Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment (12 page)

Question:

My g/f cannot orgasm. She is 20 and went to an all girls private school if that helps. Whenever I am giving her oral, she gets to a point where it's too intense (legs shaking, shortness of breath) and makes me stop or slow down because it is too sensitive.

Women who were raised in a strict or religious background tend to go one of two ways. Either they become timid and inhibited, or they rebel by becoming wildly sexual. It sounds like your girlfriend went timid.

She does not have a high enough sense of deservedness to believe that she deserves the intense pleasure, and she is unable to surrender herself to the pleasure that her body is giving her. Here is what you do.....

1. Your voice is the most important thing at this point, so don't give her oral. Also, she is rejecting the intense stimulation that her clit is giving her. Instead, use your finger and stimulate her deep spot.
   

2. Don't talk about orgasms. That eliminates her perception that she has to accomplish something for you. Thus, with no goal, it is just about intimacy and sharing.
   

3. Instruct her to surrender to YOU. This takes the responsibility off of her for the pleasure, and helps to eliminate guilt. This is especially important for girls from a strict or religious background.
   

4. Take command and drive like a man. When in the bedroom, tell her to relax, that you want to savor her beauty for no other reason than the fact that you adore everything about her that defines her as woman, and tell her that it pleases you when she does what you instruct her to do. Tell her that it pleases you when she savors the pleasure you are giving to her vagina. Tell her that it pleases you when she feels pleasure, and that the more pleasure she feels, the more it pleases you. If you truly do command respect with her, she will obey your commands, she will release all responsibility to you, and she will increasingly feel the pleasure that she knows you want her to feel, and there is only one possible conclusion to cum to.
   

If that doesn’t work, you might want to refine your selection criteria for choosing women.

Question:

My girlfriend has told me that she has never really had a "full-on" orgasm during sex. So I want to give her her first orgasm. She is very sexual and has a high sex drive. She says that I drive her "crazy" in bed. I know that I am the best lover that she has had. Her past boyfriends were sexually inexperienced.

I know how to drive her absolutely wild in bed, to the point where she is biting me, scratching me, etc. However, it seems that whenever the sexual stimulation reaches a climactic point she pushes me away. I have asked her why she does this and she coyishly says it is because her body is feeling so tingly that she feels like she is going to "internally combust". I have asked her how it would feel if she were to "internally combust", she says that it would feel "freaky". Do you have any ideas on how I can get her to feel free to enjoy the experience, and embrace the prospect of "internally combusting"? How can I get her

to view this as an exciting experience that she would enjoy and not something that she should be afraid of. I need to get her to feel comfortable with the intensity that she is feeling.

I have tried reframing it for her. I get a good response, she tries to hold out for longer before she pushes me away, but eventually she caves in before I can make her cum.

Many women are not able to orgasm because they do not have the sense of deservedness enough to believe that they deserve it. Some because they don't trust themselves enough. Some because they do not dare allow themselves to loose control.

You have to teach her to loose control to YOU when she gets close.

That is why trust and comfort are so very important.

Here's what you do...

1. First off, don't give her oral. Your voice is the most important thing at this point. Instead, use your finger and stimulate her deep spot.
   

2. Don't let her bite you and scratch you. She is putting on a show to show you that you are exciting her, but it is in actuality serving to distract her from the pleasure. Tell her to relax. Only reward proper behavior. If she starts biting and scratching, stop what you are doing and remind her to relax. When she does do as you instruct, continue.
   

3. Don't talk about orgasms. That eliminates the perception that she has to accomplish something for you. Thus, with no goal, it is just about intimacy and sharing. You have to get her into the frame of intimacy and sharing. And whatever you do, never use the term "internally combust." That has scary connotations for her.
   

4. Instruct her to surrender to YOU. This takes the responsibility off of her for her pleasure, and helps to eliminate any fear she might have of the pleasure. But most importantly, she is to discover the vulnerabilities of intimacy. It is supposed to bring you two closer together.
   

5. Tell her that you want to savor her beauty for no other reason than the fact that you adore everything about her that defines her as
   

woman. Tell her to relax. Tell her that it pleases you when she does what you instruct her to do. Tell her that it pleases you when she savors the pleasure you are giving to her vagina. Tell her that it pleases you when she feels pleasure, and that the more pleasure she feels, the more it pleases you. If you truly do command respect with her, she will obey your commands, she will release all responsibility to you, she will discover the vulnerabilities of intimacy, and she will increasingly become receptive to the pleasure she feels.

All of this is only possible when she trusts you and when she has respect for you. She must take you seriously. And a lot of that has to do with all that you do outside of the bedroom. Like my girlfriend told me once: "It is the man you are outside of the bedroom that allows me to be all the woman I can be inside the bedroom."

Question:

Approximately 70% of women never once, during their entire lifetimes, reach orgasm from the stimulation of vaginal intercourse alone. Even among the other 30%, climaxing with each and every sexual act isn't a given. So, after loads of foreplay, get your finger, get your lube, and give her enough clitoral stimulation to make her jump all over the bed.

Every physically and mentally healthy woman can be trained to orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone.

First, stay away from the clit. That only reinforces her clitoral dependency.

Next, awaken her vagina. Use the deep spot, with a heavy application of dirty talk, to give her her first vaginal orgasm. On subsequent nights stimulate less of the deep spot and more of the wall of the vagina to bring her to orgasm, making her vagina even more responsive to stimulation. Next, use a commanding voice to train her to have multiple orgasms from vaginal stimulation. The next night get her close with your finger, then replace your finger with your cock, fire off the usual dirty talk anchors, and bang, she orgasms in intercourse. On subsequent nights, fuck her silly while firing off the

same anchors, and she comes multiple times in intercourse. Then she's unstoppable. Every time results in many vaginal orgasms.

Give a woman her first orgasm in intercourse and she will fondly remember you always.

Oh the contributions to the fulfillment of all women we must make.

It seems a man's job is never done.

Question:

I don't have your book, but I have had much better luck using the G spot on my girlfriend than the deep spot. With the G spot I can regularly give her orgasms, but massaging her deep spot is seen as unpleasant. And she always comes with me vaginally.

Excellent! That's the way it's supposed to be.

If your woman says that massaging her deep-spot is unpleasant, but you are able to give her orgasms using the G spot, then good. And if she is regularly vaginally orgasmic in intercourse, then great!

Some women arrive on the scene with the ability to regularly have vaginal orgasms. Maybe she always was that way. Or it could be that she had an ex-boyfriend that she was wildly crazy about, and he gave her her first vaginal orgasm using the G spot. If so, use that!

That may or may not be true for the next woman you are with. If the next woman is unable to have a vaginal orgasm, then keep the deep spot in mind. And be sure to verify against the diagrams of the deep spot that I provide, to make sure that you are doing it correctly. Some men think the deep spot is the cervix, which is not the case. For most women, stimulation of the cervix is unpleasant.

Question:

I gave my girlfriend her first clitoral orgasm and later after reading your "Masterful Lover Manual" gave her vaginal orgasms. She does not orgasm every time we have sex as she "tries too hard" (her words) and now I believe we have inadvertently made the orgasm a goal.

Here's an idea for you to do on your woman.

Use the method described in "The Welcomed" method (but don't tell her what you're up to!)

Tell her "Tonight there will be no goal. I am just going to spend time savoring giving you pleasure."

And then do "The Welcomed" method. But DON'T let her come! "Baby, I don't want you to come. I want you to savor this pleasure

that I am giving you." She will be in delirious pleasure. Make it slow. Make it drawn out.

She will beg to be able to come. Don't let her. After she has begged for 20 minutes, then say to her:

"Baby, do you want to come?" "YES!"

"Baby, do you want to come really hard?" "Yes!"

"Baby, if I make you come, will you show me how hard you can come for me?" "YES!"

"Baby, in a moment, I am going to make you come. And when I do, I want you to show me how fucking hard you can come for me Baby. OK?" "Yes!"

Make your strokes hard and fast.

"Ok Baby, I want you to show me now how fucking hard you can come for me now. Come for me NOW Baby. Come Now!"

Use her performance anxiety to get to the goal anyway.

Do this over a few nights and it will make orgasms much more fun and attainable.

Over time do the same with the deep spot to awaken her responsiveness in intercourse.

But always, sweep her away to a sexual state, and make it such that she surrenders to you completely. For more about that, see
David Shade's Manual
.

There is nothing more natural than a man and a woman getting together. It’s what we were meant to do.

All social interaction between a man and a woman is sexual at the very core. It is the first criteria each judges the other on.

The man is the masculine compliment to her femininity. The woman is the feminine compliment to his masculinity.

Women first want to be appreciated for those things that can only be appreciated after getting to know her well, such as her character, her integrity, etc.

Only after getting to know her well does she want to be appreciated for those things that are appreciated upon first inspection, such as her breasts, her ass, etc.

So when you first meet a woman, appreciate her for her personality, but be comfortable with the fact that when she is close to you she wants to be appreciated for the sexual creature that she is.

You must disassociate her looks. Do not give her undue credit for something that has nothing to do with who she is as a person. A man who idolizes a woman for her looks is no different than a woman who idolizes a man for his money.

Respect the fact that she wants to be treated with respect in the living room, and respect the fact that she wants to be treated like the sexual creature that she loves to be in the bedroom.

It is not about outcome. It is about complimenting and completing. It is about appreciating the sexual potential in a woman and bringing that out in her.

You are a sexual threat, in that she knows that you can make her feel powerful feelings and you can make her think powerful thoughts.

The lubricant on the slide to sex is romance and emotional intimacy.

Too many men are afraid of romance. That is because they are not comfortable with their own sexuality and the part they play in it.

Too many men are afraid of intimacy. This can be due to one of many reasons. Some are afraid that their real self will show through because they are not comfortable with themselves. Some are afraid of closeness. Some are afraid of appearing weak. But it is a manly masculine thing to do that calls upon strength.

For her to feel sexy with you, she must feel like a woman. That means that you must be a MAN.

You must be comfortable with yourself. That means lack of self doubt. That means complete self assuredness.

Be comfortable with her. Be comfortable with that fact that she is a highly sexual being.

Treat her like a lady, while you have confidence that the natural woman in her will come to life.

Be chivalrous, gentlemanly, manly, protective. Play the MAN’s role.

When comfort has been established, admire her beauty.

When intimacy has been established, show her that she excites you.

And, always, always abide by the “It just happened” clause. She should always be able to later justify it by saying “It just happened.”

Here is a question from one reader with a concern. A lot of guys probably wish they had his problem:

This is a one night stand question David, so I know it’s not completely what you do, never the less,

A couple of nights ago, I seduced a young lady. First I jumped into the Jacuzzi naked, she followed my lead. We made out. Later we go off to the bed and start kissing some more. Things escalate and I

eventually go for the deep spot. And it is at this point that she says twice: fuck me fuck me. So that happened and it was quick and basically that was that.

My question, or concern really, was that it really wasn’t all that appealing to me. Personally I would have rather taken it slow and let it slowly build to the point of climax. Then again it was a one night stand. So any suggestions would be much appreciated.

One night stands are not what I specialize in. Sure, I’ve done them, we all have, especially in our early 20s. But I find them to be shallow and empty, eventually, as I will discuss in a minute.