Unfiltered & Unlawful (The Unfiltered Series) (8 page)

“Sugar’s the problem then?” a voice asked.

He turned and found Betsey standing in the shop, looking like she was ready to offer him a hug and a pat on the head.

“The bunny deterrent? You’re hung up on her, and that’s why you’re on this chastity kick, right?” Betsey clarified when Adam didn’t reply.

“Sasha’s a friend.”

Betsey snorted. “
I
’m a friend, so are Hawk, Chelsea, and Viking Mike. You don’t pin any of them to the counter. I’ve seen all sorts of nonsense, Adam, but that’s the first time I had to walk out of the room here. You two looked like you were ready to ignite.”

“Leave it alone, Bets.”

She held her hands up in surrender. “I’m just saying you need to either fuck her or find an outlet because you’re a bitch lately. It’s like you’ve got man-PMS and went on a crash diet at the same time.”

“Man-PMS?”

She waved her hand like she was brushing it away. “The
point,
my dear bunny-bait, is that something tells me that you haven’t ever been pussy-free since… you were old enough to want it.” She looked at him slowly from boot to shaved head, and then she shook her head and grinned. “Like I told Sugar, I don’t fuck where I work, but if I did, I’d be here to help you with your problem. I’m not, and if she’s not either, you need to get some from one of the willing thumpers.”

Adam closed his eyes and willed himself not to snarl at her. Betsey was trying to be a friend. There was nothing she was saying that was untrue either. He’d just spent the past several months working to get closer to Sasha, avoiding his usual casual encounters. He thought that would show her that she mattered. He’d been patient, not rushing her, but not getting caught up in anything else.

And now she was back with Tommy.

“Fuck it,” Adam muttered. “When’s my first appointment?”

Betsey looked at the book. “Three.”

“Call Mike. See if he can come in early.”

“Are you taking the day off?”

Ignoring her question, Adam walked back to his station. He wasn’t going to tell the office manager/tattooist in training that he was walking out to get his dick wet and attitude improved. She knew far too much as it was.

Once he heard that Mike was on his way, Adam called Ella. “You free for an hour or two? It’s Adam.”

“I can be.”

“Meet me at my place in thirty minutes.”

She laughed. “Definitely.”

Adam disconnected and looked up to see his reflection in the mirror. This was who he was. He was a fool to try to change.

There weren’t any appointments, and Mike was less than twenty minutes from arriving when Adam walked out. Betsey, smartly, said nothing as he passed her.

His one concession to bad decisions was foregoing a helmet. Arizona allowed riders to decide for themselves if they were over eighteen. It was stupid. He’d heard plenty about guys dying in accidents, but he needed to keep a few vices. Women and his Super Glide Harley Davidson were the two he couldn’t give up. He straddled his bike and headed toward the one-room studio apartment he’d called home the past few years. It wasn’t much, but he didn’t need much. He wasn’t staying in Rio Verde forever. It was just a stop along the road. All he needed was a rental garage to store his Explorer and bike trailer, a small apartment to store his few things, and some cash for food, rent, and a gym membership since hauling his own weights around was impractical. He didn’t want to be tied down with things.

The ride to his apartment was too short for his mood, but hopefully Ella would remove some of his stress. Three months without sex had been hell on his mood. The only times he’d felt good lately were when he had worked out hard enough that he was exhausted or when he saw Sasha.

He’d thought it was worth it.

He’d thought she was worth it.

But she went back to Tommy.

Adam didn’t even speak to Ella when he saw her waiting at his door. He poured all of his pent-up frustration and need into a kiss that had her wrapping both legs around him.

When he paused to unlock the door, she nipped his throat and said, “Nice to see you, too.”

He laughed. Ella was reliable. She wasn’t looking for promises like so many of the girls who came around the shop. She was a friend of sorts. They didn’t talk much, but they didn’t have any lies or expectations either.

Once inside the apartment, she lowered her feet to the floor and stepped back to give him an appraising look.

He pulled his t-shirt off and tossed it aside.

“I’ve missed this,” she said as she stripped.

He didn’t reply. He wasn’t sure if he
had
missed it. He certainly missed getting off. But casual sex? He wasn’t sure he’d missed that part.

He unbuttoned his jeans and shoved them down.

“I missed
that
too,” she murmured in a cheeky voice as she lowered her eyes to his cock.

Then Ella was kissing and stroking and nipping him all over. She murmured the usual flattering things. It should have excited him, but his mind wasn’t any more cooperative than his body.

Adam wasn’t stupid. He knew exactly how he looked, and he’d been using it to his advantage since he was a teenager. That was when he realized that working out equated to getting laid. It was a fucking epiphany, like the angels sang and light shined down from heaven, when he realized it was really that easy. He hit the weights hard the summer before his sophomore year of high school, and by the time school rolled around that year, Adam discovered that there was a whole list of girls who now looked at him like he was something new. By Halloween, he’d discovered that some of those girls—older ones mostly—were willing to teach him what they liked. He learned where and how to touch them. More importantly, he learned that as long as they got off first and often, they’d be willing to do just about anything.

Ella was on her knees in front of him now.

He groaned as her mouth closed over him.
This
, he had missed. All of his worries and responsibilities vanished when he was naked with someone equally desperate to chase bliss.

But then he made the mistake of looking down at her, of grabbing her hair in his hands. Ella was a tiny, curvy, little thing with long blonde hair. She was also gifted in blow jobs. What she wasn’t was Sasha.

He pushed Ella away and led her over to his bed.

Shoving thoughts of Sasha out of his mind, he focused on the girl in his arms.

Several times, she tried to move so she could fuck him. He gently shoved her back and kissed her instead.

He caught her frown the second time and saw her open her mouth to speak, so he kissed her thoroughly so she didn’t ask questions he couldn’t answer.

It was ridiculous, but he couldn’t do it. Fucking someone because he was pissed at Sasha wasn’t a good idea. His body objected painfully to that realization, but he wasn’t going to be a slave to his needs.

“Are you okay?” Ella whispered.

He didn’t answer that either. He was horny, frustrated, and angry. Definitely
not
okay.

He’d called Ella here though, and he’d never walked away from a girl or woman who wasn’t smiling. That was the number one lesson he’d learned as a teenager: Always satisfy your partner. He wasn’t about to fail on that.

“Come here, doll.” Adam pulled her up and flipped her onto her back.

He saw the gleam in Ella’s eyes. He might not be able to fuck her, but that didn’t mean she was going to leave without at least one orgasm. She wasn’t to blame for his unwillingness to fuck. That was all him.

“No scratching,” he reminded her. The danger of a shaved head when his face was between a woman’s thighs was that far too often they seemed to think that it was okay to drag their nails over his skin since there was no hair to grab. Adam wasn’t going to let Sasha see him with scratches. He didn’t owe her anything. She’d made that clear.
Hell,
he thought,
I probably won’t even see her again. She’d never know.

But I would.

As Ella writhed under Adam’s tongue and hands, he imagined Sasha. Again. Thinking of her was all it took to make him so hard he thought he could come without a single thrust. He pretended it was Sasha under his tongue, and he wanted her to scream in pleasure. He wanted her to know that no one, especially his jackass cousin, could make her happier than he could.

He pushed Ella’s legs wider apart and tugged her to the edge of the bed. He slid to the floor, kneeling so that he had only thigh and pussy in his sight. Then he went to work with the sort of dedication that made women beg him not to stop. Not that he would. Having a woman fall apart from his touch was like a gift.

“Fuck yes!”

Ella’s voice ruined his fantasy, but Adam didn’t stop, pushing her toward a second orgasm. Once she was whimpering and limp, he slid up her body and looked at her. There was something almost holy about the way a woman looked after she came apart. He didn’t understand a lot of philosophy or theology, but he knew pure beauty when he saw it.

Ella was there, willing and radiant in her pleasure, but she wasn’t the one he wanted. She didn’t smell like Sasha or sound like her. Adam stood and then sat on the edge of the bed. She moved over to make room for him.

Quietly, he told Ella, “I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”

For a moment, she was silent, appraising him. She reached over to wrap her hand around his erection and obviously realized that he wasn’t saying he was
physically unable
, but that it was something else.

“Love’s a bitch, isn’t it?” she whispered.

Adam laughed bitterly.

“Close your eyes,” Ella suggested, and then she slithered to the floor. “Hands on your head, Adam. The fantasy’s easier to believe if you don’t feel anything but my mouth and hands.”

Tommy didn’t show up or call that night or the next day, and I was starting to jump at every noise. I didn’t go back to The Coffee Cave. I did go over to Tommy’s place, but he wasn’t there. Or if he was, he wasn’t answering the door.

I didn’t want to believe he’d ditched me. I also didn’t want to believe he was in trouble. It had to be one of the two though.

I debated just taking off, but decided to give him one more day. If he didn’t turn up by Wednesday, I was going to write off the money from the coke and hit the road.

On Monday, Adam had called to ask if I was okay, but I didn’t call back. I texted a quick note to him. That was all I could handle. Tommy was late, and I was already guilty from the moment with Adam—on top of the murder and theft, and oh yeah, the inevitable cravings that followed that one beautiful white line I had on Saturday night.

On Tuesday, I thought about stopping by Sinners Ink to see if Adam knew anything, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t going to put myself in temptation’s path unless it was impossible to avoid. I was scared and alone, and if Adam looked at me like he had the other morning, I couldn’t guarantee that I’d say no to whatever he suggested. I’d never been a cheater. No matter how much Tommy and I fought, I had never cheated. I know Tommy did, but that was only when I’d left him and we were on a break. Really, it wasn’t even cheating. For me, though, as long as I was crawling into Tommy’s bed
at all
I didn’t touch anyone else.

But when Adam was pressed up against me and whispering to me two days ago, I’d wanted to forget everything. I
wanted
Adam…. so I stayed away from Sinners Ink. I stayed away from most everywhere. I went out and bought a third and forth suitcase, and I got a few moving boxes for my stuff. I spent the first day packing my place, and I spent the morning of the second toting it to a storage space I’d rented. Even if Tommy didn’t come back with the money, I still had more than enough to get out of Rio Verde. There was over one hundred thousand dollars in my apartment. That would go pretty far. If I was careful, I could get a job to live off and use the stolen money to make sure I’d be okay even if the job was lower paying than the sort of job I usually had to get. Not giving any notice at The Coffee Cave meant I had a hole in my work record, but I didn’t want anyone in wherever I ended up to tie me back to The Coffee Cave.

Then on Wednesday, I got a call.

“Sasha?”

“Yes?”

“It’s Adam.”

I couldn’t speak. I felt horrible dread at the sound of his voice. There was something wrong. I knew it. I tried to push those thoughts away. I told myself he was probably just calling because of what happened between us.

“Are you home?” he said.

“Yeah,” I whispered.

“Open your door.”

I was glad that he hadn’t let himself in with the key I’d given him, but I wasn’t sure how I felt about Adam in my apartment. I walked over and unlocked my door, and when I saw him there, he lowered the phone he had held to his ear.

“Can I come in?” He looked at me, and I
knew
. I knew I wasn’t wrong. Something had happened.

I nodded and lowered my phone. Then I stepped back to let him inside. He’d been here before, but usually only with Tommy. The only exception was that one weekend when I was sick.

Adam closed the door behind him—and then he locked it.

I stared at him for a moment. “Why did you lock that?”

“Let’s sit down.” He put his hand in the middle of my back, and he led me to my sofa.

Any lingering doubts I had that things were bad had vanished. “You’re scaring me.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. He motioned to the sofa.

I sat.

He sat next to me. “I don’t know how to say this…”

“Just say it.” I squeezed my hands together so tightly that they hurt.

“Tommy had my name and number on him. That’s why they called me. Yours wasn’t there. I’m glad. It was… better that you didn’t have to go.” Adam shook his head, like he was shaking away the words, and then he reached out and grabbed my hands. He unfolded them and took one in his. “Sash, Tommy’s dead.”

I stared at him.

I blinked.

I swallowed. Opened my mouth. Closed it. I shook my head. This couldn’t be happening.

But Adam kept talking: “I went down and identified him. They already knew because of his wallet, but… they still needed me to come and… identify him.”