Unicorn Bait (7 page)

A quiet knock sounded at the door. She craned her head around to look and contemplated whether to call the person in. Whoever it was knocked again. She felt Tavik tense. His arm tightened around her, and his head turned toward her.

“Good morning,” he said. His voice had a trace of confusion.

“Hi, do you mind letting me go so I can see who’s at the door?” He removed his arm and leg. If she could have seen his face, she thought she might find a blush on it. The thought that he could find their situation a little awkward made her smile. She crossed the room and opened the door to let Yula inside.

“Lord Tavik, I am very glad to see you,” Yula said. He nodded. He’d sat up on the side of the bed. Naomi wondered about breakfast. Yula didn’t carry a tray.

“Milady, if you’ll follow me, I will show you to your suite.” Naomi cocked an eyebrow at Tavik. She had a suite?

He nodded and waved her out. “Enjoy your morning.”

She couldn’t stop the smile that stretched across her face. He was keeping his promise. “You should get more sleep.”

He shook his head. “I’m awake now, and the work won’t fade away. Go with Yula. I’ll see you later.”

She nodded and fumbled a curtsy in her nightgown. She thought she heard a derisive snort come from behind the mask but didn’t pay it any attention. She had a suite to get to.

Yula led her down a series of twisting hallways. She didn’t think she could retrace her steps even with bread crumbs. They arrived at the end of one and stopped. Yula swept the door open. She ventured into it in wonderment. Light streamed in from many windows, flowers were everywhere making the room smell wonderful, and off to the side, steaming the air around it, sat something that made her weak in the knees. It was a bathtub full of soapy water. She turned to Yula, and she knew an ear-to-ear smile split her face.

“Would my lady like to bathe?” Yula asked with a teasing smile.

“More than like. I’d marry that tub and have its children.” She began stripping off her clothes. She normally would’ve felt some inhibition around anyone while getting naked, but she felt so grimy and gross, and Yula had dressed her before, and she was another woman, and Naomi just did not care. She was taking a bath!

She hummed while soaking in the bath. She had her head laid back, and her arms draped over the sides. She knew she was well past pruney but couldn’t bring herself to leave the warm, scented water. Yula coughed politely from behind her, and she tilted her head back to look at her. She had an armful of towels ready for her.

“Can’t I stay in here all week?”

“If my ladyship wishes to, she may, though I imagine Lord Tavik would be disappointed that you didn't venture further than the bath your first day in his castle.” She grinned at the idea. It would perturb him. She could imagine meeting him this way now: Bubbles spilling out of the tub, her hair loosely pinned up, perfumed soap scenting the air, flowers everywhere and pretty candles, oh and kittens tumbling over each other, while little song birds twittered from gilded cages, and he’d stand across from her in that devil mask, decked out in armor and weapons, caked with mud, or maybe drying blood. He would tell her he was going out to slaughter, maim, and pillage all in his path, and she would raise a bubble clad arm and wave goodbye and tell him to have fun killing lots of people and bring her back any chocolate that he might find.

Her brow scrunched when she mentally stepped back from her daydream. While the frilliness was fun and laughable, Tavik’s side of the image was all too real. He would go back out and do what he said in her fantasy. Why he felt the need to commit senseless violence she didn’t know, but she couldn’t just wave goodbye flippantly, though what she could do eluded her. It wasn’t like she could stop him, and her main objective had to be to get home. She needed to find a unicorn or find some other way. She shook her head and raised herself up. She certainly wasn’t going to accomplish anything while lounging in the tub.

Yula helped her out and began drying her. She was getting used to being tended to. “Will you want to meet with the housekeeper, milady?” 

“Does she have stuff she wants to tell me?”

“No, miss, but don’t you have things you wish to tell her?”

She recalled Tavik saying she could order around the household help if she liked. She had not liked.

“No, but I guess I should invite her over for like tea of something so we can meet.”

"Of course, milady. I’ll arrange it."

Once she was dressed and had breakfast, Yula slipped out to meet with the housekeeper. Naomi nibbled on the remains of her breakfast worrying over how she could possibly make headway in her unicorn hunt. It had to be her prime concern. She needed information. She wondered if Tavik had anything resembling a library in the castle. He didn't seem the book type, but she had to get information somehow. A spot of movement on the floor made her start. A small light brown mouse had darted out from under the bed. Her first reaction was to figure out how to kill it, but the only ways she knew were bought in supermarkets.

She kept an eye on the mouse figuring she liked better knowing where it was than not. She looked at the cup she had drunk out of and wondered if she could catch it under it. The mouse was near a wardrobe. She knew if she lunged for it now, it would run under there, and she would lose it. She had a few pieces of bread left. She flicked a couple of pieces to the floor in the direction of the mouse. She saw his nose twitch. She kept very still and waited. The mouse didn't move. She turned her head away but tracked him out of the corner of her eye. The mouse remained still for a few moments longer then very slowly crept to the first crumb and gobbled it down. She kept her head turned and slowly turned the cup around in her hand. The mouse ventured a little further away from the bed to reach the next crumb. She still kept still. When he was done with the second crumb, she flicked a couple more onto the floor, but she didn't flick these as far this time. The mouse growing extremely bold, ran to the next couple of crumbs, and greedily gobbled them up. He was now less than a yard away from her feet. She finally made her move. She jumped from her chair and slammed the wooden cup down over the mouse. Unfortunately, his tail got caught outside the cup, and he let out a pain filled squeak. Then he began to swear.

“Motherfucker! Goddamn bitch, are you trying to kill me! Chop it off why don’t you! Wait, you're gonna blind me first, aren't you, you goddamn bitch!”

Chapter 6

Unicorns speak from the heart, not from the throat.

Naomi looked around the room then down at the cup. Then back around the room. Then again at the cup.

No. Way.

“Hello?”

“Hello! Is this how you greet all new acquaintances? Trap them, maim them, and then chit chat!”

She looked around the room again to see if there was any explanation other than the ridiculous one before her. She was definitely alone in the room, and the cup was still swearing at her.

“Let me out of here, bitch! I didn’t do anything to you! Let me go or I’ll, I’ll…”

“You’ll what! You’re a freaking mouse!” Did she really just say that?

“I’m a talking mouse! If I can talk, just think what else I can do!” Naomi’s sense of humor finally kicked in because really the mouse could talk, but he talked in a mouse voice. It was high pitched, and he made little sucking and whistling noises through his teeth. Threatening wasn’t a tone he was capable of.

She decided at that moment that this was one messed up world. It had two ugly moons, unicorns, killer kangaroos, and talking mice. What could be next--floating trees?

“I’m kind of new to this world. Do all vermin talk?”

“Vermin! I’m not vermin! I’m a respectable mouse!”

Laughter bubbled in her throat, but she swallowed it back. “OK, so how come you talk?”

The cup didn't respond. “Are you going to answer me, or have I stopped hallucinating?”

She heard some mumbling from under the cup. “I can’t hear you,” she singsonged. She was losing it. This place had made her bonkers.

“I was a wizard, but I added powdered aardvark instead of ashes of phoenix to a brew I was making. It exploded, and I woke up like this.”

“Do you work for Tavik?”

“That scum lord? Pshaw! I’m only in this castle because it’s the best place to get scraps. Why if I were in my true form, I would turn that bastard into a duck and then have duck soup for dinner!” Naomi’s lips twitched at the mouse’s bravado, but a light bulb went off over her head.

“If you’re a wizard, you know stuff right?”

“If I’m a wizard? I'll have you know, Miss Sadist, that I am one of the most knowledgeable wizards in the land! I know more stuff than you could even comprehend, and you are still killing my tail!”

She tilted the cup a smidgen and watched the little hairless appendage zip underneath. “What do you know about unicorns?”

“Tons! I know what they eat, drink, where they sleep, how they mate, where they run! I am the ultimate expert on unicorns.”

“Because you are the ultimate expert on everything?”

“Damn right, missy.”

“All right, if you tell me everything you know about unicorns, I’ll make you fat with all the cheese you can eat.”

“Can I get wine too?”

She quirked an eyebrow at the addition. “Yes, wine too.”

“Will you let me out from under this cup?”

“Do you promise to not run away and never come back?”

“Do you promise not to kill me, cut off my tail, break any of my bones, snip my whiskers, clip my ears, or make me spurt blood in any way?”

Jeez, he was one paranoid little mouse. She thought he was cute. “I promise not to hurt you in anyway if you tell me about unicorns and not just promise to. For every bit of cheese and sip of wine I give, you have to tell me something about unicorns.”

“Fair enough. Will you lift this damn cup already?”

She lifted the cup, and the mouse looked up at her with twitching whiskers. She stared back, waiting for it to say something. Instead, the mouse turned tail and dashed underneath the bed. She lunged to catch it, but she was too slow for the surprisingly fast mouse.

“Hey, we made a deal!”

From under the bed, came the reply, “Yes, we did. Stock up on wine and cheese. I know a hell of a lot about unicorns.”

“Like what!” she shouted, but the little voice didn’t answer. She looked underneath the bed, and she could see a small jagged hole.

“Milady, have you lost something?” Yula asked.

She sighed and got up off the floor. “Yeah, my marbles,” she grumbled. Had she really made a deal with a talking mouse? When she turned around, she saw Yula’s usually placid face was set in an angry scowl.

The cook stepped aside to reveal another woman behind her. “Mrs. Boon is here.”

The other woman was round in face and body, but her face did not look like it was naturally inclined to smile. Currently, her face was very rigid and stern. She had her hands clasped in front of her, and they rested on the top of her belly. She had a kerchief covering her hair and a long white apron over her dress. Naomi extended her hand in greeting. The housekeeper looked down upon her outstretched hand and raised an imperious eyebrow. After a second, Naomi realized that the woman was not going to shake her hand. She wasn’t sure if she was being snubbed or if people didn’t shake hands here. She hoped it was the latter because otherwise she was somehow on bad terms with the housekeeper, and she had no idea why.

“I hope I’m not taking you away from anything important,” she said.

The woman sniffed. “Of course not, nothing I do is too important for your ladyship.”

“Um, okay…Well, it looks like you do a marvelous job. I was hoping, maybe you could spare someone to show me around,” Naomi offered, suddenly not wanting to spend the day with this woman.

“No, no, I will show you the castle,” the housekeeper said. She turned her back and began walking away. Naomi glanced at Yula and saw her shooting daggers into the housekeeper’s back. Naomi quick stepped to catch up with the retreating housekeeper and wondered how she had gotten into this mess.

*          *          *

Naomi sank into the plush chair inside her room with a relieved sigh. She had seen more of the castle than she probably ever wanted. If she never saw another storeroom, she'd feel blessed. Unfortunately there was no library in the whole damn place. So the rodent was still her only hope. Yula slumped into another chair. “Why does Mrs. Boon hate me?” Naomi finally asked.

“I believe that’s my fault. Mrs. Boon and I have long been at odds. She can’t accept the fact that Tavik holds me in the same regard as her. I am like his housekeeper when he is away, and since he is away more than here, I interact with him more. Things I do for him on the road are brought back to the castle, and Boon is told to change how she does things and do them like I do. She hates that."

“So you’re rival housekeepers.”

“I would go so far as to say warring.” Naomi smiled at the image of warring housekeepers: Yula and Mrs. Boon facing off with sharpened scrub brushes, steel plated aprons, and bucket helmets. If anything, it would be a very clean fight. Naomi mentally groaned at her own pun.

Feeling a little bad for the lie, she said, “I could use a snack. Would you get me some wine and cheese?” Yula nodded and levered herself up. Once she’d left the room, Naomi got down on the floor by the bed.

“Hello, Mr. Mouse. Your cheese and wine are on their way. You may want to come out, come out wherever you are.” Naomi felt like an idiot, but she was an idiot stuck on another planet, and she would take whatever help she could get it.

“What are you doing?”

She jumped and whirled around. She really needed to start locking her door. Tavik stood behind her. He had on leather pants, a chain mail shirt, and long boots. She thought he looked like a runaway from an S&M movie. “Uh, hi.”

He leaned his hip against a table and crossed his arms. She hoped he hadn’t heard her calling the mouse. She really didn't want to try explaining that, and she hoped the mouse would be smart enough to keep his trap shut if he appeared now.

“I thought we would lunch together.”

She nervously smiled and nodded her head. “That sounds nice. Later this week?”

Yula entered with the wine and cheese. Tavik took the tray from her.

“Naomi and I will have lunch here. Go get us something more substantial from the kitchen.”

Yula nodded and left without a word. Naomi took a seat at the table as he poured some wine. She watched the bed for any signs of the mouse. When he set the glass in front of her, she realized he was not going to be drinking any. She took a small sip of the wine, not having planned on drinking any of it herself.

“How do you eat without removing the helm?”

“I don’t.” Naomi frowned not knowing how they were going to have lunch then. Was he just going to watch her eat?

Yula returned with more food. Yula did set a plate and glass for Tavik. She excused herself, and it was just the two of them again. Tavik went to the door and locked it. When he turned back, he had a long piece of cloth dangling from his hand. She suddenly knew how they were going to have lunch together.

“Why even bother eating with me if it’s going to be such a hassle?”

“Maybe I like the company.”

“I think you just like tying women up.”

He lowered the blindfold over her eyes. She stayed still and let him tie it snugly. He then drew her arms behind the chair and tied her wrists. She'd had bad lunch dates, but none of them compared to this.

She heard him move and take a seat. She assumed he removed his mask. She listened to his silverware scrape and his chewing sounds. She hoped the mouse didn't stick his nose out while she was tied up. For one, she would not be able to stop Tavik if he decided to kill the rodent, and two, it was just embarrassing, and she somehow knew the mouse would tease her about it.

“Have you had a chance to look around the castle?”

She frowned at the question. The question was perfectly fine, but being asked to participate in conversation while restrained and blindfolded somehow seemed rude. “Yes, Mrs. Boon showed me around this morning. Your castle is lovely and has an incredible amount of storage space.”

He chuckled. “Oh? That is important to some I suppose. I spoke to Geoff, the stable master. He expects you tomorrow morning to begin your lessons.”

“Thanks.” She listened to silverware scrape some more. Hearing all these eating sounds was making her hungry. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair. She hoped Tavik was not a slow eater.

When something touched her lips, she snapped her head so far to the side that her neck popped. “Jumpy,” Tavik said.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“It’s just a piece of cheese. I thought you were hungry.”

“Yeah, but--" She wasn't able to finish her protest with a piece of cheese suddenly in her mouth. Congratulations Naomi, you've just been force fed, she told herself as she sullenly chewed.

“A feast is being prepared in honor of my return. You will attend.”

She nodded, knowing a command when she heard one. She felt something cool and round touch her lips.

“It’s a grape,” he said.

Deciding to humor the man, she opened her mouth and took the grape. “Yula will help you dress, and you will wear what is put out for you, understand?”

She dutifully nodded. “A piece of beef,” he said, holding a fork with meat to her mouth. She let him feed her the bite. She firmly squelched down the question of whether or not he was using her fork or his the same way she had squelched the wonder if he had washed his hands.

“I could feed myself,” she grumbled.

“I like this better.”

She sat back without a counter. He placed another grape against her lips. She ate the piece of fruit and quietly fumed. She was being fed like a baby. No, this was worse than a baby. A baby got to see the spoon coming.

"Is there anything you’d like to discuss?"

She wasn’t sure what he was getting at. She’d like to ‘discuss’ his trust issues. She’d like to ‘discuss’ his fascination with bondage. She’d like to ‘discuss’ a lot of things.

“What’s your problem with Agatha?” Naomi winced. She wished she’d held onto the question until she could see because she would’ve liked to have known if he reacted. The only reaction she got was another piece of cheese being brushed against her lips.

“Agatha and I have long been at odds.”

“How are you at odds?” Tavik slipped her another piece of beef.

“She doesn’t approve of my chosen god.”

“What now?”

“The god I worship. Agatha detests him.”

“What god do you worship?”

“Don’t you know?”

They were at that again. She sighed and shook her head. “I’m not in cahoots with Agatha. I don’t know anything about her except that she finagled me into marrying you.”

“Which is a curious thing.”

“Why?”

“My god forbids me from carnally knowing a woman.”

“You’re a monk?”

Tavik laughed quietly. “I’ve never considered it, but I guess I am.” She let that sink in. “I never wanted a wife.”

“But you got me.”

“That’s right. I got you: The perfect wife. One who does not want to have my child or ever share my bed.”