Underestimated (71 page)

didn’t quite know what to say when he opened the

bedroom door that had hardly been used, not while I was

there anyway. It was the room right beside mine, only my

room wasn’t there anymore. The wall had been knocked

out, and the massive room had been remodeled into a

beautiful master suite. My private bath had been

transformed into a beautiful retreat. The new tan stone

flowed from the floor into the walk-in shower with six

shower heads, a full size bench and a full length mirror.

The king size platform bed was sleek with black

and gold satin bedding. I walked over and moved the

matching curtains to a full walk out deck with comfortable

chairs. It was absolutely gorgeous. I just wasn’t sure what

he expected me to say. I had Dawson.

“Open the pocket doors,” he excitedly told me.

I’m sure my face was blank. I was so confused.

What the hell had he done? I opened the pocket doors to

the most beautiful nursery that I had ever seen. The crib

itself must have cost a fortune. It was custom made to look

like a tree house. The branches came out for practical

uses. One branch held the changing table to the right of the

crib. one branch was full of newborn baby boy’s clothing.

There was another branch that had an automatic baby

swing. The last branch came over the top of the crib and

held a mobile, which I was sure was also custom made. It

held diamonds that sent a sparkle across the walls and

ceiling when Drew wound it up. The whole room was

decorated like an enchanted forest. The hand painted

mural on one of the walls showed a vibrant forest with

baby monkeys in a couple of the trees.

“Drew?” I quietly said. What did he want me to

say?

“You love it, don’t you?” he smiled.

“I do. I’m just not sure what to say. You do

remember that this baby may not be yours. Right?”

“No. I don’t believe that for a second,” he replied,

taking me in his arms. “I believe one hundred percent that

this is my son,” he said, placing his hand on my stomach.

“And I believe that you are going to wake up and realize

that I love you, and I want to wake up to the smell of your

peach smelling hair every morning.”

Shit…

Drew led me back to what he believed would be

our master bedroom and made slow passionate love to me.

It was just what I needed. I needed the distraction.

Something bad was going to happen. I could feel it. I had

to hurt someone, and for the love of God, I didn’t know

who that someone was going to be.

We lay naked, entwined in each other’s arms in the

middle of the day. Drew told me about the construction

going on for the past couple of months. He explained the

hours that he spent picking out the bed and décor for the

baby’s room. I thought it was the sweetest thing ever.

“Have you thought about what we’re going to call

this little guy?” Drew asked.

“Not really. Dawson likes Brady.” Damnit. I

didn’t want to say that. It just fell out of my mouth.

“Brady is a sissy name, and he doesn’t have a say

in what my son’s name is going to be.” He said it with a

little bit of attitude.

“Did you have something in mind?” I asked, trying

to smooth over my idiotic statement.

“I kind of like Nicholas. Nicholas Andrew

Kelley,” he replied.

“I like it, but why Nicholas?”

“I know I’m supposed to tell you some off the wall

story about Nicholas being my hero or some shit, but I

don’t have one. I just like the name.”

I smiled and rolled over to my side so that I could

kiss him.

“Tell me that you love me,” he said to my lips.

“I do love you, Drew,” I said to his.

“Then come home. I’m begging you.”

I wanted to tell him yes that I would, but I just

couldn’t do it. I had Dawson who was under the

assumption that I was visiting my mother on the other side

of the United States. Maybe coming here wasn’t such a

good idea after all. All it did was confuse me even more.

“I’m working on it, but I can’t just say yes right

this second,” I replied with the best answer that I could

come up with.

“You’re waiting to see who the father is, aren’t

you?”

Was that what I was doing?

“You don’t have to answer that. I know you have a

lot going on, and I want you to know that I am not

pressuring you. I want you to do what you want, and what

you think is best for you, but you remember one thing. I

want you more than I have ever wanted anything in my life.

I want to spend the rest of my life making up for our first

six years together.”

“They weren’t all bad,” I replied.

“Tell me when it was good,” he countered.

I couldn’t do that. Drew was a monster then. He

never treated me with any dignity or respect. He loved to

humiliate me and treat me like a piece of meat. What the

hell was I doing in bed with this maniac? I should be at

home getting ready to have supper with Dawson. I had to

get up. I wanted away from Drew at that moment. I needed

to stop remembering the past or this trip was going to turn

into remorse and guilt, more than it already was.

“I’m going to take a shower,” I said not answering

his question.

He let me go. I stood in front of the mirror looking

shamefully at my reflection. I wondered if there were

cameras in the newly remodeled shower. What the hell

was I doing? What in the world was I thinking? I stayed in

the hot shower for as long as I could, trying to wash away

my shame. It didn’t work.

Drew was gone when I came out. I walked around

the beautiful transformed room and then back to the baby’s

room. I took in every little detail. He had really gone

above and beyond. The room was a mother’s dream room.

I sat in the gliding rocking chair and imagined myself

holding my son as I rocked back and forth. I hadn’t even

realized that I had fallen asleep until Drew woke me for

supper.

I opened my eyes to sweet kisses on my eyelids

and then my lips. I smiled. One minute I hated this man and

the next, I couldn’t get enough of him. I wished there was a

magic pill, a pill that would miraculously guide me in the

right direction.

“You’re the most beautiful mother to be on earth,”

he whispered.

“I fell asleep, didn’t I?”

“You did. I like the idea of you falling asleep

rocking my son.”

“I was rocking him, wasn’t I?” I smiled, realizing

that I was indeed rocking my son. I couldn’t say our son. I

didn’t know whose son I was rocking. I didn’t know if I

was rocking Brady Aaron Bade or Nicholas Andrew

Kelly. I wasn’t sure that I could keep this up for three

more months. I wished I knew.

“Are you hungry,” Drew asked, pulling me from

my thoughts.

“I’m always hungry,” I assured him.

***

husband. We laughed, went for walks, watched a football

game at the nearby high school, made love countless times,

and fell asleep naked in each other’s arms. I talked to

Dawson every day and he never suspected a thing. I was

supposed to stay for two more days, but Drew had to fly to

New York. He begged me to go with him, but I didn’t. I

didn’t want to be stuck in a hotel while he was out taking

care of business. We made plans to meet at my mother’s in

two weeks.

I spent the last night wrapped in his arms, dreading

the thought of leaving him. Two weeks seemed like so far

away. I drifted off to sleep after making love for the last

time. I slept so soundly. I didn’t even know that I was

dreaming. When I finally realized what was going on

Drew had me in his arms, trying to wake me.

“Shhhh, you’re okay, I’ve got you,” he said,

brushing my damp hair from my forehead.

“Dawson?” I whimpered, still incoherent. I felt

him stiffen and then move off the bed.

Shit. It wasn’t Dawson.

“Drew?” I said to his dark silhouette.

He sat on the side of the bed and placed his head

in his hands. I touched his arm, and he took my hand and

brought it to his lips.

“You feel protected with him, don’t you?”

What? What the hell did I say?

“I feel protected with you too,” I tried.

“No, you don’t. You have no idea how it makes me

feel when you wake up like that.”

“What did I say?”

He shook his head and breathed a deep breath.

“Tell me, Drew,” I demanded.

“You were begging me not to hit you again. You

were promising not to be a bad girl and telling me that you

would do what I wanted” he confessed.

Shit. Stupid nightmares.

“Drew, don’t, it’s okay.”

He jumped up. “It’s not okay, Morgan! I don’t

deserve you. I don’t deserve this baby. You don’t deserve

me. You deserve someone like Dawson, someone that is

going to respect and take care of you.”

“You know what, Drew? You are absolutely

right,” I was getting angry with him. I didn’t want him to

act like this when I knew that he was leaving me in a

couple of hours. His head snapped toward me. “You don’t

want me to bring up the past, then you’re not allowed to

either. I love you, damnit. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

“Why?”

“I have no idea why. I have asked myself that same

question a million times. I love you and I don’t want to

lose you.”

“But you don’t want to lose Dawson either, right?”

he asked, coming back to me. I didn’t want to lose

Dawson. I loved him too. He was my safety net.

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t answer him. I didn’t

know what to say. Nothing I could have said would have

made any sense, not to him and not to me. I needed them

both.

“You need to decide, Morgan. If you don’t want

me, then tell me. Stop keeping me at bay. Either be with

me or don’t. I can’t wait any longer. I have tried my best to

give you time. I’ve given you almost six months. You have

to choose, Morgan.”

I knew I had to choose. I didn’t want to choose. I

wanted to keep them both in my life until I figured out who

this baby’s dad was. Drew would never understand that.

Dawson would never understand that. No matter what I

decided, someone was going to get hurt. Why didn’t I just

do the stupid paternity test?

“I can’t give you an answer right this second,

Drew,” I said. I couldn’t. I knew that as soon as I was

back in Dawson’s arms, I would be right back to thinking I

needed him as much as I was feeling like I needed Drew

when I was with him.

Drew lay back down and pulled me in his arms

with a heavy sigh.

“I love you, Morgan,” he whispered.

“I love you too, Drew. I really do.”

Drew was gone when I woke. I knew he had to

leave before daylight. I didn’t like it. I felt alone, sad, hurt,

confused. I wanted him back. I wanted to be everywhere

he was. I wanted Drew. I decided right that moment that I

wanted Drew.

I walked up to our new master bedroom again

before showering and getting ready to head back home to

Maine, to Dawson. I smiled when I opened the baby’s

room. I thumbed through the tiny infant clothing and

wondered if Drew had picked them out. There was no way

that he would ever wear all of them. There were at least

twenty little sleepers. I picked up the tiny little tuxedo and

smiled at the embroidery that read ‘Daddy’s little

assistant.’

“Oh, Drew what am I going to do?” I said out loud

to the empty room.

I smiled again when I read Drew’s text.

“You could start with coming home to me.”

There were cameras. I looked around the room and

answered my phone.

“Where are you?” I asked as soon as I saw that it

was Drew.

“Waiting for a client. You look good in there.”

“I can’t believe you put cameras in here.”

“You didn’t really think I was going to leave my

baby in there all alone without being able to look at him

whenever I wanted, did you?”

“No. I guess not,” I replied. Why did I feel so raw,

so torn and undone?

“There is one right above the mobile. I can see him

sleeping from anywhere.”

I smiled and looked around the room for a camera.

“I’m going to take a shower. By any chance are there