Unguarded Moment (24 page)

And she needs me, Alix thought, letting the pain strike at her. What for? To make the arrangements, send out the invitations, book the honeymoon, act as bridesmaid? I can't… oh God, I can't!

But of course Bianca didn't know what had happened between Liam and herself. She would assume that her warning had been sufficient, and that Alix would have been careful to keep him at arm's length ever since.

As I should have done, Alix thought bitterly. When we reached London, I should have run away, and kept running. I should have made sure that I never saw him again.

Well, at least she could make sure they never met again in the future, for both their sakes. Liam would have been as shaken by Bianca's appeal as she had been. If there was no response, then her mother would try and trace her through the Coulters, so she would have to leave Gemma and David as soon as possible. Anywhere would do as a refuge for the time being—a hostel, even a hotel room. She supposed she would be found eventually, but by that time Liam and Bianca would be married, and she would be sufficiently inured to the idea to be able to meet him without—oh God— without giving away completely her own love, her own longing. Surely there would come a time when she would be able to meet his eyes without the torment of knowing how much she desired him. A time when she would know she had finally broken free from this physical enslavement he had inflicted on her.

The cosy room suddenly seemed very cold. There was no way she could divert herself with books or television, she thought, wrapping her arms round her body. She would go upstairs and start her packing, and leave first thing in the morning.

Bianca wouldn't start looking for her tonight. She would be besieged by the press by now, which gave Alix some grace at least.

She was in the hall with her foot on the bottom stair when the doorbell rang. She paused, looking irresolutely over her shoulder. She could guess who it would be. Mrs Reynolds, Gemma's neighbour, was a kindly woman, but an inveterate gossip. She had found out that Alix had been Bianca's secretary, and been fascinated by the information. If it hadn't been for Gemma's firm intervention, she would undoubtedly have put Alix through a searching inquisition about her glamorous employer.

And television was Mrs Reynolds' passion. Unless by some miracle she had been watching the other channel, she had put two and two together and' had come next door with the speed of light to check that her total was correct.

I can't simply ignore her, Alix thought helplessly. She knows Gemma and David have gone out because it's their anniversary, and she's seen the light on in the sitting room.

The bell rang again, a long imperative peal. Sighing, Alix went to the door and opened it. All she could do, she thought, as she lifted the latch, was claim total ignorance.

'Yes?' she began less than encouragingly as she faced her caller, then fell back a step, her face blanching. She grabbed at the door, trying to slam it, but Liam was too quick for her, and she was no match for his strength.

'Don't make a scene, Alix,' he advised coolly, as he shouldered his way into the hall. 'We're being observed. I saw curtains moving.'

'How—how did you find me?' Her mind was reeling. He was still at the television studios with Bianca. He had to be. She had counted on it.

'Not easily. I practically had to shake the information out of your little bitch of a cousin. I hope to God that unfortunate guy she's going to marry learns to handle her before it's too late, or his life will be a misery. Didn't she ever get slapped as a child?'

'I don't think either of us did.' This was madness, she thought dazedly, standing here discussing her upbringing and Debbie's with Liam. 'Did it ever occur to you that I didn't want to be found?'

'Yes, it did, but I wasn't going to let that stop me.' His eyes ran over her assessingly. 'You look like a ghost, secretary, bird, and you've lost weight. Haven't these friends of yours been looking after you?'

'They've been wonderful,' she returned hotly.

'But not wonderful enough, clearly,' he said. 'I should have got back sooner, but it was impossible. The last week's been hell, as you can probably guess. But at least everything's sorted now.' He looked around him. 'Are you alone? Is there somewhere where we can talk?'

'Gemma and her husband are out, but they'll be back at any moment,' she lied. 'And we have nothing to talk about.'

'Oh, yes we have, Alix,' he said very quietly, and suddenly his eyes were on her mouth, and that cool, steady gaze was in some strange way as potent as a kiss, and she felt herself tremble.

'Then let me put it another way,' she said raggedly. 'There's nothing that I want to talk about—that I'm prepared to discuss with you. Will you please go, and leave me alone.'

She saw the firm lips tighten, and the dark brows draw together in a swift frown. There was a pause, then he said, 'Very well—but I presume your embargo doesn't also apply to Bianca. Surely you realise we have to talk about her?'

She had once heard someone say that hands were a dead giveaway of tension, and she knew hers were shaking, so she hid them behind her back.

She said, 'Are you afraid that I'll tell her what happened? I—I wouldn't, Liam. I don't want to spoil anything—for either of you. That's the truth, so you don't have to worry about anything any more.'

'I might appreciate your assurances more if I knew what the hell you were talking about,' he said. 'One of the things I came here to say is that Bianca's back in the country, and she wants to see you.'

'I know she does.' Alix looked down at the pattern on the hall carpet. 'She—she said so on television just now.'

'Did she?' Liam began to smile. 'Then she kept her word. She promised that one of the first things she would do when she got back was acknowledge you as her child, and face whatever music resulted, but I admit I doubted her. She must want this marriage very badly.'

Her teeth sank into her lip. She said, 'You—you make it sound as if announcing that she had a grown-up daughter was—a—a condition.'

'And so it was,' he said sardonically. 'No man wants a wife who inhabits a fantasy world to the extent Bianca's been used to. Marriage needs a realistic approach if it's going to work.'

'And you think that this time it will work.' She felt as if every word was forced from her, but she had to go and play her part in this agony of a conversation. She must have more of Bianca in her than she had ever guessed.

'I think it has the best chance ever.' Liam looked at her, forcing her to meet his gaze. 'She's made the first move, Alix—belatedly, I agree—but can you meet her halfway? She can hardly plan our wedding without you being there,' he added, his mouth twisting slightly.

She could bear no more. 'Damn you,' she whispered fiercely. 'No, I won't meet her—plan your wedding. Do you think I have no feelings? Bianca's always treated me as if I was a cipher, but I won't take if from you, Liam. Perhaps in time I'll be able to forget—that night, but not yet. I've tried, and I'll go on trying, but I'm only human. And you taught me, Liam, you taught me to be a woman instead of just—just a secretary bird. Now go. Tell Bianca anything you like, but just go.'

She headed blindly for the stairs, but he caught her, turning her to face him.

'I've never thought of you as a cipher, Alix,' he said thickly. 'And I'm aware, more than aware, that you have feelings, even if they've not always been in line with my own. As for forgetting that I'm your lover, I want you to remember it every living, breathing moment that we have left to us. Oh, God—Alix!' He bent and kissed her mouth with a searching, demanding passion that had her yielding weakly in his arms.

When she could speak, she said, 'No, Liam—we can't. It's wrong, you know it is.'

'Darling, you're crazy!' he said on a note of shaky laughter. 'How can it be wrong, when it's so obviously, gloriously right? Don't pretend that you don't love me. I know you, Alix, and you couldn't have given yourself to me so perfectly, so completely, if you hadn't cared.' He groaned. 'I haven't had a night's sleep since, remembering how it was with us. I swore to Bianca I'd bring you back to the house tonight, but I can't. We've got to be together.' His voice sank to a whisper, and he kissed her again, deeply, tenderly.

At last she tore herself away. Her heart was pounding painfully, and her legs were shaking as she sank down on to a stair, leaning against the carved newel post.

She said, 'We can't do this to Bianca.'

He looked amazed, and then he began to laugh. 'Don't overestimate Bianca's new-found maternal instinct, my sweet. As long as I make you happy, and take these—' he touched the lines of strain around her mouth and the shadows beneath her eyes with a gentle finger, 'away, she won't question too closely how I did it. Besides, she's far too involved in her reconciliation with Lester to care whether we anticipate our marriage vows.'

Her throat closed up with surprise. She said, 'Lester?' on a croak.

'Well, don't sound so surprised. From various comments you've made in the past, I'd gathered you were on his side, and would be pleased.'

Alix stared up at him. 'I don't understand.'

'It's quite simple,' he said. 'Lester arrived at the villa not long after our departure, and took charge. He and Bianca held a running battle which was still going when I arrived back, and told him that you now knew the truth about your parentage. Lester had always suspected that you were Bianca's child, because of the unexpected interest she took in you when you were younger. Yet she was totally indifferent to the younger girl, and this struck him as odd. When he suggested that she should employ you as her secretary, she was all for the idea, but after you arrived she started to have second thoughts, and this puzzled him, but every time he tried to question her, there was a terrible row. When I was able to tell him that the truth was out, he confronted her with it, and she just—crumpled.' Liam shook his head. 'It all came pouring out—her fears for her career, her terror of growing old, of becoming less desirable, the way she'd had to stop trusting people because they could turn out to be rivals at the least, or enemies at most. In some way she'd got it into her head that because she'd loved you but given you away to her sister, she had herself forfeited the right to be loved. And she'd also convinced herself that if the truth ever came out, everyone would turn against her in disgust. So all her life that poor creature has been rejecting people because she was terrified that one day she would be rejected.'

He paused. 'You can't do this to her, Alix. However wretched she's made you, however sore you may feel, you've got to give her the chance to make amends. She needs that.'

As he spoke a tiny bubble of happiness had begun to grow deep inside her, and now she thought she would explode with joy.

She said, 'I thought it was you—with Bianca—the wedding. You.'

'Oh God!' Liam reached down and drew her to her feet, holding her against him. 'You always did have this fixation about me having an affair with Bianca. There was never anything like that between us.' He gave her a searching look. 'You have to believe me, Alix. She's a beautiful, sexy woman, but I was there to ask questions for the book, not to get involved on any sort of level. I, had this gut feeling that there was something in her past she didn't want me to know about—a feeling which my early encounter with you seemed to confirm. You, of course, were a total enigma. You put up this barrier and retreated behind it, and I kept trying to needle you—to break it down, to find the real girl, the one I saw on the stairs that day.'

Her mouth curved wryly. 'I think I loved you then, Liam, but I was so afraid. I thought you'd fall under her spell like they all did.'

'Perhaps I might have done,' he said. 'If I hadn't been bewitched already. I'd begun to think I was wasting my time until I pulled you out of the pool that day. Just for a moment you looked so happy, and I couldn't help wondering if that happiness was for me, so I kissed you, and when you responded so sweetly, I knew that one day you'd be mine.'

She sighed, remembering. 'I didn't know what to think. You treated me as if I was a child—as if I'd never been kissed before.'

'Nor had you—by me,' he said. 'Actually I was exercising the greatest restraint. There you were—in my arms and almost naked. I wanted to complete the process, and take you there and then, but I knew you weren't ready for that. I'd already gathered that you were—untouched, and I didn't want to spoil things or frighten you.'

Alix smiled. 'Bianca saw us and came to warn me about you.'

'So she told me. I've forgiven her. After all, at the time she had no reason to believe my intentions were honourable.'

Alix thought, 'And whether you know it or not, my darling, she wanted you for herself.' But she remained silent..

She said, 'Does Bianca know everything, then—including the fact that Lester was instrumental in stopping her getting the Francesca part?'

He nodded. 'There are no more secrets between them any more. They're going to remarry very soon, but on Lester's terms this time, and he intends to make her toe the line. I don't think he's actually quoted 'Grow old along with me. The best is yet to be' at her yet, but it can only be a matter of time.' He paused. 'One of his terms was that she should frankly acknowledge you as her daughter, and resign herself to the nine-day wonder it will cause. After all, she's always lived her life in a blaze of publicity, not all of it good, so she can hardly jib now.' He grinned. 'Seb will find a way of putting the story over so that people are reaching for handkerchiefs rather than stones to throw.'

'Does this mean that you're still going to write the book?'

'Why not?' He shrugged slightly. 'There's nothing to stop me now. No more ghosts from the past or skeletons in her cupboard. Besides, she probably thinks that having her son-in-law as her biographer will give her some kind of control.'

'And could she be right?' There was a note of mischief in Alix's voice, answered by the smile in Liam's eyes as he looked at her.

'No, my darling, she's wrong. There's only one woman who has any hold over me, or any power to control how I live my life. She can practise her wiles and tantrums on Lester instead. He'll know how to deal with them.'