Undercover (18 page)

He held her for a few moments and murmured, “I’ll just run upstairs and look at the pumpkin. I need to see her, okay?”

She swallowed hard. “Of course.”

Letting go of him was difficult, but she shared his fear that their daughter wouldn’t be there, even though she checked herself just minutes earlier. She was sure he swept the entire house, just more thoroughly than she, and knowing he did it made her feel better. She trusted him much more than herself.

When Alex returned, she brought out and filled two new glasses. By now, she
really
wanted that wine. He picked her gun up from the counter. “We’ll have to move this now, he knows where we keep it, but I’m not sure to where.”

It was obviously a good idea to have one in the kitchen. Jenny rubbed her eyes. “I don’t know. I can’t think anymore.”

He looked tired too. “I’ll put it back for now. Maybe we can find a new place for it tomorrow.”

When he turned around, she saw that he had fetched a shoulder holster and carried a large pistol. It was strange to see it inside their home, but it made her feel safe. She had been afraid of guns all her life, but she wanted
him
to have one close. An entire squadron of bad people wouldn’t get past him, at least not easily.

Alex flashed a smile. “Do you still want to sit in my lap and drink wine?”

“Oh yes. I don’t want to let that twit rob me of life’s pleasures.”

He tossed the little parcel and the note in a drawer, took the glasses and the box of wine, and nodded towards the living room. “Come.”

*****

Jenny was quite happy to sit curled up in Alex’s lap, trying not to think about what just happened. “How long do you think he’s been in the house?”

“Long enough. He may look like a harmless and chubby old man, but he is not. He might have been here all day.”

The thought of the creepy old general in their house, looking at all their stuff, was unnerving. A mental image of him going through her underwear forced itself on her, and her mind painted out pictures of him trying things on. Even though she told herself it was idiotic, absurd even, she also knew she would launder everything before using it.

They sat in silence for a while, just enjoying each other’s company, and she was completely unprepared when he asked, “Have you ever thought about having another child?”

Where did
that
came from? “Yes, but I’m getting too old.”

He laughed, “That’s just silly, of course you’re not.”

“Well, almost. And I’ve been telling myself it’s not possible, in case something would happen, you know.”

She expected him to grimace and agree, but he didn’t. He kissed her hair. “We can carry one each…”

Lindsay was an accident. A lucky accident, but absolutely not planned, and she had no idea he thought along these lines. He liked kids, and was a wonderful father, but she never thought he would want more of them.

She turned her head just enough to be able to kiss him. “Alright. I’ll throw my pills away. Let’s go upstairs and make one right now.”

Alex sighed and brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear. “No. I need to talk to you about something. You know I’ve killed people, but…”

This was a subject she’d rather avoid. She wanted to think of her husband the romantic, her husband the great lover, or her husband the wonderful father, not her husband the murderer. “Sweetie…”

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this for a long time, ever since we met, but I haven’t… gotten around to it. You need to hear the whole story.”

His eyes were tormented. Maybe he needed to tell her. “Okay. Am I heavy?”

Just as she hoped, the question made him chuckle. “No. You’re not heavy.”

She insisted, “Tell me if I become heavy.”

“You’re not heavy. I could do with some more wine…”

He started at the very beginning, and when he told her about a childhood in a very poor family in the Russian countryside, she thought she never realized how little she knew about him. “My father wanted me to join the army, so at least one person would eat properly. I obeyed and enlisted when I was thirteen. I was much too young, but no one cared.”

She shivered. She couldn’t even imagine a boy that age marching and handling weapons and doing whatever they did. Alex said, “It didn’t take long until my parents and sisters were killed in an accident, and I was alone. I had a talent for building things, and I was sent to school to learn engineering, mathematics, languages, and the best ways to kill people.”

Something in his voice made her think this school might have been more of an internment camp in tents in Siberia than an actual school, but she had no intention of asking. He rested his head against hers and murmured, “This was a very good thing. If it hadn’t happened, I would never have come here, and I would never have met you.”

Jenny snuggled closer, drawing comfort from the physical contact.

“You know, many people think the bases around Archangelsk are only for science and construction work, but you already know this isn’t true. I was a part of… I guess you could call it a task force.”

He frowned. It was probably hard to explain in a way that could make sense to her. “You sometimes see American Navy Seals on TV, right. It’s not exactly the same, but something like it.”

He emptied his glass. “I not only have a talent for building things, I also have a talent for destroying people. Not everyone is good at it.”

As his story went on, Jenny was surprised at how much he had kept hidden from her for all these years. It was a story of blood and violence that continued with drugs, sex, and murder, and it brought tears to her eyes. A part of her wondered how he could stand their simple way of life without getting bored to tears, but she was afraid to ask. Instead, she whispered, “I am so sorry. I had no idea.”

His voice was gentle when he answered, “It’s a long time ago. I didn’t know there was another way to live.”

That also seemed sad to her. Of course, one might not realize something is wrong in life if one doesn’t have anything to compare it to, but it still made her want to shudder. Alex asked for some more wine. “And then, one day, I walked into this office in a little red house in a small town in America, and everything changed. It was like…”

He trailed off, and she waited in silence. “My life had been a black and white movie on a tiny little screen, and now it was full color IMAX with Dolby surround.”

It made her giggle, in spite of the serious subject. He kissed her shoulder, then her cheek, and murmured, “I met this really beautiful woman there, and she showed me how the world can be wonderful. She showed me that food can taste good, that there are friends, and jokes, and fairies.”

She turned her face to allow him access to her lips and not just her cheek, and he kissed her playfully before adding, “Imagine, the poor Russian man. He had spent a lifetime trying to be cold, and then you came along and made him fall in love. I could only see you, only think of you.”

*****

Alex kissed his wife, and wondered how she could always taste so sweet. His hands wanted more of her too, and he forced himself to focus. There was much more to say, and if he didn’t do it now, he never would. She whispered, “I had no idea.”

He held on to his now empty glass with one hand and held the other around her waist, thinking with some self-irony that surely he should be able to keep his mind out of the gutter long enough to tell her the rest. “How could you have? There is nothing in your life that could prepare you for someone like me. Do you remember when I asked you to run away with me? I was serious.”

“I was too. I would have gone with you.”

He shook his head a little, “I know that now. I have thought you would leave me so times, thought you would run away from me, screaming, but no matter what terrible things I’ve done, you’ve always forgiven me. There must be something wrong in your sweet head.” When he said the last sentence, he chuckled and knocked a finger against her temple.

Jenny topped off their glasses, and he made another attempt to focus. “Anyway. When I had to leave you to go back, when you dropped me off at the airport, of all the things I’ve had to do, that was one of the hardest. I saw everything with new eyes, even myself.”

It hadn’t been too bad when he got on the plane, but grew worse the closer he got to home. He had been very drunk when he reached Archangelsk, and it didn’t help at all.

He squeezed her too hard and forced himself to relax. Jenny seemed to sense he was getting to a bad part; she kissed him tenderly and shifted position a little. “Am I heavy?”

“No, my darling, you’re not heavy. Now, where was I? Oh yes…We went far up north in the ship, and this poor Russian’s heart longed to go west. There was so much ice. It can be dangerous, ice like that can squeeze a ship to pieces. Everyone on board was frustrated, and many of the men were afraid. Now, I was lucky. I had e-mails from a pretty girl to get me through the day.”

She mumbled, “Oh wow, and I thought
my
weeks of waiting were long.”

“Yes…” He didn’t want to tell her anything more. Maybe the rest wasn’t necessary. No, she never shunned him for his other mistakes, and she would probably accept him being weak too. “There is so much tension building up, and the men don’t have enough to do, and it’s still very dangerous. Someone spotted an Eskimo village on the ice and the men wanted to go there. I stayed on the ship, and it got out of hand. They were raping and plundering, and the ice turned red with blood. I was an idiot. I should have gone with them, I was their commanding officer and I could have stopped it.”

He stood on the deck, watching, thinking of his American woman and her friends. He could almost hear their merry bickering in his ears, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to stay where he was any longer. This one event was just one of many in his life-long walk through a personal hell, but it was the one that broke him. “The contrasts were too big. Something in me snapped.”

He leaned his head against hers, feeling more than a little sheepish. “I ran into my cabin and threw up. I had a little, uh… gift… from Pavel, and on top of that, I got very, very, very drunk. I was unconscious for two days, and when I woke up, the captain threw me in the brig for a week. I think it was more to sober me up than to punish me.”

It surprised him to see the corners of Jenny’s mouth twitch with suppressed mirth. He couldn’t see anything funny in the story. She met his eyes and blushed, “I remember. I had just sent those sexy pictures and thought I offended you. Or that you found a beautiful girl somewhere on the ice. I’ve been very shallow.”

It was his turn to laugh. “The pictures?  You thought I was gone because of the pictures? Oh sweetheart. You know, when my captain let me out of the brig, and I got off my shift on the bridge, I found this most wonderful sexy mail with the best boobies I’ve seen in my life. It made me think maybe you would want me, at least for a while, and it kept me sane all the way flying across the ocean.”

Staying hadn’t been an option. He changed too much and couldn’t bear to even
see
the city for another day.

“The cat sent it. I wrote it and took the pictures, but I was too shy to press ‘send,’ and she pushed me.”

“Good kitty. Remind me to buy her a treat.”

Jenny pressed her lips against his.

“That is so nice. There are times every day when I just long to kiss you.”

She kissed him again. “If that’s the case you should. If we’re at work, just come downstairs and do it. You’d be so welcome.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

There was a lot of story left to tell, but Alex decided not to. He had unburdened his conscience enough, and there was no reason to tell her things she’d be safer not knowing. Jenny played with his hair, and he would much rather think of her. “It’s been a long day. Let’s go to bed.”

She nodded, but didn’t move. He gave her a playful push. “You go on ahead. I’ll put this away and maybe go check the doors in the basement.”

She seemed reluctant to let him go, and he teased, “Do you want me to carry you?”

Her expression of mock contempt made him smile, and when she stuck her tongue out, he grinned, “I’ve got somewhere you can put that.”

He brought the remainder of the box of wine, now very light, and the glasses to the kitchen. It was two in the morning, and he was dizzy. He needed to keep a clear head. Someone might actually
be
in the basement. Then, he mumbled to himself, “Screw the basement.”

After rinsing the glasses off, he went over to the drawer where he tossed the parcel. He looked at it for a long time, too tired to think, but unable to let it go. Picking the little note up, for the first time it dawned on him they were supposed to go to Italy in just a couple of days. He felt very old, tired, and rather drunk. It wasn’t a good time to think, and slammed the drawer shut and went upstairs.

Jenny was undressing, putting on a little nightgown. He kissed her shoulder and ran his hands over her arms. He wanted to make love with her, but it was in the middle of the night. They would have to get up soon, and she would fall asleep as soon as she closed her eyes.

When he finally did fall asleep, it didn’t take more than an hour until his daughter stood by the side of the bed, shaking him. They taught Lindsay that if she encountered monsters or ghosts, Mommy would be the best to chase them away, but if she saw anything looking like bad people, she should go to Daddy. There was nothing wrong with taking turns, and Alex was absolutely the best choice in dealing with threats that might exist in real life. The little girl whispered, “Daddy, I’ve been having bad dreams. There’s a man in the dark, and he wants to take me.”

Alex blinked several times, trying to break through the fogs of alcohol and sleep that muddled his mind. “Is it a dream, pumpkin, or have you seen someone there?”

She shook her head. “It’s a dream. He had a purple goat.”

“A purple goat? Now, those are rare and can be scary.” Lindsay nodded, and he smiled. “You can sleep here with us, and if any scary men or purple goats come around, just wake me up again, and I’ll make them go away. How’s that sound?”