more. As of right
now, I can only do my best to extrapolate from the information I have, and all I’ve
concluded thus far is that Warner has made a glaring error that needs to be set right.
Somehow you managed to get caught in the middle.” A pause. “Warner’s father,” he says,
“has asked very specifically for
you
in exchange for the hostages. He says if you do not arrive at the appointed time,
he will kill our men. And I have no reason to doubt his word. Murdering the innocent
is something that comes very naturally to him.”

“And you were just going to let her walk into that!” Adam knocks over his garbage
can as he jumps to his feet. “You weren’t even going to say anything? You were going
to let us assume that she wasn’t a
target
? Are you insane?”

Castle rubs his forehead. Takes a few calming breaths. “No,” he says, his voice carefully
measured. “I was not going to let her walk right into anything. What I’m saying is
that we will
all
fight together, but you two will go with Ms. Ferrars. The three of you have worked
together before, and both you and Kenji have military training. You’re more familiar
with the rules, the techniques, the strategy they might employ. You would help keep
her safe and embody the element of surprise—your presence could be what gives us an
advantage in this situation. If he wants her badly enough, he’ll have to find a way
to juggle the three of you—”

“
Or
—you know, I don’t know,” Kenji says, affecting nonchalance, “maybe he’ll just shoot
us both in the face and drag Juliette away while we’re too busy being dead to stop
him.”

“It’s okay,” I say. “I’ll do it. I’ll go.”

“What?” Adam is looking at me, panic forcing his eyes wide. “Juliette—no—”

“Yeah, you might want to think about this for a second,” Kenji cuts in, sounding a
little nervous.

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to,” I tell them. “But I’ll go.”

Castle smiles, relief written across his features.

“This is what we’re here for, right?” I look around. “We’re supposed to fight back.
This is our chance.”

Castle is beaming, his eyes bright with something that might be pride. “We will be
with you every step of the way, Ms. Ferrars. You can count on it.”

I nod.

And I realize this is probably what I’m meant to do. Maybe this is exactly why I’m
here.

Maybe I’m just supposed to die.

The morning is a blur.

There’s so much to do, so much to prepare for, and there are so many people getting
ready. But I know that ultimately this is
my
battle; I have unfinished business to deal with. I know this meeting has nothing
to do with the supreme commander. He has no reason to care so much about me. I’ve
never even met the man; I should be nothing more than expendable to him.

This is Warner’s move.

It has to be Warner who asked for me. This has something and everything to do with
him; it’s a smoke signal telling me he still wants me and he’s not yet given up. And
I have to face him.

I only wonder how he managed to get his father to pull these strings for him.

I guess I’ll find out soon enough.

Someone is calling my name.

I stop in place.

Spin around.

James
.

He runs up to me just outside the dining hall. His hair, so blond; his eyes, so blue,
just like his older brother’s. But I’ve missed his face in a way that has nothing
to do with how much he reminds me of Adam.

James is a special kid. A sharp kid. The kind of 10-year-old who is always underestimated.
And he’s asking me if we can talk. He points to one of the many corridors.

I nod. Follow him into an empty tunnel.

He stops walking and turns away for a moment. Stands there looking uncomfortable.
I’m stunned he even wants to talk to me; I haven’t spoken a single word to him in
3 weeks. He started spending time with the other kids at Omega Point shortly after
we arrived, and then things somehow got awkward between us. He stopped smiling when
he’d see me, stopped waving hello from across the dining hall. I always imagined he’d
heard rumors about me from the other kids and decided he was better off staying away.
And now, after everything that’s happened with Adam—after our very public display
in the tunnel—I’m shocked he wants to say anything to me.

His head is still down when he whispers, “I was really, really mad at you.”

And the stitches in my heart begin to pop. One by one.

He looks up. Looks at me like he’s trying to gauge whether or not his opening words
have upset me, whether or not I’m going to yell at him for being honest with me. And
I don’t know what he sees in my face but it seems to disarm him. He shoves his hands
into his pockets. Rubs his sneaker in circles on the floor. Says, “You didn’t tell
me you killed someone before.”

I take an unsteady breath and wonder if there will ever be a proper way to respond
to a statement like that. I wonder if anyone other than James will ever even say something
like that to me. I think not. So I just nod. And say, “I’m really sorry. I should’ve
told y—”

“Then why didn’t you?” he shouts, shocking me. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did everyone
else know except for me?”

And I’m floored for a moment, floored by the hurt in his voice, the anger in his eyes.
I never knew he considered me a friend, and I realize I should have. James hasn’t
known many people in his life; Adam is his entire world. Kenji and I were 2 of the
only people he’d ever really met before we got to Omega Point. And for an orphaned
child in his circumstances, it must’ve meant a lot to have new friends. But I’ve been
so concerned with my own issues that it never occurred to me that James would care
so much. I never realized my omission would’ve seemed like a betrayal to him. That
the rumors he heard from the other children must’ve hurt him just as much as they
hurt me.

So I decide to sit down, right there in the tunnel. I make room for him to sit down
beside me. And I tell him the truth. “I didn’t want you to hate me.”

He glares at the floor. Says, “I don’t hate you.”

“No?”

He picks at his shoelaces. Sighs. Shakes his head. “And I didn’t like what they were
saying about you,” he says, quieter now. “The other kids. They said you were mean
and nasty and I told them you weren’t. I told them you were quiet and nice. And that
you have nice hair. And they told me I was lying.”

I swallow, hard, punched in the heart. “You think I have nice hair?”

“Why did you kill him?” James asks me, eyes so open, so ready to be understanding.
“Was he trying to hurt you? Were you scared?”

I take a few breaths before I answer.

“Do you remember,” I say to him, feeling unsteady now, “what Adam told you about me?
About how I can’t touch anyone without hurting them?”

James nods.

“Well, that’s what happened,” I say. “I touched him and he died.”

“But why?” he asks. “Why’d you touch him? Because you wanted him to die?”

My face feels like cracked china. “No,” I tell him, shaking my head. “I was young—only
a couple of years older than you, actually. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t
know that I could kill people by touching them. He’d fallen down at the grocery store
and I was just trying to help him get to his feet.” A long pause. “It was an accident.”

James is silent for a while.

He takes turns looking at me, looking at his shoes, at the knees he’s tucked up against
his chest. He’s staring at the ground when he finally whispers, “I’m sorry I was mad
at you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth,” I whisper back.

He nods. Scratches a spot on his nose. Looks at me. “So can we be friends again?”

“You want to be friends with me?” I blink hard against the stinging in my eyes. “You’re
not afraid of me?”

“Are you going to be mean to me?”

“Never.”

“Then why would I be afraid of you?”

And I laugh, mostly because I don’t want to cry. I nod too many times. “Yes,” I say
to him. “Let’s be friends again.”

“Good,” he says, and gets to his feet. “Because I don’t want to eat lunch with those
other kids anymore.”

I stand up. Dust off the back of my suit. “Eat with us,” I tell him. “You can always
sit at our table.”

“Okay.” He nods. Looks away again. Tugs on his ear a little. “So did you know Adam
is really sad all the time?” He turns his blue eyes on me.

I can’t speak. Can’t speak at all.

“Adam says he’s sad because of you.” James looks at me like he’s waiting for me to
deny it. “Did you hurt him by accident too? He was in the medical wing, did you know
that? He was sick.”

And I think I’m going to fall apart, right there, but somehow I don’t. I can’t lie
to him. “Yes,” I tell James. “I hurt him by accident, but now—n-now I stay away from
him. So I can’t hurt him anymore.”

“Then why’s he still so sad? If you’re not hurting him anymore?”

I’m shaking my head, pressing my lips together because I don’t want to cry and I don’t
know what to say. And James seems to understand.

He throws his arms around me.

Right around my waist. Hugs me and tells me not to cry because he believes me. He
believes I only hurt Adam by accident. And the little boy, too. And then he says,
“But be careful today, okay? And kick some ass, too.”

I’m so stunned that it takes me a moment to realize that not only did he use a bad
word, he just touched me for the very first time. I try to hold on for as long as
I can without making things awkward between us, but I think my heart is still in a
puddle somewhere on the floor.

And that’s when I realize: everyone knows.

James and I walk into the dining hall together and I can already tell that the stares
are different now. Their faces are full of pride, strength, and acknowledgment when
they look at me. No fear. No suspicion. I’ve officially become one of them. I will
fight with them, for them, against the same enemy.

I can see what’s in their eyes because I’m beginning to remember what it feels like.

Hope.

It’s like a drop of honey, a field of tulips blooming in the springtime. It’s fresh
rain, a whispered promise, a cloudless sky, the perfect punctuation mark at the end
of a sentence.