Unlovable (7 page)

His story touched my soul, and for the
first time ever I felt a connection to the past. I swore never to
forget what Frank McSheehy and his fellow soldiers did that day in
Austria.

After a few more stories, Seth stood
up. “Mr. McSheehy, we need to get over to Miss Ethel's.” Seth took
my elbow, guiding me toward the door. “How about next Saturday we
deliver your lunch last, and you can share more of your experiences
with us?”

“
Oh, no. You, a handsome
young man, here with a beautiful young woman,” he nodded his head
toward me. “You don’t need to listen to an old man ramble on about
days long gone.”

“
I’d love to hear more.”
Something in my eyes must have told him of my sincerity because he
cheerfully agreed to let us return next week for another mini
history lesson. After a hastily offered goodbye, we headed over to
Miss Ethel’s.

“
It’s sad that so many of
our senior citizens are ignored or shoved into rest homes
unnecessarily. Many still have a lot to offer,” I said as we drove
down a crooked narrow street.

“
I feel exactly the same
way,” Seth said. The guilt I felt for judging him was now choking
me. I had been slowly turning into my mother and didn’t even
realize it until that very moment. I had an ache in my gut, which
for once wasn’t from hunger.

Our next stop was at a shabby green
house on Ridgemont. A woman with a deeply lined face and short,
choppy gray hair, Miss Ethel, Seth informed me, was standing at her
window waiting. However, unlike Mr. McSheehy, she looked
angry.

“
Her bark is worse than her
bite, most days.” I looked at him warily, and he chuckled. “Don’t
worry I’ll protect you.”

“
Yer late! Talkin’ to old
jabber jaws McSheehy again, I ’spose.” Her hands were planted
firmly on her wide hips. She glared hard at Seth as we entered her
humble home. He smiled and her pursed lips gave way to a grin,
though she tried to stop it. She dropped her hands into the front
pockets of her faded orange housedress and forced her mouth back
into a grim line.

“
I’m sorry, Miss Ethel, tell
you what, next Saturday we deliver your lunch first.”

“
That’d be good,” she said,
looking over at me. “My, who’s this pretty little thing with the
big blue eyes?”

“
This is Maggie.” Seth put
his arm around my waist as he answered, it startled me. It also
felt kind of nice. “Maggie, Miss Ethel.”

Before I uttered a word, Miss Ethel’s
eyes narrowed on me. “You sure are a skinny little gal. Bet ya I
cou’d snap one of them scrawny collarbones of yours in half without
even tryin’. Are you one of them anorexians?”

“
No, I’m not anorexic, just
petite.”
So much for feeding the anorexic
rumors
. I walked back over toward the door
and stood there waiting to leave.

“
Ya know, boys don’t like
huggin’ and kissin’ skinny gals, Missy. My husband, Jack, God rest
his soul,” she touched her forehead, chest, and each shoulder with
her heavily creased right hand before continuing. “He always said
men don’t like kissin’ and huggin’ sticks. He said gals with a
little meat on their bones is more comfortable to have your arms
’round, and a lot more fun.” She laughed mischievously. “They isn’t
as ornery cuz they ain’t hungry all the time, like them scrawny
gals.”

Horrified, my face flushed a deep
scarlet. To Seth’s credit, so did his. Undaunted, she
continued.

“
You like kissing her all
bony like that, Seth?”

“
I haven’t kissed her yet,
Miss Ethel.” His red face now carried a grin from ear to
ear.

Will the earth please open up and
swallow me whole?  Did he say yet?

“
Why not, boy?” She looked
genuinely surprised. “Is you one of them gay fellers?” She didn’t
ask the question with any repugnance, merely curiosity.

“
No, I’m not, Miss Ethel.”
The stupid grin never left his face. “I’m very much a
heterosexual.” Evidently, she didn’t know what the word meant
because her brows knit in confusion. “I like girls,” he said
reassuringly.

“
So what ya waitin’ fer?”
She didn’t let him answer. “She’s too skinny for you, ain’t she?
I’m telling ya, boy, a few home-cooked meals will fill her out in
all the right places, if ya know what I mean,” she said with a
crooked grin.

“
I agree wholeheartedly.
Thank you for the advice.”

I desperately wanted to
leave.

“
Get going, and don’t forget
next Saturday yer comin’ here before McSheehy’s.” He nodded, giving
her a peck on the cheek. “You bringin’ Bones with ya?” I was
beginning to wonder if the verbal abuse was ever going to
stop.

“
She can come if she wants.
Maybe I should leave her at the Burger Palace instead, see if I can
fatten her up a bit before I kiss her.”

“
Bye.” I opened the door and
ran for the car, I’d have run home if I knew where we were.
Instead, I plopped down into the seat, slammed the seatbelt into
position, and crossed my arms over my chest. Seth slipped casually
into his seat.

“
I warned you, she’s a
spitfire."

“
What about the protection
you promised before we went in?”

“
She wasn’t so bad. She’s
worried about how skinny you are. You do look as if someone could
snap you in half without much effort.” He softly took my arm as I
reached for the door. I looked back to demand he let me out of the
car, and somehow my face ended up only a few inches from his. The
closeness stunned me into silence. That and the overwhelming desire
I had to kiss him. I was crazy, no doubt about it. Why in the world
would I want to kiss a guy who drove me insane?

“
Maggie, I’m sorry.” His
eyes burrowed into me, rendering me speechless. I nodded, shoved my
hands between my legs and pinned them there to keep from reaching
out and pulling his mouth down to mine. “I’ll take you
home.”

I sat silently, forcing my breathing
to slow. We arrived at the park a few minutes later. “Alright,
where to from here?”

“
Let me out here, thanks. I
need the exercise.”

“
Maggie, please tell me
where you live? It’s cold, let me take you home.”

“
I told you, I’m thinking
about trying out for the track team in the spring, I have to be in
shape.” For a moment I wondered why I cared what he thought of me.
Nevertheless, at the stoplight, I took my book bag and darted
out.

“
Here.” He handed me the
last lunch from the back seat. “You may as well have this,” he
said, frowning. I hesitated, but hunger won out. I took it,
thanking him, and walked to the middle of the park and began doing
stretches I’d seen the kids who were actually on the track team do
as he drove away. I waited five minutes before walking
home.

“
Where you been?” My
mother’s speech was slurred in an all-too-familiar cadence. She
rolled over and looked up at me through her bloodshot eyes,
blinking to clear her vision. She rolled back over, passing out
completely. I grabbed a blanket from my bedroom and covered her up.
Contrary to popular belief, alcohol depletes body heat. I put the
lunch in the fridge, retrieved my AP Calculus book from my bag, and
began the long, tedious journey down the road of confusion.
I hate math
.

The rest of the day and half of the
evening were spent struggling through my assignment. More than once
I had to untangle a knot I’d made in my hair with my fingers. I
really needed to stop twisting my hair. After a particularly
grueling problem, I slammed the book shut and slid it across the
table in surrender, near tears. “I’ll bet Seth understands this
garbage.”

“
Who you talking to?” To my
surprise, my mother was sitting upright on the couch. Wondering if
she had eaten yet today, I took the lunch out of the refrigerator
and placed it on a plate before handing it to her.

“
What’s this?”

“
Food.” Still annoyed over
my Calculus homework, the answer came out harsh, not a good thing.
“What have you eaten today?” I softened my tone, fearing she’d
become angry. Then she’d drink instead of eat, not a good
thing.

“
None of your bisness.” Her
speech was still slurred. “Who’s the mother here? Me!”

“
Mom, please eat.” She
shoved the food back at me, spilling half on the floor. Ugh! “You
drink too much.” Frustrated, I gathered up the mess, reluctantly
tossing it in the garbage, and headed for my room. I’d learned from
sad experience that it was pointless to argue with a
drunk
.

“
Get o’er here, young lady.”
As she started to stand up, her eyes appeared to move in opposite
directions, and she fell back down onto the couch. “What I do with
my life is none a’ your bisness.”

“
You don’t do anything with
your life except drink, that’s my point. You wake up, and you
immediately get drunk. The moment you start to sober up, you start
drinking again. It’s not much of a life, Mother.” I was ignoring my
“don’t argue with a drunk” counsel, but first Seth, then math, now
this! How much could a girl take in one day?

“
You ungrateful li’l brat. I
paid for this house, and I pay for the food. You’re nothin’ but a
leach, you unlovable nothing, get out of my house.” I thought to
mention that she didn’t pay for the food the government did, only
to what point. I grabbed my sweater and house key and left,
chastising myself for fighting with her.

It was cloudy out, it had to be 45
degrees out, not too bad for 10:45 P.M. in the middle of winter. I
slipped on my sweater and walked down to the park knowing it would
be well lit there. The city didn’t bother with streetlights in my
rundown neighborhood.

After an hour of roaming around the
park, I'd calmed down and managed to shove away the bitter words my
mom had spewed at me. She was sick and her words shouldn’t upset
me, she didn’t mean them. At least that’s what I told
myself.

Applegate Park had become my
favorite refuge over the years. In the summer, the shade from the
tall leafy trees kept me cool, and in the winter, they blocked some
of the wind as it howled through their naked branches. Sadly, over
the past two years it had become known as
the place
to buy drugs, making it a
somewhat scary place to be at night.

It was also a Mecca for couples who
came here to make out, even in the dead of winter. Walking through
the trees, I had to step around more than one couple tangled up in
each other’s arms. I wondered if Seth had Hillary in a lip lock
somewhere. Clearly, no one could accuse her of being an unlovable
nothing. Dropping onto a bench, my mind wandered back to Seth’s
soft, full lips smiling at me this afternoon, his piercing green
eyes…

Eyes!

I shot straight up. A man
dressed all in black was staring at me through the trees. His hair
was slicked back from his face, and there was a small silver disk
in his right ear lobe. He looked to be about my mother’s age,
though the expression on his face was anything but paternal. He was
on his cell phone, except whoever he was talking to didn’t have his
full attention.
I did
. His eyes swept my body, while his tongue lapped repeatedly
over his lips, as if he were imagining what I would taste
like.

I was the only one in the park who was
alone, completely alone. No one would notice if I disappeared, it’d
take days before my mother would be sober enough to figure out that
I hadn’t come home. My heart beat so furiously, I feared it would
explode out of sheer terror.

I thought to start
screaming, except the strangely dressed man was only
looking
at me, so that
was probably overreacting, however, I should leave. I jumped up and
walked quickly toward the nearest park exit in the opposite
direction. He followed. I was about to take off running when
someone seized my arm from behind. My voice froze in my throat,
making it impossible to scream. To my surprise, the creepy guy
hadn’t grabbed me, Seth Prescott had!

“
Sorry I’m late, love,
thanks for waiting.” He pulled me into his arms and whispered
softly, “There’s a man dressed all in black following you. Pretend
we’re here together.”

“
What?” I tried nudging him
away, except I was shaking too hard.

He pulled me closer, dropping his
mouth back to my ear. “If you’ll notice he’s not watching the
couples here, just you. He thinks you’re alone and therefore an
easy target. Maybe if he believes we’re here together, he’ll
leave.”

How did he know what the greasy haired
creep was thinking? What if he was wrong? Did he have a plan B? I
was all for running away. He dropped his lips to my neck and
started nuzzling against it softly. I stood perfectly
still.

“
That’s a pitiable effort,
Maggie. Put your arms around me and at least pretend this is
enjoyable,” he hissed in my ear. I slowly slid my arms around his
waist between his shirt and jacket and was surprised at how sinewy
his body was. My hands felt the bulge of muscles in his back as
they made their way up to his shoulders. I could feel the warmth of
his skin through his shirt and all the while, his lips caressed my
neck and jaw. My eyes slowly shut, to help with the
illusion.