Unknown (13 page)

‘Now, let’s talk about you. Serenity. Tell me about the man you’re going to marry. Have you been in touch with him about the ring? I’m sure he was very upset.’

‘He’s overseas . . .’ She stopped and looked at Cam. Yes, she could trust him, and she needed someone to talk to. if I tell you something about myself, will you regard it as confidential?’

‘I’m in that line of business,’ Cam said with an encouraging smile.

‘Of course, I’d forgotten, only it’s hard to know where to start. I feel so guilty, yet I haven't really told any lies.’ She paused to marshal her thoughts. 'I'm not getting married. There is no fiancé.’

‘Tell me about it.’ Cam’s eyes were very understanding.

It all came tumbling out, about her mother dying, about John, about Mrs Bellamy, and about her father’s appearance and his announcement. Naturally she didn’t mention the photo or that her mother came from this district. Nor did she say anything about falling in love with Hudson. Some things she wouldn’t share with anyone.

Cam heard her out in silence, then said thoughtfully, ‘I can see you’ve been through a fairly rough patch, and I think you handled it remarkably well. You don’t seem to have held any resentment or even bitterness towards your father or towards John. I’m glad of that. Hate and anger held in the heart can destroy a person; you are free of that. I don’t even detect any self-pity, and you’ve every reason to feel hard done by. So tell me why you feel guilty. I can't for the life of me see your problem.’

'I
t’s Hudson. It’s the ring,’ Serenity said desperately. ‘You see, I told you about the wedding dress, and Hudson saw it, and saw the ring, and I let him go on thinking I was getting married. It seemed the best way at the time, but now it’s as if I were living a lie. I do feel badly about it.’

‘You haven’t told him any lies, presumably, so you’re in the clear. If you didn’t want to confide the whole story in him when you arrived, that’s understandable. If it really worries you, tell him now. He’s a fine chap, Hudson. He’d be understanding, sympathetic, in fact.’

‘You’re joking. He’d be furious. He asked me several times if I still loved John, and I assured him I did. Well, I do, as I told you, but not the marrying kind of love.’

‘Definitely not, and in my opinion, it never was. You’ve had a lucky escape. Being sorry for a man is no reason for marrying him.’

‘I know that now,’ Serenity wailed. ‘But don’t you see, Hudson would not have asked me to stay if I hadn’t been engaged to John. Look, it was really important to him.’

‘Yes, I can see that he made a real thing about it. I don’t really see why, except that he was trying to protect himself a little. Girls rather tend to throw themselves at him, and I suppose he didn’t want that happening, not when you’re sharing the same house. That’s pretty close quarters to dodge about in. Then again, he was probably making sure you were also protected. Having a fiancé, and planning a wedding soon, would scotch any local gossip about him having such a young, pretty housekeeper.’

Serenity kept quiet, but watched him hopefully. If he said the best thing was to admit it and leave, she would take his advice.

‘It’s funny, Hudson is usually well able to take care of himself in any situation, and he’s not worried about gossipmongers. Perhaps it was for Madeline’s benefit.’

'I
t would take more than me to upset Madeline Buchanan.’

‘You’re right. My advice is to let things ride. You’re enjoying yourself here. You seem to have a really good relationship with Hudson. I’ve been watching the two of you this past week, and I’ve never seen him looking more relaxed. I can’t see how you can leave with all this kerfuffle about the ring going on.’

‘Yes, there’s still the ring. I’m really upset about losing it. I feel responsible for all this bother, yet I’m not devastated by its loss. I want to find it, and return it to John; then I’ll feel free to start my life again. Until I find it, I somehow feel tied to John, beholden to him. Does that sound silly?’

‘No, I can understand that. If you don’t find it, you’re going to get entangled in arguments over the insurance, and it will bring you back in contact with him, and you don’t want that.’

‘So you don’t think it’s dishonest to stay under these circumstances? I’d like to stay. It’s only for another four weeks.’

‘A lot can happen in four weeks,’ Cam said with a frown. ‘Don’t get caught on the rebound. Hudson is a very attractive man, and he’s got quite a reputation with women. Don’t get hurt, Serenity. He’s a hard man. If you find yourself becoming attracted, pack your bags and leave.’

Serenity looked at the floor, her dark lashes fanning her pale cheeks, and sighed.

‘Oh, Serenity, you poor kid.’ Cam touched her hand. Get out while the going is good. If he finds out the truth about your engagement, he’ll consider you fair game. If you’re already in love with him, your resistance will be a token gesture. Don’t risk it. I’m warning you that the crisis you’re in now will pale in significance compared with what will happen if you let him use you, then reject you.’

‘I’m stronger than you think.’ Serenity’s chin came up.

‘Not that strong. Serenity, none of us is. Still, it’s your decision, and I’ll be about the place. Come and talk to me any time. I’m your friend, remember that.’

‘Yes, I will. And thanks for listening. You’ve lived here all your life, Cam. Did you know the girl Hudson was going to marry? The one he built this house for?’

‘Yes, I did. She was my cousin, and they met when she was over visiting at our place. It was love at first sight. She was a very sweet, gentle girl, and Hudson, he was different then, more kind, more sensitive. It was a sad thing to happen.’

‘He told me she died. How did she die? Or is that prying?’

‘Not at all. She died of leukaemia, and it was fairly fast. Well, they didn’t find out she had it until six months before she died. This house was built. . .’

‘But he is so bitter?’ Serenity made it a question.

Cam was silent for a few moments. ‘Well, considering the circumstances, I’ll tell you what happened. It might make you understand him a little better. He’s a great chap, Hudson, but he really let this eat into him. Not her death, he could have handled that, but Emma didn’t give him that chance. When she found out what she had, she kept it a secret from him. She just broke off the engagement, no explanation. He nearly went crazy, because he loved her. He must have worn out a set of tyres, driving over the hill and back to see her, pleading with her, trying to find out why she had changed her mind. She lived in Canterbury. It went on for about a month, then she told him she had another man, and she backed it up by being seen with him.’

‘Why did she do it?’ Serenity asked in shocked tones.

‘God only knows why she did it. She crippled him, but she thought she was doing the right thing. She loved him so much, she said, she didn’t want him to see her ugly and in pain. She thought it would be easier on him to remember her as she was, but it was sheer stupidity. He was finally convinced that she loved this other chap, and he cleared out overseas for a year. He came back a changed man, harder, tougher, even cruel as far as women are concerned.’

‘When did he find out that she had leukaemia?’

‘After she died. She’d left a letter for him. It made no difference—her explanation—not as far as I could see. The rejection had taken all the stuffing out of him, then the letter must have made him feel that she counted his love as a pretty small thing, if she would not let him stand by her at such a time.'

‘How terrible. Poor Hudson, no wonder he’s hard.’

‘Yes, and it needn't have happened. I know about it now only because Emma was family. I heard it at the funeral and it snarled me up for a while, because I liked them both so much. It’s not common knowledge. Oh, the house and the broken engagement were, he had to wear that publicly, but the rest, not many know. Hudson will never talk about it. I know that, because I’ve tried. I know his parents have tried, and others, but it’s like trying to get through a wall of solid cement.’

‘The hurt must have gone very deep,’ Serenity said sadly.

‘Yes, it did, but don’t let your sympathy overcome your caution, as far as Hudson’s concerned. I'll give you a hand with these dishes, and then I’ll get home. I’ve got to preach in the morning.’

‘You do? Where?’

‘Down at the schoolhouse. They have a service there once a month. Get Hudson to bring you, ten o’clock. Everyone turns up; you’ll meet the whole district there.’

Serenity started to clear the table. ‘Does Hudson always go?’

‘Yes, of course. Even he can sit for one hour a month, and he’s very community minded. There’ll be the Vicar from Ahaura, to see I don’t step out of line.’ His eyes were smiling and very blue.

'I'll come,’ Serenity promised. ‘Does Miss Buchanan turn out?’

Cam hung up the teatowel. ‘No. She hasn’t honoured us with her presence yet, but when she and Hudson are married, I’m sure she’ll do the correct thing. She probably won’t rise till midday, tomorrow.’

‘You’re sure they’ll marry?’

‘Pretty sure, and they are well suited.’

Serenity walked to the Utility with him. 'I don’t agree; she is hard. I’d say ruthless.’

‘My opinion exactly,’ Cam said. ‘They’ll be very suitable partners.’

Serenity opened her mouth to protest, then closed it again. She waved Cam away, then went to sit on the patio under the stars. Cam was wrong, there was a different sort of hardness in Madeline. She was diamond hard, and diamonds could mutilate glass and drill through steel. . . She knew Hudson was different.

She also knew Cam’s advice was good, that she should go upstairs and pack her bags. She was going to be hurt otherwise. How had Hudson described the river in flood? ‘A raging torrent, carrying everything before it.’ Well, that’s how she felt. She was in the grip of something much more powerful than herself, and if it was sweeping her to destruction, it was too late to get away.

Sleep
eluded Serenity entirely, but she lay on her bed resting, looking out her window at the myriads of stars, enthralled with their beauty, and the silver-and-white glory of the Alps. She had this whole vast valley to herself and she revelled in it. She was picking up small pieces of knowledge that she would keep when she left. The highest peak was Mount Elizabeth, and somewhere beyond that was the beautiful Lake Morgan where the deerstalkers went to shoot deer. She knew the name of Brian O’Lynn, the mountain which towered above the house.

She went over in her mind the story of Emma, the girl who had loved Hudson, who had this house built for her, who had been loved by Hudson, and who died before she could enjoy any of it. She could empathise with her. To be full of health and life and beauty, and to know she was going to lose it all, would have been hard enough, but to have Hudson watch the deterioration would have been terrible.

Who could blame her for wanting to shut herself away? Yet how could she have hurt Hudson so much? Surely there must have been another way. She didn’t need to destroy his love completely. If only she had not introduced the other man. But then she must have been desperate, to be losing her strength, and scared to be losing her resolve to do what she had to do alone. Serenity’s heart ached for her.

Emma had loved Hudson with all her heart, yet she had felt it necessary to send him away. It had been her way of showing love. And Hudson would not be a man to be put off easily. He would have persisted, persevered. Cam had said he had worn out a set of tyres . . . how many trips over the mountains did it take to do that? How many miles? How many hours? And each visit must have been agony for her, turning him away, when she must have longed for the comfort and strength of his love to support her.

But Emma had held to her purpose and Serenity could only admire her for having the courage of her convictions, yet she had been so wrong. In trying to spare Hudson from the pain of watching her die, she had served him a worse hurt. She had crushed his spirit, and made him wary of ever trusting or loving a woman again. The price had been too high.

Serenity felt the tears pouring down her cheeks, and rolled over to bury her head in her pillow. Emma had missed her chance, and she had also effectively wiped out any hope Serenity had of reaching Hudson. She loved him, but she could never tell him so. Cam was right. Hudson would marry Madeline, and somehow at this moment Serenity did not envy her. Madeline would never know that she had only half a man, that he would keep the best part of himself separate from her, that his heart was like a sealed unit, denying entrance to love.

She must have fallen asleep in the early hours, only to be woken by loud voices from the patio below.

‘I’m only warning you for your own good, Hudson.’

‘I don't need your guidance in this matter, Madeline. You have already bored me to tears with the subject. I don’t tell you how to handle your court briefs. I resent your trying to interfere in the running of the Bar 2. I’ll hire whom I like, when I like, and now let’s drop the whole discussion. I'm tired.’

‘You don’t know
one
thing about this girl, Hudson. I didn’t like her . . .’

‘She wasn’t all that enamoured with you either, but she didn’t tell me to get rid of you,’ Hudson said harshly. ‘You don’t own me, Madeline, and even if we marry, you still won’t. Don’t push me too far, I’m not in the mood. Let’s go to bed.’

‘If you think I'm sleeping with you with her in the house, you’ve got another think coming. What do you mean by putting her in my room? What’s wrong with the downstairs room? That’s where Mrs Batts slept.’

‘And I have explained this
ad nauseam.
Batty may just come back, and I wanted her room free. Drop it, will you?’

‘Huh! I can read you like a book, Hudson. You wanted her nice and handy . . . upstairs, close to you, when you pulled your big seduction scene. Or have you done that already? You didn’t expect me this weekend.’

‘Serenity is a decent girl, and you watch your mouth. She is engaged and will be married in six weeks. She’s quite safe under my roof. I’ve never been so short of my basic needs that I had to poach on another man’s territory. And I’m still a free agent, as you are. I don’t ask what you’re up to in Christchurch, but I’ve heard a few rumours. If we decide to marry I will be faithful to you, and will expect fidelity in return . . .’