Unfaded (29 page)

             
“Rafferty is a very powerful man but his ideals are unspeakable. Remember, he's the one who taught Dialexa to hate humanity."

             
“Is that why Micah is angry?”

“Yes,
Lina and Seito are amongst Rafferty’s supporters.”

             
“Yes, we are,” Lina said. “And don’t you be starting in on how we’re the enemy. If it weren’t for us you’d all be dead.”

             
“I never said you were. And I’m at least grateful,” Kian said. “You’re right Lina, if it weren’t for your help, things would have ended a lot differently today. I’m not concerned on who you support as long as the goals are shared. But don’t think for a second we’re going to hand Mai over to Rafferty once this is finished.”

             
“There’ll be no need for that,” Lina said. “The girl will go on her own free will, just like the times before.”

             
I would?

             
“You’re only here because of him,” Micah said. “You could care less about the girl. You only want what's inside her.”

             
“The girl must live,” Seito said from across the room. No one paid him any attention. Lina and Micah continued to argue back and forth.

             
“I don’t get it,” I whispered to Kian again. It seemed easier getting an answer from him than anyone else. “If you’re all on the same team then why are you hate each other so much?”

             
“Because Rafferty has different motives than me,” he said. “He wants you alive for the very reason everyone else wants you dead. He wants to stop humanity.”

             
“Why?”

             
“Because he believes that humanity is a disease.”

             
“What do you think?” I asked.

             
“I think we’re no better than them,” he said. “Unfaded have done just as much damage, maybe more. But not everyone thinks that. Our kind tends to believe we’re superior.”

             
“We are,” Lina said. “And don’t you ever forget it. Listen to your heart, princess. Eventually you’ll see what you really are. Only then will you run away from what you know with a sneer of disgust on your face. Don’t let this fool blind you. He’s walked along the humans for too long. He no longer sees them for what they are.”

             
“And what are they?” I snapped. “They’re no different than me. I was raised human in case you didn’t notice. You’re insulting my family, my friends, everyone I know! You’re insulting me!”

             
Lina laughed. “Such feistiness. I like you, princess.”

              “Yeah, well I’m going to disappoint you in the end,” I said. “Because I’m never going to be the weapon you all seem to think I am.”

             
“It’s not a choice to make,” Lina said. “The power inside of you will come whether you want it or not.”

             
I tried to imagine what it might be like to have something that could destroy the entire race. Was it hiding somewhere deep inside of me, dormant, waiting for the exact moment in which Rafferty or Dialexa might conjure it up? Was it something simple like reading a passage from a spell book or would it be more dangerous? Would it rip me apart, just like Kian when they tied him to a tree and gutted him? Would I survive?

             
“You can’t force power,” Kian said. “It has to come from her willingly.”

             
I was relieved to hear that.

             
“Who said she won’t be willing?” Lina asked. “She was at one point.” She caught me looking at her in shock. “Yes, princess, how on earth do you think you managed to get cursed in the first place? Aelin stopped the two of you before you unleashed it.”

             
“I think it’s time for you to go,” Micah said. “Mai’s confused enough. She needs to remember things on her own terms.”

             
“Fair enough,” Lina said. “Mai, we’re down the hall at the end. If you want the real truth, come see me.” She nodded at Seito who got up off the chair and headed to the door. “And we’re still going to help. We haven’t changed our minds. Kian, we all want the same thing.” She glanced down between Kian and I, noticing that we were holding hands for the first time. She smiled. “Maybe not quite the same things but close enough. We’ll set up guard at her house for the next few days. Anique and Sobek will not get through to her. I give you my word.”

             
I pulled my hand away from Kian. The energy between us disconnected, the heat from his touch disappeared, leaving my hand cold.

             
Once Lina and Seito left the room, Micah brought his chair over and positioned it right in front of Kian and me. I decided this was the right time to give them a bit of privacy. I excused myself and went into the bathroom. But the walls were thin and I could hear everything they said to each other, maybe better hearing was an Unfaded trait. I’d have to ask Kian about that later. I sat down on the counter and waited.

             
“You should have warned me,” Micah said.

             
“I’m sorry,” Kian said. “But you’d never have agreed if I told you.”

             
“Fair enough but this isn’t the right way to do things.”

             
“The old way wasn’t working either. How many times must I fail before I realise I’m never going to succeed? How many more times must she die? Twenty? Thirty? A thousand? I can’t do this. You have no idea how much this hurts.”

             
“I know enough.”

             
There was a long silence and I was worried that perhaps they’d figured out I was listening and had lowered their voices.

             
“I’m sorry,” Kian said.

             
More silence.

             
Finally I flushed the toilet and ran the tap water for a few minutes before I wandered back into the room. Kian had stretched, leaning against the bedpost, his ankle propped up on a pillow. Micah was putting on his jacket.

             
“I’m going to go get some pizza or something,” he said. “Keep the door locked. Don’t be trying anything stupid with that injury. Call Lina if need be.” He scowled as he offered that advice. “I won’t be long.”

             
“Ok,” I said with a forced smile.

             
We were alone. I’d been alone with Kian before but this time it was different. I was nervous. There were so many questions I wanted to ask but at the same time I just wanted to curl up beside him and let the warmth of his arms overtake me. It was like an addiction, the more he touched me, the more I desired him.

             
But there was a time and place for everything and this wasn’t it. There was too much sadness in his eyes. Too much pain.

             
And I wanted answers.

             
“Tell me more about my father,” I said. It was probably the top question on my list. “I need to know more about my past if I’m going to understand any of this.” I noticed the way he avoided my gaze so I pressed further. “I know you want me to remember on my own but it’s just not happening. Help me understand.”

             
He sighed. “I’m not the one to be asking. I've only met him a few times. Lina could tell you more."

             
“I want to hear from you."

             
“Rafferty hates humans for reasons he probably doesn't even remember. He raised Dialexa with the same beliefs. He's the one that helped the two of you acquire the power hiding inside you right now. Some father, huh?"

             
"How?"

             
"The ancient energy source," Kian said. "It was too powerful for one Unfaded alone. It's also something that can't be shared. But twins are different. They are one but also two. He figured it out. He convinced Dialexa and she convinced you."

             
“Why would I do that?” I asked. “I mean, you said I was good. If I knew she was terrible then why would I do that?”

             
“You’ve asked me that question before,” he said. “Blood calls to blood. I personally think you thought you could help her. And it was you who stopped her in the end. It wasn’t your curse that brought you back from the dead but you were the one that betrayed her.”

             
The walls were cool and damp. We had lit a fire to keep warm but the darkness pressed in. Stalagmites surrounded us and I’d thought about how I’d never see the light of day.

             
“It was a cave,” I said. “We were trapped in a cave.”

             
Kian nodded.

             
“I thought I’d never be warm again.” Suddenly my entire body grew cold and I began to violently shiver. I was back inside that cave and I couldn’t see anything except blackness and my feet and fingers were slowly losing all feeling.

But I wouldn’t die. I’d never die.

              I’d be trapped in that darkness forever. My soul would wither and I would never grow again.              

             
I cried out and suddenly Kian was beside me, pulling me close, sharing his body heat. It was like being pulled into a hot bath after being outside in my bare feet. He wrapped an arm around me, his other hand found mine and our fingers joined. Energy began to flow through our bodies like we were connected.

             
“It’s ok,” he whispered. “I’m here. You’re not alone. There’s no darkness here.”

             
The light hit my face and I closed my eyes to keep them from burning. Everything was intensely bright. I was going blind. I leaned into him, placing my face against his chest and I could hear his heart beating. His chest rose and fell as he breathed and I could smell the faint scent of soap from his skin.

             
He held me for a long time, until the panic subsided and I was no longer that poor girl trapped forever in that dark cave.

             
Eventually I pulled myself up and curled beside him, resting my head on his shoulder, pressing my body against his to capture his warmth. I was still cold but at least he was able to help keep the memory from completely conquering me.

             
“What happened next?” I asked. “I don’t remember.”

             
“Dialexa cursed you both. She said that they could trap your bodies but not your souls. She decided that the only way out was death. Only through the act of dying could you be reborn. But the curse has never gone away. No matter how many times they kill the two of you, you keep coming back.”

             
“Every time this Unfaded falls, we shall be reborn.” The words were heavy on my tongue but they were etched into my memory like I’d just heard them yesterday. I suddenly understood.

             
“But why kill me? Why not just her? I didn’t have any plans to destroy the world—did I?”

             
“The two of you tapped into a power so intense, it was enough to destroy the entire world. I’m not sure how it happened, but as far as the council is concerned, you’re both equally deadly. This power. You accessed it together. You need to be together in order to set it loose. That’s why Dialexa didn’t leave Apani behind. That’s why she killed you.”

“And that’s why she searched me out in the first place,” I said.
“She couldn’t do it without me.”

             
“Yes.”

             
“So she never loved me,” I said and Kian’s hand tightened against mine. “She just wanted to use me.”

             
“She’s not capable of love,” he said. “But you can’t blame her. She was created by Rafferty.”

             
“That’s sad,” I said.

             
“There are worse things.”

             
“Like what?”

             
“Seeing beauty but never being able to touch it. Not being able to save it.”

             
We were quiet for a while. Kian closed his eyes and his breathing softened, he seemed to be falling asleep and I didn’t want to disturb him. He was still in pain from his ankle and hopefully sleeping would help him heal fast. He must have been exhausted because I knew I was. I would have liked to take a nap with him, our bodies pressed together, but no matter how much I wanted to relax, I couldn't.

             
“What’s the matter,” he eventually murmured. “Your heart’s racing. I can feel it.”

             
“Sobek called you a half-breed,” I said.

             
“It’s true. My mother was human. Just like you.”