Unhurt (16 page)

“You guys don’t have to do that, Bobby. You have shit going on at the bar, it’s a Saturday night for crying out loud! Not to mention, Miranda probably wasn’t planning on her date turning into a sleepover.”

She shrugged. “I kinda was.”

I snorted at her candidness. It was a pleasant change of pace to be around people who just came right out with their intentions. “Never mind then.”

Aunt Deb had been quietly sitting in her recliner, staring blankly at the front door. “I just don’t understand why this is happening. Why is he so hell-bent on getting a child he didn’t even know he had? Why can’t anyone tell the difference anymore between a man who wants his son and a man who wants to be a father? A father would never put his child through this. A
father
would never threaten his child’s mother. This is just so wrong. And so sad. The whole thing, it just makes my heart ache.”

I didn’t know what to say. Aunt Deb was always glass half full. She was the one I counted on to show me the brighter side of life. I needed her carefree spirit to lift my hardened soul. I was utterly inept when it came to filling her shoes and returning the favor. So I just sat there looking at her, both of us smiling at the other with tears in our eyes, unwilling to accept defeat.

Derek’s hand landed on my knee, gently squeezing. “You need to get some sleep. You look wrecked.”

“Gee, thanks. That’s just the sort of sweet talk every girl hopes to hear on her wedding night.”

His lips twitched playfully, but he didn’t respond other than to stand up and pull me to my feet. Then, without saying a word, he continued out of the room and into the hall, leading me by the hand straight to our bedroom.

It was strange being led through my own house. At the same time, it was a relief. I liked that I didn’t feel like I had to be the strong one. I didn’t have to take care of everything. The responsibility didn’t lay squarely across my shoulders because now, for some miraculous reason, I had Derek. Not only was he willing to take on my troubles, but I was willing to let him because I had faith in him. Faith that he would be able to stand up to the task. I could depend on Derek. Outside of my family, I hadn’t ever felt that way about anyone. No one else had ever given me any reason to.

Once inside the bedroom, he took me over to the bed where I had a seat. He gestured for me to lift my arms and carefully tugged my sweater over my head.

Next he took both of my hands and brought me back to my feet. The touch of his callused fingers tickled my skin as he moved along my arms up to my shoulders across to my back where he reached around and undid the zipper slowly down until my dress fell to the floor.

The entire time, I just stood there watching him. My eyes devouring every detail of his face, the small changes in his expression as he undressed me. The gentle way his gaze traveled over me, like I was fragile. And beautiful.

I’d never been seductive. Not in person. Not even in my wildest fantasies. It just wasn’t in me. The hottest thing I was ever gonna do to get some action was get naked.  That’s where my sexy began and ended. Until Derek. Being seen by him was giving me a view of myself I’d never had access to before. I’d simply assumed it didn’t exist. I’d been wrong.

***

T
here she was, emeralds blazing, setting my entire being on fire with a need for her I couldn’t even begin to explain. It was so intense and damn near uncontrollable, it fucking scared the hell out of me. How would there ever be a day I wouldn’t want this woman? And what would I do when the day came that I couldn’t have her anymore?

So much between us was being left unsaid because it was too complicated and shit was already too messy as it was. Joss was scared. I knew that. Not just of Travis. She was scared of me. Afraid of the ways I could impact her life. Joss, wild and eccentric as she was, was still a raging control freak. Loss did that to you, I knew that better than anyone. But this, whatever was happening between us, before long, neither one of us was going to be able to control it.

“Say something,” she whispered.

“You’re perfection.” I could see in her eyes that she dismissed the words instantly. “Not perfect. Perfection. The way your full lips taste on mine. The dimple on your left cheek that only shows up when you’re trying not to laugh. And those eyes. God Joss, do they see right through me? Because it sure as hell feels that way.”

The soft curve in her bottom lip told me I was right. I reached up to trace it with my thumb, then leaned in and let my mouth do the same.

It was only a matter of seconds before there’d be no turning back.

“I better leave.” The words came out, but my body didn’t respond. Neither did hers.

“Why?” Even as she asked, her body was weaving itself around mine.

“Because. I can’t protect you and Wyatt like this.” My mouth continued to trace various parts of her body, my hands doing more of the same. It was like a fucking out of body experience. My head was clearly telling me to stop and stay alert, but I could also feel every breath of hers against my skin, every tantalizing touch where her body met with mine to the point I felt like I might explode if I didn’t have her right then and there.

“I have the baby monitor hooked up.” She sounded out of breath. Much like I felt. “We’ll be able to hear if he so much as rolls over in his sleep. Besides, Bobby is right outside of his room as well.”

Finally I managed to hold still long enough to catch her gaze.

“What about you?”

She stared back with an unwavering certainty.

“I could never be safer than I am at this very moment.”

And I’d never been in more danger... than I was at that very moment.

T
he weeks
that followed seemed to pass in slow motion. At least while I wanted them to move faster. Then, when we were mere days away from the first official court date of our case and I began to desperately desire to freeze time, time accelerated and suddenly the week went by at the speed of light.

While Travis hadn’t shown up at the house since his little trespassing adventure at the wedding, he’d made his presence known in other ways. Leaving notes around for me to find. Not just at the house either. Several were left on my windshield whenever I was out running errands and left the car parked outside somewhere. They never said anything incriminating or even outright creepy. The creep factor came solely from knowing he was following me. Watching. Always lurking even when he seemed out of sight. Which was of course the point: to remind me how easy it was for him to get to me.

Derek had reached the point he barely let me leave the house alone anymore. He’d had to pass on several jobs already just to be my babysitter, a gig he wasn’t getting paid shit for unless you counted the hot meals Aunt Deb provided on a daily basis, and I didn’t.

Having Derek escort me everywhere hadn’t stopped Travis from tagging along. Only difference was, now I always knew where he was. Derek’s crazy SEAL senses could spot him even from a mile away. But Travis didn’t know we were watching him just as much as he was watching us these days. Even I had to admit, there was something satisfying about having the tables turned for a change, although I still would have preferred not seeing him at all.

After having turned up the heat to scorching between us that night after our wedding, Derek and I had both decided it would be best to simply let things simmer for a while. At least, I was assuming that’s what he had decided. We hadn’t actually discussed it, but there had been a definite shift in our relationship. Since I couldn’t be sure which one of us had initiated it, I’d decided the decision had been mutual because clearly, that was the most responsible thing to decide given the situation. This was no time for a ridiculous romance. Real life shit was on the line. There was no room for thoughts that made me want to believe my reality had suddenly morphed with some chick flick, even if it was currently cast with a man even Brad Pitt couldn’t compare to.

As part of this new, sensible way of approaching our relationship, Derek had started sleeping out in the living room where he felt he could better keep track of the entire house versus being isolated in the far back bedroom where I was now back to sleeping alone. It sucked by the way. Sleeping alone blew big fat chunks and I seriously wondered how I’d gotten any rest at all over the years. I certainly wasn’t getting any now.

It was three a.m. and I’d been tossing and turning for hours. Frustrated and anxious I threw back the covers and jumped out of bed. I knew for damn sure there was at least one thing that could calm my nerves.

I nearly tripped over Hattie when I opened the door to the dark hallway. She’d been sleeping right outside of my room in between my door and Wyatt’s. Probably on Derek’s orders. I apologized in a hushed voice and leaned down to give her a quick pat on the head before I continued on to the living room.

For a moment I thought Derek was awake as well. I could heard him talking even before I reached him. As soon as he came into view though, I realized he was dreaming. Having a nightmare was probably a more accurate description. His face was completely distorted, pain seared into each one of his beautiful features in a way I’d never seen on him before. Sure, there’d been times I caught him, off in thought and looking forlorn, lost, like he was grieving someone or something. I knew the look. I’d seen it on my own face every morning in the bathroom mirror for two years after Cara died. It wasn’t just losing my best friend. It was so much more. She’d been there for every second of my past, and together we had planned out every detail of our future. Without her, suddenly it had seemed like neither existed anymore. Which sort of felt like maybe
I
didn’t exist anymore.

Then, there’d been Wyatt. He’d needed me. A new me. So, the old me, the me I knew, had died with Cara, and a new version – a harder and more capable one – had taken my place. Except now I felt like maybe that chick had seen Derek and taken off running, too. Cowards. All of them. But it begged the question, which part of me was still here? And how did she feel so self-assured and strong when so much had already been stripped away?

“Derek.” I whispered, lightly stroking his hair. It was damp with sweat. My hand had barely settled on him when his arm flew up and I felt the pinch of his tight grip on my wrist.

His eyes flew open and a man I’d never seen before stared back at me. Then, as quickly as he’d appeared, he was gone again and Derek’s face filled with horror as he realized what he’d done.

“Shit. Are you okay?” He pulled himself upright and carefully held up my hand to examine my wrist. It was red.

“I’m fine. Really. I shouldn’t have startled you like that, I’m sorry.” I tried to wriggle free from his hold. The longer he stared at the marks he’d left behind, the worse he’d feel and that was the last thing I wanted.

“Don’t apologize to me. Are you nuts? I should never have grabbed you like that. Startled or not. What if it had been Wyatt? Fuck.” He buried his face in the palm of my hand. He didn’t say anything else, but started trailing soft kisses around my wrist. Even in the dim light I could see a gut-wrenching hurt festering on the contours of his face as he continued to battle his emotions.

I knelt down on the floor in front of him so I could look up at his downcast eyes.

“Listen to me. I am fine. Wyatt is fine. You would never hurt us. Not even when startled out of a deep sleep.”

He shook his head. “You don’t know that, Joss. These dreams. The shit I see when my eyes are closed...when I’m there, I do things I would never do here.” The light from the TV streaked his eyes. They were glassy and red and I wasn’t sure if it was from being exhausted or fighting back actual tears. Somehow I couldn’t picture Derek crying. In the short time I’d known him, he certainly hadn’t struggled with expressing a variety of feelings, and yet I always got the distinct sense that he was very particular about what he showed me, always in total control of himself and his emotions.

Now, all of that strength and composure seemed to be breaking away, crumbling right before me, revealing things he’d never shared with me. It seemed selfish suddenly, how much I had relied on him. How much of my crap I had placed on him to carry without ever offering to do the same for him. Maybe I was maxed out on my own shit, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t take on someone else’s.

I reached up to cradle the side of his face in my free hand. “Hey.” The weight of his head rested against my palm and all I could think was how badly I wanted to offer him the same comfort and safety he had given me in the last month. “Whatever happened, whatever you did, you are good man, Derek.”

He pressed his lips together, closing his eyes. “Not nearly good enough.”

“How can you say that? After everything you’ve done for me and my family?”

His gaze dropped back down to meet mine and I saw it. Fear. The man I knew to be my rock. My soldier. The person who stood up to every monster of my past without hesitation, had a beast of his own he was terrified of.

Slowly I got to my feet. Never letting go of his face, I drew him to my stomach and softly wrapped my arms around him. The strength of his own grasp tightened around me and I realized I never wanted him to let me go. Maybe it was more selfishness. Or maybe because I was strong enough to face his demons when so many weren’t. Then again, maybe I just knew neither of us could ever go back to being alone after having felt the safety of being together.

Derek and I never made it much farther than the edge of the couch. We wound up sleeping on the floor beside it, my entire body wrapped around him, cocooning him in the only shield I had to offer. Myself.

Come morning, the pain of his haunted night had been magically erased from his face again. However, now that I had seen it, a glimmer of the truth remained there in his eyes.

“Everybody up?” Aunt Deb called as she let herself in.

“Yeah, we’re up,” I shouted back from the living room. Wyatt had strolled in twenty minutes earlier and was happily sitting in the recliner with Hattie beside him, petting her head while he watched cartoons.