UnderFire (3 page)

She sighed. “Yes.”

A smile warmed his mouth again. “Thanks for the concern. I
would have thought…”

“Thought what?”

“After the way things ended between us, I thought you hated
my guts.”

“I never hated your guts.” Memories flooded her, far deeper
and more severely than they had in recent times. “I know what I said but that
was a teenager talking.”

I hate you. I hate you. I hope you die.
Those words
rang in her head on lonely nights. “All through the rest of high school and
college, I wondered if I’d cursed you. If I’d wake up some morning with a call
that you’d been killed. It terrified me.”

“But there I was still in high school with you and then you
heard about me from time to time while we were away in college, right?”

Big confession time. “Lena or Melanie would hear and they’d
tell me. I almost told them not to but in the back of my mind I couldn’t bear
not knowing what was happening with you. So like I said, I’m sorry I said those
awful things to you.”

He leaned forward, his eyes pinning her with concern. “You
were a hurt teenager who didn’t deserve what was happening to her.”

Tears welled up and scared her. She didn’t cry, at least not
in front of others. “So my father was a nutjob holy roller who liked to beat me
when I didn’t agree with his religious doctrine. There are worse things.”

His brows furrowed. “Not much. Where’s your brother?”

“Timothy is doing well, thank God. He’s getting his
doctorate in philosophy. He’s the eternal student.” She smiled at the thought
of skinny, tall, nerdy Timothy. “He’s the strongest in the family. He doesn’t
seem to have the issues I have.” She swallowed a lump in her throat. “That my
sister had.”

“Maybe he just hasn’t told you about his issues. People can
stuff a lot of shit.”

“Is that what you do?”

Bingo. He went silent for a second before he said, “Yep.
That’s what I do sometimes, and then I realize I have to work things out in my
head. And I go for a run or pump some iron to help me think.” His honesty took
her off guard and she stared at him. Before she could speak, he said, “Maybe
your brother deals with your past family life by always being a student. He
doesn’t have to go into the real world as often.”

“God, you’re good. Did they teach you this interrogation technique
in the military?”

Anger replaced his expression. “No. But I can see your
defensive sarcasm hasn’t changed.”

Shame made her cheeks heat. “I’m not proud of it.”

“Do you use that to cover when you’re hurting?”

“I use it because my father was a sarcastic S.O.B. It must
be in the genes.”

He chuckled, removing the intense look. “I missed that.”

“What?”

“Sparring with you. We were always good at that.”

She remembered. Oh how she remembered. When they’d met, she been
only fifteen and he’d been sixteen. They’d never been more than friends but she’d
felt a jolt of pure lust every time she saw him. Yeah, she’d been crushing on
him, even though he dated other girls. Her life had been in the toilet and she’d
looked forward to classes together five days a week. She’d underplayed her
negative past. Living for most of her early years with a cold, controlling
father, a meek mother, quiet brother and a neurotic sister… Well, it had added
up to a long, dark night of the soul. One she didn’t share with anyone. Ever.

“You were a tough kid,” he said after a long pause.

“I
was
.”

“You aren’t now?”

“Don’t feel like it.”

“Give yourself a break. You can’t be tough twenty-four hours
a day.”

“Wanna bet?”

Silence went on as she lost her appetite. She stuffed the
last half of her burger and fries into the bag.

“Something wrong with your food?” he asked.

She heaved a sigh and managed to meet his gaze. “No. When I’m
stressed, I’ll get really hungry and then my appetite will cut out after a few
bites. I think I’ll be sick if I take another bite.”

He stood and walked to the bed then settled next to her. “I’ve
seen soldiers with the same problem. I’ve even felt that way a few times. Give
yourself some time to recover.”

Words flowed from her like a faucet. “My sister Gabby was
like that before she became a full-blown anorexic.”

She didn’t meet his gaze but she felt his attention burning
through her.

“You think that’s what’ll happen to you?” he asked.

She stood and threw her burger bag into the trash with a
thunk. “After seeing what Gabby went through…”

“When did she become anorexic?”

She almost didn’t answer him. She thought of Gabby, two
years older than her and so beautiful. A pretty brunette who looked like their father.
Kathleen looked like her father too.

“Only two years ago,” she said.

“Was she overweight?”

“No. She was already thin.” Bitterness stained her voice. “She
made the mistake of telling our father she planned to marry a guy who wasn’t
Father’s type of Christian.”

“His type of Christian?”

“The type that hates people.” When he didn’t speak, she
turned toward him. Tears returned again. “I’m sorry. None of this is your
problem. Old history is old history.”

“Yeah, but I can see it still affects you.”

She snorted softly. “I’m thirty years old, Jake. I should
have this crap figured out. I should be over it.”

“Don’t beat yourself up. We all have things we haven’t
figured out. Including me.”

“Like what?”

Hesitation flickered in his eyes. “Tonight’s about you. I
can regurgitate my problems on another night.”

She stood next to him, looking at his ripped body and
handsome face and wanting to lose herself in his visible strength. She stepped
between his thighs and his big hands cupped her hips. His gaze went hot and all
hesitation left her. She needed and wanted this.

“If this is about me, then we need to do this.” She slid her
hands through his very short hair.

Without delay, she leaned down and captured his mouth with
hers.

Kathleen had thought kissing Jake Frasier would feel nice
but that word didn’t cover the sheer intensity of emotions crashing into her.
He responded instantly but it wasn’t a ravenous kiss. Gently, tenderly he
tasted her, a skillful exploration that promised so much. He didn’t pounce—his
caresses at her waistline and the sweet way he kissed her showed restraint. She
shivered under his touch, turned-on by the soft way he kissed. His hands
tightened on her hips. He broke the kiss and stared at her. Heat flared in his
eyes and she took that as an invitation for more. She clasped his shoulders as
she straddled his lap.

“Oh God,” he said. “What are you doing to me?”

She smiled at him as she settled right onto the erection
pressing against his jeans. The pressure of his cock against her aching core
aroused her even more. She shifted, rubbing her sensitive tissues along his
hardness. She closed her eyes and did it again, her hips finding a rhythm. Heat
blossomed between her legs and she couldn’t stop.
God, this feels too good.

When she opened her eyes and looked at him, his face was a
study in desire. His lips parted, his nostrils flared as she kept up the
sinuous dance, moving against him. He tunneled one hand into her hair and drew
her down for a ravenous kiss. Gone was the soft approach as his tongue plunged
deep. She groaned into his mouth and responded as the tingling between her legs
grew moment by moment. Kathleen fell into a sensual daze as he devoured her
with one passionate kiss after another. With every relentless stroke of her
aroused flesh against his cock, climax grew closer and closer. When he released
her from the kiss she closed her eyes and road him toward a peak.
So close.
So close.
With a gasp and a cry, she hit the top. Sweet, trembling,
delicious orgasm spiked inside her in a heated rush. He pulled her closer into
his arms and she buried her head against his shoulder as she gasped and moaned.
Time seemed to have little meaning as she drifted in pleasure.

As her breathing regulated, she pulled back and stood. Time
to give him as much pleasure as she’d just experienced. But his face had turned
from ready-to-get-it-on to a less enthusiastic expression.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“You experienced a huge trauma today. Tonight isn’t the
night for this.”

Embarrassment tore through her. She shouldn’t have let
things go this far. She’d basically thrown herself at him. She sucked in a deep
breath and battled back inexplicable tears.

He stood, face grim. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

On the defense, she said, “I kissed you, remember?”

“You don’t need that right now. You need rest and time to
think.”

Without a hint of rancor she said, “Never tell me what I
need.”

“Ever the independent, eh?”

She threw him a half smile born of frustration. “Yes.”
Before she could yank him back into her arms and do something really stupid,
she continued with, “I think I’ll get some sleep now. It’s late.”

“You’re right. It is. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Did he think she’d tell him the truth? “I’m wonderful.”

Doubt filled his eyes but he reached for his coat on the
chair and then shrugged into it. “Take down my cell phone number.”

“Why?” she asked automatically even as she reached for a pad
of paper and a pen.

“Because if you need me, just call.”

She needed him. In between her legs and making her forget.
She didn’t say that of course. Instead she wrote while he rattled off the
number.

He zipped his coat and, with his hand on the doorknob, he
glanced back at her. “Sleep well.”

“You too.”

When the door had closed, and she’d locked it behind him, a
void grew inside her. She wanted more. Not just sex, although she had a feeling
that would have been mind-blowing. No, she’d wanted more talk. More
anything
to bring her off the jittery high. She sank onto the bed and the tears rolled
down her cheeks. She didn’t sob or wail. She never did that. After all, it
would mean losing total control. Instead she allowed the tears to come softly.

The damn phone rang and Kathleen groaned. She opened one
eye. The room was dark. Who the frig would call this late? Sleep had felt so
good. Her cell phone continued its cheery tune. Wednesday? It was Wednesday,
right? Groggy and disoriented, she fought her way out of sleepiness.

She groaned as she rolled over, turned on the bedside lamp
and grabbed her phone. Lena’s number flashed on the screen.

“This better be good,” she said into the phone. “I was
dreaming about Hugh Jackman.”

Lena snorted a laugh. “Yeah right. Where are you? Are you
okay?”

Feeling foggy-headed, Kathleen sat up and groaned. “Peachy.”
She glanced at the digital clock radio on the bedstand. “God, it’s nine o’clock?
I thought it was like…I dunno, two in the morning.”

Lena laughed. “No, silly. Look, what have you got planned
today? The brothers are all playing paintball and stuff with Patrick today.
Danelle and Melanie are doing some last-minute wedding gunk and Melanie works
at the library tonight. My boss at the mental health center gave me time off.
But I’m just sitting around here thinking about the shooting yesterday. Want to
have lunch?”

The way Lena had rattled everything off sounded nervous.

“Sure. Sounds like fun.” It didn’t really. She felt like
someone had flattened her with a steamroller. “What about you? Are you up to
going out?”

Lena made a soft, exasperated sound. “I wouldn’t have called
you if I wasn’t.”

Kathleen closed her eyes and wiped one hand over her face. “Right.
Oh wait. My rental car is still at the mall.”

“I’ll swing by and get you and then we’ll drop by the mall
to get your rental.”

“What about your ankle?”

“It’s just a bit sore. No big deal.”

Later that morning, after she’d managed to shower and dress,
Kathleen gazed at herself in the mirror and groaned. Today she’d drawn her hair
back into a ponytail. She hadn’t wanted to style it but she rarely did anyway.
She’d been blessed with great hair that fell in long ringlets naturally with a
little help from a foam hair product and sometimes gentle blow-drying. The rest
of her looked a mess. Dark circles under her eyes, no eye shadow and a little
dusting of mineral makeup and blush—yeah, she looked exhausted. Her body ached
as if she’d done twenty rounds in the ring. Too bad the twenty rounds hadn’t
been under the sheets with Jake.

“Get over it already.”

Last night’s escapade had shown her she’d moved too far and
too quickly. The man might even have a girlfriend for all she knew. She hoped
not—he hadn’t kissed like a man faithful to a lover. No, he’d kissed like a man
who
wanted
her. Her belly tingled at the memory of his lips on hers. She
sighed and observed her attire in the mirror, wondering if she should change.
Somehow the dark red sweater and jeans she wore did nothing for her. She sat on
the bed and yanked on her boots. Who cared? It was lunch with Lena, not a
meeting with the pope.

Right on time, Lena met her at the hotel entrance. They went
to the mall and Kathleen picked up her car. Kathleen followed Lena to a small
family restaurant on the far north end of town, as far from the mall as they
could be without leaving town. Snow had stopped and pretty much melted under a
winter sun. It promised to snow more as clouds drifted across the sky from time
to time. Lena limped a little as she walked but it wasn’t that noticeable. She
wore jeans, a sweater and athletic shoes. Her short blonde hair was a bit
mussed, as if she’d had difficulty taming it. Not that Lena seemed to care.

When they settled in a booth, a waitress greeted them. “Lena,
darlin’, I heard about what happened to you guys yesterday. That was awful. Are
you all right?”

Lena smiled at the older woman. “Hey Janice. Yeah, we’re
good.”

Janice peppered them both with questions but made it short
and quick and took their coffee orders.

Lena’s gaze assessed Kathleen. “Everything okay?”

“Definitely. You?”

Lena looked dubious. “Um…I’m not sure. That’s part of the
reason why I wanted to chat. Ever since the shooting, I’ve been jumpy. I needed
to do something.”

Kathleen didn’t know if she wanted to hash out what happened
at the mall but if Lena wanted to, she couldn’t refuse. Her friend looked
frazzled. They examined their menus and made decisions on what to eat but the
waitress hadn’t come back yet. The restaurant was rocking with customers, so it
might be a while.

“Are you all right?” Kathleen asked, genuinely concerned.

Lena fiddled with her paper napkin. “A little confused.”

“About what?”

“Everything.” Lena abandoned the napkin and leaned her
elbows on the table.

Puzzled, Kathleen said, “Okay.”

“Last night Rick and I were…”

Kathleen waited while Lena stared at the table. Kathleen
finally gave up and allowed her impatience to overtake her. “What?”

“We slept together.”

Kathleen smiled. “That’s all?”

Lena’s gaze snapped to hers. “I’ve never, never slept with a
guy I’ve just met.”

“Well, technically you haven’t just met him.”

The waitress interrupted when she brought their coffee and
took their food orders. Lena added sugar and cream to her coffee while Kathleen
drank hers black.

When Lena didn’t elaborate on their earlier discussion,
Kathleen pushed the issue. “I’ve had a one-night stand before. One time.”

Lena’s eyes widened. “You have?”

“You’re surprised? Remember, I was the badass in high
school. Or at least I thought I was. Reality was different.”

“You
were
a badass. You couldn’t have made it through
your teen years if you weren’t.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere.”

Lena shrugged. “Well, maybe you can give me some advice
about one-night stands.”

“Such as?”

“When did your one-night stand happen?”

“When I was too young.” Kathleen thought back to the how and
why of that one-night stand and winced. “I was a virgin and sixteen. It was all
wrong for me. I didn’t love the guy. He was a friend of Jake Frasier’s.”

Lena’s eyebrows went up. “Shut up.”

“Yeah. It was a mess.”

“You never told me about that.”

Kathleen looked into her cooling coffee and then took a sip.
“I never told anyone about it. Melanie doesn’t know either.”

“Wow. Well, I was a virgin until I was twenty-three.
Practically an old maid by today’s standards.”

“Hey, I admire that. Was it with someone you loved?”

“I thought it was. Anyway, that’s another long story.” Lena
still looked troubled. “Rick is…different. I can’t believe how I feel about
him. He’s an incredible guy.”

Uh-oh.
The doe-eyed look on Lena’s face told Kathleen
what she needed to know. “You’re falling for him.”

Lena groaned. “God, I hope not.”

Lena’s expression was almost comical but Kathleen wouldn’t
make light of her friend’s worry. “If it makes you feel any better, I tried to
jump Jake’s bones last night.”

Again Lena’s eyes widened. “Tried?”

“He didn’t take me up on it.”

Lena grimaced. “Really?”

“Really. Than man kisses like a god but he put me aside and
got all honorable. He said I didn’t need that right now.”

Lena sipped coffee, holding the cup in both hands. “So he’s
honorable too. That makes it worse. Or better, depending how you look at it.”

“I know, right? Like it or not, the Frasier brothers are
pains in the ass. Gorgeous as hell but that doesn’t make up for the
frustration.” Kathleen lowered her voice and leaned forward. “So how was it?”

Lena blushed bright red and a small smile touched her mouth.
“Amazing.”

“Wild monkey sex?”

Lena giggled, a sound Kathleen hadn’t heard her make in
ages. “Um. It was wonderful. I’ve never…um…”

Kathleen waved one hand. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get that
personal. But I’m glad he rocked your boat.”

“He rocked my
world
.” Lena lowered her voice and
looked around. “I didn’t know sex like that was possible in the real world.”

“Dang girl, shut up. You’re going to make me jealous that
you got some and I didn’t.”

When their salads came, they ate in silence for a while.

Kathleen broke the silence with, “You’re not happy about
what happened between you and Rick, are you?”

Lena finished a bit of salad. “Yes and no. It was wonderful.
But I told him we couldn’t do it again. He’s leaving Sunday.”

Kathleen sipped more coffee before she answered. “Back to
Alaska.”

“He was matter-of-fact about it and he left my house without
arguing.”

“Right. I don’t know whether he deserves a kick in the pants
for being so blunt or a prize for being honest.”

“Both, I think.”

Lena stared at her chicken salad, the forlorn expression on
her face turning to distinct irritation. “Well, if I get hurt it’s my own damned
fault. I should have known better.”

Guilt surfaced inside Kathleen. “I shouldn’t have said what
I did at the mall.”

“Said what?”

“When you and Melanie were standing in the parking lot after
the shooting. I sort of egged you both on.”

Lena stabbed a piece of lettuce. “We’re adults, Kathleen. We
can make our own decisions.”

Kathleen shoved aside her half-eaten salad. She’d been
ravenous at first because she’d skipped breakfast and now she could barely
choke down the salad.

“Don’t like your salad?” Lena asked.

“It’s good but I’m full.”

Lena ate quickly, as she always had. “God, why couldn’t Rick
have been a total jerk?”

Kathleen laughed. “Probably because he’s not?”

Lena chewed another piece of chicken. “Gah! Don’t tell me
that. Tell me he’s a rotten creep and I’m better off without him.”

“He’s a rotten creep and you’re better off without him,”
Kathleen said in a deadpan voice.

Lena’s mouth twisted. “Yeah, I’m not convinced.”

After Lena polished off the rest of her salad, the waitress
took their plates.

“I wonder what happened between Melanie and Matt?” Lena
asked.

Kathleen drank the last of her coffee. “They looked pretty
cozy. Hard to say. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I guess we’ll get a clue then.”

“So what are you going to do about Jake?”

“Nothing. I’m not making another move on him. Anything that
happens from now on… The ball is in his corner.” She paused while the waitress
refilled their coffee cups and left. “Maybe it’s a good thing we didn’t take it
further.”

“You really believe that?”

“Hell no.”

They laughed and just then Kathleen’s cell phone sang its
merry song in her purse. She pulled the phone out and saw the name on the
screen. “Speak of the devil.” She answered. “Hey Jake.”

“Hey.” Even one syllable from him sounded better than a
whole sentence from another man. “You all right?”

“I’m good. Lena and I are having lunch.”

He cleared his throat. “Good.”

“Is paintball already done?”

“Yep. Now we need showers and a late lunch. Can I see you
tonight?”

She hadn’t expected his question and didn’t answer immediately.
Did she want to see him? Was it better to say she had someone else to see or
somewhere else to go? No. She didn’t lie about stuff like that, and part of her
yearned to spend more time with him.

“Sure,” she said.

“Good.” He sounded relieved. “What time are you free?”

“I have a few errands to run.” She glanced at her watch. “Five
o’clock good?”

“Great. I’ll meet you at your hotel room, if that’s okay.”

Anticipation sang through her veins. “Sounds good. See you
then.”

“Later, then.”

She tucked her phone away and looked at Lena, totally
surprised. “I can’t believe this.”

“Jake?”

“Yeah. He wants to see me tonight.”

Lena’s eyebrows waggled. “Well, maybe you’ll have another
chance tonight to have your way with him.”

Undeniable anticipation danced through Kathleen at the
thought. “But do I want to, that’s the question.”

Lena’s smile answered for her. “Oh I think you do.”

* * * * *

Kathleen glanced at her watch for the third time in ten
minutes, her nerves pinging as she sat at the small desk in her hotel room.
Jake wasn’t late. She was just nervous and couldn’t seem to stop fiddling with
things in her room.

Right on time, as if he’d set his watch to it, a knock came
on the door. She started, then chastised herself for being so damn jumpy. She
looked out the peephole. Jake stood there with his hands at his sides, his gaze
trained down the hallway. His profile was hard, strong and sent her nerves to
jumping again. She drew in a calming breath and opened the door.

Jake smiled, and rather than the uncertain smile of a
tentative lover, he looked maddeningly self-assured. “Hey.”

She opened the door and gestured. “Come on in. How’s it
going?”

“I’m beat. Patrick knows how to kick ass in paintball.”

As she closed the door, he peeled off his coat. Her attention
ran over his dark-blue sweater and the nice cut of his jeans over his butt.
God, he looked hot. She wanted to lay her head on that broad, muscled chest.
Better yet, she wanted to strip the sweater off him and see if his body was as
gorgeous as she imagined it was.

Her gaze snapped up to his as he walked toward her and the
heat in his eyes caused her to take a step back.

He came to a halt and held up both hands. “Whoa. It’s okay.
You all right?”

She licked her lips. “Sorry. I think I’m still jumpy after
the mall shooting. It’s stupid, I know.”

“No, it isn’t. Come on.” He touched the back of the single
straight-back chair in the room. “Sit here and I’ll give you a massage.”

How about a full body massage, Captain?

She did as he said, anticipation only adding to her already
spring-loaded muscles. “We’ll start on your neck. Let me know if I’m pressing
too hard, okay?” He moved aside her hair so that it lay in a long rope over her
right shoulder.