Unexpectedly Yours (12 page)

She tried to block her ears, but his harsh words stripped away her defenses.

“And you’re still doing it,” Derek continued, relentless. “You want to sacrifice yourself for your unborn baby. You push me away so you have an excuse to put yourself last again. Admit it, Hannah. You’re scared of living your own life.”

She felt like he’d ripped the skin from her flesh.

“I think you’d better leave.” She couldn’t yell at him. All her screams were bottled up inside.

Derek blinked. He lifted a hand toward her, hesitation breaking up his glower. “I didn’t—”

“Go, please.” She couldn’t maintain this calm facade for much longer. She stepped back, out of his reach, willing herself not to break down.

“Go—” Her voice cracked, but she kept her head held high.

A spasm crossed Derek’s face, and then he swiveled on his heel and left her house.

It seemed only fitting that, heading out of Pine Falls, Derek should bump into Officer Grady again, directing traffic around an accident on the freeway. As Derek passed him, the police officer gave him a crabby, I’ve-got-my-eye-on-you kind of glare. Derek scowled back at him.

Halfway back to Los Angeles, he realized his back was screwed tight as a drum, his hands were fisted around the steering wheel, and his head felt like it was trapped in a vise. Hours had passed since he’d left Pine Falls, hours spent grimly driving on the interstate, but he was still in shock.

Every time he thought of Hannah, his gut skewered. If he hadn’t spotted that empty pregnancy kit, would she have told him? Maybe not. Maybe she’d been willing to let him return to Los Angeles without giving him a hint. That stabbed him. Did she think so little of him? Was he nothing more than a quick fling that she now regretted?

Damn everything to hell
. He punched the steering wheel, his foot jerked on the gas pedal, and the SUV fishtailed around a curve. Seconds later, he brought the car back under control. Hell, he should be more careful. How would he support Hannah and his child if he crashed his car and ended up in the hospital?

He took the next exit and pulled up at a diner. As he got out of the car, a searing breeze enveloped him. His shirt stuck to his back, and a devil was playing bongo drums inside his skull. He needed a strong coffee and a couple Aspirin.

His cell phone buzzed. His breathing stalled as the caller ID showed it was Hannah.

“Hannah?” Crap, he hated how eager he sounded. He tried to sound terse. “What’s up?”

“Uh, nothing. I just wanted to check up on you.” She hesitated. “It’s just that when you left you were…upset, and maybe not in the best mood for a long drive.”

“I’m halfway to L.A.”

“Oh. I hope you’re not driving non-stop.”

Scowling, he wiped the sweat from his forehead. “Why do you care? You’re the one who told me to leave.”

She was silent for a while, and he began to regret his snarky reply. If he wanted a more harmonious relationship, then he had to mask his raw emotions.

“Look,” he said in a more conciliatory tone, “I’m about to walk into a diner right this moment. I’m not a complete idiot.”

She breathed out a shaky sigh. “That’s good. I, um, I’ll call you next week…”

The rest of her sentence hung in the silence. Next week. Next week he’d either be the father of her child or a brief lapse of judgment she’d want to put behind her as quickly as possible. He didn’t know what to wish for.

“Call me as soon as you know one way or another.” Every waking minute until she called was going to be torture.

“Okay. I’d better go.”

He didn’t want her to. “Hannah…”

“Yeah?”

He didn’t know what to say. “Look after yourself.”

“Uh-huh. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Chapter Thirteen

Derek sat with Malcolm, his TV producer, in Cecconi’s, the glamorous hangout on L.A.’s Melrose Ave. Malcolm was chewing his veal saltimbocca, sipping his pinot noir, and talking fast about the show.

“You’re hot at the moment. That Marla Beaudry’s sure doing good stuff for your profile.”

Derek grimaced. “I didn’t expect those reporters when I showed up at the police station.” He hadn’t been all that surprised when Marla had later admitted that she’d called the reporters.

“Hey, you’re good publicity for her, and she’s helping you, too.”

Derek poked at his short ribs without enthusiasm. He hated the thought of Hannah and Caleb seeing that footage of him with Marla. Hated them thinking he was back with the singer again. He had helped Marla get out of trouble, but that was the end of his dealings with her. And he didn’t give a damn about publicity or his public image. His heart wasn’t into television. He could barely concentrate on anything since he’d gotten back to L.A. All he could do was wait around for a certain call, the call that might change his entire future.

Derek’s cell phone buzzed. He snatched the phone out of his pocket.
Hannah
. Her name on the screen burned his eyeballs.

“Sorry, Malcolm.” Somehow he managed to sound normal. “I don’t normally do this, but I really need to take this call.”

The producer waved him off. Derek rose and loped out of the restaurant. It was another hot day in L.A., but he suddenly felt chilly. “Hannah?”

“Hi, Derek.” The sound of her voice rippled through to his nerve endings. “I said I’d call…” She breathed in deep. “I went to the doctor, and he confirmed it. So—so that’s it. I’m pregnant.”

He sucked in air. He felt numb and stripped raw at the same time. “That’s—good.” Was it good? He didn’t know, but maybe Hannah didn’t think so.

“It doesn’t change anything,” she said in a rush. “What I said last week still stands. You understand, don’t you?”

His head buzzed. He didn’t understand anything except that Hannah was carrying his child. “Yeah,” he said automatically.

“And Derek, I haven’t told anyone yet, so I’d appreciate it if you kept this to yourself for now.”

“Yeah, sure. If you want me to be with you when you do—”

“Oh, no, no. That won’t be necessary. I’ll tell everyone when I’m ready. There’s plenty of time.”

He fell silent as he wondered how long before she’d begin to show. He didn’t know a thing about pregnancy. He’d have to buy a book.

“Derek? I have to go now—”

“Wait! When am I going to see you again?” The instant the words left his mouth, he wanted to bite his tongue.

“I don’t know.” She sounded nettled.

Well hell, he didn’t want to come off sounding too desperate. “We have things to discuss,” he said stiffly.

“They can wait,” she replied, equally stiff. “I
really
need to go now, Derek.”

“Fine. Okay. See you whenever.”

He cut the call and shoved the phone back into his pocket.

He was going to be a father.

It was incredible, a miracle. And he was scared out of his wits. A terrifying hollow opened up inside him. How could he be any good at being a father when he had no idea how it was done? His mother had dumped him when she couldn’t be bothered with him anymore, while his grandfather had alternated between bawling him out and ignoring him.

The thought of another innocent human being enduring the same miserable childhood as his filled him with icy fear. Maybe he should just stay away. After all, Hannah hadn’t exactly pleaded for his help. She’d practically told him not to bother her. She’d given him an out.

But he knew there was no way he’d take the easy way out. Hannah meant too much to him. And if he took the coward’s way, how would he ever face Caleb or Mr. Willmett or Otto or all the other people he knew in Pine Falls?

Besides, he knew firsthand how difficult it could be for a single mom to raise a child. He couldn’t let Hannah struggle on her own. He had to face his responsibilities even if he was scared of screwing up. He took a deep breath, but the smoggy city air did nothing to lift the suffocating feeling pressing down on him.

And even though he felt like he was drowning, underneath all the panic a tiny glow warmed him. He and Hannah weren’t finished yet. Since his return to L.A., he’d dreamed about her countless times. No one else did it for him. He missed her badly. Wanted to see her again as soon as possible. But he couldn’t drop everything and leave. He had filming commitments, and a backlog of orders to fulfill. He couldn’t let down Malcolm or Ben, his business partner.

Frustration welled in him. By remaining in L.A., he was being responsible and mature, but staying away from Hannah made him feel the exact opposite. Something would have to give soon.

Hannah gazed at the display of kids’ clothing in the storefront window. The orange onesie with the giraffe print was so adorable and so tiny. Were newborns really that itty-bitty? At the thought of holding her own baby, her insides constricted with a mixture of wonder and lurking fear. The fear dismayed her. Hadn’t she always been the mature, responsible one even before her mom had abandoned them? Wasn’t she a competent nursing assistant with years of experience looking after frail bodies?

All true, but she’d never imagined she’d be raising a baby on her own. A baby needed both mother and father, preferably in a happy union. She didn’t know if she was up to the task of being everything to her child. She wasn’t perfect, she wasn’t always patient and kind, she didn’t have a good role model to follow.

The price tags on these baby clothes were way outside her budget. Her baby wouldn’t be getting giraffe-print onesies or pink leather booties or shiny European strollers. Sighing, she hitched up her bags of groceries and set off for her car.

The afternoon heat was sweltering, and her car had no AC. By the time she turned into the driveway of her home, her back was sticking to the plastic seat, and the beginning of a headache was drumming on her skull.

She hauled herself out of the car. The humid air enveloped her. As she turned toward the house, a shadow on the front porch moved, causing her heart to jump…and then jump even higher as she saw it was Derek.

For a second the sight of him thrilled her. But as he loped toward her, trepidation coiled in her stomach, creating a queasy mix of emotions.

“What”—she had to gulp down her rising nausea—“what are you doing here?”

“My grandpa’s care assistant quit.” His crystal blue eyes never wavered from her face. “But I had to come anyway.”

Two weeks had passed since she’d called Derek and confirmed the earth-shattering news that she was pregnant with his child, and she couldn’t deny that he’d haunted her thoughts, despite her best efforts. She’d told herself it was best all-around if Derek stayed in Los Angeles. She’d convinced herself he belonged on the periphery of her life. But now that he was here, she found herself torn between gladness and fear. Gladness that he was here; fear that she would be too weak to stand on her own.

She wiped a forearm across her brow, at a loss as to how to handle the situation. “Um, would you like to come in?”

He nodded. She reached into her car for the grocery bags, which Derek quickly snatched from her as if she were too feeble to carry anything.

“How long are you staying?” she asked as she unlocked the front door.

“Only a week this time.”

“What about your TV show?”

“They’re filming around me.”

“And your furniture business?”

“My business partner is very long-suffering.”

His Range Rover was parked at the curb, she saw, but her head had been too jumbled to notice earlier. She’d been like this for days. At work Vera had reprimanded her twice for forgetting things, things she was normally on top of.

Derek followed her into the kitchen, where he deposited the bags on a counter and began to unpack them, as if it were normal. As if he lived here.

Hannah grimaced. “You don’t have to do that.”

He paused, a carton of milk in his hand. “I know I don’t have to,” he said slowly, “but I want to.”

Weakness wove through her. Her head and feet were aching, and she wanted to sink into a chair at the table, but she couldn’t give in. Couldn’t let him notice how glad she was to see him.

She pulled the milk out of his grip and stowed it in the refrigerator before turning to the rest of the shopping. Derek stood by, silently watching her. He was too close to her, close enough for her to catch his scent of soap, wood, and fresh, male perspiration. She caught her bottom lip between her teeth, dismayed at the longing tugging at her stomach. Seemed being pregnant didn’t prevent her from lusting after Derek. It shouldn’t be like this. She’d said good-bye to him several weeks ago. He shouldn’t be back, tormenting her with his scent, making her think things, want things. Things she shouldn’t be contemplating.

She whirled back to him, a box of Cheerios clutched in her hands. “Why?” she burst out. “Why are you really back? I thought we’d decided it was best you stay away…”

“How can I stay away?” His eyes suddenly blazed. “I’m the father of your baby.”

It was as if the pregnancy tests and the doctor’s examination hadn’t happened; as if she were hearing the news for the first time. This determined young man towering over her had planted his seed in her, and he wasn’t going away anytime soon. Panic bubbled up, throttling her windpipe.

“So what do you want to do?” Her voice was squeaky with nerves.

He stared at her, then braced his hands behind his head. Strain lined his face. “Shit, Hannah. I don’t know what the hell I want! I’m going mental thinking about what to do. Maybe…” Suddenly he unlocked his fingers and grabbed at her hands, knocking the box of Cheerios to the floor. “Maybe we should get married.”

The world stopped spinning.

“
Get married!
” She couldn’t breathe. It felt as if her eyes would pop out of her head. “Are you crazy?”

“I’m serious.”

She sucked in a desperate bubble of air. “I-It’s ridiculous.”

He dropped her hands. “Why?” he demanded.

Memories, sharp as broken glass, shafted through her head—of Derek’s boyish face untroubled by razors, of his lean, smooth chest bared to the summer heat, his T-shirt dangling from the waistband of his jeans, of the scabs on his knees from coming off his skateboard. This was the boy who wanted to marry her, who wanted to be her husband and provider. Her brain struggled to fit him into the role, but his picture just wouldn’t slot in.

“I’ve been married before, remember? And it didn’t end well at all.”

His entire body stiffened. “For the love of all that’s holy, please don’t compare me with Rick.”

“I’m not, but surely you can see that basing a marriage around an unplanned pregnancy is a bad idea?”

He plowed his fingers through his hair. “My dad married my mom because she was pregnant with me.”

Oh damn
. He’d never told her that. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know—”

“But since he died when I was just two, who knows how that would’ve turned out?” He fixed his heavy gaze on her. “You’re sure you won’t give us a try?”

She should have been flattered, but instead all she felt was dread. What if she did cave in and marry him? In the coming months she’d grow big and cumbersome in front of him, knowing all the while he could have his pick of women and that he was only with her because she was pregnant. How would she handle it if she saw his gaze straying to a trim, young woman without swollen ankles and varicose veins? Ugh, that would be sheer hell.
Why is that
, a sly voice whispered at the back of her mind. Was it because she had feelings for Derek? Feelings that went beyond friendship and lust?

“It’s sweet of you to offer, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.” She rubbed her arms, feeling cold and sick. “We’d be getting married for all the wrong reasons.”

“Wrong? A baby isn’t wrong. A baby just is, and a baby needs care and attention and a stable home.”

“And you think I’m incapable of providing care and attention and a stable home?” She instantly bristled.

“No, of course not.” He blinked as a tortured expression worked its way across his face. “But a child needs a father, too, don’t you think?”

The note in his voice caught at her, tore at her heart. He was thinking of his own childhood. Remembering how difficult it was being brought up by a single mother. Fantasizing how different and better it might have been if his father had lived.

“Yes, every child needs a father, but that’s no reason for us to rush into marriage.” She took a deep breath to steady herself and organize her thoughts. “I’ve just come out of a failed marriage. I know how hard it is to make it work, even when two people marry for l-love…” Damn, why did she have to stumble over the word? She forced herself to continue. “I don’t want to make another mistake.”

“Another mistake? You mean, apart from the accidental pregnancy?”

His sarcastic bite made her wince, but she knew he was confused and hurt. “You know what I mean, Derek.”

“People will talk, when they find out.”

She glanced up at him in surprise. “But you’ve never cared about idle gossip.”

“Usually I don’t. But I do mind if people say I’ve knocked you up and won’t do the honorable thing by you.”

How strange to hear him voice an old-fashioned notion like that. “It’s none of their business.” But she knew there’d be whispers and innuendos. People like Vera would look down on her even more. But that wasn’t going to make her change her mind.

“When are you gonna tell your family?” Derek asked.

“I’m waiting for the right moment.”

“What, like when you’re being wheeled into the delivery room?”

That sounded about the right moment. She chewed her lip. “There’s still plenty of time.”

He shrugged, looking exasperated and glum. “I’d better get going to Otto’s. You have my number. Call if you need anything.” He paused. “Anything at all, anytime.”

“Sure, Derek.”

Anything at all, anytime. If only she could.

Derek got into his SUV and gunned the engine noisily, his frustration boiling over. As he pulled away, Hannah’s tiny house receded in the rearview mirror. Well, so much for doing the honorable thing and asking her to marry him. He hadn’t expected to blurt it out like that—hell, he’d barely got his head around the idea—but seeing her in the flesh, realizing that she was carrying his child, had done something to his brain.