Authors: Rachel McClellan
THIRTY-SIX
Claire stayed at the beach for several hours, swimming, laying out, speaking to strangers, basically doing whatever she felt like. A couple of times she caught glimpses of Logan and Ethan, separate from each other, but she ignored them.
Eventually she returned home when she grew hungry and tired. For a long time she stared at the television even though it wasn’t turned on. And slowly, like the fog that often rolled into Bandon, her inner pain returned. And it was stronger, lurking just beneath the surface, like a shark stalking its prey.
She thought back to her behavior and how cruel she'd been to Kate. It made her angry.
Gage.
He'd done this.
Claire tightened her fists and imagined all the ways she could hurt him. She pictured him injured and bleeding. What it would look like. What she might smell. She hoped to rip his eyes out, ram an ice pick up his nose, stab a— Claire stopped, surprised by her thoughts. Never had she thought this violently about someone else before. Even her own father.
The Bodian drug.
Her violent thoughts must be a delayed side effect.
Claire clawed at her neck, wishing she could peel the skin off and drain the poison from her.
The doorbell rang.
She sat up, heart pounding.
Please go away.
Whoever it was, she didn't want to face them.
A knock on the door moved her to the edge of the couch.
"Claire?"
It was Ethan.
"Come on, Claire. If you're in there, please answer the door."
She stood, her pulse beating in her ears. She wanted to run to him, feel safe in his arms, but she wouldn't be safe. He could be Gage hiding behind Ethan’s face and gentle voice.
"Alright. I'm leaving," he said.
His words left her cold, and she didn’t want to feel that way on top of everything else. Most of all, she didn’t want to be alone.
Claire rushed to the front door and opened it. They stared at each other long and hard. Because he didn't say anything, neither did she. The air between them felt pressurized, like at any moment it might explode.
Finally he took a step toward her. "You got dressed," he said, and she didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
Please don't be Gage
.
"Ethan, I—”
"Let's go inside and talk.” He took hold of her hand.
Claire sat down on the sofa, expecting him to sit next to her, but instead he got on his knees in front of her. He leaned over onto her lap and stared into her eyes. "First, how are you feeling? Are you back to your old self?"
She looked down. "I think so. I'm really sorry."
He squeezed her hand. "The only thing you should be sorry for is not telling me about what Gage was going to do sooner. Maybe I could've prevented it."
"That's what scares me. I don't think anyone can stop him. He's going to unleash me and there's nothing anyone can do about it."
"That's not true. You can leave, just like you planned."
"I'm not going anywhere. He'll kill everyone I know."
"He's bluffing. He can't kill everyone."
"Yes, he can. I've felt the same power that's in him, experienced just a fraction of his thoughts, and I haven't even been unleashed yet."
Ethan was quiet, then, "You can't be alone. There's no other way around it."
"I'm not alone. Smith still has a cop following me around."
"It's not enough. Does your mom know what's going on?"
"I don’t think she cares, or maybe she can’t deal. In fact, she's leaving this weekend to Portland with a friend."
Ethan shook his head. "I'm sorry. That must hurt."
"A lot of things hurt. I wish I didn't have to feel."
"That's what the drug did to you, wasn't it?"
She sighed, remembering how wonderful it was not to care. "Am I a horrible person for admitting that it was the best I've felt in years?"
"Of course not." Ethan got up and sat on the couch next to her. "But please remember that the pain you're feeling is what makes you human. It's what makes you compassionate and kind. And this pain has made you into a strong woman."
She laughed, a little, and leaned her head against his shoulder. Figuring out Gage’s true identity was going to be a lot tougher than she thought. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe it wasn't Ethan or Logan at all. Maybe—
Ethan stood up. "I guess it’s settled then."
"What?"
"If your mom doesn't care, I'm going to be with you 24/7."
“But what about your parents? They can’t be okay with this.”
“You let me worry about them.”
Claire almost accepted, but then shook her head. "You can't, don't you understand? Gage will kill you." Or I will, she thought, and instantly regretted it. "I can't ask you to risk your life for me."
"You didn't ask." He glanced at his watch. "I need to get a few things first, something that should at least stun Gage if he does appear." Ethan peered out the window. "Looks like Officer Johnson is still out there. Will you be okay if I'm gone for twenty minutes?"
"Of course."
He opened the door. "I'll be right back."
"I know, I know. Get going." She followed him out and waved at Officer Johnson. He waved back.
After Ethan left, she paced her small living room, a feeling of dread growing. She wasn't going to be safe, no matter what Ethan brought back. Gage wouldn’t stop until she was just like him and anyone in the way would only end up dead.
She shivered and prayed Ethan wasn't Gage. How could he be? But it couldn't be Logan either. "Fight, Claire," Valerie’s words echoed again in her mind. And that's what she would do. No matter what or who. But how to fight Gage?
She stopped moving.
The gun.
She glanced to the back door and then to the clock. If she hurried, she might be able to find it and return before Ethan. And she wouldn't tell anyone. She'd hide the gun on her, and the moment she saw anyone around her even sneeze funny, she'd blow them away.
Claire snatched her cell phone and snuck out the back door. She cut through the forest, avoiding the trails to save time. After a few minutes of running she was surprised to discover that she wasn't tired in the least. Another side effect?
In just a short time, Claire arrived at the cliffs. She tried not to shake as she stumbled through tall grass and bushes, searching as quickly as possible for the gun, but the air felt tainted as if Gage's presence had scarred the area. She swallowed hard and continued searching despite the heavy pressure building around her chest.
In a matter of minutes, she found the gun lying upside down against a tree. She picked it up and tucked it behind her back. She turned on her cell phone. Only five minutes to get back.
She took off running, pushing herself hard.
Faster
, she thought.
Move!
Just as Claire exploded out of the forest, she noticed Ethan's car pull into her driveway. She raced up the back porch and into the living room. The front doorknob was turning. Reaching behind her back, she removed the gun and shoved it under the couch. She straightened just as Ethan walked in.
"That was fast," she said, trying very hard to control her breathing.
"Really? I didn't think so." He frowned at her. "Why is your face red?"
She touched her cheek. "Is it?"
Ethan walked over and felt her forehead. "And you're hot and sort of sweaty. What's up? Are you sick?"
She jumped at the excuse. "A little. Must be something left over from whatever Gage injected me with."
Ethan helped her sit down. "Have you told Smith yet?"
Claire shook her head. "And I'm not going to. There's nothing he can do about it other than what he's already doing. No point worrying him."
"You're probably right. Why don’t you lie down while I make you dinner?"
"We’ll make it together," she said, knowing it was best to stay busy so she wouldn’t have to think about killing someone she loved.
THIRTY-SEVEN
The next few days, Ethan and Logan drove Claire crazy with their over-attentiveness until she thought she'd shoot them both. Between the two of them, they had managed to arrange their schedules so she was never alone. Her mother didn't ask any questions. In fact, Claire thought she looked a little more relaxed than usual.
It was Friday night, the day her mom was leaving for the weekend, to de-stress, she’d said. Before she shut the car door, she asked Claire who would be staying with her for the night. Claire answered Logan. Ethan had some family event with his parents. Her mother closed her eyes and actually smiled. "Okay, have fun," she said and drove off, glancing once at Claire in the rearview mirror.
After she left, Claire knew Logan wasn't going to come over. She wouldn't let him, but she also didn't want to be alone either. She decided to call Kate. Claire had already apologized to her the day after getting the injection from Gage, and even though Kate said she had forgiven her, there was still tension. She hoped to change that tonight.
"What are you doing?" Claire asked, after calling Kate’s phone.
"Same thing I do every night, nothing. Man, I miss practice." In the background, Claire thought she heard the sounds of pages in a magazine turning.
"Why don't you call Steph and Audrey, and we'll have a slumber party?"
"Serious? Like we did in middle school?"
"Yeah, why not? My mom's not home."
There was a slight pause. "What about Gage?"
Claire paused back. "You're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."
"Screw it," Kate said. "Gage wouldn't dare mess with four hormonal teenage girls. And besides, you still have a cop watching your house, right?"
"Yes. Logan was supposed to come over, but I'm sick of him and Ethan following me everywhere."
"And I'm sick of watching it," Kate agreed.
"Then you'll come?"
"Totally. I'll call Steph and Audrey now. See you soon!"
Claire hung up the phone and peered out the window. A cop car was still parked outside. Poor guys. They had to be tired of babysitting.
Headlights flashed in the window from a car driving up the driveway.
Logan.
He was early.
Before he could knock, she opened the door and blurted, "I was going to call you. You don't need to be here tonight.”
He stepped by her into the living room. "Sorry. I'm here to stay."
"Serious, Logan. The girls are coming over. We're having a sleepover."
He cringed. "Really?"
She kept her hand on the open door. "Yes, I need some girl time. You and Ethan are driving me crazy."
His eyebrows lifted. "You and Ethan having problems?"
"No," she emphasized the word. "I just need a break from both of you."
His face grew serious. "Claire, I'm really worried about you."
"Don't be."
"Can I be honest with you?"
"Aren't you always?"
He took a deep breath. "It’s something I mentioned awhile ago, but I wasn’t really serious, but now I am. There's only one way Gage could know everything about you. It's like he's been in the middle of every conversation we've ever had, and he always knows where you're going to be."
Claire played dumb. "I get it, so?"
"So that means Gage is someone super close to you."
She backed up onto the porch, very aware of the cool metal of the gun against her back. She took it with her everywhere now. "I know,” she admitted. “I put two and two together several days ago." She kept calm. Waiting. Watching.
Gratefully, Logan stayed where he was at—two feet inside her house. "Then you know that Gage has got to be either me or Ethan."
She hesitated. "Possibly."
"Claire, you must believe me when I say I'm not Gage."
"And I don't think it’s Ethan."
"Well, I'm telling you that I do think it’s him and every second you’re with him, I'm sick. I can't keep watching you."
"Watching me?"
His head lowered. "Yes. I've just been waiting for him to slip up so I can—”
"What, Logan? What are you going to do?"
He raised his chin. "I'll kill him if I have to."
"Don’t worry about it. I’m prepared to do what’s necessary. If Gage is you or Ethan, or even my own mother, I'll fight. To my death if I have to."
Logan was shaking his head. He moved to her and took hold of her hand. "You've been through so much, but at least you don't have to go through this alone. I'm always here. Best friends forever, right?"
Claire couldn’t smile.
"Just promise me one thing," he said.
"What?"
"Promise me you'll keep an open mind about Ethan. Don't believe everything he says. I'm not a hundred percent sure he is Gage, but I can't think of any other person it could be. Promise me you'll be careful."
"I will. Just as careful as I'll be with you."
"Fair enough. What time are the girls going to be here?"
"Soon."
"Can I wait here until they get here?
"Sure."
Ten minutes later, Steph and Kate showed up. Audrey couldn't come because she had a bad cold.
"I'm just a phone call away," Logan said as she walked him to his car.
Claire gave him a hug. "I know, thanks."
"Let's get this party started!" Kate called from the open doorway. Already music was blaring.
Logan opened his car door. "You sure you don't need protection from her?"
"I'll manage."
She waved goodbye to Logan, but before she returned to the house, she knocked on Officer Johnson’s window. "How are you doing, Sir?" she asked when he rolled the window down.
"Good. My wife Jenny just brought some coffee and donuts. How many more people do you plan on having over?"
"This is it. Just getting in some girl time."
"Well if anyone needs it, it’s you."
Claire smiled. "Thanks again for doing this. I feel much safer knowing you're here."
He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. "You have fun tonight, Claire. And don't worry about a thing."
That's exactly what she planned on doing.
The rest of the night she, Kate and Stephanie decided to stick to the middle school theme. They prank called the cutest boys in school, did each other’s nails and hair, and completed every quiz in Teen Magazine. Claire was having a great time until Kate decided to mention Gage.
"I don't want to talk about him," she said and screwed a cap onto bright blue nail polish.
"Haven't the cops found him yet?" Steph asked.
Claire leaned back into the couch. "Not yet.”
"That freak needs to be stopped," Kate said while shaking her good hand in the air to dry her nails. "He ruined my music career."
Steph rolled her eyes. "Don't be dramatic, Kate. You get your cast off in three more weeks."
"Yeah, well, his little stunt with the car made us miss the biggest night of our lives. We could've signed an agent there."
Claire looked at Kate. "More importantly, you could've been killed."
“Right. I guess there’s that.” Kate stood up from the couch. "You have any popcorn?"
"In the cupboard. You ready for the movie?"
"Popcorn first, then movie," Steph said, and jumped up to help Kate in the kitchen.
A short time later they were all lying in sleeping bags on the floor surrounded by every kind of junk food imaginable. They stayed awake through the first movie, but at some point during the second everyone fell asleep.
Claire's eyes opened. The room was dark except for a faint glow coming from the television. It took a minute for her to orient herself. She looked around. Kate was sleeping sideways, her feet touching the top of Steph's head. Claire smiled. Since Kate was little she never could sleep straight in any bed.
Claire picked up the remote and turned off the television. She was about to lie back down when she heard a faint scuffling sound in her bedroom. She waited, holding completely still to see if the sound came again. It did, louder this time. She glanced at her friends wondering if she should wake them.
There it was again. A drawer sliding closed. Slowly.
Her heart began to pound. Stay calm. It was probably just Logan or Ethan, checking up on her.
And going through her things?
Her breathing quickened.
Stand up. Go see.
"Logan?" she whispered into the hallway.
She took two steps into the dark, listening carefully for any sounds. When none returned, she moved further into the darkness until she reached her room. Where the gun was. Under the bed. She didn’t think she’d need it with the girls.
"Logan? Are you in there?" she whispered again. She leaned into her room. Just barely. Her window was open. A cool breeze pushed moonlight into her room. It appeared empty, but the chill creeping up her spine told her otherwise.
She glanced back to the living room. It would take her three seconds to run there, at least thirty to wake Steph and Kate, and another thirty for all of them to run from the house. But it would take less than five seconds for Gage to kill both Kate and Steph and inject her with another dose.
Another dose.
She couldn’t hold back the pleasurable sigh escaping from her lips. Just thinking about the way it had made her feel calmed her racing heart. She wished it didn’t.
Claire slipped into the room, hoping the only reason for her action was to protect Kate and Steph, and not because she wanted relief from the pain in her heart.
"How very brave," Gage said, his voice low. He moved out from within the shadows, but the darkness seemed to stretch with him.
"Step into the moonlight," she said.
He took one long step until he was standing inches from her. She looked up into his eyes, searching for any signs of someone she might love. "Who are you really?"
"I'm your Savior," he said as he pressed a needle into her neck.
She fought against him for just a moment, before her eyes rolled back, and when she fell, Gage caught her and slowly lowered her to the ground, cradling her in his arms.
"It will all be over soon," he said as he caressed her face.
Claire barely heard him over the explosion of pain in her head. It spread throughout her whole body and she shook violently. In its wake came darkness, much like the shadow that had been clinging to Gage. It coated her insides like a cold winter frost, numbing all the years of hurt and betrayal. The storm calmed. She looked up at Gage and smiled.
"You want to get out of here?"
"Please."
He helped her up and motioned to the window. "After you."
She hesitated for a fraction of a second to listen to a familiar voice whispering a warning in the back of her mind. But the voice was small. And weak.
Claire easily ignored it and leapt from the window. She ran into the forest and was greeted by a heavy fog. It wrapped around her like a warm blanket.
Gage caught up to her moments later. He pulled her to a stop. "How do you feel?"
"Like I’ve been plugged in. It's amazing! The stars, the air," she spun around, "the earth. I just want to," she struggled to find the right words, "eat it all gone." She laughed. "Does that make sense?"
His eyes burned with passion, a fire she felt too. "I couldn't have said it better,” he said. “Come on. Let's go do whatever we want." He took off running and Claire followed.
When they reached the street, Gage stopped and looked around. "Over there," he said. She followed his gaze. An old, black restored Ford Mustang was parked in someone's driveway. She grinned.
Gage went to it and smashed his fist through the backside window. He unlocked it. "Get in."
She obeyed and watched while he pulled off the panel beneath the steering wheel and began to mess with wires. A moment later the engine roared to life.
"Nice," she said and swept her hair to the side. She noticed it was darker, blacker.
Gage peeled out of the driveway, spitting gravel in all directions, and sped down the road.
"Where we going?"
"Somewhere loud and crowded. I'm itching for some action."
"I can handle that."
Thirty minutes later he illegally parked in front of The Hole. The place was packed, more so than last time. Music spilled onto the streets and into the line of people waiting to get inside. A tall bouncer with muscles practically bursting from his tight t-shirt came toward Gage when they exited the car.
"Hey!" the bouncer said. "You can't park there."