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She sensed then that somehow she had hurt him deeply, and that to frighten her was his way of salving that hurt, but she had no further time to analyse that thought, for Crawford’s arms were coming towards her, and with a muttered, ‘Why the hell not?’ he had hauled her up against him and his head was blotting out the light. Then his mouth was over hers in a brutal, ruthless kiss, as if he was trying to assuage all the hurt that was in him.

Gerry struggled furiously against him as with cold deliberation, one hand just below the small of her back, he was pressing her to him, and she felt the hard lines of him against her as he forced her body to him.

‘No,’ was all she managed, when his lips left hers briefly. Then her lips were claimed again. She didn’t want to be kissed by Crawford—not like this. He was deliberately trying to make her feel cheap. There was nothing tender in his kisses, and he was too strong for her female strength to fight for very long.

She felt his hands unbuttoning her waistcoat, felt the warmth of his touch against her and knew he had successfully unbuttoned her shirt too, as she felt the warmth of his hand against her skin. Then he was carrying her over to the bed, her furious struggles making no impression on him. She kicked and fought, but all to no avail—she felt her legs go from beneath her, felt briefly the softness of the mattress beneath her, then Crawford’s weight was over her and his mouth was ravaging hers. Brutally he kissed her, his hands moving over her waist and upwards in investigating movements to come up to her naked shoulders.

How far he would have gone she had no idea, but she felt her strength giving out, and tears of regret that this would be the remembrance she would carry of the man she loved when it was all over sprang to her eyes and trickled down the sides of her face to stop their passage when they came into contact with Crawford’s skin. For some moments he didn't appear to comprehend what the salty wetness was, so far had his anger against her overtaken him.

Then suddenly his weight was transferred from her, and he lay on his side, his look showing a different sort of pain she didn’t recognise.

‘Oh God, Gerry,’ seemed to be dragged out of him, 'I've scared you half to death, haven’t I?’ Then as Gerry could only he there as if turned to stone, her full brown eyes searching every plane of his face, her fear of him gone without her knowing why, other than that instinct was telling her he wouldn't attack her again, ‘Forgive me, my dear, if you can,’ he said softly, then almost reverently he placed a kiss of such exquisite sweetness on her mouth, it took every scrap of reserve she had left not to put her arms round him and hold him to her in the forgiveness he asked for.

She was in no way alarmed as she lay there, her breathing as ragged as his through the exertion of fighting him, when his hands came down to refasten the shirt and waistcoat he had so ruthlessly opened. Then he had left her and gone to stare out of the window.

Coming to her senses at last, Gerry scrambled off the bed, tucking her shirt into her skirt as she straightened up. What would have happened if Crawford hadn't felt the wetness of her tears against his skin, she didn’t want to think, but now it was all at an end, and all she wanted to do was to go. To get out of this room and go somewhere where she could be alone for a while.

‘I ... I know it’s a sore point with you, Crawford,’ she addressed his back, knowing everything had to be said now, even if it meant risking his repeated wrath, though she knew he wouldn’t kiss her again. Once outside this room, she wanted never again to have to refer to the money. ‘But I must tell you I shall be sending you a cheque each month until our debt is cleared.’

‘There’s no need.’

For him, she knew, it wouldn’t matter. The amount she would send him each month would easily be swallowed up in petty cash—but it seemed to her that the last thing she could do for Teddy was to honour her debt and allow her to go to Paul with a clear conscience.

‘There’s every need.’

‘Why?’

He didn’t sound as though he was interested any more, and Gerry turned to the door ready to leave. She had to have the last word, and it had to be convincing, otherwise she could see he would rip her cheques up when they arrived on his desk every month.

‘A bride doesn’t like to go to her future husband owing a debt to another man,’ she said, and began walking towards the door.

She didn’t get very far. Unaware that Crawford had moved, she found him behind her, his hands coming to rest on her shoulders, not tightly, but firm enough to hold her.

‘You’re still in love with Preston—you’re going to marry him?’

It took her a moment or two to catch up with his train of thought, then with her back still to him, ‘I am not in love with Robin Preston—and I have no intention now or at any time of marrying him,’ she said clearly, and felt herself being turned round so that he could see into her eyes that she was telling the truth.

‘Then who the hell are you going to marry?'

‘It’s not me that’s getting married—a-and Paul Meadows hasn’t actually asked Teddy to marry him, but she thinks he’s going to,' Gerry said quietly, hoping Teddy would forgive her for breaking her confidence, though not knowing quite what to make of the way Crawford was looking at her.

He seemed to meditate for a second or two, then right out of the blue he said something that shook her so completely, she said croakily:

‘What did you say?’

'I said, Geraldine Barton, that since you’re not otherwise committed, why not marry me?’

Gerry tried to stem die trembling that had started up inside her, and pulled herself out of his hold so he shouldn’t be aware of how much his unexpected proposal had shattered her.

'I—er—you did say marry you?' She had to ask again, and was pinned by his look as he nodded in confirmation. She moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue. ‘Er— why would you want to marry me?’ she asked, trying to think of one good reason why he should, when all she could think of were a dozen good reasons why he should not. Then not waiting for him to speak, 'I know there’s a —physical attraction between us,' she had to admit that much since he already knew he had the power to make her senses sing. ‘I don’t mean that ... that ... just now,' she added hastily. ‘You terrified me then.’ She saw a look pass over his face that told her he regretted his roughness with her.

‘You mean the time we were out in the car and you called a halt before my experiment was finished?’

‘Experiment? There didn’t seem to be anything experimental about it from where I was sitting.’

‘Oh, but there was.’ Her look told him he could have fooled her. 'I never intended kissing you when we set out on that drive,’ he told her. ‘I thought it would give ...' he broke off without finishing. ‘Well, never mind what I thought, but once I’d begun to kiss you—and I’ll admit your response was most unexpected—I decided to find out just how far you would go, though you were never in any danger, for all you got so panicky.’ Gerry felt her eyes caught and held by his slate grey look. She wanted to insert two or three questions at that point, but something was telling her to stay quiet. ‘I thought that if you showed signs of being ready to go all the way,’ his eyes flickered as he watched the blush stain her cheeks, ‘then it would mean you were no longer in love with Preston. When you told me you didn’t want to make love, I took it to mean you were in love with him. Now you tell me you’re not in love with him, I’m left wondering if I’ve been wrong about a few other things as well.’

Gerry looked away from him then. She had no intention of revealing how much she loved him, and still couldn’t think why he had suggested she marry him. But it seemed since he was going part way to being honest with her, the least she could do was to show him some honesty in return.

‘I didn’t want to stop you that day,’ she admitted at last, feeling as though compelled. ‘It was just that I didn’t want —to be a—casual affair.’

‘You mean you wanted a more permanent relationship?’ Crawford said carefully.

His very words had her heart fluttering again within her. To say ‘yes’ to that would reveal too much, and she rather thought she had revealed too much already. Then Crawford was saying in the same careful tone, ‘Marry me, Gerry— I promise you it will work out.’ He still hadn’t told her why he wanted her to marry him, and she knew she couldn’t ask—that was until it suddenly dawned on her he was feeling sorry for her.

‘You feel sorry for me.' It was out before she could stop it, and at the questioning look on his face she was forced to carry on. ‘You’re thinking that with Teddy married to Paul I shall be lonely without her and the twins.’ She would be, of course, as yet she hadn’t faced up to the anguish she would feel when Teddy took Emma and Sarah with her, feeling as she did since she had nursed them since they had been tiny babies that they were as much hers as Teddy’s.

‘You won’t have time to be lonely if you come to me,’ Crawford told her levelly. Then putting it on the line that their marriage, if it ever happened, would be a true one in every sense of the word, ‘You’ll be too busy looking after our babies.’

Again colour suffused her cheeks. She could think of nothing she would like better than to have Crawford’s babies, and she lowered her lids so he shouldn’t see the hint of moisture there.

‘What if Paul doesn’t ask Teddy to marry him?’ she asked, knowing she was talking herself out of being Crawford’s wife, when it was something she wanted with her whole heart. ‘What then? I wouldn’t be able to leave Teddy to fend for herself.’

‘If you do me the honour of marrying me, Gerry, then naturally your family will become my family. Teddy will have a house of her own, a nanny if she wishes, and as many staff as she thinks fit to run the house for her.’

Gerry clenched her hands at her sides at the goodness of this man. Unlike Robin who had refused even to discuss Teddy, let alone try and think up ways to help her—even though Crawford was in a vastly different financial bracket, he hadn't hesitated when the subject of Teddy came up.

‘Oh, Crawford,’ she said softly, and saw him standing stiffly a yard or so away from her, and had no idea why he was prepared to do all this for her. Then suddenly it came to her that she had been up in the clouds for the last five minutes ever to think of accepting his proposal. He was apparently prepared to give her everything she wanted except love, and loving him as she did, how could she possibly accept what he offered, having nothing to give in return.

‘Does “Oh, Crawford” mean you accept my proposal?’ he asked, sounding so stiff she couldn’t at once answer him.

‘No,’ she said, and studied the carpet at her feet, and so missed the tightening of his jaw. ‘I’m honoured that you’ve asked me to marry you but it wouldn’t be right.’

‘Why wouldn’t it be right?’

Crawford’s voice was conversational, giving no hint whether her refusal had pleased him or otherwise. Trust him to want everything put neatly in order before he Sled it away, she couldn’t help thinking, knowing her own pride had taken away from her the one chance of happiness she had. Crawford would go out of her life now, he would not repeat his proposal—even now it was growing cold between them.

She turned away from him and started towards the door the way she had done previously. This time he made no move to stop her, even though as yet she had not answered his question. A depressing weight of sadness enveloped her as she stood with her hand on the handle of the door. It seemed to her then that her life had been ruled by pride. Pride had ordained that no one outside the walls of Honeysuckle Cottage should know what a hard job it had been to make ends meet. Pride had ruled that she never showed any signs of weakness. And now with Crawford’s proposal as dead as if it had never been uttered, pride had taken her one chance of happiness away. And suddenly she rebelled that pride ruled her life. What did it matter if the whole world knew she and Teddy were on their uppers? It hadn’t bothered Teddy too much—she’d had no qualms in accepting Crawford’s money. She had her hand on the door handle, when Crawford's voice, sounding oddly hoarse in her ears, came to her.

‘Since you can’t give me the courtesy of an honest answer, Gerry, would you hurry up and get out of my life?’

She turned at that and took two paces into the room, knowing she had done with pride, and saw a look on Crawford’s face that had her going weak at the knees, for it seemed to her from that look that he was taking her refusal badly, and wanted her out of his sight quickly so that he could take recourse to the bottle or whatever form of solace he chose to take.

Discounting that look, she lifted her chin. ‘You asked for an honest answer, Crawford—I’ll give you one,’ she said, knowing when she said it she was going to cry. 'I can’t marry you because ...’ even pride’s fall didn’t come easily, and she was forced to swallow it down before she brought out, \.. because—I love you so much I..

'What
did you say?’

The room was hushed as he stared at her as if unable to believe what he had heard. There was a tenseness about him that told her she had embarrassed him, but having sunk her pride so far, she wasn’t going to back down now.

‘I said I love you,’ she said clearly. Then knowing he wouldn’t want the further embarrassment of seeing her in tears again, she turned quickly, intending to get out of his room with all speed.

But as quick as she was, Crawford was at the door before her, blocking her way, a look on his face of incredulity —a look that said he didn’t believe it, but since she had been foolish enough to tell him what she had, there was no way she was going to get out of the room until he’d heard more.

Then it was Gerry who was being unbelieving, for Crawford snatched her up in his arms, and she was too bemused to even struggle as he took her over to one of the easy chairs and sat down with her on his lap, holding her tightly to him as though suspecting she would at any moment take it into her head to fly away from him.

‘Darling, darling girl,’ he said tenderly. ‘I never in a million years expected to hear those words coming from your lips to me.’ And while she was still wondering at the gentleness his tone held for her, his head came down, and when his lips met hers, he successfully blotted out any further thought as she unreservedly returned his kisses.