Unleashed (16 page)

“Did I hear the words old man and gift in the same sentence?” Ezra’s smoky voice reaches us before he does. He walks into the room wearing a half buttoned, crisp, whit
e dress shirt with a pair of low-slung trousers resting on his hips. Even with the emotional distress, I appreciate the view. Ezra smiles at us as he pulls his fingers through his pale hair. The movement shows off a bit of skin at his waist. The guys have accomplished one thing by staying within my boundaries- I’m horny as hell.
“Ah, I do believe you heard that right, old man. Thirty is the new geriatric set. As for the gift, Ava thought we should get you a case of depends.” I wink at Ava, trying to lighten the mood.

“This said by the thirty-
two year old,” Ezra chuckles out. “Gimme my gift,” he says, reaching out and snapping his fingers at us.

I pull a small bag from my pocket a
nd hand it to Ava. “Give your dad his gift before he throws a tantrum,” I tease.

Ezra
gingerly takes the bag from Ava. The gray, velvet bag is small enough to fit in my palm. He has a hard time undoing the satin ribbon. His expression of concentration makes me grin. Ezra bites his lip as he fumbles with the tie. Just as I’m about to offer to untie the bag, he says, “Ah-ha! I got it!”

“It’s like
watching a monkey tie his shoes- all thumbs,” Ava sarcastically says. I flash a grin, and secretly, I’m proud of her. I silently say
Atta-girl!

Ezra sticks his tongue out at us and pours his prize into his
palm. His eyes glisten when he sees the small charm with
AVA
spelled out. It’s identical to the
CA, AF,
and
KW
charms on his necklace. It took me two weeks to locate the jeweler that created our charms. I used my bracelet charm as an example.

Ezra
hurriedly pulls out his necklace and attaches the charm. He proudly presents us the necklace with a beatific smile on his face. He looks like an angel, face aglow and pale hair shining as a halo. I guess that makes Cort the fallen angel. What does that make me- worse, what does it make Ava?

“Happy birthday, Ezra,” I say. I look away from the emotions flowing across his face. Over the past few weeks
, I’ve learned to read him. Sometimes it is too much to feel my own emotions, let alone know what he is feeling, especially on a day like today.

“I would like to invit
e my little one on a shopping trip, a father-daughter day. We need to get Ava something to wear tonight.” Ezra looks at Ava with complete and utter devotion on his face. I should never have doubted Ezra’s intentions when it comes to
that which is his.

I watch Ava try to rei
n in her feelings. She is excited, and simultaneously feels guilty for leaving me behind. She is my baby girl, and she will never suffer the consequences of my past.

“I think that is
an excellent idea, Ezra,” I brightly say, trying to assuage Ava’s fears. Her answering smile takes some of my heartbreak away. I would move Heaven and Earth to obtain Ava’s happiness. She quickly bounds from the room to get ready for her date.

I walk around the chair Ezra is sitting in and knead his shoulders. They are tight with tension beneath my hands. I know this day is hardest for him because it was his father and he was the one who was forced to assault me. This day
, twelve years ago, Ezra was forced to make hard choices with astronomical consequences- on his eighteenth birthday.
“Are you doing alright today, all things considered?” I slide my hands under Ezra’s shirt and massage his chest. I feel his body relax beneath my palms as his breathing picks up. I kiss the top of Ezra’s head, inhaling the scent of his hair.

“
I’ve been better, and I’ve been worse. This year is better than the last eleven birthdays.” He sighs and leans his head back against my breasts. He rolls his eyes up and watches me from underneath the lace of his eyelashes.

“What’s bothering you the most?” I lean farther forward so that I can reach
his stomach. Ezra arches up into my hands, granting me greater access.

“Aaron, he’s hiding from us. He’s getting so much better. But I just moved down the list from superhero to leper.”
Ezra heavily sighs. I can’t resist the sight of the curve of his shoulder peeking out at me from beneath his shirt- so I don’t. I rub my cheek on it.

“Aaron
said that today was difficult enough to get through without all of us reminding him. It’s weird with him living at Kayla’s. I know that Aaron is here more than anywhere, but he’d lived with me for fifteen years. It’s bittersweet. I feel like a father who just watched his son grow up and move on. It is a very good thing, though.” Ezra smiles up at me, and I can see his pride over helping Aaron heal, of Aaron healing himself.

I hold Ezra’
s eyes, moving in slowly until we are staring at each other upside-down. I curve my neck over his head until I reach his lips. I brush his lips softly with mine, feather light. I caress his bottom lip with my tongue. We leisurely move our lips against each other. Ezra’s hands travel up my arms, massaging. Our kiss is tender and lasting, as easy as breathing. My hands create a path from his chest, down his stomach, and press into his thighs as we extend our kiss. My love for him swells to the point of pain, heartbreak, and joy. He is gentle with me- tender as we connect.

“Sorry,” a tiny voice says. My eyes roll up
, but I don’t break the kiss until I meet my daughter’s face. I slowly rise in a languid movement. I look down to Ezra’s face. It’s still tipped in my direction. His eyes are glazed over, bright, and shiny. His mouth is parted- the tip of his pink tongue visible. His chest rapidly rises underneath my hands. What frightens me is the expression on his face- an expression I’ve never seen- an expression I have no name for.

“You guys have a fun ti
me today. Ava, behave for your dad, especially since it’s his birthday.” I flee the room without looking at either of them, and I lock myself in my bathroom. I slide my back down the door until my ass hits the tile. I start to weep. I stay silent until I’m sure that I’m alone in the apartment. My silent cry turns to body-wracking sobs.

I always feel better when I’
m in Ezra or Cortez’s presence. The minute that I’m parted from them, the guilt and shame slams into me. My confidence drops to the dirt. I’m confident in myself as a person and as a mother. It’s the confidence in the hierarchy. The mixed signals are killing me- ruining me. The look on Ezra’s face is burned into my mind- devotion. He looked at me as he did Ava earlier, but it was mixed with heat and need. The look terrifies me. I have to get the fuck out of here.
I splash my face with cool water and pat it dry. I take a few minutes to blow the shit out of my nose. Bawling is not an attractive activity and it wreaks havoc on your appearance.

I rush from the apartment- practically j
ogging to the park. I see nothing around me except my destination in the distance. I can’t be in the apartment when everyone gets home. Yes, it’s cowardly- I don’t care. I don’t have the emotional restraint to plaster a fake smile on my face as I watch everyone strut their finery and go off to an exclusive party- one I’m excluded from. I’m a coward, and this is the first time can I add horrible mother to the list. I should be there for Ava, help her dress and fix her hair. Supporting Ava as she waits to meet her new stepmother, grandmother, aunt, and cousin. I just can’t- any other day but today I may have mustered the strength.

I find a bench at the edge of the park near the woods. I
curl my knees to my chest, tucking them underneath my sweatshirt. I make myself as small as possible by tucking my chin to the top of my knees. I pull my hood up, almost covering my entire face. I watch the world through a small slice of sight. I watch the sun move across the sky, waiting until it’s safe to go home.

I hear a giggle. At first I think it’s my da
ughter. I almost call out to Ava until I realize it’s too masculine to be her very, girly giggle. It holds a sinister edge- an evilness- stronger than my daughter’s. My body jerks, as if shocked by high voltage. I remember that sound as it cackled in my ear.

I don’t think- I react. I don’t look around. I just bolt up and try to run. My legs get tangled up in my sweatshirt since my knees were tucked inside it
. I crash to the ground, hitting my shin on the bench. I crawl to my knees and lunge forward- running before my feet hit the ground. I run headlong. My only thought is of getting to Edge and locking myself in my apartment.

I feel the prickle at the back of my neck. I don’t need to turn around to know
that I’m being followed or at least watched. Halfway through the park my foot catches on a root, and I fall to my palms and knees. I don’t stay down. Before I fully fall to the ground, I push back off with my hands and charge home.

The sight of the Edge building brings tears to my eyes. I huff in large gulps of air
, almost hyperventilating. I rush to the elevator and press
close door
before anyone can join me. I push floor seventeen and enter our security code. I use the minute to slow my breathing and calm myself. It’s hard to contain my inner-animal once the fight or flight reflex is triggered. I breathe through the adrenaline flowing in my veins.

I enter our apartment foye
r, close the door behind me, and make sure the security system activates. I breathlessly lean against the door. The potent feeling of relief is a high all on its own.

“Where is she? We’re going to be late.” Ezra’s
worried voice drifts in from the living room.

“I
don’t think Kat’s coming,” Cort replies.

It’s wrong of me to rest here and listen in on the
ir private conversation, but I’m too frazzled for them to see me. I pull my sleeves down over my bloody palms, hiding them from sight.

“Why isn’t Katya
coming?” I can hear the anxiety in Ezra’s voice. I don’t like it, and I don’t know how to fix it.

“Did you invite her?”
Cort asks.

“No, since when do you invite your own spouse? If one is invited so is the other
, unless it’s a guy or girl’s night out kind of thing.”

“Katya is
not your spouse, Ezra. She isn’t a mind reader, either. You really need to have a talk with Kat about Adelaide.” Cortez sounds reasonable and that is frightening.

“I don’t see why.
It’s not an issue,” Ezra’s voice rises with his panic.

“You told me to keep my mouth shut about this topic. Hypothetically, perhaps she told me to keep a secre
t as well. I’m towing a fine line here, Ezra. You need to talk to her.”

“You’re keeping
a secret from me with Katya?” Ezra sounds hurt.

“It’s been you and me for a
very long time, Ezra. But it’s no longer just us, and we think differently than a woman. It requires some adjustment on all our parts. You’re Katya’s Master, but you don’t treat her like it. You’re confusing her with your inconsistency. You know what that does to a submissive. Imagine what it’s doing to Katya. You really have to spell things out to her or she doesn’t see them. There is no being subtle or easing her. We are talking capital letters here, Ezra.”

“I’m not sure what you mean?”
Ezra says in confusion, causing Cortez to bark out a sharp laugh.

“Yeah, Kat
’s right about one thing. She told me she possessed the traits of both of us, and that’s why we’re drawn to her. She said it was our best traits combined with tits and a vagina. On this subject, you are just like her- a twit.”

“Katya
really didn’t think she was invited?” Ezra’s voice is bewildered.

“No, I don’t think she did. I bet she left so that it was easier on us t
o go off without her. I know Kat worries about your public life, because you separate her from it. And that she isn’t a part of your private life. She is sad, scared, and confused, and it worries me that you don’t see it. Earlier, I found her trying to figure out a way to occupy Ava so that she wouldn’t know about the party. Kat didn’t think you’d want Ava to go, either. Listen, Ezra, you have to trust me on this, talk to her. Resolve this so that she will confide other stuff in you. Katya has a lot going on right now, more than you can imagine. I have so many secrets that I’m keeping for both of you, and it’s killing me. I don’t want to be in the middle anymore. I can’t take it. We need your help.”

T
he sound of Cortez’s pain pulls me from the foyer. Ezra is sitting in his favorite chair with Cort kneeling between his legs. Cortez’s head is resting on Ezra’s lap. I hear Cortez sniffle. I think he’s crying.

“Shh… It’s alright, let it out. You can talk to me, Cort.” I drift towards them
, watching Ezra affectionately stroke Cortez’s hair.

“I can’t talk about it.
I want to. It’s the same as when you tell me to keep a confidence. I can’t betray either of your trusts.”

I drop to my knees behind Cortez and embrace him. “Don’t cry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t rea
lize what keeping this from Ezra would mean for you. The three of us will talk about it tomorrow. I promise.”

“I’m sorry,” Ezra croaks out to me, his voice thick with unshed tears. “Please accompany us to my party. I want you and Ava to meet my family. I want
my mother to meet my family.”