Undone (6 page)

I felt trapped and vulnerable. I needed Kai by my side to remind me how normal people interacted with each other. Suddenly I was finding it hard to catch my breath and I felt too hot. Fresh air. I needed fresh air. And space. There were too many people in the kitchen, all laughing and joking and crowding in on me. I bolted for the door, spilling someone’s drink and tripping over someone else’s foot on the way. I didn’t
think
the foot had been placed in my path on purpose, but you never can tell for sure.

I closed the door behind me, but not before I heard someone shout, ‘Who invited
that
freak?’ I couldn’t be sure if the voice belonged to someone I knew or a complete stranger, but it was nothing I hadn’t heard before.

I felt loads better as soon as I was outside. The air was crisp and cool and I breathed it in as deeply as I could. I tried not to think about the boy in the kitchen. He probably hadn’t been smiling at me anyway. He was probably looking at someone standing next to me. Yeah, that had to be it.

I took another long gulp of my drink, because there was nothing else to do. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. If I was interested in talking to people I would
do it at school where at least you had a decent excuse to start a conversation – like borrowing notes for a class you missed or something. I looked at my watch and groaned to see that it wasn’t even ten o’clock yet. Kai and I had agreed to leave at eleven. I could have stayed out later – Mum and Dad have never been that big on curfews – but Kai had agreed to an early departure since I was doing him such a huge favour by being here. Thinking about it, it was kind of strange that he’d wanted me here. He clearly wasn’t interested in hanging out with me (I ignored the little voice in my head that said maybe he didn’t want to hang out with me because I was being so obnoxious).

I couldn’t see him near the bonfire. I could see a lot of torsos though – Kai was missing out big time. Some of the boys were doing some kind of tribal dance round the fire, beating their chests and whooping. Lucas the Lion was leading them, of course. His chest had red markings on it – it looked liked paint, but was probably lipstick. He must have been sweating, because his chest was sort of glistening in the firelight. His jeans were slung low and you could see the black band of his underwear.

Lots of the girls were blatantly ogling Lucas.
Idiots
. I turned away and wandered down a little path towards the end of the garden, which was a lot bigger than it
looked. I swore as I nearly fell over a couple grappling on the grass behind a bush. They didn’t even notice me – all that grunting and moaning must have masked my voice. I recognized the girl straight away – Amber Sheldon (aka Parrot Girl) – but I couldn’t tell who the boy was. His face was buried in her neck and his bare arse didn’t provide any clues.

I shuddered and hurried on. I couldn’t believe people really did things like that in real life. Shagging in the garden at some random party? Degrading doesn’t even come close to covering it. Didn’t these people have any self-respect? Mind you, if I was Amber Sheldon, I wouldn’t respect myself much either.

At the end of the garden I found a vegetable patch and a greenhouse. I’d never been in a greenhouse before and now seemed like the right time to explore one. I peered through the glass to check there were no more bare arses or bare anythings. It was empty so I went on in. It was weirdly warm inside. I couldn’t work out how that was possible (
that’s
how drunk I was) and when I remembered the Greenhouse Effect I laughed out loud, then swiftly covered my mouth because laughing when you’re alone is just plain weird.

There was a long wooden bench with lots of little pots on it and lots of green things growing in the little pots. You could hardly hear the music from the house.
It was peaceful and warm and made me feel sleepy. And there just happened to be a comfy chair in the back corner which looked like it was begging me to sit in it. I swear it was like a scene from Goldilocks or something.

I collapsed into the chair and closed my eyes, relieved to have escaped the madness of the party. I’d curl up here for an hour or so, then go and find Kai and drag his arse home. I wouldn’t mind going to more parties if they all had a safe haven like this.

Then my safe haven was destroyed.

By a chimpanzee. A horny, sinister chimpanzee.

‘Hello? Drunk girl? Are you in here? Helloooo?’

I didn’t recognize the voice, but I didn’t
have
to recognize it to know it was someone I did not want to deal with. I stayed quiet, cowering down into the seat, trying to make myself as small as possible. There was a crash and a ‘Shit!’ as he banged into the bench.

‘Ah, there you are! Why are you hiding back there?’ It was Stu Hicks. And he wasn’t wearing a top. Someone had scrawled ‘COCK’ in black marker across his chest. I hoped it was permanent.

‘I’m not . . . hiding.’

He started wagging his finger at me, smiling and nodding. ‘You! I know you. You’re that girl, aren’t you?’

I wanted to get up but now he was standing right over me. He stank of beer and sweat and something else that I put down to miscellaneous monkey scent. I
sighed and gulped down the last of my drink, trying my best to look nonchalant. ‘What girl? Yes, I am
a
girl. Gold star for noticing. Now could you please fuck off and leave me alone?’

‘Heeeeey, no need to be like that! I was just being friendly! Sorry, let’s start again. Hi, I’m Stuart. Nice to meet you.’ Then he bowed so low his face was practically in my lap. I think that was probably the idea.

‘Um. I’m Jem.’

‘Jem! That’s it! I
knew
I knew you. Never forget a face – one of my many talents.’ He had an OK sort of smile actually – when he wasn’t smirking. He didn’t look so sinister after all. ‘Mind if I take a pew?’ I said nothing, so he perched on the corner of the workbench. His legs dangled so that one of them was touching mine. ‘I’m knackered – I had to do laps round the garden. Which wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have Bugs on my back riding me like a fucking supersize jockey.’

I stifled a laugh and Stu grinned. ‘So you can smile after all! I was beginning to wonder.’

‘Aren’t you cold?’

He looked down as if he’d forgotten he wasn’t wearing a top. ‘Nah, I’m hard as nails, me. Anyway, it’s pretty toasty in here, isn’t it? Kind of cosy.’

I shrugged. I’d run out of things to say. He was
watching me carefully, head tilted to one side, eyes slightly narrowed. Analysing me. ‘Can I kiss you?’

I definitely wasn’t expecting that. ‘Why would you want to do that?’

He shrugged. ‘I dunno. Bored I guess.’ He saw the look on my face and held up his hands. ‘Kidding!’ He shrugged again. ‘I like kissing . . . and you seem nice. Those seem like two pretty good reasons to me.’

My head was spinning. Stu Hicks aka Mr Studly wanted to kiss
me
. It had to be a joke. It
had
to be. My mouth was dry and I coughed nervously. ‘This is a joke, right? Your mates are watching outside or something . . .’

Stu hopped from his perch and knelt in front of me. I had an absurd drunken thought that maybe he was going to whip out a diamond ring from the pocket of his jeans and ask me to marry him. He put his hands on my thighs and I didn’t stop him. His voice was low and serious when he said, ‘This is not a joke. Trust me.’

Trust me
. People who say things like that are usually
deeply
untrustworthy or trying to get you to do something you don’t want to do. But I was slightly pissed and a boy wanted to kiss me. That’s a poor excuse for an excuse, I know, but it’s all I’ve got. A part of my brain was whispering that this was a terrible
idea and something I would never ever do when sober. But a bigger, bossier part of my brain was saying,
Go on, do it. Live a little. So what if he’s a total slimeball? It could be fun . . .
‘OK.’

Stu grinned. ‘Good girl.’ He leaned in close and I did the same, a bit more tentatively. The smell of sweat and beer was almost overwhelming, but I tried to ignore it. Our lips met and I nearly laughed again.
This is utterly insane.
But then I kind of got into it. The kissing was soft and gentle and not at all like I would have imagined it. I put one of my hands on his chest and I could feel his heartbeat. After a couple of minutes Stu pulled away. ‘Man, my knees are killing me . . . Why don’t you get down here with me?’

The look I gave him must have been dripping with scepticism, because he smiled a really sweet smile and said, ‘Seriously, I’m still trying to get over a tae kwon do injury . . . help me out here.’

So I slid off the chair and settled myself with my back against it. His hand was back on my thigh in no time, stroking. ‘There . . . that’s better, isn’t it?’

I shrugged. Something about this boy had turned me into a malleable, brainless idiot. This time I made the move to kiss him. Drunk Me had decided that kissing Stu was a Good Thing To Do.

Before I knew what was happening, Drunk Me
was lying on the dusty floor of a greenhouse with a boy on top of her. The kissing was considerably less gentle. Stu’s tongue was scouring my mouth and it felt more like being at the dentist than anything else. His hands were everywhere – on my breasts and between my legs and they kept on squeezing and stroking and probing as if they couldn’t make up their mind where to settle.

The part of my brain that thought this wasn’t such a good idea was now working harder to make itself heard. It was practically screaming now. But sometimes Stu would do something right and my breath would catch in my throat.

It was only when he unbuttoned my jeans and tried to jam his hand into my underwear that I came to my senses. I grabbed his hand and held it. ‘Come on,’ he murmured into my ear. His hot breath made me think of a dog. ‘I just want to make you feel good.’

I burst out laughing. ‘That is the cheesiest thing I have ever heard! Don’t tell me girls actually fall for that.’

He stopped kissing my neck and looked at me strangely. I was suddenly aware of the weight of him crushing down on me. ‘Don’t you trust me?’ Now his hand was meandering up and down my stomach. It tickled.

‘Honestly? I don’t even know you.’

‘We can soon change that, can’t we?’ He dived in for another kiss and his hand snaked down and tried to sneak into my underwear again. When he touched me there it felt so good (seriously good) that I knew it had to stop. Now.

I pushed at his chest. ‘I . . . I have to go.’

He kissed me again. ‘You’re kidding, right?’

‘I’ve got a curfew. My parents will kill me if I’m late.’ I tried to squirm out from under him but he didn’t move. ‘Can you . . . um . . . get off me, please?’

‘C’mon, let’s just . . . it won’t take long, I promise.’

‘No, I really have to go.’

Stu wasn’t smiling any more. That look was back. The one that warned any girl with half a brain to stay away. For the very first time I realized the predicament I was in and I wanted to kick myself.

He grabbed both my wrists and pinned them either side of my head. ‘You’re not going anywhere till I say so.’ His voice was so menacing that I felt a stab of genuine ice-cold fear.
He is going to rape me. This cannot be happening. I cannot get raped by this boy.

I couldn’t move – at all. He was crazily strong. The muscles in his arms stood out like ropes underneath his skin. The only part of my body that I could move was my head. Which was exactly what I did. I headbutted
him as hard as I could and caught him on the nose. ‘Ah, fuck! FUCK!’ His hands flew up to his nose and he rolled off me.

I scrabbled to my feet and stood over him. There was blood trickling between his fingers. ‘What the fuck did you do that for, you stupid bitch?’ He looked up at me and his eyes were brimming with tears.

I was breathing hard and shaking. I knew I should probably run and get help, but Stu looked so pathetic. There was nothing remotely menacing about him any more. ‘You were going to . . .’

‘Going to
what
?’ His voice had gone nasal, thick with blood.

‘You know . . .’

He snorted and a fine spray of blood showered his chest. ‘What . . . like, rape you or something?! You’re fucking certifiable, you know that? I was joking, for fuck’s sake! You didn’t need to break my bloody nose, you mad cow.’

That stopped me. ‘No, you . . .’ I didn’t believe him. I didn’t. But what if he was telling the truth? ‘You were
joking
?’

He staggered to his feet, using one bloody hand to steady himself against the workbench. ‘Of course I was joking! You honestly think I need to go round raping girls to get some action?’ He shook his head and
looked at me like I was insane. ‘They’re right about you, aren’t they? You
are
a freak.’

I was shaking my head, trying to clear the fuzziness and confusion that had replaced the fear. ‘I was . . . I was scared.’

Stu shook his head in disgust. ‘Haven’t you ever had it rough before? Girls usually love it. Then again, you’re not exactly my usual type.’ How someone who was bleeding so profusely could manage a look of such disdain was beyond me.

Girls actually
liked
being treated like that? I found that very hard to believe. It was just so . . . twisted. And I hadn’t imagined the look on his face, had I? Total power, total dominance. But maybe this is what people did. Maybe I
was
a freak? I didn’t know what to think any more. I wanted to be at home in my own bed so I could pretend nothing had happened. So I could pretend that I hadn’t very nearly had sex with someone I despised who may or may not have wanted to rape me.

He looked around for something to mop up the blood and I handed him some tissues from my pocket. ‘Hadn’t you better get home? That curfew, remember? I think it’s way past your bedtime, little girl.’

‘I . . . I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to . . .’

He moved towards me and I backed up against the
wall. His eyes were hard, unforgiving. ‘You, darlin’, are what’s known as a cock tease. You want to watch yourself in future . . . You never know what could happen to a girl like you.’ His voice was a raw whisper and the rusty smell of blood nearly made me gag.