Undercover in the CEO's Bed (14 page)

At his inimical tone, Nancy blanched a ghostly white, all fight gone out of her. Head bowed, she trudged after Kirk as he left the room. In the aftermath, silence descended on the library. Lex saw his grandmother groping for her walking stick as she struggled to get to her feet, but when he hurried to her side, she waved him off.

“I’m not yet a corpse,” she snipped as she hauled herself upright. “I need to go after them. I need to talk to her.”

“Holly?”

“No, Nancy, of course.”

“Her? You want to talk with Nancy?”

She drew away from him, her face drawn, all her previous joy snuffed out. “Somebody has to.”

He could only watch as his grandmother limped from the room without another word. Only Jacinta remained in the library. In the stillness he heard the blood pounding inside his skull.

“Well?” He swept his palm across his brow and realized he was covered in sweat. “Aren’t you going to say I told you so?”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry it turned out this way for you.” She pleated her fingers together, then unpleated them. “It must have been a shock for you, learning about—about Nancy and your dad.”

His insides spasmed again. He bent to pick up the copies of the meeting agenda strewn across the carpet. “I guess I shouldn’t be that shocked. My dad had countless affairs, after all.” He riffled the sheets that Nancy had conscientiously produced. She’d always been so industrious and self-effacing. Everyone, including him, had taken her for granted.

“If my dad hadn’t used her and then neglected her, she wouldn’t have felt the urge to revenge herself.” But Philip wasn’t the only one responsible for this mess. With a muttered expletive, he ripped up the sheets of paper and hurled them into a wastepaper basket. “Who the hell am I kidding? I’m as much to blame as my lying, womanizing bastard of a father.”

His lack of trust, that was what had brought him undone.

“Will you be all right?”

The concern in Jacinta’s voice intensified his headache. He stared at her and realized he wanted to bury his face into her hair. He wanted to feel her arms around him holding him tight. But he couldn’t afford to succumb to his weakness.

He stretched his lips into a bleak smile. “I’ll survive. I always do.”

“Will you?” Her brow puckered. “But you still haven’t told them about the business problems. How will you get any consensus from your family now?”

Now that they knew how much he had mistrusted them. But right now he didn’t want to think about it.

He affected a nonchalant shrug. “I’ll think of something. It’s not the first time I’ve had run-ins with my relatives.”

The line remained between her eyes. It irked him to see her so worried. Did she think he was about to crumble under the pressure? If so, she had no idea what he was made of. He didn’t need anyone’s pity.

“There’s nothing more to do here,” he said brusquely. “We may as well head back to San Francisco right now.”

“What about your grandmother?”

The thought of his nana made him scowl harder.

“You saw her a minute ago. She doesn’t want me around.” Impatience surged over him. He wheeled around and headed for the door. “Come on. Let’s finish packing and get the hell out of here.”

Chapter Twelve

When they returned to their room, Lex said to Jacinta, “Can you hurry with your packing? I want to leave as soon as possible.”

His face was a rigid mask, shutting her out just as he had downstairs in the library. She’d tried to show her concern, but he didn’t need her.

“I suppose this is it,” she said slowly, a leaden weight sinking into her guts. “We don’t need to pretend we’re a couple anymore.” God, was that a mournful note in her voice?

Lex grabbed a couple of things off his nightstand and threw them into his suitcase. “No, we don’t.” He said it with such forcefulness, like he was drawing a line in the sand. For him, this was the end. Full stop. No gray areas.

He stalked into the bathroom. She waited until he returned with his toiletry bag before saying, “We have to sort out this engagement thing before we leave.”

Lex pulled a face as he added the bag to his luggage. “Can’t that wait?”

Her eyes widened, and try as she might, she couldn’t suppress a tiny throb of hope. “What do you mean? Your grandmother still thinks we’re engaged. She still thinks we’re a couple. Don’t you want to tell her the truth?”

“She’s had a stressful morning. I’m not going to add to her troubles. I’ll tell her later.”

It felt as though her heart was deflating. For a second there she’d thought that maybe, just maybe, Lex might want to prolong their fake relationship for his own enjoyment. But of course he didn’t.

“Fine.” Jacinta sighed.

“But you can give me the ring now, and I’ll keep it safe.”

“Oh.” Her back stiffened. “What do you mean ‘keep it safe’? You don’t trust me with this ring? Think I’m going to run off with it?”

Temper flashed across his dark face. “For Pete’s sake, I just found out the woman I trusted for years was going behind my back. You think I’m in the mood for a lecture about trust?”

“And you made me sign a piece of paper promising I’d keep my mouth shut, so I know you have trust issues, but I’m not Nancy, or your father, or your college friend! I’m me. I thought we were in this together.”

“You didn’t want to help me until I’d jumped through your hoops,” he shot at her. “You’re only in this because of Kevin. We had a business arrangement, that’s all, and now that business is finished, so you can hand my grandmother’s ring back to me.”

Her spirits slumped even further. She glanced at the glittering ring weighing down her finger. When Lex had slid it onto her finger, and she’d felt his hands trembling as much as hers, for a surreal moment she’d imagined they truly were promised to each other. But it was all a mirage.

She tugged at the ring, but it wouldn’t move. “It’s stuck.” She wrestled with it again, still without luck. Lex was beginning to look exasperated. He probably thought she was faking having trouble with the ring just to annoy him. She thrust out her hand to him. “Here, you do it.”

He twisted the ring, his hands still gentle on hers, but the ring remained stubbornly in place. He swiped his forearm across his brow. “Shit, this thing is stuck like cement.” A hint of panic lurked in his voice. “Let’s try some soap.”

He grabbed her by the hand and marched her into the bathroom, where he briskly lathered up her hand with soap and resumed his efforts. “We gotta get this off. Dammit.”

His alarm stung her. “You don’t have to look so scared,” she said stiffly. “I’m not going to hold you to this engagement.”

“What? The hell I’m scared.”

“Then why are you so anxious to rip the ring off my finger?”

He dropped her soapy hand, rinsed himself off, and grabbed a towel. “
You’re
the one who wants to break off the engagement right away,” he flung at her, deep lines scoring his brow.

“It’s not a real engagement!” Her heart thudded.

“It is to my grandmother.”

“So you want to prolong it, just for her sake?”

Silence throbbed in the cool, marble-tiled bathroom. He tilted his head back and let out a groan. “God help me, I don’t want to be engaged.”

It felt as if he’d slipped a knife through her ribs. “Me neither, buddy,” she retorted through clenched teeth.

She resumed wriggling the ring, and as she fought with it, her own panic rose. She had to get this ring off before Lex saw how much it meant to her. How much
he
meant to her. Because when he’d stated so baldly that he didn’t want to be engaged, that was when the walls of denial she’d built up began to fall apart, and every second this ring remained on her finger brought the truth louder and clearer to her—she was in love with Lex.

And this time, it wasn’t just the electric physical love she felt for him each time he touched her, but a stronger, broader emotional connection that ran fathoms deep, because now she saw him in his entirety. He wasn’t just Lex, the super sex god and all-around alpha male. He was also Lex, the man who would do anything for his grandmother, who put up with his best friend’s teasing, who covered for an imperfect father, who wanted so desperately to trust his family.

He was stubborn and arrogant, and yet he was also vulnerable and unsure. She saw his faults and understood them and loved him for them, and she was so, so in love with him it made her achy and trembly and teary. And she was violently afraid he would see the emotion scrawled all over her face like a billboard, guess the truth, and be...dismayed. That was one humiliation she couldn’t bear. So she kept her head bent over the basin as she struggled with the ring.

“You’re going to hurt yourself,” Lex said curtly, clamping his hand over hers to still her furious efforts.

Her emotions were stretched to breaking point, and the rough touch of his hand splintered her brittle self-control. She flung herself away, soap lather spraying in all directions. “Goddammit, Lex. This is all your fault!”

“
My
fault?”

“Of course it is.” Yes, anger was good. Anger kept the mushy feelings at bay. Anger masked her breaking heart. “None of this would’ve been necessary if you’d only been able to trust your family. No need for snooping around and pretend girlfriends and fake engagements.”

“I didn’t force you into this. You did it because you’re so blind about Kevin.”

“Don’t drag my brother into this.” She glared at him.

“Why not? You’re so busy blaming everything on me you can’t see your own faults.”

“My fault was going along with you on this visit.”

“Hey, it wasn’t all bad.” His blue eyes swept over her. “We had some awesome sex.”

If all he thought they had in common was awesome sex, then there was no hope for them. He could never love her one tenth as much as she loved him. And she was never going to settle for second best from Lex.

“Is that all I am to you? Just a sex partner?”

“Not just a sex partner. An awesome sex partner.”

“Dammit, Lex, stop being so frigging facetious!”

A muscle pulsed in his jaw as his face hardened. “What more do you want from me?”

“I don’t know.” Pain washed through her. “Maybe—maybe we know each other better now. Don’t we?”

He gazed at her, his face blank before it contorted. “We know each other’s weak spots, that’s for sure.” He shook his head vehemently. “No, Jacinta. I don’t know what you want, but I can’t go through all that shit again.”

Even now he kept on finding new ways to hurt her.
All that shit?
Was that all she was to him?

“You always were too scared to commit to a real relationship,” she said, not really thinking, only lashing out in self-preservation.

“Think I haven’t heard that bullshit a dozen times before?” His blazing blue eyes taunted her. “You demand more and more and more until you’ve chewed up a guy’s soul.”

“You don’t have a soul to be chewed up.” She couldn’t seem to stop the horrible things spitting out of her mouth. “You’re nothing but a sad, sad little man.” Oh God, that was too much. She had to stop. She bit into her inner cheek until she tasted blood.

Misery and exhaustion washed over her. She dropped her arms to her sides. “I didn’t mean that,” she whispered.

Lex just stared at her, his face growing tight, as an awful silence stretched between them. Then, a faint clinking noise broke the hush, and she looked down to see the ring had slipped off her finger and fallen onto the marble tiles. The sight of the diamond glinting at her feet was an omen, she thought. A sign that everything between them was over, broken beyond repair.

Lex picked up the ring and slipped it into his trouser pocket. “Looks like the engagement’s off.”

She wasn’t a drama queen. She could weather setbacks and disappointments. But watching Lex take the engagement ring back was...heartbreaking. It felt as if her heart had split in two, and all she could do was break down and cry. But not yet, not yet, not anywhere near Lex. She couldn’t bear it if he saw her in tears.

“I’m flying back on my own,” she said.

He looked up. “Huh?”

“You heard me. I don’t want to fly back with you because we’ll just argue again, and I’m sick to death of arguing. Like you said, our business is finished. We don’t need to see each other again. The helicopter can return to pick you up.” Somehow she managed to get all that out without her chin trembling and giving her away.

“Fine by me.” He scowled. “I don’t need another lecture on my thousand and one faults.”

A quiver started in her bottom lip, and she had to clamp her mouth to halt it. “I hope you’ll keep your end of our bargain,” she said stiffly, the words bruising her throat.

“Don’t worry. Your brother will get his damn job.” His eyes were glacier blue, his body cast in iron. “Happy now you’ve got all you wanted from me?” He stalked out without waiting for her answer.

Shards of pain rained down on her. This parting was worse than the last. This time there was no righteous indignation to cushion the blow. This time there was only love and loneliness, which were no consolation at all.

Chapter Thirteen

“I’ll be working on the production support team.” Kevin tossed a handful of nuts into his mouth and crunched on them. “It’s a big team, about twenty people.”

He reached for the TV remote and flicked through the channels. Earlier in the day, he’d completed his interview at Jubilee Holdings and been offered the job on the spot, something highly unusual, and now he was a bundle of excitement. From her slouched position in an armchair, Jacinta regarded her brother as he continued to chatter. Kevin was so caught up in his day, he’d barely noticed how lethargic she was. After the Rochester helicopter had brought her back, she’d spent the afternoon doing laundry and housework, keeping her hands busy in the vain hope she would stop thinking about the days just past.

“So how was your weekend?” Kevin asked. “Tell me all about the big party and everything.”

She pushed herself upright. “Yeah, it was spectacular. Lots of champagne and important guests.”

“You had a good time?”

“Uh-huh.” Sooner or later she’d have to tell him that she wasn’t dating Lex anymore, but that could wait for a while. “I’m so glad about your job. It sounds like a great opportunity.”

“Oh sure, it’s good.” He crunched another handful of nuts. “Of course I’d have preferred to be put onto a development team, you know? More scope to show them what I’m capable of there instead of fixing mistakes in other people’s code.”

“But you have to start somewhere.”

“I know that, but I could do better.”

She sat up, disbelieving. “But you were so desperate to get a job,
any
job. Remember?”

“I wasn’t
desperate
desperate.”

“Oh, for Pete’s sake!” She jumped to her feet, arms akimbo as she glowered down at him. “I bent over backward to get you this job and this is how you repay me? By whining before you’ve even started?”

His mouth fell open. “Bent over backward? What exactly did you do?”

She faltered, belatedly realizing she’d revealed too much of the truth. “Well, I had to put in a good word for you with Lex.”

“I hope you didn’t”—he wavered—“beg him to take me on. That would be too humiliating.”

She stared down at her crestfallen brother. What had she done to him? All these years she’d been protecting him, trying to shield him from the harsh realities of life. She’d thought she was being a good older sister, but she’d been doing Kevin a disservice. He needed to fight his own battles, to lose some and win some, to become a man on his own. Her well-meaning interference had only stymied his growth.

“I’m sorry.” She rubbed her throbbing temples. “I only wanted to help you.”

He slumped down, hands hanging between his knees. “Boy, do I feel like a fool now. I thought that interview was for real. I thought I nailed it, but that was your doing, not mine.”

She winced at his words. In her mind rose the image of Lex in the library this morning, his face stricken as the magnitude of his mistake dawned on him. They’d both made mistakes, the same mistakes that had split them apart ten months ago. When Kevin had messed up then, she shouldn’t have leaped to his defense so fiercely. She shouldn’t have demanded that Lex go easy on him. That had been unfair, to both Lex and Kevin. She had made a bad mistake then, and she’d almost repeated it, but not quite. Now, there was still a chance she could salvage something out of this mess.

“We both know you’re more than capable of doing the job,” she said.

“What if I screw up again like last time?” Kevin’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.

“You’re going to do a stupid thing like that again? If you do, I wash my hands of you.”

“Oh?” He blinked in alarm.

“Yeah.” She folded her arms. Tough love. That was what Lex had recommended. It was time to give Kevin a taste of that. “I’ve done you a disservice, Kevin. All your life I’ve been too soft on you. I haven’t let you stand on your own two feet. But that’s going to change, starting tomorrow. Now that you’ve got a steady job with good prospects, you can start looking for a place of your own.”

“Oh jeez, how do I do that?”

“Like most people do. You check out Craigslist, make some phone calls, do a few visits.” The sight of his alarmed frown made her pause. “Look, it’s not that difficult.”

“Yeah, maybe I should move out.” Rubbing his hands on his knees, he gave her a watery smile. “You probably want more space now that you and Lex are, you know, back together.”

It was her turn to plaster a smile on her lips. “There’s no rush. Settle into your job first.”

She didn’t have the heart to tell him that she and Lex were no longer seeing each other. Though their reconciliation had been pure make-believe, the pain of parting wasn’t, not for her. All she could do now was force herself forward, one step and a time, until she had put enough distance between herself and her feelings for Lex.

…

Late afternoon the following day, Lex found himself alone in his office. It had been a hectic twenty-four hours. After he’d flown back to San Francisco, he’d followed up on what was happening to Nancy Bird. As promised, Kirk had confiscated every item of company property, both at the office and her home, and the security guys were trawling for some hard evidence.

Now, Lex was exhausted. His muscles ached, and his eyes felt gritty and sore. As he rummaged in his drawer for an aspirin, he noticed a piece of paper with a familiar signature and pulled it out. The confidentiality agreement Jacinta had signed. The dry legalese mocked him now.

He closed his eyes, but the image of her burned even brighter in his mind. Her chestnut hair flowed down her back as she lifted her chin and smiled at him. Damn, why did he remember her like that? Didn’t he remember yesterday when she’d gazed at him with such contempt?
You’re a sad, sad little man
.

She didn’t mean that, did she? He sucked in a breath, and it felt like all his ribs were cracked. Aw shit. He was breaking up because he’d lost the only woman he’d ever loved. Yes, finally he could admit it, now that he was beaten down and alone with his thoughts. He was in love with Jacinta, but she was gone from his life, and she hated his guts.

This was far worse than the first time they’d broken up. Then, they’d barely begun to know each other because the sex had been so powerfully distracting. They had split apart because she’d put her loyalty to her brother ahead of his need to follow the rules to the letter. He had disagreed with her, but hadn’t he done the same thing by trying to protect the reputation of his father against his better instincts?

He grabbed the agreement he’d made her sign, tore it into little pieces, and fed them into the shredder. But what use was it now destroying this pathetic piece of paper, this evidence of his lack of trust in her?

Now he understood where her loyalty came from, knew she was smart, intuitive, kind, and funny. God, she was a tease the way she’d made up that story about him serenading her. That damned song was permanently engraved in his head...

Yesterday, when Jacinta couldn’t get that ring off and started hinting that they could be more, he’d panicked. Yeah, he could admit that now. He’d plain freaked out. Seeing that ring stubbornly stuck on her finger had made him lose his head and say things he didn’t mean. He didn’t know how love was supposed to work, he didn’t want to risk getting hurt, and what if she didn’t love him the way he loved her?

But what if he went to her now and asked—begged—for a second chance? Could he risk getting kicked in the teeth? Before he could think, he was already on his feet, instinct ahead of intellect.

Just then, his cell phone beeped. He answered it impatiently, but seconds later he froze as he listened in growing horror to Hazel his grandmother’s housekeeper.

Nana Alice had suffered a heart attack not long ago. Within minutes an ambulance had raced her to the local hospital near Mariposa, but now she was about to be airlifted to UCSF Medical Center, where she was due to arrive within the hour.

When the call ended, Lex slumped back in his chair. The office felt dark and cold as dread closed in on him.
He
was responsible for Nana’s heart attack. His inability to trust had led to that blowup in the library, which must have triggered Nana’s collapse. His hands shook as he gripped the cell phone tighter.
Jacinta
. If only he could call her for support, but he’d lost her. Maybe he’d lose his grandmother too.
No
. He drew in several deep breaths as he fought for self-control.

God help him, he couldn’t sit here whimpering like a baby. There were things to do. He forced himself to his feet and loped down two floors to Kirk’s office, where he tapped on the door. His cousin looked up in surprise from his desk.

“Lex. Didn’t expect you here.” He rose to his feet, his wariness changing to alarm. “What’s wrong?”

In a few brief sentences, Lex gave him the bad news. “I’m heading out to the hospital right away. Can you let your dad and Holly know what’s happened?”

“I’ll go with you. Dad and Holly aren’t in the office today. I’ll call them while you drive us to the hospital.” Kirk grabbed his jacket before pausing to look at Lex. “If that’s okay with you?”

Lex blinked. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

Fifteen minutes later, they were crawling in afternoon traffic. Kirk had made his calls, and now there was only thorny silence between them as Lex lane-hopped and grimaced at the banked-up cars in front of them.

“Have you told Jacinta?” Kirk suddenly asked.

Lex kept his eyes straight ahead. “No.”

“Why not? She’d want to know about Nana Alice.”

Hell. He did
not
want to discuss Jacinta now of all times, not when his stomach was churning and his chest felt filled with lead. But even in the middle of this crisis he couldn’t stop thinking of her, wishing for her, remembering what she’d wanted him to do.
Trust your family.

Traffic had ground to a halt. Maybe this was his opportunity. Lex took a deep breath. “There’s something I need to tell you,” he said abruptly.

“Yeah?”

“The company isn’t doing as well as we used to think. Since I took over my dad’s position, I’ve been uncovering a few tough truths. Basically, my father was covering up for our falling profits by overinflating the value of some of our assets.”

He went on to outline what he had discovered in the past few months, not skimping on the details. At the end of his explanation, he waited for his cousin’s reaction.

Kirk drummed his fingers on the armrest. “So we need a fresh injection of capital. And we need to get our books in order before we renegotiate our bank loans. Might be some short-term pain, but that can’t be avoided.”

Lex’s eyebrows shot up. He hadn’t expected his cousin to go straight to the possible solutions. The traffic began to move again, and he eased out the clutch.

“Aren’t you going to criticize my dad’s dishonesty? And me hiding it from everyone?”

Kirk frowned. “Yes, your dad was reckless and stupid, but I understand why you tried to cover up for him. It’s the same reason why your dad covered for mine when he almost bankrupted the foundation. Family loyalty. It makes us do stupid things, huh? Even though our dads didn’t get along, they stood by each other. And even though you had problems with your dad, you couldn’t bring yourself to expose his failings.”

Lex jerked his head up. “You knew about my problems with Dad?”

“How blind do you think I am?” Kirk lifted his eyebrows. “I don’t know how you put up with all that pressure he used to lay on you. I was kind of glad he didn’t pay me much attention, though paradoxically, I hated being ignored and pushed aside.”

“Huh.” Lex eyed his cousin closely. “What about the fact that I didn’t trust you or Holly or Uncle Ralph?”

Kirk lifted his shoulders. “Listen, I was angry yesterday. We all were. But I realize now you had your reasons for suspecting it was one of us. Hell, I’d never have guessed it was Nancy Bird in a million years.”

“I’m not too keen on taking her to court, not after what my dad did to her.”

Kirk nodded. “I agree. We don’t need the bad publicity, especially now.” He hesitated. “Uh, there’s something I need to get off my chest. Something you won’t like.”

“Go ahead. Seems today is the day for bad news.”

Kirk cleared his throat. “The thing is, a few weeks ago I was going through a bad time. I was sick of you treating me like I was incompetent. I thought you didn’t want me back at all.” He shifted in his seat. “So I approached another company about a possible job.”

Lex narrowed his eyes at his cousin. “VHL?”

Kirk gaped. “You knew?”

“Lucky guess.” Not for anything in the world would he admit he’d had his cousin’s emails monitored. But at least he hadn’t read any of them, because deep down he’d wanted badly to trust him. And his instinct had been right. “So what happened?”

“I exchanged a few emails with the CEO, but in the end I couldn’t do it. Our company and this family still mean a lot to me.” Kirk’s mouth turned down at the corners. “It was a crappy, underhanded thing to do. I’m ashamed of myself.”

“Hey, we’ve all done things we’re not proud of. Just look at me.”

Kirk nodded slowly. “I’m glad we had this talk.”

“Me too.” Lex cleared his throat. “Should have had it years ago.”

Kirk dragged a hand over his face. “You, me, Holly, Dad—we’re to blame for Nana’s heart attack. All that drama yesterday must have stressed her out.” His voice lowered. “She’s going to be all right, isn’t she?”

“Hell yeah,” Lex answered roughly. He
had
to believe that. He stepped on the gas. Thank God the traffic was thinning. The hospital wasn’t far now. “She’s tougher than she looks.”

Kirk nodded. “She’s survived a lot. And she won’t want to miss anything now you and Jacinta are tying the knot.”

The leaden weight in Lex’s chest re-formed, and he could only manage a grunt.

Why hadn’t his cousin guessed that his reunion with Jacinta had been a complete sham? And then he knew why—he hadn’t been faking it. All along, subconsciously, he’d wanted the reunion to work.

Maybe it could still work. Half an hour ago, he’d been on his feet, ready to charge after Jacinta when the call about his nana had come through. His heart thudded painfully. He couldn’t lose either one of them. For Nana Alice he’d have to put his faith in modern medicine, but for Jacinta it was all up to him.