Unnecessary Roughness (11 page)

“It’s just a two hour drive. Too local.” Connor suddenly had second thoughts about eating at the noisy sports bar, wanting to read his textbook.

“You want a veggie burger and a beer?” She entered the bar.

“No beer. Not when I still have an afternoon of classes. But I wouldn’t mind a veggie burger.” He held the door open for her and followed her in.

Kyle searched around campus for Connor. He had forgotten to ask Connor for his schedule to see if they overlapped classes, as if it may seem odd like he was being clingy.

After searching the café and the library, he had a thought. Hannah. He checked the time and wondered if it would seem like he was following Connor around. Well, shit, he could just pass by. He didn’t have to go in if he found him.

Kyle walked to the sports bar at a good pace and pressed his nose against the glass front. There was his roommate, sitting by himself. Kyle didn’t give it a second thought. He opened the door and stood behind him. Connor had an open book in front of him and a burger minus three bites.

Kyle reached over his shoulder and stole one of his french fries from his plate. Connor glanced up, realized it was him, and scolded, “Hey!”

“Hey back.” Kyle sat across the table from him. “Where’s Hannah?”

“Working. You eat yet?”

“No.” Kyle ate another one of his fries.

When Connor caught Hannah’s eye, he waved her over. “Meat man is here.” He nodded to Kyle.

“Got any raw cow? Bloody?” Without a second thought, Kyle drank from Connor’s glass as well.

“Yech, raw cow.” Connor crinkled his nose. “Give him some vegetables. He needs the roughage.”

Hannah began laughing. “Kyle, what do you want, really?”

Oh? You want to know what I really want?
After peeking at Connor and grinning wickedly, he was about to admit what he
really
wanted, but chickened out. “How about a cheeseburger?”

“Coming up.” She left to place the order.

“You want the rest of my fries, fatso?”

“Fatso?” Kyle leaned across the table and made a face at Connor. Just being in this man’s company made him high, particularly when it was unexpected. “I was ‘perfect’ yesterday.”

Connor wiggled a french fry towards Kyle and made a funny face back at him. Once he stretched closer, Connor fed him, smiling at him.

“I’m lean and mean, Worthington. A lean mean fighting machine. Not a dainty vegetarian.”

“Oh, screw you. Broaden your horizons. There’s nothing wrong with being environmentally conscious.”

“When have I not been environmentally conscious? Just because I ordered a burger?”

“Cow. Never mind. You’re clueless.”

“Teach me, sensei.” Kyle ate more of his fries.

“Teach you? I think you know more than you let on, Mr. Lean-Mean-Fighting-Machine.” Connor’s lips curled into a wicked smirk.

Kyle’s dick became instantly aroused, but when wasn’t it near this god? “What do I know, Mr. Vegan?”

Connor leaned over the table to him purring, “Why don’t you tell me?”

About to peck those full lips and tell him he was gorgeous, Kyle ended up just staring blankly into Connor’s blue eyes.

“You in another world again, Baker?” Connor laughed at him and lifted his sandwich for another bite.

It felt weird, their posture, so Kyle slouched in his chair, creating more space between them. “Careful, I’ll spank you if you tease me. Is that a veggie burger again?”

“What do you think? Wanna bite?”

Kyle flinched back.

Connor laughed at his reaction. “I bet when your mother told you to eat your vegetables or you wouldn’t grow big and strong you laughed at her.”

When Hannah arrived with a drink for him, Kyle thanked her for the ice water and asked her for a cola. Once she’d left Kyle drew closer to Connor again. “Why do you say that?”

“Because you’re big and strong, you moron.”

Kyle grinned at him in pleasure. “I like vegetables. I’m just giving you a hard time.”

“Oh?” Connor raised his eyebrow at him.

“That reminds me. I have to pee.” As Kyle raced to the men’s room he suddenly realized he’d made a connection between the word “hard” and his urge to urinate. “Nah. He’ll never notice that.” Kyle pushed the door back on the men’s room.

Connor watched Kyle go, indeed wondering about the connection of “hard time” and having to take a piss. Before he came to a conclusion Hannah brought Kyle’s plate over with his cola.

“Vicky is dying for a second date with Kyle. You think you could convince him?” Hannah asked.

Before he answered, Connor glanced over his shoulder to make sure Kyle didn’t overhear. “I don’t know. If he didn’t like her…” He shrugged.

“Did he say he didn’t?”

“No. He said she was okay.” He checked behind him again.

“Oh. Well, try then. She’s really got it bad for him.”

“He is incredible.” Connor smiled.

“Huh?” Hannah tilted her head.

“Relax. Just because I can recognize the fact that he’s attractive doesn’t mean I want his dick up my ass.”

Her eyes went wide as ping-pong balls, and she choked in surprise. “Man, you must be very sure of your manhood to say a thing like that!”

“I am.”
Screw you
. Seeing her still ruminating over whether he was or wasn’t a queer, Connor pouted in exaggeration to play it up, asking, “Shouldn’t I say what I feel? I thought women liked sensitive guys.”

“Don’t worry. We do. You’re adorable.” She kissed his hair and went back to waiting tables.

He thought about it. Maybe he should shut his mouth and keep his ideas to himself. His luck Hannah would figure out he didn’t want to see her again and spread gossip across campus. He already was suffering with a bruised groin because someone on the team thought he was gay.

Kyle returned and began to devour his burger hungrily.

“Mom came through. Five hundred in the bank,” Connor said.

“Wow!” Kyle replied with his mouth full.

“You call yours?”

Kyle sucked down his cola and nodded. “Yup. She promised more cash by Wednesday.”

“Cool. Well, we’re all set. Can you think of anything else we need, while we’re cash rich?”

Kyle sat back in his chair as he chewed. “A TV?”

Connor crinkled his nose. “I hate those things. Besides we need to study.”

“Music?”

“Bingo! Need tunes.”

“After class meet me and we’ll pick up some speakers for my IPOD.”

“What kind of music do you like?”

“I don’t know. A little bit of everything.” Kyle finished his burger.

Connor looked at him in astonishment at how quickly the food was consumed.

Kyle guzzled his cola and said, “Hey, maybe you can give me your class schedule, you know, in case I need to find you for something.”

Without hesitation, Connor dug through his folder again and handed it to Kyle. “Can you copy it? I still need it a little.”

Kyle wiped his hands on a napkin and took it. “I’ll just jot it down.” He started scribbling in his pad quickly.

When Kyle was through writing Connor cleared his throat. “Can I…can I have yours too?” Connor felt his cheeks go red.

Kyle grinned. As if he had anticipated the request, he handed Connor a copy. “It’s yours. I made an extra.”

“Oh! Great.” Connor compared it to his own. “They overlap nicely. Hell, you’re in two of my classes.”

Kyle read over the pages side by side. “I think that’s because we have the same practice schedule.” Once he folded up the paperwork, Kyle polished off his french fries.

“I was thinking of taking a fencing class.”

“Fencing?” Kyle tried not to laugh at him. “I took it once in high school. What a dorky sport.”

“I took it in high school too. Dorky? It’s refined. You really are a dipshit.”

“A late dipshit.” Kyle checked his watch and dug for cash.

“Shit!” Connor shoved his books into his backpack.

As they threw money on the table, Hannah came rushing over. “So? When can we get together?”

“Gotta run. We’re late!” Connor pecked her cheek.

“Call!” she shouted as they hustled out.

Connor tried not to break into a sweat as they jogged back to the campus. “See ya at practice!” Connor waved and caught Kyle’s wave back.

Finally making it to his building, Connor slowed down. He found the right classroom and sat in his seat, catching his breath. When he had the chance he flipped open his notebook and read Kyle’s schedule. He took out his own and tried to see where he could find Kyle between classes. He smiled to himself. Kyle was certainly giving him the impression he was committed to their friendship. A warm sensation spread across his chest at the thought. Shaken from his fantasy, Connor looked up when the instructor came into class and called them all to get out their work.

After class was done for the day, Connor opened his locker and laid out his lacrosse uniform and pads. Deep in thought, checking to see if he was still bruised from the illegal hit he got, Connor slid off his shorts and found his jock strap and cup. After adjusting it, he tugged his uniform bottoms up to cover it.

One of his teammates, Kevin Brown, came up and elbowed him softly. “Don’t look behind you, but Mulhouse is getting off on your ass.”

Connor caught Kevin’s sneer of disgust. After battling his gut reaction to punch Kevin in his homophobic face, he said, “You have got to be kidding,” dreading getting the permanent label of fag while on the playfield. It had already cost him a sore groin, and he didn’t need the aggravation. Or worse, word getting back to his father.

While Connor kept his eye on Kevin, he could almost feel Donald Mulhouse’s gaze on him and was afraid to turn around and meet it.

As if trying not to be overheard, Kevin peeked at Mulhouse quickly before whispering into Connor’s ear, “I think he’s a major homo. I don’t like him watching us change.”

At the horrible comments, Connor had to turn away to hide his reddening cheeks. He tried to be discreet and grab his shoulder pads off the bench. Donald Mulhouse caught his eye and smiled brightly. Connor gave him a shy one back and asked Kevin, “You sure? He seems fine to me.”

“Whatever, Worthington.” Kevin shrugged. “The guy looks like a homo to everyone else. And with your long hair, you’re starting to look like one too.”

A shiver passed over Connor’s back in warning.
What the hell does a “homo” look like, you fucking asshole?
The urge to kick Kevin’s ass for being an ignorant bastard was strong.

Connor knew he had to hide his deepest desires in a place in his heart where no one would find it. Or at least he hoped no one would. After the threats to Donald, just the implication that he could be a homosexual brought so much fear and anxiety to him, he felt himself get physically sick thinking about it.

Keep hidden. Hide
, he had told himself ever since he was a child.
If people know what you really are, they’ll hate you.

A moment later, Kyle came in and set his book pack down. “Hey.” He nodded to Kevin and Connor, then started working his locker combination. 

Before Kevin left to change into his own uniform, Kevin tilted his head to Connor in a silent communication of conspiracy and walked away. Deeply disturbing thoughts about the conversation were plaguing Connor as he adjusted his shoulder and arm pads in silence.

“What’d Kevin want?” Kyle stepped out of his jeans and stuffed them into his locker.

Unable to tell Kyle the truth, Connor swallowed down a dry throat. The entire content of the derogatory remarks from Kevin sickened Connor.

While Kyle waited for an answer, he arranged his jockstrap and cup, then grabbed his uniform shorts. “Connor?”

Connor glimpsed back over his shoulder again. Donald Mulhouse was no longer there. In relief, Connor let out a loud exhale.

Kyle laughed at him. “You are so weird.”

Desperate to divert any suspicion of being gay away from him, Connor said, “No, Kyle, listen. Kevin told me that Donald Mulhouse was watching me change.”

“So?”

“So? Come on, Kyle.”

His expression turning blank, Kyle finished dressing, facing his open locker.

“Kyle?” Connor nudged him.

“What?”

“He probably watches you too.”

Kyle sighed and faced him. “Look, Connor, I don’t care if a guy’s gay. What he does in his own bedroom is none of my business. To be honest, I’m a little surprised at you for that attitude, Mr. Environmentalist-Open-Minded-Vegetable-Man.”

His mouth gaped but nothing coming out. Connor didn’t know how to react. He wanted to agree with Kyle, but was mortified of being seen through, even by his best friend. “I don’t give a shit what he does in his own bedroom. You know me better than that. But I do give a shit if he gets off on me.” He sat down and put his cleats on.

“What the fuck do you care? It isn’t hurting you.”

“Kyle!” Connor was unprepared for Kyle’s strong opinion, and never expected it. Wasn’t Kyle a macho-jock?

Kyle continued dressing. “And you don’t even know if he’s gay. You just pinned a label on the guy. Maybe he just likes you as his captain or a friend. Maybe he didn’t look at you that way at all and Kevin is a total homophobe.”

Stunned at the defensiveness he was hearing, Connor’s mouth continued to hang open.

His cheeks turning red, Kyle shut his.

A sudden feeling of paranoia washed over Connor. He checked to see if they were overheard. “Lower your voice. Are you nuts? Even if you want to defend the guy, don’t let everyone else hear you. They’ll think we’re gay as well. Do you want an illegal whack to the nuts too, Kyle?”

Connor could see Kyle’s jaw muscles twitch as he ground his teeth. Kyle slammed his locker shut, finished dressing, and stormed out.

As Connor sat absorbing the aftermath, knowing Kyle had gotten the wrong idea, he felt even sicker.

He tied his laces and caught up to Kyle, stopping him in the hallway that led to the field. They waited for others to pass and then Connor whispered, “You know I love the knight in shining armor in you, Kyle.” He made Kyle meet his eye. “I just want you to be more discreet. The guys like you. Be careful, please.”

As if he were about to explode, Kyle closed his eyes and took a deep breath.