Unmarked: Sean's Story (Chosen #4) (15 page)

Chapter Twenty-Five

Sean

I had never seen Lizzie O’Malley look so shocked in all of her life. I wanted to laugh,
loud and hard.
She had to have been blind not to have known. God, we used to cuddle and I would get hard just lying with her in bed.
Hello? What guy does that platonically? Did she think I was that much of a saint?

“Do you still feel this way?” she quietly asked.

“No.” It came out so fast that I didn’t even have time to register how it would sound. It sounded shitty.

“Okay,” she drew out the word. “So you were in love with me but now you aren’t.”

I nodded.

She started waving her hand in a circle. “You have to give me more here because I am not following,” she coerced.

I took a deep breath and moved next to her on the couch.

“So I guess the first time I realized that I wanted you? That was right after Niall was born. Pretty much ever since then, I have been pining for you. Every time you needed me, I was there. You probably didn’t even notice, did you?” I looked at her and her hand was fisted in front of her mouth like she wouldn’t allow herself to say anything. I did notice that she was tearing up a little and I just continued.

“Jesus, Lizzie. Every time I saw you, I thought that you would feel it when I stared at you a little too long or I hugged you a little too tightly. Rubbing your feet? Cuddling together? And it wasn’t just sexual. It was…it was everything about you. I fully believed we were made for one another.”

“You did?” Lizzie squeaked out, a tear falling down her face.

“Fuck yes. We are so friggin’ compatible. I wanted you. Then when Nick came along, I was absolutely no one to you. I stayed in bed for weeks. I slept around to get you out of my system. I still showed up to your dumb ass parties because, I suppose, I was waiting for your douche bag of a husband to break your heart.” I gave her an “isn’t that just fucked up” look.

Her hand covered her mouth and her eyes went back to being wide and absolutely gorgeous. I couldn’t help it. I did laugh at her.

“Stop looking so fucking shocked. You were everything to me, Lizzie...Fucking everything,” I nearly cried out after I calmed down. “Now that Nick is acting like douche bag, I don’t think it is my place to sweep in and coddle you. I am sorry but so fucking ecstatic to say that I don’t
want
to be there for you this time.”
I blew out a breath and every affectionate feeling I had for Lizzie changed into a memory of time lost.

Lizzie looked like I had stolen her puppy.

She cleared her throat and tried to say something a few times while I continued to grin and shake my head at the relief I felt.

“So when did it go away? Does it just go away?” She looked at me and then squeezed her eyebrows together in concentration. I saw the moment when she asked herself that question.

She began to play with her nails and looked out the window. She looked lost. She looked unhappy. But shit, we were all unhappy. If you put your heart on the line, it is bound to get trampled on every once in a while. For her and me? We were royalty when it came to the painful loss of love.

“You are wondering at what point you fell out of love with Teagan, aren’t you.” I assumed.

She nodded and looked back at me quickly.

I sighed and sat down next to her. I looked into her eyes and thought about all those times I wish I could have said something and didn’t. In my wildest dreams, I never would have conjured up the words that came out of my mouth. “I fell out of love with you when I knew I could love another person just as much.”

I nodded my head at her, seeming to agree. Love replaced love. Didn’t it?

“You fell so hard for Aoife that you don’t even have the desire to kiss me anymore?” she asked in mild amusement.

“First of all, being in love with you – I wanted more than just a kiss,” I raised my eyebrows at her as I gave her a body once over. “But I know what you are saying and no, I don’t have those feelings towards you anymore. I obviously must feel something still, however, because I ran over here instead of going to karate with Aoife.”

“Aoife,” Lizzie repeated quietly.

“She isn’t happy that I came here,” I said as I threw my head back on the couch. “I think I fucked up.”

“She wasn’t going to stay, Sean. She was never going to stay.”

“I know that, Lizzie,” I countered – starting to feel a little annoyed.

“So why? Why do you continue to fall every day and don’t tell me that you don’t. I know how it feels to spend another day and wonder how you could love a man even more.”

“Why? She is here now. I can make love to her now. Right now, I want to be with her forever. I know what it feels like to walk around this world with an empty heart. It’s lonely. It is so fucking lonely. Right now, though – I am not lonely. I feel alive,” I said as I thrust my hands in a dramatic motion.

We both sat silent for a few moments.

“And who knows.” I felt my voice getting bigger. “Maybe she will change her mind and stay. Maybe she will go home and realize she needed me more than her fucking drunk father.”

Lizzie shook her head adamantly. “No, she will not change her mind. That girl knows exactly what she is doing. She is here for the money. You were a bonus. Her life is in Ireland. You cannot compete with that – ever.”

“That’s bullshit, Lizzie. People change for others all the fucking time!” I yelled at her. “Look at you. You were a thrift store junkie and now you are all diamonds and shit. People change. I can make this work. I will make it work.”

Lizzie got up from the couch and she put her face right up to mine. “You listen to me and you fucking listen good because I know what I am talking about.”

I couldn’t look her in the eyes. She was going to break me once again.

“
You can yell at me. Hell, scream at me. Tell me I'm wrong or beg me for a different outcome until you're bawling. But you, Sean…you were the one that told me that no matter what I did to make things go my way, I didn’t have the power to change the way another person lives their life." Her voice was strong, smooth, and chilling to the bone. I believed her and I fucking hated her for it. 

“Fuck you,” I spat at her.

She drew back as if I had slapped her. “Excuse me?”

“Fuck you, Lizzie. Not everyone has such the life that you have. Jesus, you are a fucking spoiled brat all crying about how your husband has to work for you and your two awesome kids while I want to squeeze out every single second with Aoife.”

“Well, then – you get go fuck yourself, too,” she barked back at me. Her arms were crossed and she looked like she was about to tear into me.

We stared at each other. I wanted to tear into her, too. She thought she was all self righteous because she had been “in my shoes”? What a bunch of bull shit. She wasn’t going to back down. I leaned my hip on the wall and crossed my arms.

Lizzie crossed her arms and took a stance with her feet. She wasn’t a sad and scorned wife. She was a caged animal ready for blood.

I wanted to laugh. It was all so clear to me. As if an eye doctor blew on new glasses, wiped the lenses with that solution, and then placed them on my face, I could see Lizzie in a crystal clear, pixilated light. I could have
never
made her happy. I didn’t even agree with most of the shit she did or said. We butted heads all the time but we laugh it off because we were good friends, the
best
of friends. Except, maybe not after tonight’s drag out fight.

How hadn’t I seen this before? Stupid, stupid me. I was in love with the
dream
of Lizzie O’Malley – the one scene in the hospital room where I gave her everything she wanted and she looked at me like I was her hero. That wasn’t fucking reality. Shit, I worked all night long. She would have had my ass in a day job to appease her or we would both be standing off – just like we were now – almost every night. I could think on and on about how our daily lives would have been miserable but at this moment, I just saw her as a road block. She wasn’t being a friend to me. She was trying to school my emotions to make her life look better. I was done.

“This was a super time, Lizzie. Thanks for the invite,” I stonily said as I pushed off the wall and passed her.

“Yeah, thanks for fucking nothing,” she yelled after me. I wish there had been a door I could slam instead of waiting for the fucking elevator.

Lizzie did it for the both of us as I heard not two but three doors slam by the time the elevator hit her floor. Nick stepped out and started to grin.

“You are a God damn millionaire. Take a week off and pay attention to your wife,” I demanded.

He slowly turned, looking just as shocked as Lizzie had, to look at me while I sat back on the elevator rail and waited for the doors to close.

Great. Two women gone in one night. Great. I just fucking loved being Sean Ford.
I continued to hear Lizzie’s annoying last words.

“Thanks for nothing!” Door Slam. “Thanks for nothing!” Door Slam.
Over and over. Truer words had never been spoken.

That was my life. Thanks for nothing with Lizzie. Thanks for nothing with Aoife. Thanks for nothing with my mom. Thanks for nothing with my father. Thanks for nothing, Sean.

I didn’t want to drive home. I didn’t want to go anywhere but back to Aoife. Lizzie was right. I couldn’t make her change but damn it, I knew she wanted me just as much as I wanted her right now. I drove around downtown for a while, listening to some Deep Purple. I remembered listening to them the first morning that Aoife and I drove up to my house. It felt so right that morning. It has always felt right. Natural. Like I have known Aoife all of my life and if I believed in reincarnation, she and I would have been two branches on the same tree – side by side – swaying in unison. I loved her and it fucking hurt to think of never seeing her again.

My chest started to ache and I couldn’t breathe. Little white spots appeared in my vision and I felt like I wasn’t driving the truck anymore. Who was I? What was the meaning of life? What does it feel like when we die? Oh my God, I was going to die. I was going to kill someone because I was having a heart attack and driving a vehicle. I pulled over, double parking on Center Street – right smack dab in the middle of traffic.

I took of my seat belt and put my hand on my heart as I tried to take deep breaths. I was definitely dying. I reached for my cell phone with shaking fingers and dialed the only number I needed.

“Sean?” She was breathing hard. I heard the other guys in the background. Shit, I was dying and she was at karate class. We wouldn’t ever see each other again. It was over.

“Baby, I think I am having a heart attack,” I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed the same painful spot on my chest.

“A heart attack? What is going on?” She didn’t sound panicked but more confused.

“I, uh – I can’t breathe. I have a pain in my chest, like,” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, “like in the middle in this one spot. I keep rubbing it so it isn’t a muscle – it’s underneath, you know. Oh and I am seeing spots, I feel really light headed.”

“Sean, where are you, baby?” Aoife asked in a calm and sweet tone. She called me baby. I only ever called her baby. I smiled a little that she called me that a few moments before I died.

“I am in downtown. I – uh, had a really bad fight with Lizzie and I didn’t want to go home and you don’t want me anymore so I don’t know. I guess I should have driven to the hospital. Mass General is right around the corner.”

I felt like a fucking idiot. I should have just gone to the emergency room and now I sounded like a dumbass on the phone with the one woman I wanted more than anything in the world.

“Sean, love. Listen to me, okay?” Aoife’s breathing had calmed down. She wasn’t in the classroom anymore. She was walking. Where was she going? Was she coming to be with me at the hospital? My heartbeat picked up – hoping that she would come be with me. “Are you there?” She asked, sounding concerned.

“Yes, Aoife. I am here,” I said. “I am listening to you, babe.”

“You are not having a heart attack. Take nice little breaths. You are having a panic attack. It has happened to me before and it feels really bad. You are going to start feeling better in a few minutes. Just listen to my voice and how much I love you. I am so sorry I told you not to come back. I love you, Sean Ford. Once you can breathe and see okay, I want you to come home to me. I want you to make love to me in the shower. I want you to kiss me everywhere. You need to start feeling better because I need you soon. I am horny and I want you on top of me all night,” she rambled and it was beautiful.

My breathing calmed down and my heart returned to beating regular and strong – just like my cock was. Strong and hard. Damn, the girl wanted me to kiss her everywhere in the shower? I didn’t even realize I was pulling back into traffic until she asked me how I was feeling.  “I love you.” I said over the phone. “I will be there to pick you up soon.”

“I am already home, Sean. Come home and love me.” Aoife taunted me with a suggestive voice. “I need you now.”

I don’t remember driving the entire way back to her place. As soon as I got through the door, she let me lick every part of her naked body with my tongue in the shower and afterward she took all of me. It was another sleepless night and I was so fucking glad that I had her. It felt so right and she was all I needed.