Unforgettable (2 page)

Naomi had accepted the decision with resigned grace, but the tension — tension Rett had believed was just both women’s competitive natures — remained.

They were settled in a booth at a hotel cocktail lounge when Rett admitted, “I don’t think I have the energy today to smooth over some problem between you and Trish.” She didn’t want to tell Naomi about the fight and that Trish had threatened to leave.

Naomi sipped her vodka tonic and grimaced. “You won’t have to. You know I don’t like her. I’ve never made any bones about that. I know she thinks I bad-mouth her to you but she has no idea — neither do you — of how many times I’ve choked on what I wanted to say. This morning I found out something that cinched things for me. It’s her or me, and I don’t expect you to pick me. She’s your lover and I accept that.”

Rett found herself blinking in confusion. Naomi wanted to stop representing her? The idea had never crossed Rett’s mind. Naomi had been her agent for ten, no twelve, Christ — a lot of years. Naomi was the kind of agent who got to pick and choose her clients. Shit — they were both threatening to leave her. It wasn’t the first time Trish had done that, but it was definitely a first for Naomi. And Naomi didn’t make idle threats.

Loyalty to Trish should have kept her from asking. She should ask Trish’s side first. But she couldn’t help herself. “What happened?”

“I found out three days ago you got a callback from Disney.”

Rett swallowed her excitement. Naomi’s face was too gloomy for this development to last. “And?”

“Trish didn’t tell you about it, did she? I told them to check with Trish for your calendar. Today the casting rep at Disney phones — a courtesy to me since we’ve known each other since diapers— and says the callback is off.”

Naomi’s long-time friendship with the casting person at Disney was one of the reasons she’d gotten the initial screening. Dreading the answer and already suspecting what it was, Rett asked, “What happened?”

“You’re too difficult to work with.”

Rett stared at Naomi for a full minute with the sound of blood rushing in her ears. Difficult to work with? Me? When her brain stopped buzzing in disbelief she realized what must have happened. Her incredulity mutated to rage. She said hoarsely, “I think I’ll take that drink now.” When Naomi returned from the bar with a vodka tonic for her, Rett was beyond anger. Her voice shook. “What exactly happened?” She downed about a quarter of the drink and listened to Naomi confirm her suspicions.

Naomi’s expression was wooden, though Rett couldn’t tell if it was anger or resignation. “Although Disney recognizes that you have the rare vocal quality their composer is looking for, you are not so valuable to them that they can send a limo for you and provide sumptuous surroundings for your five or six guests. I called in a valuable marker to get you that audition and callback and she fucking wasted it — for both of us.”

Rett was now so angry she could spit. The precious callback that Trish had wanted her to beg a producer for had landed in their laps — and it wasn’t enough for Trish. She’d decided that Rett Jamison needed to play the diva in order to become one.

It was one thing for Trish to look out for her and another to be unreasonable. She’d never been able to make Trish see the difference. It was like the water thing. Most people didn’t understand why she required room-temperature water before a performance, but the last time someone had inadvertently brought iced water Trish had gone off the deep end at the poor waiter. She had wanted to tell Trish to stop—just ask for the right thing and let it go, but she’d been frozen. Frozen because lately when Trish got angry like that she tended to be cruel to everyone, and the last thing Rett needed before a performance was Trish’s verbal slice-and-dice turned on her. When Trish turned cruel Rett just didn’t know what to do. She’d been dodging Trish’s temper for the last couple of months. The Fight was just the culmination.

She had to face their problems now. The past week she’d been trying to think of how to patch it up because starting over was too daunting. But how could she patch it up — an opportunity like this would likely not come again. And if word got around that Rett Jamison was a pain in the ass, well, she might never know that was why she was losing gigs.

How could Trish have fucked up so badly?

She took a deep breath, aware that Naomi was watching her. Anger is a force, she told herself. Anger can finally get you off your butt and ready to do whatever it takes to change things.

High-handedness with Disney was the last thing she could afford. How often in the last year had she cringed when Trish flippantly informed her that some other agent or promoter was a jerk and they couldn’t waste their time on jerks unless they paid above usual to make up for the slime factor? When they asked for more money, sometimes the jobs went away. How often had Trish followed those pronouncements with reminders that Rett wasn’t making any more this year than she had last year, yet their expenses had gone up? How long had Rett had the sinking awareness that her career was cooling off when she could least afford to fade away? Forty was a steel wall for many singers.

When she’d left for New York, she’d felt like a failure. The bank balance was as low as her self-esteem. She would have to economize during the trip, Trish had informed her. The coming summer was looking slow, unless the Disney deal went through.

The funk that came with walking the extra blocks to less expensive restaurants and delis and going without room service when she was particularly tired had made it harder and harder to get up for each day’s performance. Damn it — Trish had known what getting that part had meant to both of them. How could she risk it over something like a limo and food? She must know that Rett would have gladly walked backward to get there.

That was enough to be mad about. Enough to fire Trish. Could she fire Trish and stay lovers with her?

God, what was she going to do?

“I don’t know what to say,” she finally managed.

Naomi finished her drink. “You don’t have to say anything. I’m sorry, Rett. I didn’t want to do this—”

“I understand your point of view, Naomi.” Naomi was rarely wrong about business, Rett reminded herself. Your career is going in a direction she wants no part of and that should scare the shit out of you.

She stared into her drink, feeling battered and confused and beyond words. Naomi just stared at the ceiling. Rett appreciated the time to think. Naomi had known her a long time now. Her mind reluctantly did the math. It wasn’t ten years, but fifteen. Both of them were getting older than Rett wanted them to. Naomi knew that when Rett needed to think it was best to just stay out of the way. Trish tended to natter at her when she needed to make a decision.

If you’re going to do this, she told herself, do it for the right reasons. Not because you’re mad or because you’re still hurt about the things she said. Fire her because she’s a fuckup. And break up with her because there’s just no love there anymore.

She was unwillingly remembering what she’d found in a stack of bills three weeks ago. Breaking up with Trish because of that would be hypocritical. They’d agreed to an open relationship. Back when she’d been head over heels in love she’d agreed that the whole patriarchal monogamy head trip wasn’t for them. What mattered was respecting each other. It wasn’t supposed to hurt that Trish’s flings were all probably half her age with buns of steel, or that most of them were after Trish in the hopes of connecting with someone, anyone, who could get them an audition somewhere.

As for her own flings, there were none. That wasn’t Trish’s fault. She wasn’t wired for sex the same way Trish was. She could get lost in sex, and had with Trish way back when, but it wasn’t something she did easily, or could do for just one night.

Three weeks ago she’d happened across a stack of bills waiting to be paid. Trish took care of all of that and Rett wouldn’t have given it another glance except that the very first item on the American Express statement caught her eye: Sheraton Grande, Los Angeles. Two hundred and fifteen dollars and some change. Amex included copies of the charge slips and the charge was for one overnight stay and breakfast room service. She’d mentally reviewed her calendar. She’d been home that week. That was the night Trish had gone to an all-night party. Rett had suspected she was with someone, but she wasn’t supposed to care so she didn’t ask Trish about the party when she got home late the next morning.

She had shoved the knowledge of the hotel bill out of her head. It had taken a lot of effort. She didn’t want to think about it. Couldn’t think about it. She wasn’t supposed to care if Trish had been with someone, but was it okay to care that Rett Jamison, Inc. was footing the bill? Was she cutting corners on her expenses so Trish could throw money around on other women? Was she more upset about the money than the lovers on the side?

She wanted to break up for mature reasons, but all the hurt she’d been bottling up was now at the surface. Hurt and angry — it was the wrong state to be in when such a serious decision was needed. She tried to stop thinking about the other women. She told herself they didn’t matter.

They did matter, they mattered deeply. What an idiot she’d been. She’d founded their relationship on a lie and the karma was back in full.

All the little and not-so-little things that had been bothering her had been laid bare by this fiasco with Disney. If she didn’t fire Trish over that she’d lose her self-respect. But she’d be lying to herself if she tried to believe it was the only reason. It was just the catalyst. She thought about Trish’s unkindness, the other women and the money.

Her thoughts were reeling in all directions, but they kept circling back to the money. Through the corporation and Rett’s personal account, all of Trish’s living expenses, including a leased Lexus, were paid for. Now she was paying for Trish’s hotel rooms and morning-after breakfasts. Meanwhile, Trish complained that cash flow was tight while she pocketed her 15 percent of whatever Rett made. Not one dime of it ever came back to the household expenses that Rett could see. Trish must have a pretty big nest egg, Rett thought. At the same time it seemed to her that her investment balances — the money that would tide her over in hard times or at retirement — were never really any larger.

Rett paid for everything and yet made none of the decisions. How long had it been since she’d been the one to say if she’d take a gig or not? Too long. Far too long.

The list of what was wrong between them was lengthy, but if money was at the top, then she couldn’t really love Trish much anymore, could she? It would hurt to be lonely again, to go back to hanging out in clubs and going to parties hoping to meet someone with a brain and a heart.

“Do you think I’m a loyal person — wait, don’t answer that.” Rett finished her drink and then wished she hadn’t. Her stomach was feeling queasy as she contemplated what was going to happen when she got home. “You’re not a therapist.”

Naomi didn’t seem startled by Rett’s sudden return to animation. “I try not to be. I should have said something sooner, maybe.”

Rett shook her head. “No, you shouldn’t have. This — this is a pretty big thing. Anything less than this and I’d have chosen her.”

Naomi blinked. “And now?”

“Got time to manage an old friend again?”

Not even a ghost of a smile touched Naomi’s thin lips. “I thought you’d never ask.”

“I am so fucked.”

“I’m sorry, Rett. Really sorry.”

“Not your fault.” Rett pressed her lips together. She could feel her throat tightening and she talked around the clenched muscles. “Just hard to be single again.”

“You think she’ll leave?”

“I think she’ll have to when I change the locks.” Rett tried to laugh but she clearly didn’t fool Naomi.

“I’ll take you on home, then.”

Rett tried to find some courage by running the words to “I Will Survive” through her head, but it didn’t work. What had been a pretty day now seemed gray and foreboding. Naomi let her out at the lobby of the small condominium complex two blocks from the Santa Monica Promenade, just off Idaho and Second. It had been Trish’s advice to buy the place and she’d been right for once. It had appreciated nearly 50 percent in the last three years. The building and apartments were as bland as could be, but location was everything. So far none of the neighbors had objected to her two-hour practice stints in the morning, which made it as good a place to live as any.

She glimpsed Trish’s car in the underground lot, parked next to hers, and tried breathing exercises to calm her racing heart. What should she say? Should she just get right into it? Should she try to pretend everything was normal except that Trish was fired and could Trish please move out ASAP?

Her hand was shaking so hard she pushed the wrong floor button and got off before she realized her mistake. She had to wait for the elevator to come back for her, so she tried more deep breathing. She was still trying to calm herself when she let herself into the apartment.

Traces of Trish were everywhere. Clothes on the floor, dirty dishes on the counter and dining room table. She glanced at her watch and realized she hadn’t reset it for local time. Her body clock said four p.m., but it was only one here. Trish might be asleep if she’d been out last night. The cheese and cracker remains on the table were Trish’s favorite up-till-dawn snack.

She stood in the bedroom doorway and cursed herself for not noticing that there were two of everything on the table. Two wine glasses, two plates. There were two pairs of slacks on the floor next to the bed.

She didn’t want to look. Trish knew she was coming home. She was maybe an hour ahead of schedule, which meant that Trish hadn’t planned on clearing up her little fling before Rett got home. The pants that weren’t Trish’s looked like a size minus-three.

Her suitcase slipped out of her numb fingers and the thud stirred the bed’s two occupants. Trish’s eyes opened first; she glanced in Rett’s direction.

“Shit!” She threw off the covers and sat up. The flat-stomached, firm-bosomed, long-legged features of her companion were also revealed. “What time is it?”